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Banandar
Reviews
The Weekend It Lives (1992)
Ed Wood is alive and well and living in Michael Mfume
To call "Ax 'Em" the worst movie in the history of motion pictures would be too easy. Because that would imply that it's unwatchable, which on so many levels it is. Yet it's the absolute utter incompetence on all levels, from the direction to the script to the acting, that makes it just so damn entertaining, because you are simply stupified that anyone thought this could ever make a coherent film. If you enjoy watching a film for its mistakes, "Ax 'Em" will never leave your DVD player, because from the mis-spelled words and incomprehsible grammar, to the nonsensical ending 72 minutes later, "Ax 'Em" proves that no matter how incompetent you are with a video camera, someone will distribute it.
What makes this film so wonderfully special is that the director's father, Kweisi Mfume, was a U.S. Congressman, and former head of the NAACP! There are moments of D.W. Griffith-esque racism that were they not made by a filmmaker of color, would pass as a scenes from a training video for the Klan. It is nearly impossible to understand what anyone says, simply because the video camera is set up for a wide shot, and nobody talks anywhere near a microphone. The film, if you could call it that, makes no sense on any level, but moments like the fat guy walking around in the back of one shot holding the slate will have you laughing for hours.
This is bad filmmaking at its best. Thank you, Michael Mfume, for this wonderful gift.
Fear No Evil (1981)
Satan is alive, and he's very early 80's.
"Fear No Evil" combines two of my favorite genres: Horror and Hannah-Barberra animation. I did not expect the film to turn into a cartoon in the last ten minutes, but apparently the producers couldn't get any real special effects wizzards for the final confrontation between Satan and God's angels, so they got the animators from "The Wonder Twins." What starts as a bloody battle turns into mind-bogglingly bad laser beams that literally look like they were taken from a late 60's sci-fi film. The film then takes off into what one might call "Xanadu" territory," where the actors are no longer on film, and we see a series of lights flashing at the screen to crazy music. I guess the filmmakers were going for a "2001" type effect here, but what they got was a discount version of the old HBO animation they ran before movies in 1982.
The film is a mixture of pretentious, poorly-acted, poorly-scripted, and shoddily directed discussions about heaven and hell, with some brilliant early 80's high school scenes, set to the music of the Sex Pistols, Talking Heads, and The Ramones. It makes you wonder how a director who is so completely out of touch with how to make an interesting horror film could assemble such a brilliant soundtrack. The high school scenes are worth the rental: all the guys look like they're 30, all the girls have giant afros and yellow satin jackets, and the teachers have tweed jackets. The one stoke of genius on director Frank LaLoggia's part is to have a number of scenes with "general chatter," where people aren't really speaking any lines specific, but are just hubbub-ing very enthusiastically. The first time we see this LaLoggian touch is when baby Satan is born in 1963, and the proud father is handing out cigars to his buddy. They are babbling like a bunch of chimps, yet you cannot understand a word they're saying. It's amazing - you think they're speaking another language, it's just a lot of "Heeeeey! Wheeeeaaaay! Yaaaahaaaa! Cigar, cigar, cigar, whoooooaaaa hoooooo!" The next time is after a gym class, which apparently went so well that all the teens run into the locker room indecipherably yelling "whoo-hoo, alllriiiiight, yeeeeeah, gimme that locker, whooooaaaa hoooooo!"
This unique touch of Frank LaLoggia, a trademark in all two of his films, truly gives weight to the credit "A Frank LaLoggia Film" that appears before the main title. It definitely is, Frank. It definitely is.
Prophecy (1979)
A group of EPA workers terrorized by a man in a bear suit.
I saw "Prophecy" when I was seven years old, and like other reviewers, were terrified by the camping scene, where a father and his two kids are mauled by a bear-like creature. The same scene today is truly one of the funniest, and worst, scenes in a horror film ever. What once was a terrifying monster who would gave me nightmares is now a man in a rubbery mutant bear suit.
"Prophecy" represents the worst aspects of 70's horror filmmaking. It is one of those films geared towards adults, which means that about 2/3 of the movie are filled with lengthy, painful dialogue about social issues and the environment. You can see the executives at Paramount brainstorming this one, saying, "We need a 'Friday the 13th' for adults," so they get John Frankenheimer to direct it and an all star cast of Talia Shire and Richard Dysart. Frankenheimer clearly lost either his mind or all of his money when he made this film, because the terror scenes are nothing short of embarrassing, and the dialogue scenes feel like they're from a completely different movie. It's serious social commentary about the state of affairs in the late 70's, mixed in with Godzilla-esque fight scenes.
The one merit I will say about "Prophecy" is that it is VERY 70's. The clothes, the hair, and especially Robert Foxworth's James Brolin-esque beard. The beard alone at least brings it up to one star.
Dagon (2001)
Someone should Re-animate Stuart Gordon - he's lost it.
"Dagon" could have been great had Stuart Gordon bothered to hire a) an actor who was right for the lead role and not some nebbishy, unfunny Adam Sandler knock off, and b) a screenwriter. While he was at it, he should have fired himself and hired a real director who can actually shoot a coherent dialogue scene and can keep the action moving. The film has some great scares, but they are too far and few between. The movie opens with a lengthy and over-stylized credit sequence and then goes into a completely unbelievable dialogue sequence in the cabin of a boat. However, since Stuart Gordon never put in a single establishing shot, you have no idea these people are actually on a boat until about 5 minutes into the scene when you begin to think "well, we're so tight on their faces and the camera's all hand held, maybe they're in a boat?"
What upset me most is that this film had real potential. There are beautiful moments with naked, bloody, girls chained to alters for sacrifice, but the direction is so poor it's hard to stay interested or scared. This is NOT a Spanish production, despite the fact that 98% of the cast and crew are Spanish. This is Stuart Gordon and his producer Brian Yuzna going to Spain to shoot movies cheaper by hiring an all Spanish cast and crew. However, while they were at it, they could have hired some decent actors so the casting was at least believable. Pairing up a nerdy, pasty white guy from Long Island with a HOT blonde Spanish girl (who is trying to pass as American, at times) only accentuates the fact that the audience doesn't really like him, so how could this hot girl?
Darkened Room (2002)
Bizarre, mysterious, intriguing...
I don't quite know how to explain "Darkend Room," because to summarize it wouldn't really do it justice. It's a quintessentially Lynchian short film with two beautiful girls in a strange, mysterious situation. I would say this short is definitely more on the "Mulholland Drive" end of the Lynchian spectrum, as opposed to "The Elephant Man" or "The Straight Story." It's hidden on Lynch's website, and well worth the search.
Kissing Jessica Stein (2001)
One of the best romantic comedies in years
I love this movie! I went to see it with my girlfriend and we were laughing our asses off the entire time. The two girls who wrote and starred in this film have raised the bar and hopefully reminded Hollywood what a FUNNY movie should look like. I also read they made this film for under $2 million, which is pretty incredible, because you would never know that by watching it. It's a funny, smart, and very romantic film whether you are gay or straight.
Valentine (2001)
Awful. Simply awful.
"Valentine" combines the worst of 90's horror and the worst of 80's horror: horrendous dialogue, annoying characters, and unoriginal killings. This film is an absolute atrocity. It's so obviously trying to cash in on the success of "I Know What You Did Last Summer," and fails to be even the slightest bit entertaining or scary. The worst part is there is not any nudity, nor is there really any violence. The killings happen off screen, and any sex scenes involve bedsheets up to the necks. Shame on you, Jamie Blanks, for continuing the downward spiral of horror.
Super Troopers (2001)
I agree - the funniest movie since "Caddyshack."
Once in a decade a movie comes along that sets the bar for all other movies. I'm not talking about "Schindler's List," I mean "Ace Ventura." A film that is so damn funny it becomes the reference for all other comedies. "Something About Mary" was one of those films. "Office Space" was another. Yet somehow, none of them were as incessantly quoteable as "Caddyshack." Until now.
"Supertroopers" is quite simply the best comedy since "Caddyshack." It is funnier than "Rushmore." It is funnier than anything. I almost feel badly building it up too much because it's better if it comes out of nowhere and surprises people, but no matter how funny you think it is, it's going to be funnier. And it's the best kind of humor: it's the perfect blend of stupid humor, sick humor, and funny, smart humor. The guys who wrote and starred in this masterpiece are geniuses. Literally. People will read this review and think that I'm crazy or that I somehow work for the filmmakers. I don't. I mean, yeah, I'm crazy, but that's a whole other story. I hope this movie makes more money than "Titanic" because the filmmakers should have an endless supply of cash to make movies for the rest of their lives.
Mother's Day (1980)
An influential work of art - "Boogie Nights" stole from this.
Charles Kaufman's "Mother's Day" is an undisputed masterpiece. Despite the lack of "budget," "production value," or "cinematic quality," the film is a wonderful delight for all. Watch 10 minutes into the film, just after the opening credits end. There is a sequence at a party that takes place in Beverly Hills, in 1980. Then watch the scene where Dirk Diggler goes to Burt Reynolds' house for the first time in "Boogie Nights." The scenes are almost identical. P.T. Anderson clearly stole this scene, from the shots, the costumes, the dialogue, the music, the editing style, right down to a girl on rollerskates skating around the pool. Mock this movie all you want, it has influenced pop culture in more ways than you may realize. Charles Kaufman is a genius.
Mulholland Dr. (2001)
Absolutely brilliant.
"Mulholland Drive" is Lynch's most powerful and stunning work since his 1986 masterpiece "Blue Velvet." The film combines the mysterious noir elements of "Blue Velvet," the dream-like horror of "Fire Walk With Me," and the bizarre structure of "Lost Highway." People going to see this film expecting everything to tie up in a nice little bow at the end will be severely disappointed. However, anyone who wants to take a strange and wonderful trip that sucks you in and keeps your mind churning for weeks afterward are going to love it.
Lynch has clearly proven himself as a narrative storyteller with such films as "The Elephant Man," and "The Straight Story," and now he is taking the art of filmmaking in a new direction. I believe some people will be frustrated with the movie because they simply have no point of reference to compare it with. Others, who are more open minded to entering a dream world where things are so real and yet so unreal at the same time, are going to watch this film over and over and over. The film at times is horrifying, at other times hilarious, and features one of the hottest sex scenes in motion picture history. The performances are brilliant. To describe the plot or give anything away would not do the film justice; it simply has to be experienced.
"Mulholland Drive" brings to mind Billy Wilder's classic "Sunset Boulevard," which also explored the darker side of both Hollywood and human nature in an unconventionally narrative way. Mulholland Drive, the road, parallels Sunset Boulevard the road in Los Angeles, yet it is much darker, with many hidden twists and turns. "Mulholland Drive" the film works the same way, except this time we are experiencing Hollywood and human nature from the point of view of David Lynch.
I think that with the right distributor, this film could do very well. This film should win Oscars. When "Fire Walk With Me" came out, it bombed critically as well as with audiences, yet it is now considered one of the best films of the 90's by many critics and fans. I think people are ready for a film like "Mulholland Drive," as an alternative to the God awful crap that the studios are feeding us on a weekly basis. If this film had been a television series, it would have been popular than "Twin Peaks" was at its height. As a feature film, "Mulholland Drive" will stand as an landmark for the next wave of filmmaking.