Reviews

I wonder if Sonny Bono last thoughts before he hit that tree in the snow was that my last movie would be this stinker on massive proportions. Did Sonny get paid a lot to star in this movie or did he do it as a favour for one of the producers maybe?

Getting back to this lackluster production of a stinker it must have been written as a story plot in less than a day. There really isn't much to give away because the only drama in the whole movie was when the gang bag gets washed out by the waves while a couple are having sexy time.

Seriously the scenes seem rushed and the actors look bored as well as embarrassed just dishing out their lines. One whole fight scene and guess what the Juliet of the movie saves her Romeo so yeah go figure!

Avoid this movie like the tree Sonny Bono should have avoided.

OK Michael Biehn is a fab actor and does his best regardless of the material he is given.

Patsy Kensit acting is dire and so wooden I was embarrassed for her watching this half pile of plop. The sex scene wit Biehn was also terrible and if I made love like that I would be single for the rest of my life.

The two main characters had zero chemistry and in truth like to have seen Tracy Scoggins been the love interest in terms of scope than the awful Patsy Kensit.

Movie has heaps of plot holes and some of it makes zero sense on how a secret organisation could produce such an army is mind boggling.

The 5 score goes to the great Michael Biehn and oh Patsy Kensit big knockers in the bedroom department.

Two leading Hollywood actors couldn't save this dud of a movie.

Slow paced movie to start off with and plot holes galore in truth.

John Hannah makes a good creepy Tommy tank weirdo who carries the role of red herring.

Vincent Cassel looks completely bored in this role and he has every right to be because the script is rather weak in terms of delivery.

How hard would it have taken too work out the killer who spent time in Chicago killing and then Scotland? Easy to trace a suspect with international pedigree but the writers ignore all this.

Samuel Jackson is a great actor but he is given little dialogue or any real effort to show his talent in this movie sadly.

Your be better watching an old mystery who done it movie made years ago than watching this pile of cow dung.

OK the movie beginning sequence starts of with some sexy time which sets the movie up on what is to come forward in terms of shock horror! The main lead character Larry is so horny I am surprsied he doesn't carry a box of tissues round with him. Anyway Larry wants the room to fullfill his lusts of banging hot chicks! So basically to cut a long story short the owners are serial killers who just enjoy killing their tenants and why not? OK the overall ark of story is kinda dumb and makes little sense to normality but hey it's a cheap horror flick! Is this worth your time? Yes in truth as it's an 80's flick and you can never go wrong with an 80's horror flick. Gave it 5 as the music is naff and the dialogue isn't great but what the hell it's worth the entertainment in sexy time value!

OK lets cut to the chase and I will explain why this turd fest of a movie has got 1/10.

Bad acting to start off with where the characters are so wooden it makes wooden coffins look interesting.

Camera, sound and special effects are bottom standards of Z movie grading.

Story not fit for purpose or any logical sense? Seriously a 5 year old could have had a better imagination of writing a better script than this festive turkey.

The 1 star it got was for the main monster effect which the budget must of been spent on because it deft wasn't on getting decent actors.

The dumbest scene was when the old man cowboy took the monster down with his stick to let the girls escape.

I hate this movie with such a passion it makes Christmas Vacation 2 look like a masterpiece. I hate Chrsitmas Vacation 2 with all my strength but Slay Belles is worst so go figure!

Want to see poor CGI in a movie? Want see a movie where a man killed by a stewardess trolley? Want to see a move full off over acting? Well 97 min is the film no one wanted or asked for. Imagine another movie filled with terrorists hyjacking a plane so that they can all die on leaving just one man who turns out to be the only actor in the movie who can act. This movie is on a B level in terms of budget as well as actors including Alec Baldwin who can only attract these kind of movies due to his previous movie actions. Overall it's just a movie you have seen before but done much better in terms of quality. My advice is don't bother it sucks!

Sweet baby Jesus this movie of the beloved War of the Worlds is so poor I ended up laughing my socks off. A serious movie was undone by poor acting, poor special effects, poor script. Starts off with an attack of the aliens but our would be three main leads were stuck in a house for the first 24 hours while the earth was being attacked. Then a soldier entered their backgarden claiming he had lost his unit to the evil aliens. But there was no houses or flats destroyed on their travels to Leatherhead of all places in Surrey, just comical. Then they get a £5 boat on some river courtesy of the soldier they saved because he has clout in the army. Then they meet the worst plastic priest not seen since the walking dead as the prophet of doom. As the film goes on the comic level rises due to more poor special effects made from a $30 dollar software application. Seriously this is way the worst adaptation of a great story. Remember no houses, flats or humans hurt in the making of this woeful movie.

OK this is a lifetime movie so I am guessing that they make movies for people who don't care about plot holes, poor acting or even just a pointless story altogether? This movie had some good feedback so I thought take the plunge and have some faith that the reviews were not fake? Well judging by what I have watched those reviews were not entierly very honest. The whole plot is ludicrous from start to finish you do wonder if anyone kept a straight face while reading their scripts to this monstrosity of a TV movie. The leading character is a typical dumb blonde stereotype doing exactly the opposite to what they preach. One dimensional cardboard character who loves to punch the crap out of her boxing sparring trainer while in the next scene being scared whitless carrying a baseball bat. So it's a very condradicting cliche character. The whole movie is based on trust issues and that's about it. There is one huge plot hole where the main character kills someone because they were scared even though the person she kills has shown zero violence to anyone. Even worst the police let her go without questioning accepting that he deserved to die because he may or may not have paid someone to trash her house over. Bonkers and more far fetched than a Steven Spilberg movie, it beggars belief. Avoid this B movie because it's not even good it's just a frustrating dumb movie for dumb people!

This movie has literally nothing going for it not even the amount of breasts on offer in this so called Z list level comedy. The story intails of an old Aunt leaving her driving school to her grandaughter the strip tease artist. Yes it's that straight forward of a story it must have taken the film makers all of 5 min to come up with. To cut a long story short there are others who want the school business and are willing to do anything to succeed apart from trying to act because nobody in this lame ass movie can act. Got some soft porn scenes which are just as bad as the acting and if I made love like the guys do in this movie I would take up another hobby. Give this pile of trash a huge miss!

Ok this movie has the right direction but it's so daft it leaves credibility of belief completely out of the lake. House arrest detainee who seems to get a more lengthy sentence than her ex husband who commited the fraud so you work it out?

Anyway lonely house arrest hires a private security guard who lost his ex girlfriend through supicious circumstances which should be a worry considering if he couldn't keep her safe what chance does the client have with his services.

Overall without giving to much more away the film is borderline dumb which makes it a poor thriller IMHO.

To many plot holes you could hit a stick with and expect to be very disappointed with the character direction.