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jamesbuc
Reviews
The Gingerdead Man (2005)
So Bad.... Its Funny!
In the first bit I would usually tell the whole plot but in all honesty its pretty much summed up in the title 'The Gingerdead man'. But in case you don't know ill explain the plot.
One day a strange man by the name of Millard (Gary Busey) enters and shoots up a cafe killing a couple of people and injuring one. Fast forward many years later and the survivor, Sarah (Robin Sydney) runs a shop, a large business across the road is attempting to close em down and when things cant get any worse the gingerbread man that Sarah was making turns possessed by the spirit of Millard who's here to kill and get his revenge!
Yeah
The plot is paper thin but what were you expecting? Anyway onto the acting, Robin Sydney seems to be the only slightly capable actor there (shes still pretty bad though). Then there is Alexia Aleman who plays a spoilt rich bitch who looks good and hams up every line she gets (Wait until you hear the 'but im miss Pretty Face!' line) Also there is Mr Busey who makes a five minute appearance and then does voice-over for the ugly cookie. Larry Cedar plays the Spoilt rich bitch's father and also hams up everything. Finally there is Ryan Locke (Amos) who just is plain bad, shame he's one of the leads
Kill-Wise its very low and quite bloodless. There's two gunshot people, a knife in the back. Somebody gets pinned to a wall with a car and one unlucky individual receives a knife in the forehead (Only bloody part).
I could go on about the many faults of this film, there's the constant goofs, the awful looking sets (the whole thing is set in 3 rooms and the Alley outside the building
poor
.)
HOWEVER even though it has ALL these bad elements, when put together they manage to create a so-bad its funny film. Just enter with brain switched completely off that's all.
Good Points - Laughably Bad - Ham n Cheese
Bad Points - Horrible Acting - Shitty SFX - Bad Locations - Hardly Any Gore - Goofs A Plenty
Urban Legend (1998)
Falling apart at the seams
Okay plot! A group of high school/college/whatever kids are being stalked and killed one by one by a mysterious parka wearing killer. Seems simple enough? There are some nice touches along the way (such as the school's hide-up of a previous massacre) but not enough turns to keep things interesting.
The cast are all pretty notable pulling off their respective parts well. Some nice character cameo's by Robert Englund and Brad Dorif make it a bit more worthwhile.
Anyway lets just cut to the chase. This film is good, its interesting, the characters are built up well and with purpose and then the party scene arrives... The whole film then degenerates into a silly mess as intelligence, plot and purpose are all thrown out of the window.
Take for example Tara Reid's character Sasha. Se is being chased by the killer (Noting that the killer has somehow teleported across campus). She goes down the stairs (killer doing some more magical teleporting) and could just run outside. What does she do? Run into the freaking elevator and go back up... Dipstick!
Also past the party scene various ridiculous twists and stupid kills happen with the killer teleporting and various goofs happening.
Anyway.. Ill stop here.
Good Points - Good Acting - Start of movie is good
Bad Points - Rest of movie is awful - Idiotic happenings all round
Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth (2000)
Zany good fun
Okay first up this is NOT a rip-off of scary-movie. This actually started filming before SC but SC finished before them so they had to go straight to DVD. Shame really as this is actually much much better than the 1st scary movie (and miles better than the 2nd one).
The plot revolves around the events and happening's of American Pie, Screa, I know what you did last summer and some various one shots as a bunch of teens try to avoid death. If you know the plot of the 1st scary movie you'll be right at home with this one as its not really all that different.
The actors/actresses are very credible in their respective parts and do well. See though that Simon Rex DID make it to Scary movie anyway so.. lol.
The jokes are varied and extremely scatter-shot. Some will miss but before you've even realised about the unfunny joke another one comes very quickly that you'll probably notice.
Anyway I cant think of anything else to say here apart from go watch it! You wont regret it (especially at the price its going for now. I got mine for £3!)
Good points: Laugh until you explode funny Bad Points: Needs more plot in all honesty
Final Destination 3 (2006)
accidents accidents accidents...
Yes the series that has made us worried of quickly arriving buses and runaway elevators has returned this time seemingly to try and make us scared (this time) of Roller Coasters, Tanning beds and Weight sets among other things.
And Boy do they try with gusto.
First of all in the film is the plot, this time we focus on young heroine Wendy (Played by actress Mary Elizabeth Winstead, who was last seen in the film 'Sky High') and her set of friends. After some picture taking of various people she gets onto a large roller-coaster. Then the first accident happens when the roller-coaster de-rails and, in a rather impressive and terrifying way, crashes, killing everybody on it. Wendy suddenly wakes up and freaks out resulting in her, her best friend's boyfriend Kevin (Played by Ryan Merriman), the two Goths Ian (Kris Lemech) and Erin (Alexz Johnson), the stereotypical American Jock (Texas Battle), the pervy Frankie (Sam Easton) two mystery people and the two also stereotypical bitches Ashley (Chelan Simmons) and Ashlyn (Cystal Lowe). However the roller-coaster still rolls away and crashes killing the people still on.
What happens next is a series of slideshow deaths with inanimate objects attempting to do as much gory impaling, crushing, decapitating and burning as possible. Wendy, being the visionary and last on the list. Races around the whole film attempting to halt the deaths using various supposed clues from pictures she took while at the funfair.
Plotwise the film is almost, at the best of times, paper-thin. The deaths however are what raises the film from the usual horror staple. These deaths are gruesome, shocking, brutal and (in some ways) just plain nasty. However because of also the annoying-ness of the various teenagers this seems okay. There are only about three characters that save this movie. One being Wendy. Winstead plays the character well and is almost prize-worthy during some of the more dramatic moments with Kevin, Ian or her sister Julie. Also Ian (Lemech) practially steals the spotlight whenever he is on screen with his anger and fury at the events that follow.
Overall the movie is quite a good flick. Various moments of black humour seep in and if there is a Final destination 4 I wouldn't mind seeing more it. Next time however it would be nice to see character development and more of a meaty plot.
Bleed (2002)
Good for a budget
First the story. The Obligatory murders to start things off and then we actually start some proper plot. Here we meet Maddy as she settles into a new job. Starts a relationship with her boss Shawn and later, at a pool party, meets up with more of his friends. There they tell her about the murder club. pretty soon members of this 'Club' are being murdered one by one. It sounds pretty cheesy but there are enough plot twists along the way to make for some interesting viewing.
Now onto the characters. First up is Maddy played by the brilliant horror actress Debbie Rochon. She manages to take on a lot of what the script throws at her. Unfortunately the rest of the cast isn't as credible. The only exception is Danny Wolske who plays Maddy's boyfriend Shawn, he plays the role well and is credible. Allen Nabours (Chris) is annoying. Orly Tepper (Tilly) is okay but forgettable. Ronnie Gene Whatever (Peter) and Laura Nativo (Who cares) also play bland and instantly forgettable characters. There's also some nice cameos by Julie Strain, Brinke and Lloyd Kaufmann. Julie acts with her breasts, Lloyd acts up and is unintentionally funny. Brinke does well though with her Cameo.
The camera and lighting are standard for low budget and nothing really to write home about. However during some moments (door crash) it seems to get quite blurry.
The script is written in a very confusing way. It constantly attempts to be more than the usual horror/slasher movie by trying to focus more on the varying relationships between that characters. However the relationships are mostly either boring or unrealistic. One example is Shawn telling Maddy 'This isn't you... I know you'. This line comes part though the movie. But they have only been going out for less than a week! In which they have had a small date, had sex and both went to a pool party. Thats it.
Actually on the subject of the pool party the whole scene seems to serve little reason but to show the various actresses nude and the various actors nude with tit flashes, butt reveals a peek-a-boo penis shots. I was squirming throughout the whole scene.
The body count is pretty good. Lots of blood is used in many of of deaths and it attempts to try impressive and original deaths throughout. However there are problems. One or two deaths show some bad effects and one in particular is very stupid (Girl stays in pool for what seems like ages as the killer moves forward very slowly to throw in a wire to electrocute her).
Overall this is good at a budget price or to rent. Watch though once and then leave alone.
Good Points: Debbie Rochon and Danny Wolske excel in the acting. Lots of gore and nudity for genre fans.
Bad points: The odd poor effect, some bad acting and a bizarre plot full of holes.
Final Stab (2001)
Godawful pile of.....
OK! Quick plot synopsis! Hero guy has odd dreams. Heroine (his Girlfriend) is invited to a party that is being hosted by her sister. Sister is planning up to fake a murder mystery party. Real murders happen. Thats the plot. :) Paper thin ain't it? Anyway onto the characters. We have Charlie the hero who spends most of the movie hiding around the house. We have Angela the whiny Heroine who I couldn't give two shits about because of her total dullness. Then we have Kristen (The only good credible person in this movie) who trys to make the film good and spits out some wicked one liners. Then there is Julie, the supposed slut/bitch character but in the end she just comes off as plain, boring and quite useless. We have Patrick the Jock who (to be honest) looks nice but is also plain and boring. There are also many other different characters who do this same 'Plain, boring and annoying' routine.
Think I've finished slagging it off? Nope! Then there is the awful camera work and lighting which manages to make everything that was supposed to be exciting (Such as the killer running after Angela) boring and dull with everything shrouded in thick blackness.
Then we have the awful script. The basis (as I have said) is paper thin. The characters seem to constantly spit out extremely poor attempts at making jokes about other horror films that are much much better. The various stalk scenes seem to last an eternity (The starting scene is very long and very boring with our hero character going 'whos there?' at every camera flick) Various characters (Such as the three thugs) turn up for little or no reason other to add to the body-count.
Talking about body-count though even though its supposedly quite high there is very little blood in the film. Most of the deaths are seen for a second and then the awkward camera pans away. even when blood is used it seems to defy gravity and splatter everywhere in a stupid way (since when did getting stabbed in the back with a small knife make a blood spray on the face??) Basically in short leave this movie alone!
Good Points - Umm. Can be used as a novelty coaster
Bad points - Everything
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - The Cradle of Life (2003)
Like Marmite really...
This film is pretty much Marmite. You either love it or hate it.
On one side of the bread we have the sexy Angie Jolie in tight clothing shooting and kicking stuff while pulling off various scowls. On the other there is a bit of a weak storyline and a rather bad CGI shark.
However with me I'm on the love it side. Why? I'm not here for a solid plot. Hand up who watches a video game film for a solid plot? Anyone? Didn't really think so. The action hardly lets up for a second and the spongebob placement is set to show that its really not all THAT serious.
So in all if you want to enjoy this, switch brain off and enjoy the action.
Brainiac: History Abuse (2005)
Out with the Science, In with the history
This show is pretty much Brainiac: Science abuse but instead of the odd bit of actual science stuffed in by a forethought, its history instead. However the show is still based round various fun bodily functions, weapons and good old fashioned explosives.
Sometimes a lot of the various bangs and boffs seem just for the hell of it, but to be quite fair that just makes the scatter-shot humour hit on target more often than not.
Something the show is lacking though is a set and charismatic presenter to spice things up, this alone makes it less good than the Science abuse.
Overall though if you can stand the strong British humour and the various gross out jokes that seem to pop up more often than not you'll be in for a real treat. Who says educational programs are boring?