Reviews

I first saw this movie in 2002, after reading the filmmaker's journal, which chronicles its production. I was pretty unimpressed.

In 2005 I showed the film to some friends of mine. They spent the whole time laughing and making jokes about how much the movie sucked. One of them described it as "the world's longest sitcom." This year I watched the film again, and my opinion is mostly the same.

The acting and jokes are horrendous. The movie tries very hard to be funny, but a lot of the comedy comes from old hacky gags everyone has heard before. Anyone who uses "Got Milk?" as a punchline isn't as funny as they think they are.

The actors are all well aware they are in a comedy, and overact every line. The funniest guy in the cast is probably the boss. Maybe it's because he doesn't have many lines, and thus didn't get a chance to ham it up. The lead actor resembles a transvestite George Lucas. He dresses in rags and sounds like Louie Anderson. My friends still make references to this.

The story is a familiar tale, but it's told in a fairly original way. It kept my attention, and isn't very predictable. It also doesn't always make sense. I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't already read the director's blog, prior to seeing the film, I wouldn't have understood the intended comedic effect of some scenes.

Technically, Alt.sex is pretty solid. It's shot on Super 16 film, is well edited, and has a good soundtrack. Comedy wise, it's not so great. There's a difference between being funny enough to get laughs at the office and being funny enough to get millions of people to see your film. Still, I recommend reading the director's production blog and checking out the film for free on Youtube. Despite my harsh criticism, Alt. Sex is actually pretty watchable.

This documentary is a waste of time for those who watch it and those who made it. All the "evidence" in this movie is either outdated, twisted out of context, or false.

The most hysterical part is the beginning where the director says he has lots of questions about aids and is going on a journey to uncover the truth. It's obvious he is already a hardcore AIDS denier and only intends to present this point of view, no matter how illogical.

I have a very open mind, and am an admitted conspiracy theorist. However, disproven conspiracies, such as this one, with no factual basis, are not worth learning about.

Dear Mr. Director, if you really don't think the AIDS virus exists then why not just infect yourself and document your life for a few years? If it's as harmless as you say then you have nothing to worry about.

This documentary is about how white people are evil, and responsible for all black problems. Every word spoken in this film is complete and utter garbage.

Throughout the film we learn how white people manipulated the poor, innocent blacks into creating the Bloods and Crips. We are taught how the evil white people forced the gangs to go to war with each other and sell drugs. Everything is white people's fault. Everything.

This "documentary" is quite possibly the greatest work of fiction of all time. Only militant blacks, or guilty white people will derive anything but anger and disgust from this bravo sierra.

Superguy is a horrendous, pointless mockumentary that satirizes nothing. The plot is about a guy with super powers living in the real world. Kinda like Hancock, if Will Smith had no talent and looked like a kid toucher.

The documentary takes us through a look at Superguy's birth, youth, and career as a crime fighter. None of this being interesting in anyway. Instead of parodying Superman, the movie pretty much just rips off his story, and adds some filler material to waste time. If not for finding this in the comedy section, I would have had no idea this thing was supposed to be funny. I've had more laughs reading the diary of Anne Frank.

This is what you get when someone takes what should have been a worthless three minute Youtube video, and decides to make it a feature film. How anyone could find anything redeeming about this movie is mind boggling (this coming from a guy who thought a few of the al jazeera beheading videos were well directed).

Anyone thinking of purchasing, renting, or viewing this movie should think again. I've spent more enjoyable evenings at the hospital watching my grandfather die of cancer. Shame on you, Mark Teague. Even God won't forgive you for this abomination.

I picked up Bang in a 10 pack of blaxploitation DVDs called "Livin' Da Life." The film is pretty much a total copy of Reservoir Dogs, filmed almost entirely in someone's garage. The director even acknowledges his obsession with Tarantino in the "bonus" material.

Bang was made very cheaply. Too cheaply. And it shows. It's almost like watching someone's home videos. The cast seems to be made up entirely of the director's friends and family. This also shows.

The story is about four guys locked in a garage, being tormented by some other guys. Lots of heated dialogue and wooden acting. Like I said, this is a Tarantino rip, so everything unfolds via flashback. Although very unoriginal in style and execution, the story is somewhat interesting, and at the very least, certainly not boring.

Bang is kinda fun in a so bad it's good way. My friends and I watched it over two years ago and laughed our asses off. We still joke about it to this day. But honestly, give Bang a chance. It wasn't even the worst movie in the box set.

"Fu-Fu-Fu-Fuckin' skeletons in the closet." Oh BTW, the glowing review by jchollins2, was written by Jeff Hollins, the director of this movie.

I'd heard about this movie, but never had any intention of watching it. Then one day, I'm at the video store, browsing through the no art DVDs, and there it is, shining with it's $1.49 price tag, screaming "I suck, buy me!" I figure "What the hell." I'm a huge wrestling fan, it can't be that bad right? So I get home, put the disc in and lay down to watch the movie. Less than three minutes later I realize there's no way in hell I can watch this thing alone, this coming from a man who has sat through practically every blaxploitation film ever made.

Somehow I managed to convince my friends that we should spend our Saturday night watching a poorly made, straight to video movie about backyard wrestling, instead of going out and having fun like normal people. It was a decision we would all come to regret.

This movie is bad. And I mean BAD. Backyard Dogs is so awful I had to consult a thesaurus in order to properly describe it. This movie is abominable, atrocious, fallacious, sinful, and horrendous. I don't know how anyone involved in this "film" can live with themselves. They deserve to be shunned by society, and live out the rest of their lives in shame. I've seen better movies at work on safety training.

Backyard Dogs is so bad I think it might just qualify as obscenity.

Rating: 0 out of 100 Billion

Of all the crappy blaxploitation films I've seen in my day, this is definitely one of them. Talk about poor film making, Lady Cocoa looks like it was shot by a bunch of high school kids.

Here's a short list of things that make this movie suck:

1. The screen changes colors repeatedly, probably from leaving the film cans sitting out in the sun or something. It reminds me of something shot in the early 1900's. One second everything will be completely purple, the next it will be green, followed by orange, then black and white. Even when the color is correct (which isn't often) the characters look totally illuminated, making the entire room glow. This is the first film I've ever seen that was physically painful to watch.

2. The sound is awful. There is a high pitched squeal the entire movie. I tried the disc on two DVD players and two TV's and it was still there. The boom mic gets smacked around a lot to, usually making more noise than it actually records. Thankfully, it saves you from having to hear the awful dialogue, or in the case of Mean Joe, lack there of.

3. The story lags and lags and lags. There is absolutely no action in this movie until the 73rd minute, much like Matt Cimber's previous work, The Black Six. Up until then, I was under the impression this was some type of romantic comedy.

4. Every thing in Lady Cocoa is completely illogical. Especially the ending. I supposed I should be grateful this one at least had an ending (director's previous movie just turned off after awhile).

SUMMARY: Sucks.

I just got back from a showing of The Butterfly Effect and I have to admit, it wasn't at all what I expected. It's hard to get into the specifics of the plot without spoiling the experience, so I will simply say that this is one movie anyone who has ever thought about how great it would be to change their past should see.

The Butterfly Effect is a rare breed of cinema, which is not nearly as Hollywood as the movie poster might lead you to believe. This film is dark and gritty, almost hard to watch at times. The first thirty minutes is unlike anything you'll find in 99% of films in America which receive major release. Of all the traumatic childhood events I've seen movie characters in turmoil over, these are the only ones I've ever really bought.

But by far this film's greatest aspect is it's story, which unfolds similar to Memento. No we're not watching everything backwards, but seeing bits and pieces that come together later. Much like the memories of the main character played by Ashton Kutcher.

Kutcher has caught a lot of grief from the critics about his performance in this film, but I couldn't disagree more. Quite frankly, I couldn't picture anyone else more fitting. While his acting may still not be "Oscar Worthy," I think its safe to say he owned this role and has at least earned himself one new fan.

Final Rating: 4 out of 4 Stars

Although many "comedies" turn out to not be so funny, this one never even tries! There are no jokes or humorous situations to be found anywhere in this film. If I didn't know better I'd say Checking Out was written as a drama then re-edited into a comedy.

This movie really could have been funny if it had been better written.

The thing about calling "House of the Dead" the worst movie of all time is that it's really not. There are worse movies out there. I watch alot of Hong Kong ninja movies that are basically the result of an unfinished Japanese police drama having footage of ninjas inserted at the end to create something that could technically be called "a movie."

House of the Dead is however one of the worst films I've ever seen at the theatres. Walking out half way through, I actually felt I was somewhat dumber for having set through 45 minutes of this piece of garbage.

Even for a low budget straight to video release this movie is terrible. Karate Wars gives a new meaning to the words "low budget." All the scenes are shot in very isolated people, with almost no extras. Hell, the gymnasium looks like a bedroom in someone's house!

The plot of Karate Wars is simple and cliche'd. Not even worth explaining really. At the end the two karate groups involved are supposed to do battle at the upcoming tournament, but the tournament gets canceled, so they fight in a gym somewhere. My guess is the tournament was canceled because it would have cost alot of money fill an auditorium with people. Way more money than was spent on this piece of garbage.

This movie is boring and stupid. I paid $1.99 for it and I consider it a waste of money.

Ninja vs Ninja isn't a movie. It's two or three movies edited together and combined with some short footage of Ninjas. The plot makes no sense at all because there isn't one. There are just random things happening. This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen, and I watch movies like this all the time. Ninja vs Ninja makes Manos: The Hands of Fate look like an Oscar winner.

I found Karate Warrior at my video store for $.99. It's a poorly made "young guy learns karate from old Asian master in order fight his arch nemesis over a girl" type movie. The plot is lifted from The Karate Kid 2, but Karate Warrior expands on this by adding magic to the mix. Really, really stupid magic.

The funniest thing about this movie is the acting. It seems like the sound was recorded in a studio after filming had taken place, because all the performances are extremely stiff, and the characters all have rubber lips. They also all repeat the same words or phrases over again constantly.

All in all, this film is a piece of crap. But when you buy a movie called "Karate Warrior" you're probably not expecting Citizen Kane anyway.

3/10

Worst movie I've ever seen. The production values on this movie are almost non existent. Everything looks to have been shot in one or two takes, and all the dialogue is dubbed...badly. At one point two men were talking to each other, but one had the voice of a woman. Not that it matters though, because the porno music soundtrack is turned up so high, you can't make out what anyone is saying.

Watching this movie gave me a headache.

Bobby (a newcomer to the school) begins a relationship with Noreen, a popular girl. A Karate Kid/Romeo and Juliet type relationship takes place, complete with montage scenes of the two racing in the park. Noreen's brother is displeased by this romance, and brings a gun to school in order to scare Bobby. The plan goes wrong and Bobby ends up taking his Biology class hostage.

Script is really cheesy sometimes, lots of overacting, characters are unbelievable and the ending is downright stupid. That having been said, this movie isn't THAT bad. It's still watchable, and thats more than you can say about most 80's era B movies.

Anarchist Cookbook is a teen friendly version of Fight Club, with a few dashes of SLC Punk for effect. The one word that seems to describe this movie best is simply, Stupid.

The plot is stupid. A bunch of new age hippies who call themselves anarchists find a new leader, Johnny Black aka Tyler Durden. Using the "Anarchist Cookbook" as their guide, they make plans to do some real gnarly stuff like saving trees along side the Arian brother hood. Anyone who knows anything about that book, knows it just a bunch of b.s. It contains almost no REAL information at all, just alotta hearsay and outrageous theories. Don't believe me? Try making LSD in your kitchen using banana peels. The characters in this movie call it "the bible" and follow it word for word.

The dialogue is stupid. It's written as if the writer watched Fight Club and said "how can I say what he said, only without people knowing where I got it from." It's almost uncomfortable at some points cuz it's so frickin' cheesy.

The characters are stupid. Especially "Johnny Black." He's basically just impersonating Brad Pitt, only without any of the Charisma. The main character, Puck, is just a knock off of Steve-O from SLC Punk. The voice over track from that movie could have been dubbed over this one and no one would have known the difference.

Bottom line, this is just a bad movie. If you feel the need to watch it, go ahead, but you'd be better off just renting Fight Club.

The Swishy-Washy is a plotless short about two friends who go to a laundry mat. One guy does his laundry while another hits on a girl. Before you know it, the film is over. The only really good thing about this short is the acting. The rest of the film seems like some type of exercise for a new film maker. Nothing really happens, and although I think the film was attended to be funny, it really isn't. Avoid The Swishy-Washy if you can.

This short is very meaningless. Weed and Ethan go to do some laundry. Weed falls asleep and thinks Ethan ran off with his girl, so he runs out of the laundry mat. Swishy Washy tries to be funny, but it falls flat. The jokes and gags are old and tired. The only good thing about this movie is that it is well acted. The actors who played Weed and Ethan did a really good job.

Double Trouble might be the worst movie ever made. Double Troubles stars two washed up body builders. One is a cop the other is a criminal. Neither of them can act. The plot is a typical stupid "must beat the bad guy" plot. This movie is terrible. Avoid it at all costs.