Reviews

Wow, umm... I didn't expect it to be as good as the original, but I didn't expect it to be this cliche and bad either. The world-weary Queen Sorsha dealing with the spunky, misfit youngins as they go about their one dimensional cliche routines is all of us watching this remarketed-as-young-adult adventure tripe.

There is no feel of wonder to this world anymore; it just feels bland. The music that plays during the episode is uninspired and not at all reminiscent of the original, and the pop song they play for the end credits is so jarring it spoils whatever tiny bits of nostalgic joy this show managed to dredge up.

I'm currently watching the second episode to give it a fair shake, and so far? Yeah... I don't think I will be back next week. Kathleen Kennedy has already spoiled enough of my childhood stories, she doesn't need this one too.

I must confess: when I see a film like this get panned, while praise is heaped upon dreck like Barbarian or It Follows, it truly makes me feel like I've gone insane, like the population of the planet Earth is conspiring to gaslight me. THIS is a narratively complete film. THIS is an original concept (or as close as we can get these days).

Atmosphere, mood, tone... this movie makes use of these in abundance. The writing is clever, the music is evocative, and the acting top notch. If you love suspense bordering on horror, and find yourself underwhelmed by what Hollywood has been serving up recently, give this film a watch.

Garbage movie with no redeeming qualities. About as subtle as a Michael Bay film, with none of the plot intricacies. Wastes Wanda Maximoff's years of character development. Only one of three movies I've ever wanted to walk out of.

This was a great movie. Not the MCU's best, but worlds better than Black Widow or Shang Chi. For a movie about eternal beings who have refrained from interfering in world affairs for seven thousand years, I thought the movie's pacing, action, and character development were spot on. This was never going to be Iron Man, guys.

The only explanation I can find for the negative reviews it has gotten are that I've noticed the "fans" who talk negatively about Eternals, also had unexplainably negative reactions to Captain Marvel. Hmm... a film about a strong woman, and another film with the most diverse cast to date, including a bunch of strong women and a gay guy. Coincidence? Who's to say.

Great film. Was really engrossed in it up until the end, when... well, see the headline of this review.

Is it that horror writers realize that sticking the landing is the hardest part of writing the genre, so they've stopped even trying, preferring to go with a "ooh, we're leaving it up to viewer interpretation" gimmick? Well, that only works if you're given enough to work with, to speculate on. This ends like the internet cut out mid-stream.

Look, I'm no film snob. I grew up on USA Up! All Night and Joe Bob Briggs Theater. I don't sneer at people who enjoy mindless action over gay cowboys eating pudding (or whatever is playing at Tribeca or Sundance these days).

But this movie... is...TERRIBLE!!!

It's not scary. It's not exciting. The action is terrible. There's no plot at all beyond "Cage & kids are locked up with murderous animatronics." (No, really, it doesn't really expand beyond that). But neither is it so schlocky that you could enjoy making fun of it. It feels like a first-time producer threw A LOT of money at the idea of making a cult B-movie, which... kinda defeats the whole idea, right?

Only reason I didn't give this one or two stars is because it never offended me, either with subject or stupidity. It just didn't entertain me at all either.

Neat premise that quickly goes to hell due to just epically bad writing. The whole film (well... the bits I watched) were just characters doing the dumbest and most nonsensical stuff just to forward a plot... a plot none of them even seemed to care about. "Oh my god, my wife and I have lost time, and there's a mysterious video of me killing her, and she's feeling very sick... so I'm going to run off and leave her alone to take pictures of the locals having a parade!" Right, of course.

Great movie that breaks its ankle on the dismount. No, really, 90 minutes of really good film (I'd give it a strong 8-stars up to this point), and the last five-to-ten minutes just throws it all in the garbage.

What a fun little horror flick! Remember when horror was fun, and not art-house reject garbage that thinks itself smarter than it really is? Sorry, but that's every horror film from 2010 to now for me. This, though, relies on a spooky premise and plot to hook its audience and set the mood, not cheap filmmaker tricks with annoying sound or unnecessarily long and awkward camera shots.

Back in 2003 this would have been very middle-of-he-road (no pun intended), maybe even below average... but in 2021, it reminds me why I love this genre so much all over again. Give it a watch!

Oh look, another "horror" movie that was made by simply running through a checklist of contemporary film-making techniques.

Monotone synth noise in place of a score to create tension*? (*Tension may manifest as extreme annoyance in most viewers).

Check.

Senselessly long shots and pauses between scenes for no reason to create "atmosphere"?

Check.

A contrived setup that requires an immense suspension of disbelief, so much so that any hope of relating to the characters is dashed before the conflict or antagonist is ever even introduced?

Check.

Finally, a climax and resolution so totally separated from the exposition and escalating conflict, that it almost seems like two different screenplays were being acted out, all so as to seem "edgy" and have a "shocking twist"?

Oh yeah, that's a big check right there.

Horror has always been my favorite film genre, but I swear to god everything that has come out in the past decade (with the exception of The Autopsy of Jane Doe) has been not just bad, but downright unwatchable. Hunter Hunter held my attention longer than most, somehow (I don't know how, because the setup is so laughably absurd; I mean, modern day fur trappers? Really?)... but crashed and burned in the final 20 minutes. This almost makes it worse than the typical dreck that is tagged as "Horror" these days, because if I'd known what was to come I could have spent the time better entertained by trimming my toenails, or watching paint dry.

I've given every episode of this series a 10, and stand by each and every one of those ratings (even for the first three episodes which annoyed some people).

So why only a 9 for this one?

I'm not upset that it didn't include any of the internet conspiracy theories that ran rampant with this series (Mephisto was secretly Dotty, and X-Men were hiding behind every shrub, for example). No, it was just... too much filler for what was a character-driven series. Yes, it had the longest runtime of any episode, but that doesn't mean much when they could have easily cut out 15 minutes of (poorly executed) fight scenes.

But despite those flaws, I still ugly-cried during the final act. Hard. I don't know how Disney developed the technology to beam Wanda's pain directly into viewer's hearts, but it left me broken by the end.

Bravo! Good luck to Falcon & Winter Soldier following this!

That's... that's all I can say about this episode! Other than the constant back-and-forth between modern comedy and honest-to-frickin' god horror gave me mental and emotional whiplash.

This Friends-style title really should have been the real title for this episode. I mean, I know attention spans have been going extinct since 1980, but to hear about the scores of people who gave up on this series after two episodes of plot development... I mean, I'm staggered. So yes, go on... laugh at those who missed out on one of the biggest moments in the entire MCU history! They deserve it!

This episode, to put it in poker terms, was the flop. Episodes two and three hinted at things being weird or wrong in this idyllic sitcom world, but episode four shows us the full scope of things. The stage is now set for us to begin to unravel the mystery of who put Wanda in Westview, and why.

I LOVED the first Wonder Woman. Given that Zack Snyder was to have less of a role in the production of the sequel, I was soooo looking forward to seeing it.

Well... I'm about an hour into it, and given that I keep flip-flopping back and forth between boredom and cringing at just how embarrassingly awful everything about this movie is, I think I'm done.

I'll keep this short: season one was fantastic. Original, yet familiar, and just all-around good storytelling in the Star Wars universe.

Season 2 was a flaming heap of garbage. Cheapest sort of fan service.

Guess it averages out to five stars. You'll be tempted to keep going, but trust me... stop at the end of season 1.

Indulge me a moment....

I grew up listening to 70's and 80's country music. Country Music back then w're stories set to music; stories about how your brother was killed by a corrupt local sheriff and judge, or how a dad's raising his daughter alone after her mother abandoned them for the rodeo. I stopped listening to country in the early aughts, when it became a contest to see who could yell the most cultural buzzwords in under 3 minutes. You know, like "So I was in my PICKUP TRUCK, doin' sum FOUR-WHEELIN' out in the MUD by my DADDY'S FERM..."

Why did I share that? Because that's what happened to the Mandalorian. The first season was a neat little anthology series, offering a little 30-minute story each week set somewhere in the Star Wars universe. I loved it. But now? This season? It's sub-par cheap fan service, substituting forced cameos for plot. "So I left TATTOOINE where I fought beside TUSKEN RAIDERS, then met up with BO KATAN, who sent me to see AHSOKA TANO, and now I'm fighting the Empire with BOBA FETT..."

Can't wait for next week when DARTH VADER joins the MAX REEBO BAND.

For the most part, this is a very funny comedy special. Certain bits are side-splittingly hilarious; the weatherwoman skit with Maya Rudolph about halfway through was easily the funniest thing I've seen in over a decade!

But it saddens me that the quality of humor isn't consistent throughout the special. There's a few moments where I just sorta roll my eyes or cringe, instead of laugh. And while her signature lip syncing performances are amusing enough on YouTube or Tic Toc, they feel shoehorned in on a big-budget comedy special with talent of this caliber. Helen Mirrin is positively wasted in that segment about Trump's Access Hollywood tape (and it's been a while since I've read the Geneva Conventions, but I'm pretty sure wasting Helen Mirrin is a war crime).

It's certainly worth watching... I enjoyed it... but it just sorta grates that you can see the potential for this to have been much, much more.

Full disclosure: I was studying abroad in Tokyo when the 9.0 Tohoku earthquake struck Japan. As someone with a minimal grasp of the Japanese language, attending a school run by disorganized idiots (Americans, in case you were wondering), it was a... let's say it was a "challenging" time. Nothing like fleeing thermonuclear meltdown to build character in a person, eh?

So when I saw this pop up on one of the streaming services, I thought at first it was going to be gross disaster porn capitalizing off the tragedy of 2011. I was disgusted, but as we were in pandemic lockdown and I'd watched everything else there was to watch, I put on the first episode to hate-watch.

I was shocked to discover that this wasn't disaster porn at all, but one of the most gripping character dramas I'd seen since Grave of the Fireflies. The focus of this story is squarely on the children and the happenstance stranger who takes it upon herself to see them to safety. This is a story about the relationship between a girl unhappy with her home life and her younger brother; the disaster that gives this series its title only serves as a setting and catalyst for their story. I binged the entire series over the rest of the day.

What shocked me the most, however, is that this series I thought was exploitative of the 2011 earthquake... actually came out TWO YEARS BEFORE that tragedy! I could hardly believe it, as there were so many little details in this anime that tracked with real life... so much so that, if I'm being honest, I was having little PTSD flashbacks watching it: the way thousands of people were stranded when a city that relies on public transportation had all its trains shut down, how cel service was overwhelmed, or how the convenience stores that were usually so well stocked were suddenly bare. It didn't help that the altruistic adult who comes to the childrens' aid drives (what appears to be) the same model of bike I was driving the day of the Tohoku quake.

(One tiny nitpick with the almost psychic accuracy of this anime? In real life the people of Japan were nowhere NEAR as selfish or rude as some of he characters in this show. The Japanese people came together to help one another in a way I would never have thought possible when real disaster struck).

I really can't recommend this series enough. I would absolutely put it in the top three to show to people who think anime is all silly cartoons. A definite must see!

I can't add much here that the other 9,000 people who have reviewed it haven't covered. Just a funny observation I've had upon repeat viewings.

It's funny how prescient the scene with the Russo brother giving in therapy is, for fans of this movie. You know, the one where he's talking with Steve Rogers about his date? "He started to cry as they were bringing out the salads." "What about you?" "I... cried as they were bringing out dessert."

This is pretty much how EVERY... SINGLE... CONVERSATION about this movie goes with people I know.

"He cried when the CGI raccoon held the blue lady's hand." "What about you?" "I... cried when a hammer deemed a fat man still worthy."

That a movie could make be lose track of how many times I got misty eyed or downright weepy, BEFORE the final half hour where it was non-stop tears of all varieties (joy, sorrow, grief, sheer admiration of your childhood being put on an IMAX screen in full glory, etc, etc)... that really speaks to how emotionally impactful and Incredible such a film is. EVERYBODY I talk with had at least one scene that made them cry; how often does a movie do that with any audience, much less one as diverse as this one had?

Horror is my favorite genre, but I swear only one out of every hundred films is watchable, and one out of every thousand are good. The rest are evenly split between movies that are so bad you turn them off after five minutes, or movies that are actually on track to be great... then end so terribly it ruins the entire film, and leaves you more angry than anything..

This movie is definitely a prime example of that last horror movie type. Aya Cash puts in a stellar performance... really, just top notch... but it can't save this movie. The first 90% of the film it feels like it's building to something, for sure; has its own tempo, its own style. Kinda goofy, but laced through with just enough seriousness you feel there will be some sort of supernatural twist in the end. (Now that I think about it, it felt like a really long episode of Tales From The Crypt or Tales From The Darkside).

I don't want to spoil the ending, but the finale is such a complete tone shift it feels like it was added by a different director and crew entirely. And the tropes they lean on for the finale aren't entertaining, aren't funny, and are not he kind of scares you've been primed to expect for the hour-and-a-half leading up to it (or you would have expected going into the film). It's just so...bad.

Honestly, if it weren't for Aya Cash's performance, this would have ranked a one or two stars, at best. If the ending had just been more in line with the tone of the movie, it could have been an eight or a nine. But really, don't bother with this one, or if you're too big a fan of Aya Cash at least go into it prepared for an unsatisfying ending.

There are only a handful of films I would say are perfect. Films that are timeless. This is one of those films. 33-years-later, and I still feel the need to watch it again after catching only the barest snippet of one of the songs from its equally perfect soundtrack.