Change Your Image
Morrowclaw
Reviews
The Beekeeper (2024)
Incredibly stupid but incredibly fun.
This is just pure fun through and through with lots of action, tough egos and a surprising amount of comedy. A lot of the kills are nastier than I was expecting which a nice surprise! Statham is doing his usual action guy routine only this time there 100% more bee puns which will make you groan because it's played so seriously. The other main selling point is now that online scams are a daily occurrence, it's nice to see scamming pieces of trash get what's coming to them because they are are plague on society who pray on the weak, vulnerable and unaware. I hope there's a sequel as the whole "beekeeper society" is kinda interesting if it would be fleshed out a little more.
Of you're looking for a fun flick for Friday then you can't go wrong with this one.
Bosch (2014)
Way better than most American crime dramas.
My problem with shows like Law & Order, CSI, NCIS etc is that there's such over the top acting and stories to keep you engaged. The shows are barely 40 minutes with commercials involved so the it's are thin, the mystery is easily solvable and no one gets enough screen time for you to feel invested. Bosch doesn't do this, there's no ads, stories unfold at a good pace and you really get to know all the characters because it isn't some "murder of the week" style show. It's serious, walk acted, shot on actual locations which really helps the world feel alive. I feel most people skip it because it's a Prime shoe but it's miles above anything else in the same vein.
Patriot (2015)
It's just so good.
Everything about this show is so well written, so wonderfully acted with perfectly executed plots and ever growing stakes. The characters are fascinating, the dialogue is sharp and the plot will have you cheering, biting your nails and holding your breath, sometimes all in the same scene. It's dark, funny, heart breaking, violent, crass and tense but never too much in one direction, the show knows how to give a little and then withdraw it to give you something different. I rarely get hooked on shows or have trouble stopping a binge but I could not stop watching this and had so much trouble getting to bed on time.
The Wheel of Time (2021)
The best we'll get.
Is it perfect? No. Did they change things? Yes. Is it a page for page retelling? No. Are characters how you imagined them? Subjective.
The Wheel of Time is a 14 novel series with one prequel book in the mix. It's thousands of pages with over 700 named characters, dozens of locations and so many different moving pieces. Y'all need to curb your expectations. I know you wanted a page for page retelling but that's unrealistic and would never happen. What book being adapted has been so being 100% faithful? Not one.
This is the best we'll get and I meant that in a good way. It's an ambitious show and I'm glad we got something half this good.
Knuckle Girl (2023)
Not great, not terrible.
The direction and fights are nothing special, lots of quick cuts and awkward edits but it's your usual action shtick. The story is a little too farfetched at points but it's an Asian drama so that's to be expected, the moments between the sisters are pretty damn adorable and wholesome and I wish they'd gotten more screen time together because their differences are far and away the most engaging parts of the movie. The big bad of the movie is laughable and so evil it's almost cartoonish but again, it's an Asian drama. All in all, it'll entertain you and it's not the worst way to kill time, plus it's just over 90 minutes which is a plus in my book! I haven't read the webtoon is based on so your experience might differ if you have.
Asteroid City (2023)
Yeesh.
I love me a good Wes Anderson jaunt from Darjeeling to Budapest with everything in between, I even liked The French Dispatch but this movie is just a slog. From the play within a movie to the odd choice of actors (Scarjo does nothing interesting here and Tom Hanks feels very out of place, almost like he can't just have fun with it) to the lack of just fun. The colour palette is stunning, the sets are phenomenal, the music is on point and the running gags are lovely. This movie does nothing though and I have no idea what it was trying to convey or what the takeaway is. I'm either too dumb to get it or it's too pretentious and heady, watch and make your own decision.
The Killer (2023)
A movie much like a short story.
What I mean is the film is well acted, well shot, well paced and has an interesting score when it's not using overplayed The Smiths songs. The movie though is just kinda nothing? Nothing really happens, nothing really gets resolved, no characters develop or change. It's just there? This movie is good but it feels like the film equivalent of music when you've been put on hold. The cast barely speaks and when they do it's the most pretentious, pompous lines from people about to die. It's such a bizarre movie because I enjoyed my watch but afterwards I thought about how boring and empty the movie is. Why was this made? Was this a story that was begging to be told? I have no idea.
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)
Meh, it's fine.
The movie is poorly paced and it drives me insane how characters who spent 4 days together are suddenly some tight knit group and loyal beyond belief. The CGI is actually pretty bad in some spots, the action is over edited and the shaky cam is annoying. The actors are mostly fine except for Rodriguez and the daughter but they do a well enough job, just awkward in certain key moments. I think this would have worked better as a tv show so they could flesh out characters and really build up the bond and journey of them becoming a true group of allies. I wouldn't recommend it but I wouldn't not recommend it either.
Run Sweetheart Run (2020)
Terribly written and acted.
Oh man where to start? The cool premise is completely ruined by the horrible acting and dialogue. The movie makes Cherie out to be this tough and smart hero yet she's useless and is saved by a passerby every single time. This movie is the same scene over and over again but slightly different. It is a huge waste of your time. There's no action, no scares, no sense. It's God awful. This main actress has been in nothing but terrible projects and this is another addition after Resident Evil and Forapoken. Avoid this movie at all costs because it's not even "so bad it's good" it's just so bad it's bad.
Licorice Pizza (2021)
Boring and rambling.
This is one of those movies where the characters just do random things and nothing exciting happens yet its presented like they're doing amazing, unique and life changing things. The acting is all good except for Alanah Haim who is dreadful and should stick to music. Cooper Hoffman is really subtle and fantastic, he's a pro already and the cameos are fantastic and hilarious. I would rather watch paint dry on growing grass than sit through another rambling teen drama where nothing happens. This movie bored me to tears and the characters are all unlikeable and paper thin so do yourself a favour and watch the clouds roll by, you'll get more out of your time.
Blockbuster (2022)
Just bland and not funny.
There's no chemistry, there's no jokes and all the "corporations are bad" speech is hilarious coming from a Netflix show. Randall Park is a trash actor who's good as a C tier character and he sinks like an iron turd. Melissa Fumero is wasted, you can see on her face that she doesn't care one bit about what she's doing. The writing, the pacing, even the way it looks is awful and I just don't get how this still happens on these giant streaming platforms. I guarantee this will not see a season 2 and no one will remember this show after the initial "Netflix made a show about Blockbuster after killing Blockbuster whoaaaa"
This show sucks.
Reacher (2022)
A fun time with flaws.
There's some excellent action, tension and drama here with very good direction, no shaky cam or quick edits. The acting can be wooden, the dialogue is really cheesy at some points but it's a fun time to just kick back and watch without too much thinking.
Black Bird (2022)
Fantastic drama and acting.
A great story with fantastic acting all around from every member of the cast, even people with a scene or two do fantastic. The story is engaging with a healthy mix of slow burn and fast tension. I recommend it highly if you want something engaging and gripping.
Severance (2022)
Phenomenal Television
This show is just perfection, everything from the story, the acting, the sets and the music. This is worth the price of Apple TV for one month just because this show is so good. I don't own any Apple products so I'm not shilling, the show is just that good.
Resident Evil (2022)
The most incompetent writers.
High school drama, family dysfunction and zombies as an afterthought? This show is baffling, it's poorly written and acted, the CGI is atrocious and there's tons of shaky cam and quick edits. If show had a different name with differently named characters, you wouldn't be able to tell this was Resident Evil. I fear for any further existing IPs Netflix tries to adapt as I have zero faith.
Monster Hunter (2020)
The acting and CGI are beyond terrible
Then there's the story, pacing, music, action and dialogue which are all atrocious. This movie isn't worth your time, life is too short. Instead of watching this movie, take a walk, you won't regret it.
Midnight Mass (2021)
Interesting, suspenseful with terrible dialogue and questionable acting.
This show is pretty great with amazing tension and great build up but Jesus the acting in some scenes seems bad on purpose? Characters start spouting off monologues after a simple question and it feels so awkward and amateur. No body acts in a rational way and its hilarious but Christ, it yanks you right out of the story.
Anna (2019)
Just poor film making.
This feels like a teenagers attempt at writing an action movie with terrible dialogue and every character is a scenery chewing annoyance. I can't fathom anyone liking this movie unless they have the mentality of at most an 18 year old. The action is basic and over edited, the story line is abysmal and the pacing could give you whiplash. Avoid at all costs.
The Wolfman (2010)
Atrocious.
The pacing my be the worst I've ever seen and several fine actors look like amateurs due to the terrible script and directing. Anthony Hopkins has one facial expression the whole film and rushes out all his dialogue because his fat lazy ass wants to get back to Kraft Services. Emily Blunt gives her worst acting performance here, it's truly abysmal how wooden and one note she is. This movie has so many poorly written and acted scenes that you could mistake it for a parody.
Beowulf (2007)
Long, boring and looks atrocious.
This is movie looks so terrible and goofy, it looks like Shrek. The dialogue is terrible, several actors stutter their lines. It's a disaster of a film and I regret seeing it in theaters and again on Netflix.
We Summon the Darkness (2019)
Satan himself would cringe.
I've never seen a more bland, telegraphed, generic movie such as this. The dialogue is terrible, the acting is even worse and you'll dislike every character within about 3 minutes of meeting them. Alexandra Dadario is the worst actress in Hollywood and thus movie is a shining example.
Kopitiam (1998)
Charming, cute and funny.
I'm Canadian with Scottish/French heritage so I have no connection to this show but I saw it on Netflix and took a chance. This show is basically the television equivalent of comfort food. It's quirky and charming and there's some odd humour but every culture has that. I'd recommend it.
Thunder Force (2021)
Poorly written, acted and directed.
I have nothing good to say about this movie. I have not one single good thing to say. Everything is terrible from the story, to the directing, to the acting, to the script. Making movies should be like any job where if you make something terrible and it fails, you get fired and don't get to do that job anymore.
Love and Monsters (2020)
A surprisingly fun and tender adventure.
This movie really has it all. There's action, adventure, comedy, suspense and lots of heart. Everyone gives a solid performance, the visuals are nice and the world building is exciting and leaves you wanting more. It's a perfect movie to throw on when you're looking for some fun.
Lucy (2014)
Wonky acting and horrible dialogue.
I'm not here to talk about the science behind the movie because it's a movie, it's fantasy. What I have a problem with is the terrible dialogue and the really poor acting. The CGI is glaring and obvious and the action scenes look ridiculous.