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Reviews
Transformers (2007)
Astoundingly BAD film making - how much did they spend on this?
It would take me as long as the running time of this disaster to point out all that was wrong with it. The first thing you will notice is that the color of every scene has been destroyed. Senor Spielbergo should take all his fancy multi-million dollar computer controlled color ruining machinery and throw it all away. Then sit down and watch something like "North by Northwest" and see what true, accurate color looks like. The next most nauseating thing is all the moving camera shots. I tried counting them, then gave up when I realized that 99% of the whole movie is traveling camera shots. Just a few minutes of that nonsense is enough to make you barf.
Then there are the unlikable characters, which is just about everyone in this film. Totally shallow characterizations, somebody ought to tell the billionaire geniuses over at Dreamworks that if you hold a camera on an annoying and stupid jerk, like the character played by Shia LeBouef, long enough, they will appear to be annoying and stupid jerks. I could not have cared less for what happened to anyone in this "movie".
Next is the cloying and maudlin sentimentality, the humor that wasn't funny, the shallow stereotyping, and the presumption that the US Defense establishment is always working towards the good of all mankind. Oh brother give me a break, I'm through being kind to this piece of crap, it is tied for last place as the worst movie of all time! Anyone who needs proof that a bunch of over paid moguls can and will spend millions to make something truly awful just look at this film.
The Rules of Attraction (2002)
over hyped garbage totally void of quality
Every character in this film has the same personality. They are all vacant automatons living empty lives with empty brains knee jerking their way to their next abuse of sex, drugs, music etc. The characters are neither believable, likable, sympathetic nor developed. I suppose 12 year old teenage boys might think this film reveals what "cool" people are actually like, but any adult should be able to see that in real life one rarely encounters such demented assholes and a whole town full of them is just a childish fantasy. Both the author and director of this junk are way overpaid, over-hyped, and over convinced of their own brilliance which the discerning viewer will find no evidence of here.
I've seen half hour TV cartoons that contain more believable and developed characters, that resonate more deeply with our shared human condition than anything in this film.
Technically the acting isn't bad, the photography is good and the sound is horrible - indecipherable mumbled dialog that even the highest volume on my TV couldn't rescue, then cut to blasting loud music. I'm as sad as any of the unreal dummies in this flick when I think that crap like this gets made, applauded and the culprits become millionaires. It seems that quality these days is neither produced nor admired, very disheartening.
Meteorites! (1998)
must be the stupidest movie ever!
I thought I had seen some stupid movies in my time but this one is the champ! Does the writer of this piece of crap understand that the world turns? How could dozens of meteorites all land in the same place? And always just before the good guys are about to make it to safety? And how is it that everyone manages to survive all these close quarter explosions? Ever hear of the Tunguska Event? A single meteor the size of a volleyball would go off like a nuclear bomb and flatten everything for miles around.
The mayor is a particularly stupid character. He has no coherent reasons for doing anything he does except that he has the personality of a 14 year old boy obsessed with oneupmanship.
All in all a total stinker. The biggest mystery of all is how crap like this ever gets produced.
Lexx (1996)
sci-fi for the 21st century
I was flipping channels one night while my buddy was over visiting and we came across the wildest looking sci-fi we had ever seen.
We were completely riveted by the unique look and feel of Lexx. It was sexy, funny, awe inspiring and even profound. To our delight
there was not just one but four 2 hour long movies and we became regular and devoted viewers. Our other friends could not beleive we
saw anything in that badly acted dumb crap and to be sure, there are some parts of Lexx that don't win any converts. But in the climactic fourth episode where the Lexx battles the Giga Shadow and the nature of the eternal battle between human and insect is
revealed, well it's just outright profound!
Not every scene or episode is a winner, but when Lexx does ring the bell it rings it louder and clearer than anything else that's come along in a long time. In a genre choked to mediocrity by a flood of american sci-fi garbage, Lexx is completely refreshing.
Sexy, funny, dark and deep, this show breaks the stale mold and establishes some exciting new directions for science fiction into the next century. Love it or hate it, it's different and it's not going away.