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OneGettingOlderAndBetter
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Untill now, the funniest I've read a signature is PitbullSurfer's:
"what has got four legs and one arm ? A happy pittbull"
Thank you Pittbull for that great sig !
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THE MONTY VAULT (sorry I had to make room/all is on the cd, btw)
[a line of prisoners files past a jailer]
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Prisoner: Yes.
Coordinator: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.
[Next prisoner]
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Mr. Cheeky: Er, no, freedom actually.
Coordinator: What?
Mr. Cheeky: Yeah, they said I hadn't done anything and I could go and live on an island somewhere.
Coordinator: Oh I say, that's very nice. Well, off you go then.
Mr. Cheeky: No, I'm just pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really.
Coordinator: [laughing] Oh yes, very good. Well...
Mr. Cheeky: Yes I know, out of the door, one cross each, line on the left.
*
Brian: All right! I am the Messiah!
Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now, *beep* off! [silence]
Arthur: How shall we *beep* off, O Lord?
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Brian: You have to be different!
The Crowd: Yes, we are all different!
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Brian: Have I got a big nose, Mum?
Brian?s mother: Stop thinking about sex!
Brian: I wasn't!
Brian?s mother: You're always on about it. "Will the girls like this? Will the girls like that? Is it too big? Is it too small? "
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Boring Prophet: There shall in that time be rumors of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment. At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight O'clock
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Mr. Big Nose: Who are you calling Jewish? I'm not Jewish! I'm a Samaritan!
Gregory: A Samaritan? This is supposed to be a Jewish section.
Parvus: It doesn't matter! You're all going to die in a day or two.
Gregory: It may not matter to you, Roman, but it certainly matters to us. Doesn't it, darling?
Mrs. Gregory: Oh, rather.
Gregory: Under the terms of the Roman occupancy, we're entitled to be crucified in a purely Jewish area
*
Ex-Leper: Okay, sir, my final offer: half a shekel for an old ex-leper?
Brian: Did you say "ex-leper"
Ex-Leper: That's right, sir, 16 years behind a veil and proud of it, sir.
Brian: Well, what happened?
Ex-Leper: Oh, cured, sir.
Brian: Cured?
Ex-Leper: Yes sir, bloody miracle, sir. Bless you!
Brian: Who cured you?
Ex-Leper: Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! "You're cured, mate." Bloody do-gooder.
Brian: Well, why don't you go and tell him you want to be a leper again?
Ex-Leper: Uh, I could do that sir, yeah. Yeah, I could do that I suppose. What I was thinking was I was going to ask him if he could make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the week. You know, something beggable, but not leprosy, which is a pain in the ass to be blunt and excuse my French, sir.
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Gregory: I'm Brian, and so's my wife!
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Judith: [on Stan's desire to be a mother] Here! I've got an idea: Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb - which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans' - but that he can have the *right* to have babies.
Francis: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother... sister, sorry.
Reg: What's the *point*?
Francis: What?
Reg: What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies, when he can't have babies?
Francis: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
Reg: It's symbolic of his struggle against reality.
*
[Brian is writing graffiti on the palace wall. The Centurion catches him in the act]
Centurion: What's this, then? Romanes eunt domus? People called Romanes, they go, the house?
Brian: It says, Romans go home.
Centurion: No it doesn't ! What's the latin for Roman? Come on, come on !
Brian: Er, Romanus !
Centurion: Vocative plural of Romanus is?
Brian: Er, er, Romani !
Centurion: [Writes Romani over Brian's graffiti] Eunt ? What is eunt ? Conjugate the verb, to go !
Brian: Er, Ire. Er, eo, is, it, imus, it is,eunt
Centurion: So, eunt is...?
Brian: Third person plural present indicative, they go.
Centurion: But, Romans, go home is an order. So you must use...?
[He twists Brian's ear]
Brian: Aaagh ! The imperative !
Centurion: Which is...?
Brian: Aaaagh ! Er, er, i
Centurion: How many Romans?
Brian: Aaaaagh ! Plural, plural, er, ite !
Centurion: Domus? Nominative? Go home is motion towards, isn't it?
Brian: Dative !
[the Centurion holds a sword to his throat]
Brian: Aaagh ! Not the dative, not the dative ! Er, er, accusative, Domum !
Centurion: But Domus takes the locative, which is...?
Brian: Er, Domum
Centurion: "Domum" Understand? Now, write it out a hundred times.
Brian: Yes sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar, sir.
Centurion: Hail Caesar !
**
The Black Adder vault:
(Black adder goes forth)
Captain Blackadder, to Lieutnant Barley, in a women's dress, about to go and date General Melchett)
"And don't get drunk and let him shag you under the veranda"
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Educating Rita
Litterature teacher in (either Oxford, Cambridge of the other one college, I don't remember)
"Drunk ? Of course I am drunk ! Do you expect me to teach these things while being sober ?"
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"Le dictionnaire amoureux du diable"'s vault:(writtenby Alain REY)
Females used to be branded on one buttock:"property of satan's slaves".
So, not only bigots (female bigots included) are women haters/male chauvinist pigs...
And suddenly the world is a lonely place.
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Le cinéma du diable/devil movies(entry)
Le diable chrétien ne cesse d'être malmené dans un monde contemporain terrorisé par lui même (...)
La ritualisation extrême d'une artificielle survie fait partie d'une propitiation contre l'omniprésence du mal (...)
[Christian devil gets endlessly bullied in a contemporean world terrified with itself (...)
The extreme ritualisation of an artificial survival belongs to a propitiation against the omnipresence of evil (...)]
Mal/evil (entry)
Les massacres et les supplices antiques et médiévaux, les guerres semblent mesurés par rapport aux conflits mondiaux, aux "armes de destruction massive", à la Shoah qu'instaure le XXè siècle, où le mal devient mondial et techno-scientifique.
L'arbre de la connaissance, sans doute (...)
Les mots soulignent à quel point le rôle du mal est écrasant.
Le mot grec auquel correspond malus, kakos, plus expressif, comme on dit, renvoie à la mauvaise qualité, l'incapacité, et à l'échec ; à la lâcheté, la maladie et la mort.
Et la série de mots germaniques anciens qui ont abouti à übel et devil, tourne autour d'une idée trop générale pour ne pas recevoir maintes applications (...)
[Antique and dark aged massacres and tortures, wars appear reasonable compared to global conflicts, to "massive destruction weapons", to the XXth century established Shoah, when evil becomes global and techno scientific.
The tree of knowlege, no doubt (...)
Words point out how much evil is a pressing/crushing principle.
The greek word corresponding to malus, kakos, more expressive, as they say, refers to defect, to incompetence, to failure, to cowardice, to illness and to death.
And the theory of ancient german words that leads to the german übel and to the anglish evil which rhymes so well with devil, deals with too wide an idea not to be put into much use (...)]
Rire/laugh (entry)
Il y a un rire du diable propitiatoire. On rit de lui pour exorciser la peur qu'il inspire.
Les agelates, ceux qui ne rient pas, esprits supérieurs qui transforment leur difficulté d'être en haine du rire, peuvent être des grands comiques (clown triste, bouffons désespérés, Buster Keaton.)
A l'époque romantique, quand le diable s'intériorise et devient le mal en l'homme, remplace le péché des croyants, on peut encore rire du diable ; mais cela revient à rire de soit-même : l'humour, invention anglaise.
[There is a propitious laugh at the devil. One laugh at him to exorcise the fear he inspires.
The agelates, those who do not laugh, superior spirits who turn their own trouble with being alive into the hate of laugh, can be great comics (sad clown, desperate bufoon, Buster Keaton).
In romantic times when the Devil becomes an insider, taking place of the sin of the faithfull one's, one still can laugh at the devil. But then, it amounts to laughing at one's self. Humor, British discovery.]
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Charlie Hebdo - In Memoriam
Old article about Marie Jolliot Curie. Illustration: a scketch of Le Panthéon. One window of the former church is bright with neon light. 2 Speech bubbles. Dialog:
"Éteignez les spotlights, on est pas au Macumba !
- Hugo, vieux con ! "
Hugo, you old evil thing !]
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The flat of angles part two vault
"I will be your mirror, she said."
Nothing else existed for a second. I-felt-calm.
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The Rabelaisian vault
"Omni clocha clochabilis, in clocherio clochando, clochans clochativo clochare facit clochabiliter clochantes. Parisius habet clochas. Ergo gluc.
Gargantua
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The Firm vault
"Startrekkin' accross the universe(...)
Boldly goin' forward, 'cause we can't find reverse"🎼🎶🎹✨
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Someone in the soapbox asked, so here's my dream : to meet my god, and to trip him. Period.
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Former username : well... there was one.
Thought about changing into "sillied by the Best"...
Reviews
The Lunchbox (2013)
Beware of aubergines and chapatti: they'll send you into utopia :)
I once sadly posted on this site that "i did not believe in luck". That was true. Welcoming people lost in my country without proper papers, some with terrible stories, I had to stop the day one of those story had me keeping a straight face but rushing for the loo after that girl went away. She had told me she had to unearth her late father to prove her identity... And could only find his leg. A part of it. In the toilets, I succeeded not to barf, but only to cry. I knew it could be a fake story, but whatever... I am no longer an active member in that organization but I might change my mind and be able to face people telling these things in the proper way.
I watched "dabba", and I know it is a "tale", a miracle story. It is beautiful, well made, well played. And people needs dreams. Especially cynical people :)
I also bought the DVD after I watched the movie because I wanted to try the recipes, and... I did not now it was possible to cook something THAT good.
The chance factor has got one more fan... Thanks to dabba.
ps: I was let to dabba by the wonderful "Life of Pi". The drawback watching such art, is that the urge to go to India is... difficult to stand.
Les nouvelles aventures de Lucky Luke (2001)
A must see
When I was a kid, I never cared for that title as much as I would have care for Tintin, Astérix, Valérian or some comics I used to read. Not enough words jokes.
This summer I saw a western "Duel in the sun" with Mr Gregory Peck, and I wonder when this could be the actual graphic model for the Lucky Luke character. One Horse "star" that plays in the movie, Dice, is the perfect ringer for Jolly Jumper, in looks and in moods, it appears. Spots, and a real clowning ability. When Dice would talk in the movie, I fancy he would have the voice of Jolly. Oh, and, in Mr Busch original Duel in the sun novel, the Mc Hanles Sons are four plus wikipédia says that Mc Hanles were train robbers, so it might figure. Of course, Ran tan plan is the goofiest version of beloved Rin tin tin ! All in the nose, nothing between the ears.
An animation without violence, dirty words nor heated love affairs. No manga inspired anime.
The music and stories are funny and funky, the hero is cute, well mannered, bold, smart his horse also, and the villain looses 10 times out of 10. Art and animation of the same quality.
The voices are perfect. Lucky and his horse mate are just IT.
Twenty minutes of animated horse opera happiness on Sunday evening, when it is best needed, for kid and grownups.
A must see.
Em
Duel in the Sun (1946)
Honest attempt at antic classics difficult adaptation, with some flaws in
That movie wears almost enough poetic and religious make-up to hide its philosophical contents: there is something luminous in the beautiful lovers on the screen, one should say, the flames of inferno besides, all the deadly sins are portrayed along the whole story. One can see the train as the Trojan horse that brings civilization into the egoist ranch society while in the same time delivering the fox to the hen house deserted by the guarding dogs
But the events and characters are too close to reality for literary comfort. Only the character Mr Peck plays could be straight out of a rapist profile in a criminal study book, so straightly he becomes a fairy tale evil one. The mother spotting his offspring's lack of education as the ground for his crimes would do fine as a barrister in front of court stating the fact that guilt can't be stated on the basis that the accused hasn't the basic knowledge of the price his deeds should cost him, hence, no will of his own into the matter
And, considering the end, say, too much poetic justice is poetry overkill. (But I'm not a Romantic enthusiast -in the classical sense, so it might just be me.)
Dante's Comedy and Homer's Odyssey are just painted over Plutarch's Erotikos. This semantic influence is the only obvious thing that can explain the "Lust in the dust" and "Hump in the sump" nicknames the film was provided with by the critics. (The antic writer had been called "a cicada on Plato's tree". Plato by was nowhere near rational about sex and female beauty. It shows on screen) Anybody dopey enough to buy the film on kinky prospects deserves to get disappointed on the viewing of it.
As it comes to tragedy, I assume this could be a trial version of one of Eurypides' lost plays mentioned in Plutarch on the topic of subversion and censorship, Melanippos("Dark horse"*). (One of the best attempts of the sort has been made by a famous man of the name of
er
Shakespeare, so why would have all those stars -who all act great in the picture- turned their nose upon the movie ?) The sexist and racist tones of the film are said to be products of the time of its issue. As a matter of fact, they are the basic themes discussed in the philosophical work. To underline that, one has to keep in mind that antique Greek citizenship was grounded on ethnic prejudices and that the notion of "self" was probably a crime against the gods, precisely one goddess of very short temper, Artemis.
The deathbed scene doesn't belong the novel, though it can be seen as a fair equivalent of the breakdown the novelist gives the patriarch in the book- it leaves the moved audience almost unaware that "the train" has brought back the character it took away in the beginning, spoiling the narration's efficiency. But the most surprising thing comes from the Oldest son's bride the movie gives to Jesse. She is not quite the opposite of the one the novel's writer chooses. Though, Besides the fact that it erases most of Jesse's psychology and heroic deeds, it also makes it difficult to understand what all the "Indian" slant is about. By the time the movie was on screens, the man in Europe who had ruled out "aliens" was dead, when the novel was written in 1941. Now, I just don't know. I wasn't there.
Em
* Dunno when there's a connection, but for horses enthusiasts, Mr Peck gives a fine piece of stunt with a dancing dark horse, and one palomino is just pure fun watching :)