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rmeador
Reviews
Whistle and I'll Come to You (2010)
Why bother connecting it to M. R. James?
I watched this on Hulu Plus on my new Apple TV, and was really excited to find this adaptation (along with Number 13). I must say, I'm completely baffled-- not baffled at what happened in the story (although now that I think of it...), but baffled as to why anyone would set out to make a film version of an M.R. James story, then completely discard the story and write a new one that has nothing to do with the original. What on earth is the point of that? John Hurt is a great actor, the scenes were nicely filmed, and all that. But it had nothing to do with the James story-- no whistle, no Templar ruins, no really creepy and scary presence, no reference to "Whistle and I'll come to you, lad", no real point of reference to the story whatsoever. The apparition wasn't very scary (wrapped in a sheet on a beach in broad daylight), the ring (instead of a whistle) didn't really make sense, and the whole invalid wife subplot just wasn't very good or scary (except at the end when it leapt out and yelled "boo"). It was moody and atmospheric, and John Hurt is terrific, but why would anyone present this as an M.R. James story? What a missed opportunity.
The 24th Day (2004)
Preachy, implausible, and dull
This movie looked like it wanted to be searing drama, but just didn't really rise to the occasion. It's primary message seemed to be "if you have unsafe sex you will get aids" with the corollary "if you have aids the gay person you slept with just once is the one who gave it to you". A public service announcement about safe sex is laudable, but not a movie. The corollary is a little insulting. There were other things implied too in their dialog: if you're a guy and slept with one guy you are secretly really gay and are probably sleeping with a lot of guys; and if you go to bars to meet people you're a slut. All those unpleasant implications aside, the movie just never offered any sparks or emotional resonance between the two characters. It was also kind of hard to believe, particularly the captive who seemed to largely just sit quietly through it all. At one point the captor goes to a bar and gets drunk with a woman (to prove he's not a slut I guess) and the captive is yanking on the arm of the ratty old sofa he's handcuffed to , and it looked like the actor had to work pretty hard to make sure he didn't actually snap the arm off and get free. They also spent a fair amount of time talking about Charlie's Angels (the TV show). Were these guys even old enough to have seen it? I like the actors in general, but the movie was preachy, implausible, and dull.
Dawn of the Mummy (1981)
Mumbies on the rampage
An attempt to merge mummy movies and living dead zombies into a gore/bore fest. The acting is just awful, with hardly a shred of unchewed scenery by the end. For instance, one of the leading ladies finds a severed head in the desert, and begins to screetch and whoop while running in a circle around the head (as opposed to running away from it) until she finally launches herself at one of the guys and slides down his body like a cheap party dress. The story and effects are pretty threadbare. The wacky gang of thieves keeps talking insanely about the gold they are looking for until they finally pull out two or three small gilded thingies from the mummy's body. The thieves are so thrilled to find three little pieces of gold they whoop, they beat the lid, they dance, they laugh. Oh yeah, they're in the money now. Why, those three little pieces of gold might bring as much as $50! Good times, good times
The mummy itself is kind of gooey, and doesn't seem to eat much flesh, but as legend would have it, when the mummy arose, his buried minions also arose. The minions were not in the tomb howeverthey apparently spent the last 3,000 years buried in 3 inches of sand. Once they sit up, they immediately shamble around like extras from one of the Living Dead movies. Are they mummies? Zombies? Mumbies? Pretty soon, things finally get icky. Classic scenarios abound, like opening the door to the room where a bride is getting ready for her wedding and finding three or four mumbies chowing down on her. Finally, a building burns, a group of bad actors limp away, and a cloth-covered hand rises in the foreground. The end?
Ng goh haak gwai dik siu nin (2002)
One strange mummy movie
OK, this was one of the most supremely bizarre movies I've seen in a long time. Yet somehow I really enjoyed thisit made no sense, the subtitles were way off so I had a hard time keeping track of the dialog (even if it did make sense), and the whole thing was just wacky beyond belief. There were some actual mummies in it, pretty scary makeup too. But mostly it's about a 19 year old who gets a mummy soul inside him and begins to turn into a mummy. Rather, his arms begin to flake and he develops a desire to wrap himself up in ace bandages, toilet paper, whatever. He also goes completely wild whenever he sees a pyramid shape (including one guy's hairdo) and attacks people. Then there is the catholic/exorcist subplot and I can't even talk about the scene where whole family is sliding across the floor in a coffin while the main boy daydreams he's riding carnival rides
I just don't know what to say! But in all the insanity, I must admit that I had a very good time, even though complete disbelief and confusion sort of overcame me on several occasions during the movie!
Face of the Screaming Werewolf (1964)
Truly awful-- I loved it!
Well, this was a fabulous as might be expected. A true mess featuring footage stitched together from two other movies, an Aztec Mummy movie and a werewolf movie. It starts with footage from the Aztec Mummy- loooooog, sloooooow footage. As the hardy band of adventurers eventually dodge all the flashbacks and enter the tomb, they cut in a shot of Lon Chaney in bad mummy makeup (his face is just done in white makeup). Then la momia azteca blunders in and is quickly overcome by a flashlight and a plywood sigil-thingy (the flashlight in the eyes caused him to scream and stagger back. Then a scientist throws the plywood sigil-thingy which knocks him over.) Fast cut to a press conference where they announce that two mummies were actually found (not shown). Here's where the werewolf movie footage kicks in. The scientists take the Mummy-Werewolf-Thing to a lab where they proceed to put him into what looks like a large pants press and then some sort of mummyfuge twirly tube thing. The result is the white makeup all falls off and beholdLawrence Talbot! Then late that night he wakes up and goes to the window where he faces the moon and turns into the werewolf. His first victim is one of the scientists. The Mummy-Werewolf-Thing grabs the scientist from behind, and (from the evidence of a close-up of the victim's face after), apparently yanks his nose until it bleeds. Then just when you wonder how in the world anyone's nose will be safe from this unstoppable horror, the Mummy-Werewolf-Thing clutches his chest like he has bad heartburn and topples over. Later he wakes up and kills another scientist, this time while the scientist's colleague looks on without lifting a finger to help his friend. Once the victim is dead, the peeper overcomes the Mummy-Werewolf-Thing with the time-honored, all-purpose flashlight-in-the-eyes gambit. He locks the Mummy-Werewolf-Thing up and the plot sort of shambles back into the Aztec Mummy movie. Ole Popica hisself is now seen entering the house of the pretty broad from the Aztec Mummy movie. Apparently she has a cute little girl and apparently they gave the little girl a 3,000 year old solid gold Aztec breastplate to use as a teddy bear. Ole Popica carefully extracts the breastplate from the little girl without waking her, then stomps in to carry off the mother (no further sign of the breastplate). They walk right down the middle of a highway and get run over (not shown). Thus endeth the momia azteca portion of the show. Now back to the Mummy-Werewolf-Thing who is stalking around the city at night looking for noses to yank. Eventually, after climbing things and slinking around awhile, there is the big showdown scene. Once more, just when you thought no nose can escape the yanking horror of the Mummy-Werewolf-Thing, he clutches his chest and falls down, turning back into human form. At this point his clothes catch fire, and two policemen show up. The police stand around watching the guy burn up while making "ironic" comments like "All this fuss about a werewolf and turns out he's just a man." Just a man on fire and burning horribly right in front of your unyanked noses. One of the cops then looks at his watch and starts writing in a notepad. End of movie. Joy.