Reviews

I came here expecting to see only rave reviews of Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens. Im pleasantly surprised.

After watching it last night, I can honestly say that the critically panned Lucas prequels are better.

In Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens the special fx are fantastic. The story, plot, writing are pathetic, the standard of primary school story writing. I really mean that.

Why? Well probably cos no one wanted to touch this after the prequels got panned - this explains why we get relative unknowns actors in the lead, with Hamill, Fisher, Ford only doing it for the money.

Have to mention Boyega was good, no problems with him, But Daisy Ridley (Rey) sporting over-English accent was bloody annoying.

How can so much money be thrown at a film like this and turn out so bad? JJAbrams yet again proves that he is completely untalented filmmaker.

A friend recommended this and he is not a friend anymore. How did this ever get made? It is ridiculous film completely. Is this all British film funding can invest in- a film bout someone getting killed by a 'slap of the penis'?

Maybe the problem is that most directors need a couple of films before they produce something worthwhile. But how on earth did the director think that a story like this would be a good idea? Im baffled and completely out of touch with his though processes.

Its all a bit 'laddy' for me, film with kids taking drugs, looking for sex with backing rave music, then some 'tarantino rip-off' drama happens. Better British films out there like 'The Business'.

One to avoid at all costs.

i sooo looked forward to this. The trailer looked really good. But it didn't deliver. Another comment described it as 'fast and furious in space' and that nails it. A ridiculous pointless back story for Kirk and Spock about them being wild crazy kids does nuthin but cheapen the original characters. It would be forgiven if the film delivered but the story was bad. I not sure exactly what happened- time travel element was needless, the red-blood material thingy was just stuck in from nowhere, scenes like the one on the frozen planet were just an excuse to show some action ending in coincidence that was just too far fetched. This must have been made for 12 year olds as no adult could have found anything to watch in it- except for the length of Uhuru's skirt. The writers have a lot to answer for- in the DVD extras in an interview with them they say they wanted it to be more like star wars. The space scenes are good, very similar to star wars battles but the films' story showed a real lack of structure and character.

As a standalone sci-fi it does hold its own.

read the graphic novel and liked it, so could they do the same on screen?

well, not really. its a very average movie, slow and really one dimensional story with vampires looking for people in a town to eat. the people hide, and get picked off one by one, but lack of suspense or any horror made me drift off time and time again. someone gets grabbed every so often, then its jumps to 3 days later...and so on.

its not as extreme as the novel, and it suffers for this. vampires don't really look big or scary(actually they look like nerds), and don't do much except stand around talking bout what they're gonna do, like every other vampire movie! yep, its way too arty, and the story really needed to be developed and made thicker. thats where the novel suffered too. the premise wasn't enough to carry it for film length.

why the people are so stupid in this film? people driving into one another in dangerous machinery even before vampires attack, and vampires who are dumb-asses couldn't work out how to pis* in the desert (at night). spoiler: the townsfolk are stupid, and don't try crosses, mirrors garlic cos the cold has frozen their tiny minds. they could at least have tried throwing penguins..

some nice splatter of heads etc which horror fans will over-rate and tell you its a must-see, but its a disappointing version of what could of been.

the film left me with the following Q's'.

1.why did the vampires all dress like civil servants in suits? and

2.why did they eat people like you would tickle a baby's' neck? 3. is the Alaskan population the stupidest on the planet? are the Alaskans' the new Irish?

"A widower returns to his hometown to search for answers to his wife's murder, which may be linked to the ghost of a murdered ventriloquist" 10 quid, if you can read the storyline of this film without laughing. yep, my moneys' safe.

(. ventriloquists' dummy: noun: someone who has a hand up their arse working the controls.) ...rather like those who made this film.

i don't think there is enough killer dummy films out there, so I was looking forward to this one after good reviews on Arrow in the Head etc.

but i forgot that 'new horror' doesn't have to make sense, be scary or appeal to anyone over 14. this is a good film for late night TV, and im sure that the very young will enjoy this some Friday night, but thats about it. look at what other reviewers compared it with and you'll see what its peers are- scream3, wickerman (remake), mortuary... a bad lot.

SPOILERS!! the ending. was it a ghost story? must have been with that spirit flying about all round the place, but then the stepmom was real too who killed... awwhh who cares, crap ending anyways.

the detective was a laugh too. shouldn't he have a partner? even when interviewing at the station? looking for killer demented dummies, check out Magic or Chucky which are far better than this.

id rather pi*s on my trouser leg on a date than watch this again...

kinda looked like an interesting triller from the box, but after 15 mins realised something was missing.

there's a lot of 'homage' (ripoff) throughout. very Argento like for the intro (the best bit),like a budget version of Suspiria, features the trademark doll, strong colours and stylised killings, but there's something about this film that just doesn't make the viewer wanna watch...

maybe it was just way to arty? frequently unintentionally misleading, it cuts all over the place, and then suddenly someone springs out for a 'slow' scare. the bathroom death scene was frustrating to watch- burnt out lighting on the screen for a minute...whats going on? oh someones dead...

the end = yawnnn.

my girlfriend found it eerie, but I really don't see why. no tension or suspense at all. why the 18 cert? ONLY cos of the sex and nudity...

I really like french films and was disappointed, but if you've seen a lot of horror you'll expect to see more than 'whats in the woods', cos it ain't much...

had to see this cos it looked like a great scary premise- prisoners finding magic book,oo err! claustrophobic terror ensues, etc.

but there didn't seem to be a story to go along with the great idea. rather than chilling/physcological horror, it relied on effects out in the open- fire and OTT body horror- , which didn't scare at all if your over 12.

The logic at the end is ridiculous, with characters being killed off for nothing other than bodycount. waste of good characters- which were the best thing about this film.

obviously low budget, which doesn't spoil it, the film really goes nowhere, and- icant believe im going to say this- it needs a Hollywood remake. you simply loose interest in this version. definitely not in the same league as other french films coming out in the last few years like crimson rivers which were at least watchable/entertaining, malefique isn't watchable to the end to be honest. and i bet you can guess the ending before you have watched the film. really really disappointing- impossible to recommend.

why do rappers carry guns? to shoot themselves in case they have to watch this crap.

depressing, boring, uneventful (we get to watch eminem not rapping at a show- brilliant, very entertaining) this nonsense is all about a rapper learning to rap. like a triangle player learning to play the triangle. two hrs of low-pant wearing nothingness. should be watched in the cinema, were at least you could close your eyes and sleep through this waste of the worlds resources. even Greepeace would burn this crap... should come with a dagger, so you can poke your eyes out and not have to watch this dribble. the boxset should come with its perfect companion piece- a turd. or a second disc with a 'paintdrying' documentary.

if your looking for something intelligent,refreshing, a bit 'culty', and stylish then this film is for you. school kid who doesn't mind getting his hands dirty investigates death of ex-sweetheart. set in a noir landscape, were the kids talk like Philip Marlowe himself. Dialogue is like watching Buffy the vampire slayer while on acid- but works well. if you buy into it, you'll love it.

it was a disappointing ending, very like other noirs, (maybe cos how many teenagers are familiar with original film noir) but the fun is in getting there.

it wont be to everyones tastes- my girlfriend hated it, but it still is really recommended .

really weird editing makes this story really hard to follow, with no laughs coming from the story itself,and i think the editing tries to make up for this. unfortunately, things happen, and its hard to tell if they've got anything to do with the story...mostly they don't. modern flash-cuts, like in the interview scene, and frenetic dialogue had me as confused as a nun in an Ann Summers shop. Pity really, cause i think in the right hands,it could have been quite an interesting story,a passable chick-flick at least.

lotta slapstick, involving the mother, but shes such a pain that i wanted her to die at the end... i was actually disappointed when she didn't. PS- cover your eyes when the mother's waiting to get a wax and is just wearing a pair of pants- truly horrific. after this i thought it was a horror film...

whoever made this confused mess shouldn't be allowed to use a camera again. not even a Polaroid.

obviously changed in editing to try and make it scarier- so it has something to do with ghosts, maybe to cash in on the current popularity of spirits at the moment, the film is all over the place. it is quite intriguing, but has a very stupid ending, which doesn't make any sense at all.

*spoiler alert* at the end, we find thats it not really a ghost story at all...what a twist.

bad bad film. instead check out "the exorcism of Emily Rose", for a good film, which is way superior in story and substance.

starts with a great opening sequence, which will stun the viewer. London then gets set with impressive visuals, best I've seen in a film for long time, giving a feeling of real doom, as if something bad has really happened. i actually felt a bit like...wow, this is what it would actually be like if a massive pandemic struck, and i hope it doesn't now...

if it had been able to keep this level up, it would've been a classic. but it doesn't. in fact, the storyline gets very flat- extremely one dimensional, as you'll find out. getting chased, thats it. and the fact that they're kids, getting out of sticky situations, kills the realism fast.

enjoy the zombie flick now, cos if they continue to make them like this, they're on there way out for another 20 yrs.

best TV movie ever? maybe. Dark, inventive (for the time)and refreshingly gory for TV. Axe maniac on the loose in revenge for daughters death, stalks employees of responsible company at night. some great scenes,- the elevator, the trail of paint, wild animals for experimentation and more exciting stuff.

will they survive until opening time?

Very much in the same vein as survival horror video games of today... clock-tower, resident evil, etc.

great to see a thriller with a solid story. thumbs up for this great film.