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Reviews
Yeojaneun namjaui miraeda (2004)
thought-provoking
Munho and Hyeon-gon are two friends who meet up years later. They go out to lunch and begin to reminisce. One is now a filmmaker and the other an art teacher, both share Seon-hwa in common. The story unfolds that Munho and Seon-hwa dated and Munhoo left her to study in America. While she waited, she began an affair with his friend Hyeon-gon. All these years later Munho has no idea and the two decide to go visit Seon-hwa together. Hyeon-gon expresses in the beginning that he is married and no longer sees his wife as a woman or wife anymore and instead as "human" therefore she can do as she likes. When the two meet up with Seon-hwa, Munho is obviously upset over the past and wants to rectify things with her, however, the triangle persists and then unravels into yet another entangle that made me a tad puzzled. What exactly this film meant and a tie in with the title, I'm not sure if I fully grasped. I liked many elements about the film, but felt that the lack of close ups was strange and distant, and the story felt almost open-ended. I would like to know more about it but I'd say it was still interesting.
The Guardian (2006)
Surprises do exist ...
I wasn't aware of this film until I was lured into watching it tonight. I expected a very chorus verse chorus attempt at recognition for our much overlooked Coast Gaurds. To put it truthfully, I expected a Top Gun in water. However, this ended up surprising me. Considering I'm not a fan of Ashton, this type of film, or Kevin Costner's usual cocky flair and love of showing off his ass ... I would say I was unusually swept in. It was a very intense movie from start to finish. It was also extremely long yet never really had a moment of down time. I think it was obvious to put it together from various clues through out the movie what exactly would happen but, that didn't change the over all effect. I think it was a well acted role for Kevin Costner, Ashton wasn't that bad although he's a total dork, and I think a 6.5 is being pretty harsh. I expected at least an 7.5 or higher. I would recommend this to anyone. In fact, I have a few people I intend to recommend to see it. It was one of the first films in a very long time that actually had me engaged and I didn't feel that cliché vibe to it.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)
Half ass review for a half ass prequel
Some things might be better left a mystery. I would completely disagree as a rule ... until I saw the prequel of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I was more excited then a hooker on Friday when I heard about it's upcoming release. I clapped like a little girl when I put in the DVD. My enormous smile began to fade when the opening credits rolled. To avoid spoilers I'll just say summing up Leatherface's boyhood in a open credit's montage was a tad of a ripoff. Since I didn't want to ruin the surprise and I hate spoilers, I read nothing about this film before I watched it. I imagined it would contain the story of Leatherface from seed to monster in glorious detail. Sadly mistaken, the movie focused on the sheriff played by Ermey. I'm not complaining; I can't sing high enough praise for Ermey since I saw him in the remake and always enjoyed his acting. Although stuck in a one type role, Ermey was brilliant in films like "Full Metal Jacket". The story begins with typical foursome horny teens on the road and destined for gory demise. Leatherface was incredibly huge compared to his former selves in all versions, which I was amused by since he looked vaguely threatening instead of overweight and burnt out. Anyone who knows psychology in a basic fashion will realize within two seconds the story doesn't exactly hold much water. Lovers of a good story will complain that there are plot holes, missing explanations, weak versions, and half - ass attempts at shock value. I have many specific details I'd like to cover but I can't because I can't and don't want to "ruin" the fun. Final impressions were ... Leatherface is a pu&sy and brawn gimp, the sheriff was funny and entertaining, the story was a goulash of every other version including the most horrible of ones (yes, Mathew and Renee, I mean you), details were sketchy and rough in some place (namely what ever happened to Leather's mom), and sometimes silent chainsaws are hard to fathom. I heard a lot about the great gore of this film. Even though I thought the gore wasn't impressive I guess it wasn't completely disappointing. I was angry that with all the given resources that the story couldn't be more satisfying and well written. I know that Grandpa was oddly missing and that the characters were so stupid they deserved to die. There were some classic moments. The fat lady from the remake in the kitchen (a little humor) and the way in which a biker chick dies. Some other little moments were comical but overall I was let down. I still recommend watching to any person, not just fan. It's not an exact waste. I'm already bored of talking about this ...
Rest Stop (2006)
Four Fiddy
I was somewhat excited about seeing this because it actually sounded interesting and a hopeful departure from the chorus verse chorus of today's horror genre. The theme of this movie centers around a rest stop bathroom, a young couple on the way to LA to fulfill their dreams, and a crazy, perverted man in a yellow truck.
I'm not much for breaking down the story piece by piece. That's what the back of the movie is for. However, I will share the pro's and con's that I gathered together after watching it an hour ago.
The film had a good concept. Focusing around a sadistic man who stalks you while you hide in a dirty rest stop bathroom is to me, unusual and alluring. That's until you add two love struck high school sweethearts and a mountain folk, as I call them. (In explanation, mountain folk are people my friend in south carolina told me hide in the mountains and do bad, bad things to those who get lost and happen to cross their path) So the two little googley eyed kiddos get down in the grass, have a heart to heart romantic talk, and then head on to the rest stop for a pee pee.
That's when the boyfriend disappears and the car with it. The girl occupies herself by breaking into a building, napping in a bucket of wild turkey, and talking over an old transistor radio? whatever those are called, and low and behold, a friendly truck driver says he'll inform the cops for her. And of course she never thought that it may be the hilljack in the yellow truck ... no, we did, but she didn't.
Not to mention, don't ask me why, but she decided to pee about five times during the film in the same horrifying bathroom. She didn't even line the toilet with paper before she sat on the plugged perch. I guess she'd rather sit on a nasty toilet while a perverted man watches instead of going in the bushes like any decent human.
The other thing I didn't understand was her relaxed attitude, probably more so bad acting, while her boyfriend is obviously a captive or victim of the wily dude and he keeps peeking in the windows and tormenting her. Instead of plotting an attack, she roams around and bides her time talking to herself and seeing figments of her imagination in a janitor's closet. Then enters the cop.
Cop guy comes along to save the day but of course like any cop in a movie (and real life if you ask me) he is dumb as dirt and ends up getting run over like a chipmunk by the yellow truck driving Yeti. And instead of grabbing the cops gun and shooting or jumping in the car and taking off, she chills and let's her robocop get run over again. Then she drags him off to the bathroom, which must be by then her safe haven. They hang out in the bathroom and she plays nurse to the gory officer. I guess I may be a real biatch but I would let him die there while I snagged his gun and ran in the woods like Forest Gump.
But instead they hang out and watch the crazy guy fill the room up with gasoline and get his lighter ready. The cop decides he doesn't want to die by fire so he asks her to use the last two bullets in his gun to shoot him. She ends up shooting him and his brains go everywhere (in some pretty decent gore I might say). He's still alive somehow, (bullshit) and so she tops him off with the last bullet. Smooth move.
Actually the rest after that gets quite boring so bleh bleh bleh insert boring filler here. The ending wasn't bad because, hey, by this point, you deserve to be killed if you're that sinfully stupid. Bu far not the worst movie out there. I'd recommend watching it. Just don't blow Four Fiddy on the DVD in the Wal-mart bin.
Blackwater Valley Exorcism (2006)
Exorcism/Soap Opera
I'm not sure if this is a comedy or not, but I found it pretty comical. Isobel is possessed by the devil. Somehow a perverted priest and the gardener are gonna' fix that. Part exorcism and part soap opera, you'll at least get some laughs. There's the paranoid jealous dad, satanic sister, Valley of the Dolls mother, and then the cowboy boyfriend; all there to help the skirt chasing priest fight the demons from dear Isobel. It sometimes felt like a Jerry Springer episode, but I actually paid to see this. Instead of the cool head-twisting, sailor cursing, and crucifix humping that Regan did in The Exorcist; you get a lot of Isobel bouncing on her bed like it's a trampoline, hiding in her closet, and jumping from a hay-loft. Yeah, it's Chuck E. Cheese gone wild. So, if you want to watch a quote unquote horror film that is worth a few laughs while you wait for the predictable ending ... this is your movie.
The Omen (2006)
Worth the time, but don't expect much more
I can't express how excited I was about seeing the remake of this. I missed it in the theater (okay, actually, I never go see films in the theater unless really, really worth it and that is a very rare thing) and as soon as it hit the racks I was there and grabbing my copy. I clapped my greedy little paws like an excited child and began watching it. It's not bad. No, it's not bad at all. But it's also not anything better. I know remakes are hard to get good praise. I considered this and hoped I wasn't being die-hard to the original. It's true, I believe the actors, the filming, the over all quality of the original was rather awesome. I know I tend to lean towards a snobby attitude and bias towards these so with that said, I decided to be very open minded. I even enjoyed Texas Chainsaw Massacre better then the original so there. Anyway,
Julie and Liev are odd for the roles I felt. Surely a miss rather than a hit. I like both actors, it's not a matter of not enjoying them or their abilities. I just think someone more powerful of a performer should've taken on the role of Robert Thorn, especially. Julia Stiles wasn't a disappointment but rather lacked an impact. If I had to think who would've better suited the roles I would say Al Pacino/Willem Dafoe/Harvey Keitel come on, anyone other than Liev (no offense Liev) and Merryl Streep or something.
It felt like a very water downed version. None of the original score or a remix. Really, the score made much of the film. At least incorporate it. The black evil dog was a Shephard, which really dumbfounded me and then turned into a Rottweiler later. Okay?? Why? There were a few differences but nothing huge. Mia Farrow was a great part of saving this film. She was effectively creepy. I think her performance was the best.
The graveyard scene I felt was better. There were more in-depth explanations of a few areas that the second and third film really shed light on, which I thought was smart. The scene where the priest dies wasn't as good as the original. I think the photographer's observances in this film weren't as interesting. In fact, if I had never seen the original I would've have been convinced of his ideas. It barely showed anything. With all the technology there could've been so many enhanced scenes and special effects. Another disappointment, the zoo scene.
Some good points ... when Mr. Thorn runs over Mia Farrow's character. Very funny. The ending scene didn't drag out like a usual film would at the end, with typical overkill of suspense. The type where you think the bad guy is dead so you drop the weapon and then he comes back to life even though you shot his head off and his brains are crawling on the kitchen floor. He grabs a knife and attacks you again, then you REALLY kill him this time. No, this movie didn't bullshit with that. It did it's end. Thank you.
Damien, I was disappointed in. Was the first one really so creepy or did he shape my ideas on what an evil boy would look like? The new Damien was like a pussy cat trying to give you a scowl. Yawn. No, he didn't scare me. The first one I knew mighty not to mess with. This one I would spank and send to bed without his Oreo cookies. He was indeed a very mock version. Especially when he overly and poorly imitated the original, sort of like American Idol.
Anyway, there was some tiny added details to mix it up. No real change of anything however. No added intrigue. No alarms and no surprises. No real major highlights. Nothing that popped out and said HEY, this rocks. Nothing that really raised an eyebrow, save for the Mia scene. That was pretty amusing. So over all, I was disappointed but not enough to be angry. I chalk this one up to a film that didn't surpass it's original which is hard to do. Not impossible, but hard. I feel there was all the available means to make this film the best one possibly can, and didn't make use of it. We have 30 yrs? of technology and nothing could spin our hats around??
I wouldn't give it a 5.5, that's a tad harsh, and I'm a rather harsh critic on films so I would gander around maybe a 7. It's worth the rent and the see for those of us who want more and more of The Omen and love every inch of whatever you can get. I even loved the girl child version ... so, with that said, watch it and enjoy it's reliving but don't expect any fireworks.
San Franpsycho (2006)
san fran--crap
go get your camcorder, your little brother, and the disturbing neighbor next door who throws boiling water on raccoons; and you got yourself a film! well, that's what these guys thought anyway. it was so bad i can't even remember the majority of it except for flashbacks comparable to someone who toured in 'Nam. despite the really corny title, the horrible quality, the terrible actors, and the cliché writing, i think this movie isn't the worst i've ever seen. i'm saving that slot for everything with steven seagal, chuck norris and jean-claude van dam. anyhow, if you are out of options when it comes to finding new "horror" films that you haven't seen 1,000 times already, (as i was) and you are debating this one, i would still skip this. it had absolutely no redeeming qualities. this mock serial killer thriller was a weak, puny attempt at an even B film. if they're really lucky it might make the wal-mart $4.50 bin. but, i highly doubt it.
The Zodiac (2005)
Can someone break out the Uno ...
If you're expecting some additional thoughts on the mystery of the Zodiac, read a copy of Good Housekeeping at your dentist's office and you'll receive something of more substance. This film was pointless, boring, and so terrible you keep wondering when something remotely interesting will come save it's dying ass. Even Robin Tunney, who I find always a pleasure, couldn't salvage this dump. I tend to like rather slow movies but this one wasn't slow ... slow implies a plot. I would rather play Uno in a retirement home than watch this film again. It was a total disappointment. I really enjoy the subject of the Zodiac and hoped that at least something could be considered redeemable. I think my grandmother with Alzeimer's could've shared more interesting ideas. I really would like to meet the person who buys a copy of this so I could ask them for some money. Because they obviously enjoy flushing it down the toilet ... just as the director enjoyed getting a paycheck over creating something withstand-able.