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Ahsoka: Part Six: Far, Far Away (2023)
Thrawn? More like Yawn.
The only real reason to keep watching this show is because it's hilarious. Honestly I can't stop laughing.
Thankfully Hera, played by a some middle aged woman in cosplay and green facepaint didn't show up this episode but that void was quickly filled by whatever this is that they decided to call Thrawn. His appearance had me laughing until my stomach hurt. He looks like my 7th grade biology teacher in blue facepaint.
Like Boba, they gave him a slight paunch so he looks even more hilarious. He's no longer the sleek, threatening, and intelligent person he was in Rebels. Instead he's now what looks like a biology teacher with a dad bod, a weak chin, and blue face paint. If you're not laughing the minute you see him, you're beyond help.
This hilarity lasts long enough until we see the penultimate moment of this episode. Sabine finding Ezra only for him to look like the lead in a Bollywood film. It's absolutely unbelievable how bad the live action rebels characters would look and really this just confirms how useless Filoni actually is.
Wait until Sabine tells Ezra that she's a jedi now, too!! Even though through four seasons of Rebels, this was never hinted at once. Ever.
Some more slow dialog and even slower pacing. Horrible direction. It just gets worse and worse.
And of course, like Book of Boba, and The Mandalorian, every episode has less and less to do with the character the show is named after.
The biggest loser? Ray stevenson, who didn't deserve to have garbage like this be the last thing he acted in.
Don't watch Ahsoka for the drama, watch it for the laughs.
The Go-Go's (2020)
From hits to hypocrites.
It's a tough documentary to get through only because the go-gos themselves come off so unlikable that it's hard to have any empathy for any of the hardships they talk about.
They love pushing the feminism thing and girl power but then when they were told about the extra money they could make when other managers came sniffing around - male managers at that - they had zero issue tossing their longtime manager to the curb and eagerly doing what the so-called male managers told them to do. Not so much girl power and sisterhood there, eh? It just makes them look bad as they double down and say how they needed a more experienced manager. Hello? Your original manager knew enough to fight stiff records to keep your publishing when you knuckleheads would have given it away. She deserves some respect just for that alone.
So when later on in the doc when they all start crying about how they felt betrayed about what happened in the band, it's hard to feel any empathy for them in any shape after seeing how they treated their manager.
Then at the end of the doc they're trying to noodle through some badly written new song and they're still talking about wondering about "woman's place in the future". Ok, can the feminist crap. You showed who you really were when you canned your manager and ran eagerly to a male one when a few dollars were dangled in front of your coke-covered noses.
Overall I walked away just disliking the go-gos, especially as people. I guess that's how it goes. Worth a watch just for being able to see all that glitters is not gold and watching first hand how a huge band can just implode and fall apart.
Ahsoka: Part Four: Fallen Jedi (2023)
I recognized your foul stench...
T just keeps getting worse. I am convinced that Dave Filoni is writing these scripts while he sits on the toilet, and the result of both actions is exactly the same.
The episode starts off with Huyang getting ambushed. Really? A droid that helped train jedi for 500 years has no radar systems or isn't constantly monitoring around him for movement? At one point, he calls for help but the robot who ambushes him covers his "mouth" and muffles his voice?! Are you serious? Huyang doesn't have internal communications linked to Ahsoka in any way? No walkie talkie, at least? This would be laughable if it wasn't so sad. And it really is sad.
Full of contractions and plot holes, there's no logic to this episode. Mary Elizabeth Winstead is absolutely horrible and keeps playing Hera like a middle aged woman doing cosplay. When you look at Hera, you can't help but get the feeling that when the con is over, she'll stop off to get cereal for her kids on the way home.
Sabine is an absolute travesty. Is nothing like her Rebels character. Clearly the series has been setting her up to be the nemesis to Billie Eilish the jedi and in this episode they face off again. In a very un-mandalorian manner (and very unlike Sabine) she has plenty of opportunities to gain the upper hand but of course she hesitates or never takes them.
And Rosario Dawson keeps thinking that if she plays Ahsoka like a piece of driftwood, then it makes everyone think she's really "intense".
At this point the only reason to keep watching this show is out of morbid curiosity.
I'm sure the calorie-challenged, hygiene ignoring, funko pop collectors that mostly make up the star wars fanbase these days will come here in droves to rate this a "10" because..."muh...muh...ahsoka!!!" but really, the only entertainment is to laugh at them, and this show.
How Filoni, and Kathleen Kennedy still have jobs will go down as one of the greatest mysteries of the modern era. Mary Elizabeth Winstead keeps proving that nepotism is stronger than the force.
Ahsoka: Part Five: Shadow Warrior (2023)
An episode that could have been condensed into 25 minutes
Dave Filoni keeps proving that he hates Star Wars more than anyone. This episode, a dreary 50 minutes that could have been condensed to 25 is a long slog to get through.
As always, Hera is dreadful. But as Mary Elizabeth Winstead has proven, no matter how wrong you are for the role, both actor-wise and physically, if you're Ewan McGregor's wife and you want that role, no matter how bad you are for it, then by golly you're gonna get that role. At this point she's a punchline and a real distraction from the episode with her middle aged lady doing cosplay in facepaint aesthetic. I have no idea how her look ever got approved.
They bring back Anakin - always good for a fan boost to the ratings since this show is doing horribly and Disney has gotten caught lying about the viewership. This should give them a nice ratings bump among the funko pop collector crowd. Captain Rex makes an appearance. And there's an unnecessarily long last 15 minutes as they drag out Ahsoka talking to the purgill.
This show continues to prove that they have no idea what acting or writing is and that as long as there's long pauses, lines are dragged out, and there's long silences, then it must be dramatic, right?
At this point, it's really only fun to watch because of how bad it is - it's like a train wreck. You want to look away, but you can't.
Ahsoka: Part Three: Time to Fly (2023)
Rebels Season 5 still off to a bad start
I expect nothing and I'm still let down. Dave Filoni continues to prove to everyone he's not a writer with this latest episode.
Apparently Sabine is now training to be a jedi, which is a surprise to anyone who actually watched Rebels. I have no idea why Filoni is so threatened by Mandalorians. First he has to cast the title character of the Mandalorian with the ever effeminate Pedro Pascal - A man who has more estrogen in his veins than even Ahsoka.
Now he has to turn Sabine into some kind of a Jedi in training? When did this happen? How about you just let mandalorians be badass. That's what they're supposedly best at. Sabine was a likeable, yet hot-headed Mandalorian. Quick to anger and quick to throw down - the way Mandalorians are supposed to be.
First of all they cast her with someone who doesn't even look like Sabine from Rebels which just makes it hard to connect with the character. Then they're training her to be a jedi and make her behave like a PITA which causes even further disconnect from her Rebels character.
Hera still looks God awful. Still reppin' that middle aged woman in cheap cosplay and facepaint look. Except now they have her son Jacen running around. That was probably the biggest heresy in Rebels. Even the voice actress for Hera, in an interview after the show ended, couldn't hide her disdain for the fact that they had to give Hera a child. This whole Hera and Kanan sleeping together thing is just another one of Filoni's ideas from his arrested development. Seriously, everything he comes up with is like something most normal people would have come up with when they were 12. Except Filoni is allegedly a full grown adult and he thinks these things are actually cool. It explains that hat he wears.
Ahsoka still walking around with the personality of a piece of driftwood that washed up on Rockaway beach.
Of course they use their extreme girl power to save the ship from destruction after they get attacked (going so far as to shut Huyang down because they can't have any semblance of a male presence to help them, even if it's an artificial life form.) You know that's Kathleen Kennedy right there. Her insecurity showing through her desire to make every female such a girlboss that they become a laughing stock and a caricature is a typical KK move.
Not as bad as Obi Wan and Book of Boba. Possibly as bad as Mando season 3. If anything, at least it's worth watching for the laughs at how much they're screwing up and how much Filoni could care less about his actual characters - especially the female ones - just as long as he gets to fulfil his fetish and play with them.
Ahsoka: Part Two: Toil and Trouble (2023)
This show has Kathleen Kennedy's stench all over it
It just keeps getting worse.
How much can you actually retcon? Wait, Sabine was Ahsoka's padawan? Can you run that by me again? I mean,Kanan trained her to use the darksaber because she was supposed to know how to use the darksaber to wield it as a Mandalorian. There wasn't much more to it than that.
Of course it's more because Kathleen Kennedy is insisting on driving Star Wars into the ground for some reason and her "muh...muh...strong female!" is all over this.
The acting is horrible. The casting is abominable - Hera is so bad it's distracting. Like I said before - she looks like a middle aged woman cosplaying. She has absolutely no character traits of the real Hera. And the writing - God, the writing. Look at the quality of writing in this show and then you'll understand why the writer's strike has become the laughing stock and punchline of the internet. You deserve more money for your quality of writing? Hahahaha yeah, sure you do!
As far as Filoni goes, it's clear he's not a director nor a writer. I don't know why people worship him. He showed some basic competence on a kids show that one time and everyone treats him like has George Martin or something. Same with Lucas. He had a whole team of talented people to make his trilogy for him and be a filter for his madness. The prequels gave him the power alone and he crapped the bed.
The only reason to keep watching it to see if really gets as bad as Obi Wan, Book of Boba, and Mandalorian season 3.
Ahsoka: Part One: Master and Apprentice (2023)
Ah-suck-a
Filoni and company are just like that loser person you keep dating. You keep thinking they'll get their act together and so you give them another chance, and they let you down. Again and again. Without fail.
It's so rare that casting is so bad that it distracts from the show, but here we are. Well, Rosario Dawson has the range of a paper airplane and she's done Ahsoka before so the horribly wooden Ahsoka we get from her isn't really a shock. We all knew she was going to be horrible. Rosario is the kind of actor who thinks indifference and bored delivery makes you look "mysterious" and "full of wisdom".
But really, the standout bad choices here are Sabine, who comes off nothing like her character in Rebels, and - the biggest disappointment - Hera, who shockingly looks like a middle aged woman in green makeup and a cosplay outfit. And has the delivery to match.
Honestly, did anyone here even bother to watch Rebels? Because it's apparent none of the actors who are portraying Rebels characters did.
Oh, I loved, "Thrawn died at the battle of Lothal" line from Hera. Really? That's funny, because I was sure everyone in Rebels saw the Purgill take Thrawn and Ezra into Hyperspace at the end to destinations unknown. At the end of Rebels, Sabine even leaves to search for Ezra.
Obviously Filoni could care less - Sabine, and especially Ahsoka are nothing but fetish items for Filoni and all he cares about is he gets to play with both of them for this series.
As usually for Filoni, I expected nothing, and I'm still let down.
The Mandalorian: Chapter 24: The Return (2023)
Didn't expect much and that's what we got.
They manage to wrap it all up in about a half hour. There's no Thrawn. There's no Mythosaur - well there is for a second when they show it open its eye underwater. It's exactly what we expected and we didn't expect much.
The Mandalorians attack the imperials and win. Of course there's some unintentionally hilarious things though - the armorer flying through the air hitting people with a hammer had me laughing until my stomach hurt.
Grogu, in his IG12 suit manages to save Din by grabbing an imperial's arm. To which afterward Din tells him, "I need you to be brave". He just saved you from an imperial, you moron. You don't need to tell him to be brave.
There's a very quick reveal that Moff Gideon is making clones. And those clones get wiped out in a second. Finally Din stands off against Moff Gideon but the ever effeminate Pedro Pascal is not strong enough and needs to be saved by Bo Katan.
Grogu stands off against the three praetorians and holds his own. Something the mighty Paz Vizsla couldn't do. (Not a shocker - Paz is too masculine for this show. Strength will not be tolerated. Same reason they got rid of Gina Carano).
Din and Grogu defeat the Praetorians with Grogu doing the most butt kicking by using the force. Axe Wolves crashes a ship into the base in an efficient, yet cheesy way for the writers to be able to end the battle quickly to fit into the half hour allotted. And Moff destroys the darksaber.
The base explodes with Grogu saving both Din and Bo Katan by doing Caleb's trick from the Rebel's cartoon by protecting them from the fire.
All's well that ends well. The Mandalorians fire up the great forge again. Din adopts Grogu. Grogu is now renamed Din Grogu and the armorer tells him he needs to leave and take Grogu on adventures. A very slick way to get rid of Din from the Mandalorian sect so that they can try to finish destroying the show in Season 4.
Oh, and Filoni makes a cameo in the rebel bar. You can recognize him with that stupid hat he always wears.
It ends with Greef giving Din a cabin on the edge of town. In a hilariously cheesy ending, there's Din, in full battle armor, sitting on a bench outside his little cabin while Grogu levitates a frog. It's so bizarre yet fits in with the abysmal writing this season.
No one expected much, especially after the lizzo disaster and that's exactly what we got. A half hour of the writers just desperately trying to find a way to finish a show that never even got started this season.
Lol imagine paying for Disney + and getting this garbage for your money. A sad ending for what was once a halfway decent show.
The Mandalorian: Chapter 23: The Spies (2023)
Manda-bore-ian
After last week's abortion it just keeps getting worse. Bo Katan brings back her mandalorian fleet. There's some tension. Then they all decide to head to mandalore. Upon landing, they find a tribe of nite owls who apparently have been roaming the surface of mandalore in a giant landcraft like the damn ice pirates. They've been waiting for Bo Katan to return apparently and they bring her to the great forge, where - big shocker - a giant dinosaur thing emerges from underground and smashes their land craft. Wow - so these Mandalorians have been cruising the surface for how long? And just by chance their craft gets destroyed just as they're ferrying Bo Katan and her landing party around.
So they all run underground to the great forge where they're ambushed by imperials in beskar armor headed up by Moff Gideon. In a most disgusting display of how out of touch Filoni and Favreau are they decide to kill off Paz Vizsla. Pretty much the only Mandalorian worth watching the show for - the only one who really gives off what we all expected a Mandalorian to be.
I mean they fired Gina Carano like morons - basically the counterpart to Paz Vizsla as a non-mandalorian, and now they kill off the only other badass - leaving Bo Katan and the effeminate Din Djarin. Seems like they have a problem with strong characters. I mean Bo Katan is basically an insecure failure who's lost Mandalore what? Three times already? Sure, let's trust her to take it a 4th time. And Din is just...I don't know. He just comes off as a confused moron most of the time.
We're one episode from the ending and everything is a clusterflux. They should have ended this series with the second season and called it a day instead of totally destroying it on purpose.
Next week I can only imagine how they're going to try to tie up this crapshow of a story they've led us to. At this point I'm seriously expecting Boba Fett to show up out of nowhere riding his Rancor. Or maybe riding a mythosaur, because that's the quality of writing we've gotten all season.
What an utter disappointment.
The Mandalorian: Chapter 22: Guns for Hire (2023)
This is not the way.
Utter trash and a filler episode. We're within firing distance of the season finale and this is the garbage they're giving us? The mandalorian and Bo katan used to chase down rogue droids? On top of that, if this season hasn't been a train wreck already let me give you two names - Jack Black and Lizzo. The mandalorian has become an utter clown show. Not only do I not think the writers have any idea what they're doing, it's clear the writers themselves have no clue either. A very sad downfall for what started out as a promising show. I can't believe they managed to wrangle Chris Lloyd into this garbage-fest. What a career low for him.
Seriously I'm sure in the future I'll be amused at what a laughingstock this series has become but for now all I can do is shake my head. Jack Black was cringe enough but Lizzo is downright painful to watch. It's one of those moments where I'm humiliated for her. I literally had to start skipping through her dialogue because I felt too embarrassed to keep watching her make a fool of herself.
I have no idea what the writers were thinking but this is even worse than Ed Sheeran making a cameo on GOT.
This is not the way.
The Mandalorian: Chapter 19: The Convert (2023)
I thought this show was called "The Mandalorian"
Utter waste of time. It's clear that by season 3, the writers have zero idea of what they're doing. It starts off OK, with some strange imperial behavior. And then we're left hanging as the story takes a left turn into some subplot that the writers felt we should watch as an entire episode.
We're treated to 90% of the episode taking place on Coruscant in a baffling side story that looks like it could have fell out of Andor but without the better acting.
The music has been especially weak this season, and Pedro Pascal, which honestly hasn't been all that great since the beginning as he comes off way too soft and effeminate to be a Mandalorian, comes off especially soft this season. He was bad casting from the start and it's only gotten worse. Paz Vizsla is the kind of person we should have had as the main character, not ultra soft Pedro Pascal.
And I guess the writers felt the same since they didn't even bother to feature him in an episode of a show that's supposed to be about his character.
They should have ended the show with season two, but Disney wants to milk that star wars money. And the fans are more than eager to swallow whatever garbage Disney pumps out. Season 3 of the mandalorian is proof.
Andor: Announcement (2022)
It looks like they're trying to find ways to stretch it to the 12th episode
They're really starting to struggle. Andor goes back home but his mother won't leave with him. Bix pulls the abused woman routine, "I'm just clumsy! I fell down the stairs!" Meero finally gets some respect.
We go from Cass trying to get his mother to leave with him and we skip to...him living with some chick and having a new name?! How did he get here? Then all of a sudden he gets a 6 year jail sentence for walking past the scene of a crime? The show is getting very disjointed as it's clear everything built up to the big Aldhani robbery and now that's over the showrunners have no idea where to go.
The only real disappointment has been the music. Nothing memorable as far as themes go and it sounds like a rejected score for the 2002 version of Resident Evil with Milla Jovovich - especially in this episode.
Bobby Mortal (2022)
What modern Indie cinema was meant to be
I rented this and was really pleasantly surprised by the film. The quality of everything, from the writing, to the direction, to the acting gives the film a fresh feeling and keeps it moving at a brisk pace with enough interesting characters that it never gets bogged down.
Bobby Mortal is like so many of us - a victim of his own bad choices. He may come off a little disgruntled but doesn't blame anyone, instead just soldering on no matter how things are imploding around him. A very easy character to relate to and pulled off in a very natural manner by Ron Barba. These kinds of characters are really easy to smaltz up as the "born loser" type of character is an easy one to overplay and go too far, coming off more as a sad sack that you can't relate to or feel bad for, and in some cases you can start to dislike. Instead Ron Barba gives this character an interesting depth by playing him as someone who knows that sometimes things just go pear shaped and all you can do is power through it. It goes a long way to making the character relatable and makes it hard to dislike him. Bobby Mortal comes off as the kind of guy that if you told him, "You suck!" he'd just shrug and say, "Yeah, I know pal, what do you want me to do about it?"
We follow Bobby, a stand up comic, through his day as he comes into contact with a host of interesting characters. From his brother who's being held at gunpoint by a drug dealer he owes money to, to Bobby's ex-wife who shows up at Bobby's apartment in Manhattan and lets herself in; their exchange setting the tone for the film. She's clearly not emotionally invested in him anymore, yet she still needs something from him. A similar tone seems to carry through all his interactions through the film. Poor Bobby, the guy who can't get his own life together, yet everyone seems to need something from him to keep their own lives on track.
We meet one of Bobby's friends, also a (incredibly bad) stand up comic who wants Bobby's advice on his routine. We listen to Bobby's friend tell jokes in the worst delivery possible while Bobby gives hilarious one word critiques. There are actually quite a few interactions that flesh out Bobby's world, which is impressive given the moderate 1:08 runtime. Rodney Ferrer's brisk direction keeps things moving fast and never lets things get bogged down. The music stays out of the way and especially provides a nice ambience in the last scene for what's going on.
All of the characters are well written and well acted. There's a surprising amount of complexity displayed in each character which is impressive given how little screen time each character has. In fact, if there's something bad I can say about the film is that it introduces a large amount of very interesting characters and quickly hints at Bobby's relationship with them - it really leaves me wanting to know more about each character. This is a film that I can easily see a sequel or two for, but following the same format. Quick interactions that just connect a little more of the dots each time.
The film takes an unexpected turn near the end that I didn't see coming and it caused me to instantly watch it again. The beauty of this film is that on your first watch it comes off one way and then seeing the direction it takes at the end completely changes every interaction in the film upon rewatching it.
These days the word "indie" can be a dirty word. Video cameras and editing software are ubiquitous and there's no shortage of so-called indie "films" - most of which are badly shot, written, and acted. It's really refreshing to see an independent film that clearly a lot of work went into from the writing, to the acting, to the directing and it shows. It's well worth the rental and the watch - give it a shot. You'll be pleasantly surprised.
The Book of Boba Fett: Chapter 5: Return of the Mandalorian (2022)
The best episode of Book of Boba is not Book of Boba.
Basically an episode of the Mandalorian. It's hilarious that so far the best episode of Book of Boba is an episode of the Mandalorian.
A little heavy on the humor (We get who you dated Peli, you don't have to say it twice - it ruins the joke). Mando still kinda comes off goofy but still more together than Boba in this whole series. And so much fan service that we realize it's Jon Favreau begging someone - anyone - to tell him that they like him and he's cool.
Overall the most watchable episode of Boba so far. And it's not even an episode of Book of Boba.