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Psycho (1998)
Vince Vaugn What Were You Thinking
I am not sure who made the decision to not just remake Psycho - an absolute classic of the Horror genre - but let's do it shot by shot. Instead of black and white where shadows place such a potent part of the story let's use color without really trying to say something. Finally let's get a comedic actor who is almost bigger than a house to play Norman Bates as a stuttering fool instead of getting a actor who looks like he xould never be violet just a little weird. When Vaugn tries to.play innocent he commands the screen and fills you with anxiety so much so no human would stay ar his Motel in the first place. He is just too big for the role. There is so much wrong wuth the picture its like the director went how xan I really make this movie terrible. The idea may have looked good on paper but sometimes just let it be a classic.
House of the Dead (2003)
As bad as it gets
Some movies based on games work - most don't and then there is this one. Featuring some of the most cardboard characters and a plot that is so dumbl you have to watch to believe. Then there is also the game screen grabs that appear I think to frighten us but just annoy you. Taking way so much from The Matrix this movie is not even a poor man's copy. It is a disaster with zero scares, dodgy acting, and some of the worst lines to ever be uttered on screen. It does these stop and rotate angles that do not work because by the time it gets to this fight scene you are already hoping the zombies have eaten them all. This is in my opinion the worst horror movie inhave ever seen. Watch at your own peril.
Reed's Point (2022)
Confusing and boring without much horror
When a movie comes on with one of the great cryptoids of modern times, you would expect a good film. Like so many of these legends, movies tend to shy away from these type of creature features. When they finally get to them - it usually ends in a horrible mess like this. This does the Jersey Devil more harm than good.
While the movie deals with the Devil it also manages to serve up family melodrama and wooden acting that is so unconvincing that it is painful to watch. There are themes about family heritage and feuds and the costs they do to legacies as well as the Stockholm Syndrome that any average viewer can see from a mile away. The horror itself is very bland from the standard C grade shlock with the actual creature does not even looking like what legend says it looks like. It looks like a person in a rubber suit with some slime coming from its mouth - it doesn't even have wings.
The sad part of this movie is their is a decent story in there not what this has served up. Its like they tried to deliver a powerful punch story and got lost halfway through and decided let's just end it with the usual horror elements and hope the audience won't notice. Apologies but we do and the two stars is only two because I managed to get to the end of this disaster.
100 Feet (2008)
Edgy take on classic story
Husbands can be murder especially if they are psycho cops. Problem is sometimes they don't stay dead as our heroine finds out when she is planted in her home under house arrest. It does not help he is back as a ghost to continue to abuse her and the policeman assigned to her case is the cops ex partner who is angry she got out of jail early. A suspenseful thriller with a few jump scares - an easy watch without really delving into hard horror.
#Saraitda (2020)
Classic Zombie movie updated
This is one of those movies that grows on you the longer you watch it. The movie breaks no new ground as far as zombie movies go but it uses old tricks to take a fresh look. Filled with suspense and some clever zombies this movie has plenty of thrills and a few good scares. The lead can be bit of a good ball but that is what makes the movie refreshing. He is a computer need trying to make his way in the world that is no longer run by humans. The drone scene alone elevates this movie above most of those run of the mill zombie flicks. Enjoy.
Autopsy (2008)
Gory but a hell of lot of fun
Leave your sense of belief at the door and enjoy this piece of horror that is ultimately very enjoyable. Full of what you want in a horror film with plenty of blood and gore, a great final girl, a ending a little in the air and some great kills.
Following a car accident a group of friends fine themselves transported to Mercy Hospital run by a very obscure matron and a diabolical doctor with his own agenda played to perfection by Robert Patrick. Full of incredible gory kills and lots of blood the movie moves at a fast pace especially when our heroine escapes to search for her boyfriend. When the final reveal comes while not in any way believe able it is memorable. Not perfect but not bad
Alone (2020)
Good but seen it all before
Movies like this have been around for ever and while that provides so many reasons not to watch it - it's still damn good. The characters gave heart and while the dialogue can be a little stunted the movie provides enough thrills and jump scares to be above the norm.
Horror wise there is not a lot there and the movie takes a little time to get moving however patience will make it more than worthwhile. There is one piece of cannon fodder in the movie and it is a shame he is in the film as for ten minutes it does derive from the story.
This is a good film with plenty of action. Most of the situations here are believable. Just a real shame it follows such a predictable route however you may be surprised as to how enjoyable it actually is
Black Christmas (2006)
Another of those remakes that just sucks
Black Christmas like Die Hard is a stable of the Yuletide season. The original was shocking, terrifying and provided the blueprint that Carpenter would perfect in Halloween. Morgan was a solid director and James Wong would become a horror icon. A stellar cast and a solid story should of made this movie great. So what the hell happened?
Firstly there are too many red herrings and terrible jump scares. The main killer just is not interesting and trying to provide a solid backstory for him really loses the plot of the film. The original provided no story for the killer - they never even explained who he is. The first 30 minutes jump around so much it is hard to keep up. Billy and Agnes are never explained in the original however here we know exactly who they are. The kills are gory but there is no real suspense before they happen with the girls getting wiped out very quickly. The final scene at the hospital makes next to no sense and the dialogue feels forced and tired. There is also so many subplots you need Wikipedia to keep up. Finally you can see Weinstein's fingerprints all over this movie which makes you feel a little icky while watching it.
The original was great for the creepy phone calls (more laughable here), great cast of characters (so many talented actresses playing there archetype here) and solid pacing of the movie (all over the shop here). So many stupid things here to try and figure out - like why is there eyeholes in a concrete footpath, how are they able to crawl between floors as most floors do not have a he space shown here, why is there such a fascination with eyeballs, why is the security guard at the hospital such an idiot, and why were the medical examiner not sacked for checking to see if the killers are actually dead. The list goes on.
This is not a good movie - watch the original instead. This provides another reason as to why remakes just plain suck
Girls with Balls (2018)
Comedy horror that almost tries too hard
Girls With Balls is the type of movie you would watch for a few cheap laughs, a little gore and lots of hot girls running around in shorts. In an era where low brow humour is at the forefront, this movie aims even lower.
It has its moments but the issue with the movie is that the characters are so unlike able. They are so negative with each other and whinge and drop secrets about boyfriends even as they are being hunted like animals. It is almost Beverley Hills 90210 meets Wrong Turn.
There are some very funny moments like the cat scene and the girls show some fight and cleverness along the way. I also understand the French version is way better than the English dubbed version which means the girls are not so sympathetic - but if I was getting chased by a group of forest boys, worrying about who has slept with my boyfriend would be the least of my concerns.
There are some really gory moments that are more over the top splatter moments than the average horror movie which work well. However these are too far between to produce a memorable film. The coach is an absolute riot and a scene stealer whose presence elevated the movie but that is about it,
Fun and entertaining - just not that memorable.