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Evil Tyrant
Reviews
The Wonderful World of Disney: Princess of Thieves (2001)
So it was cheesy...
Warning, Spoilers! ...but it was somewhat entertaining if only for the cheesiness factor. The story is one of the most predictable I've seen in a long time and the swordfights (if you can call them that) are beyond laughable, but nevertheless, both me and my SO spent an otherwise bored saturday night watching this made-for-tv drivel. People have compared this movie to the excellent "The Princess Bride" but as a slightly jaded and cynical viewer, I'd have to argue that "The Princess Bride" is a lot more enjoyable in every single aspect (swordfights - I weep when I even compare the two, dialogue, plot, characters, and just overall silliness) when compared to this movie. This movie is simply not as clever as "The Princess Bride" nor does it aspire to be, which works in some ways for its own made-for-tv charm.
It's not horrendous by any means, but unless you're bored silly, I wouldn't rush out to see it either. My SO and I did get quite a few chuckles at several points in the movie, including the part where Froderick jumped in front of the Prince and saved his life (of course, the Sheriff happened to have only one arrow) and of course, the priceless "You got egg in your beard" line by Robin. Sure they had to use almost every medieval cliche in the book (including the worst kiss I've ever seen), but at least I didn't pay to watch it. The cast was overall mediocre and the plot would amuse those under 12 or anyone who is gullible enough to believe two guys can escape unnoticed in the night and find a canoe and THEN go across the English Channel without oars. Overall 4/10
Lei ting zhan jing (2000)
So bad it's funny
I saw this movie at an asian cafe and I can honestly say, this is one of those few movies that can elicit an entire room full of people to tearful laughter just for being so bad. While I have to admit that I didn't pay very close attention to the first half of the movie, the near-nekked back shot of one of the antagonist got my attention (*cough cough* =P) and thanks to the tepid company I had at the time, I decided to watch the rest of the movie.
It's essentially a very typical "Hong Kong Action Flick" (TM) with the helpless girl, the foreign baddies who speak English, and the protagonist with a good heart. A million bullets, ten cringe-worthy lines (at the very least), and a hundred thousand explosions later, everything is solved of course and everyone goes home nice and happy. Brainless, easy-to-follow entertainment, not bad after a couple of beers I would imagine, but being as I was ENTIRELY too sober at the time, I would say that the only reason I didn't run out of the cafe was because I was having too much fun laughing at their understanding (or lack thereof) of physics. Motorcycles slamming into walls with heroes flying into the air are just a tad too much for me to take and the entire cafe reverberated with laughter for five minutes after, and given this cafe was populated by geeks, explaining just WHY it was impossible. No duh.
Nevertheless, it's an action flick, so check your brains at the door and enjoy this movie for all it's testosterone-y goodness. It doesn't get much worse than this (speaking as a female of course), but then, why would anyone expect it to be better? Besides, watching Coolio try to act is just as hilarious as anything else. 2/10 (1 pt just for the sauna scene)
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
Shallow and unoriginal
Absolutely the most shallow film I have ever seen. Yes, there was style, but what's the point of style without substance to back it up? The gore and violence was over the top but instead of comedic, I found it banal and disturbing. Sure, the squirting blood was funny in Monty Python, but as with everything in comedy, it's only funny the first time, and then it just gets lame and pretentious. Tarantino tries to make a homage to martial arts, anime and all sorts of B flick movies, but one gets the feeling that he never understood the soul of those movies. Martial arts movies are fun to watch because there isn't too much blood, some anime are great because they have good storylines and B movies are fun just because they have over the top dialogue and silly stories. While I have never seen other Tarantino movies, this one doesn't motivate me to run towards my nearest Blockbuster. As someone else said, this is only a "juvenile fantasy" unworthy of the films that it pays homage to. Tarantino's "style" is an endless amount of bloodwash and gore, mixed with stolen shots. It is B movies rehashed, but even a homage needs some hint of originality. Unfortunately, Kill Bill sadly lacks in that aspect. The worst part of all of this is that our society is so inured and cynical that we can somehow find this entertaining. What a sad commentary on American pop culture.
Shakespeare in Love (1998)
One of the best films
Reading all the negative reviews of Shakespeare in Love makes me feel like a rebel for liking it, but a proud rebel I'll be then! This was one of the best movies I have ever seen, and while it can be argued for not being historically accurate or overly sensual, or whatever it is some people are griping about, it is still a wonderful movie.
Joseph Fiennes and Gwyneth Paltrow are great as Will Shakespeare and Viola, and all of the supporting cast are terrifc as well, but the best part of the movie is the writing. The writing is smart, hilarious (especially if one has some knowledge of Shakespeare's works), and yes, even sensual. But the story is of an affair between a bard and his muse, what do you expect? Leave your moral convictions and historical correctness aside, and just enjoy the movie for what it is: storytelling with a heart and a wicked sense of humor.
Of course, it wouldn't have hurt if it was historically accurate to the least detail, but then that would take away some of the fun. I have seen this movie more times than I can remember and it just gets better every time. It's not for everybody (note: very young children in certain sections), but it's far from being a bad way to spend a few hours of your time.
Go see the movie! It may be a chick flick, but it's far better (and funnier) than any others that may be floating around. My score: 10+
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)
It was pretty though...
I really wanted to like Final Fantasy, and honestly, I still do. I just think it's a shame that it had to be so Hollywood-ized. The animation was superb, but the writing was just awful. Most of the lines were so corny and cliched that I had to stop myself from cringing in my seat. I had expected much more because the video games had far superior writing than this, and just because the company that made it had a reputation for solid story-telling. Unfortunately, Gray felt like an afterthought that was added to the story, and personally, I felt that he served no real purpose in the story. Another point to the weak writing was the Neal character. While he's supposed to be a funny character, most of his jokes fell rather flat, and few in the audience (well, our audience anyway)laughed. As for the plot of the story, I think it had one main flaw, and that was predictability. It was one of the few movies where I sat in my seat thinking (SPOILER) "Just die already! We know it's a cheesy elimination plot!" That may sound a bit harsh, but I could barely restrain myself from sighing when everything happened as I predicted it would.
Besides the writing though, the animation was wonderful, and is hands down, the best CG animation available as of now. Dr. Sid is by far the most realistic, but a few others did move somewhat stiffly. It improved (or I didn't notice it as much) as the story went on. It got me a while to get into the story just because the voice overs were sometimes distracting. One thing I have to comment on, is that as storylines go, the idea of the 8 spirits stays close to the video game ideas, making it a true final fantasy.
For the silly and cliched writing, I give it a 3. As for the animation, I give it a 10+ because it's just so much eye candy! (I know animation isn't everything, but it's just exceptional) Overall, I have to give it a 7. It could've been a much better film, but I'll still buy it on DVD when it comes out anyway. By the way, I loved the L'Arc en Ciel song in the end. =)