Change Your Image
baloney99
Reviews
2012: Doomsday (2008)
good movie
Special effects were absolutely mindblowing. I was gripped by overwhelming excitement and riveted to my chair through out this epic story. the acting left me breathless, and the dialog was truly deep and meaningful.
This is a powerful movie. Even hours after seeing it, I was still left in a trance. Dare I say it, that we finally have a film that rivals there with Coleman Francis' masterpieces like "red zone cuba" and "beast of yucca flats"?
Its the blockbuster of the decade. If you see one film this year, this is it.
Sekai daisensô (1961)
Sappy. But lots of stuff blowing up. Where is Godzilla?
Plot summary: boring Japanese family, Tokyo and the rest of the world is about to be nuked by inept US and Soviet nuclear armies supposedly in the year 2015.
There is a lot of scenes dedicated to the life and times of the boring Japanese family dealing with mundane everyday issues. Older daughter falls in love with sailor and Dad does not approve. Dad gets drunk during family dinner and passes out, mom and kids giggle lovingly.
Tensions heat up when toy Korean tanks get blown up by a toy nuclear bomb dropped by a toy airplane. Then, there are several instances of close calls of accidental detonation of toy ICBMs. For these Toho used incredibly stupid looking western non-actors in bizarre costumes, with dialog that is so wooden and ridiculous it must be heard to be believed. Multiple redundant failsafe mechanisms that in reality are built into nuclear devices are somehow miraculously bypassed. For an example, an enormous red warning light accidentally comes on, with "outbreak of nuclear war" writing on it. The CO, who is a stubborn idiot, ignores the obvious suggestion by his corporal to check with the President first, and instead goes ahead and initiates missile launch by pushing an enormous red button. The presidents generals guys find out and call him and start yelling and screaming at the CO to stop the launch. The CO argues and refuses to comply because... I'm not sure. However, the corporal finds a broken widget and for some other obscure reason this convinces the CO to abort the launch at the last second.
A street vendor accurately summarizes the Japanese version of WWII history: Japan was unfairly attacked by foreigners and were victims of a nuclear bomb. Like another naive reviewer here on IMDb, he neglects the history before Hiroshima: about the 50 years of aggression by Imperial Japan, resulting in the occupation of Korea, china, Mongolia, parts of Russia, and most of SE Asia, the deaths of tens of millions of Asian civilians, be-headings, deaths of millions of us and British soldiers, the rape of Nanjing, forced labor, death marches, and forced prostitution.
A top level American diplomat just casually tells Dad that there is going to be a nuke attack on Tokio, so Dad immediately calls his stock broker and buys stock in a company that makes bombers, and sells all of his Tokio land stocks. Older daughter and sailor book a hotel room and we are given hints that they have premarital sex. They declare themselves married the next morning. Mom plants tulip bulbs.
A bunch of kids at a boarding school sing songs to an old guy who is the cook on the sailors ship. One of the mothers, the cooks daughter, promises to take her kid to the zoo after the kid gets over her cold.
Meanwhile, we are now on the eve of destruction, after Russian and American toy jets get into a dogfight, leading to an exchange of bottle rockets flying on wires. Eventually they resort to nuclear tipped bottle rockets, and this leads to world to full blown nuclear war by toy ICBMs flying toward models of Tokyo, Delhi, new york, Paris, London and Moscow.
The Japanese government springs into action by having many long meetings and are astonished to learn that their Japanese Defense Force cannot actually defend Japan. So, they decide to hold the crisis from the public until the very last minute, guaranteeing the death of half the population. As war becomes imminent, they begin nonstop world radio and TV broadcasts calling for whirrled peas. Tokio citizens panic and flee, leading to the mandatory Toho scenes of panicked extras running through the streets, with policemen with tidy blue helmets waving their arms to move the extras more quickly.
Boarding school mom tries to get back to pick up her kid but dies at the hands of the panicking masses. Her kid gets sad and teacher cheers the kids up by singing songs.
Boring Japanese family decides to stay in Tokyo to get nuked. They go all Kabuki theater. They get very sad and mope around the house talking to themselves. Mom declares the tulip bulbs are safer in the ground than they are. Dad starts crying and hits the booze.
Finally, The toy missiles arrive at their model targets. AFter two long hours of tedium, we finally get to see stuff get blown up. Models of the worlds cities are blown to bits with gusto, using generous amounts of pyrotec explosives and gasoline. Stock footage of nuclear mushroom clouds are stuck between scenes of burning buildings, melting bridges, tidal waves, and eerie piles of soot in the shape of human bodies. Presumably the remains of boring family. This might have been done to remind people that, when a 20 megaton tritium hydrogen bomb is coming down on your head, its best to run away rather than contemplate tulip bulbs.
Sailor and old guy cook is on a ship and witness the horrible carnage and get sad. They decide to sail the ship back to Tokyo in spite of their knowledge that the massive radioactive fallout there will immediately result in a long painful slow death. The movie concludes with A few opticals with the usual warnings of planetary self destruction. The end.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988)
Not for everybody
The old line, you will either get it or you will hate it, applies here. Probably on your first few viewings, you will be confused. After that you will develop an inkling if you like it or not. If you like B movies, Scifis, biting sarcasm, Monty Python, 3 stooges, the Marx brothers, improv comedy, and or puppets, you *might* like mst3k. Some of the humor is complex, while a lot of it is just plain juvenile puns and slapstick. But If you HATE people who yak away during a movie, you will definitely hate mst3k.
Common question for Noobs is, which episode do I see first? Thats a tough one to answer, because there is no real accepted "starting point", and there are over 200 one hour episodes, about 40 or so are readily available on DVD. Also, many of the favorite episodes for mst fans are the kind that gradually grow on you, worse, every mst fan has his/er fave and they are adamant about it being the best one. In general, the earlier episodes have older movies, are a little slower paced and have less riffing, while the later episodes use more recent movies and the riffs come a mile a minute. My only advice would to NOT start on season 1, and watch 3 or 4 episodes before you make up your mind. Space Mutiny, Mitchell, Manos: The hand of fate, or godzilla vs megallon are some favorites. Also, if you don't like the first movie you see, just go to the next one and forget about it.
Regardless, One thing to beware of are the ones who call themselves MISTies. These are highly deranged geeks who are obsessed about the show, have no tolerance for those who aren't madly in love with it, and generally look down on those that aren't MSTies. Noobs should not try to engage MSTies on the boards, give them a wide berth, and you can pretty much enjoy the show without listening to them at all.
Worse yet, there is a possibility you will become a misty yourself. This may bring familial disruption, loss of work ethic, and many long long hours on the computer writing messages and downloading etc. There is no known antidote, except perhaps, a line from opening song: Repeat to yourself, its just a show, I should really just relax!
Space Mutiny (1988)
Battle of the floor waxers!
No doubt, this is the Plan 9 of the 80's. I watch this over and over again. A great MST3k too... although the film is so hilarious by itself, i think the bots get into a stunned funk.
My five's (not kidding... these are TRUE);
Spaceship interior is some old factory interior, with square paned windows with sunlight streaming in. The floor wax chase scene in the factory. complete with crashing, exploding and then burning-- floor waxer. Dead crew woman who comes back to life next scene. Dozens and dozens of people killed by toppling over railings in the factory. So many more... read all the comments here from b-movie and MSTies and laugh your buns off!
Diabolik (1968)
schlock fun
Plot: Masked Ubercool thief and ultrasexy scantily clad babe go around stealing huge bankrolls, jewels and drugs from corrupt governments, mafia bosses and bourgeoise, using all kinds of whacky gizmos and convoluted plans, making fools of the cops while managing to kill off hundreds of innocent people. Kind of a tortured mix of a bond film, the pink panther, and austin powers, With some barbarella tossed in for good measure. Pure schlocky fun. Perfect for mike, tom and crow to return to earth on.
Its campy, tongue in cheek, and badly made enough to make it entertaining. Law's overacting, and his wide selection of hilarious skin tight costumes, are a hoot. Perfect casting IMO. The mob boss and his trapdoor equipped airplane are pure fun (loved the scene of his henchmen dumping bodies of syndicate foes). Also, lots of sexy shots of Marisa Mell are cool. Dino Delaurentis at his best.
The Incredible Melting Man (1977)
Memorable scenes...
One word, unbelievable.
Ill never forget: The fat nurse running down a corridor in slow motion, screaming nonstop, with no monster in sight. The fat nurse then charging thru a plate glass door without a scratch. The geek pretending to fly fish in a mud puddle The 30 seconds of film dedicated to the geeks severed head, bobbing down the stream, with a closeup when it goes over a ledge. All deaths by decapitation or partial head disintegration. One exception, The guy thrown onto the powerlines, with a long shot of him being electrocuted, then exploding into a wild display of sparks and fireworks, followed by intense fire, leaving a crumpled black heap of mush on the pavement.
Pro'ly more, but my brain is still recovering from this masterpiece.