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TheElz
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The Ganzfeld Haunting (2014)
Possibly worst film I have seen
Using equipment from a #banned 1950s test, a group of students conduct a series of psychological experiments into telepathy, with horrorific consequences.
Miscast bruce willis daughter rumer willis is the "hot" party girl and serious college girl taylor cole who has a nosejob and teeth whitened.
No 50s equipment used, just a tape recorder and early 2000 #videocamera and a late 90s laptop, using standard esp tests, from 1 room to another guessing cards, the screens flicker with images of different stuff (which was the idea of the experiment, no equipment needed for it!).
People snort about a kilo of cocaine over a day during the experiment and a bottle of whisky and some boring lesbian sex and get even more arsey and paranoid.
Maybe less drugs sex and booze with people you don't like?
Are you wondering why this is bad? Because it is just a mess. Miscast, no logic, bad story even he sex scenes are boring.
Its a struggle to watch. And I watch a LOT of low budget films.
Director michael oblowitz did a lot on this film, being producer, writer and sound designer too.
One to avoid that fella.
I like bad films, but boring is the one sin, no matter budget that I cannot forgive.
Watched on amazon prime as The ganzfeld possession the ganzfeld haunting
Whatever name, this is 90 mins of cringy boredom.
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)
Woke Stinker
For a film obviously really trying to be true to the first two Resident Evil/Biohazard games, especially visually.
Why would you change Jill Valentine, from a white blonde , to a black brunette?
Why would you change Leon S. Kennedy fron a Emo white badass into a hispanic bumbling idiot?
When you make the effort to make things look a lot like the game, these choices jar incredibly & come across as PC/Wokeism , nothing else, needing the diversity box ticking instead of going with the source material.
Zombie Road (2018)
15 mins of someone dancing!
1st you get 5 mins of credits & a repeated scene of a woman waking up & leaving a bus, then 15 mins of repeated shots of her dancing (not in a good way), then she leaves the bus, runs past a few zombies & the film ends... there's a few zombies here & their but there's nothing here...
Revenge (2017)
Stupid but trys to be clever
I don't mind stupid films with huge plot holes (I like Sharknado) but when a film try's to be very serious & clever, you reach a point in a film where too many stupid things grate on you & then you just pull the film to bits (Mandy was a lot like that).
If you can get past this (the reviews are very love/hate on here so plenty do) you might well enjoy it, but with no likable characters, the protagonist (the young bit on the side who is knowingly having an affair with a married man) is pushed off a cliff, impaled on a tree (you see this in the trailer so not really a spoiler).
This magically has a wound only on the stomach & not back, then over the course of a few days in the desert gets stronger (somehow) without eating & drinking only a beer (which in Rambo style uses the can to seal up te wound, leaving an imprint of an eagle on her belly like a snazzy tattoo, very funny.
During this time she hunts down the 3 "hunters" who tried to rape & murder her with the aid of a shotgun with a x40 sight that shoots like a sniper rifle, in somewhere so remote you need helicoptering in in a desert with French registration cars (I didn't know there was a desert in France, but in the end you find its the USA by a TV shopping channel) but near the end you can see there's farmers fields around the "isolated" house with traffic driving past.
by the end I just hated this film, gave it an extra start due to the nice photography.
Das deutsche Kettensägen Massaker (1990)
Chainsaw Massacre set to German re-unification back drop
I enjoyed this more than the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre (got sick of the woman screaming for 30 mins) the German re-unification theme is very interesting, with out of work boarder guards still trying to hassle people & people moving from the East to West going missing. low budget, gory (but not very realistic effects, but that's OK, its low budget). its quite demented. I enjoyed it.
Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)
most inept film I have seen (& I watch a lot of bad films)
Right from the start, with the droning 20 second repeated loop of music that seems to drag on forever you know the director doesn't have a clue.
You know when you see the behind the scenes of a film where the actors are waiting for the director to say action? the editor/director then edits that pause before the dialogue out, but not here, they leave it in, before most cuts there's a second pause with the actor waiting to say his/her lines. Even Al Pacino would look awful if that was done to him. Not that the lead actor is any good (Obviously the director owed him a big favour & whats with his stiff as a board walk? I bet he has great posture). We first see him creepily ogling the female lead in a coffee shop. then chases her down the street to make some very awkward conversation while she seems very happy to see him. then when she continues down the street, he chases her down again! gives his number which strangely she seems very keen on getting. After a lot or random product placement for a website (written on peoples T shirts & walls) & preaching that we should be better to the environment birds start dive bombing the city like its Dunkirk (with the same sound effects & exploding, taking down buildings!) but don't worry, they only do this once for a min, the rest of the time, they are just badly super imposed on the screen & seemingly do nothing (when the camera moves they stay in the same position) while the actors wave coat hangers at the non existent birds.
The Director & editor (who might be the same person) don't have a clue & this is genuinely a case of I could make the film better just with a little editing (the CGI birds are just truly woeful).
Still My Mate & I both had a laugh watching it on our bad movie night with beer & crisps & if you think it'll entertain from that description it probably will.
Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
good effects terrible story.
a quarter of a billion dollars to make,almost 2.5hrs long....for this?
Story goes Stark & Banner try to make a program to protect mankind, but cant. but then while they are out having a drink it magically happens by itself (never explained how).. It then becomes self aware (like Skynet) & decides to wipe out humanity (again never explained why) & goes to live in the internet (maybe while there it watched Thor or two girls one cup & decided to end us), magically making armies of Iron men-a-likes from who knows where (again no one explains why there's iron man factories all over the world to borrow). He keeps turning up now & then & the avengers keep killing them & him. though the avengers also destroy pretty much all the buildings in the various cities they turn up in (bit like team America) but also spend all their time trying to save all the humans in said cities as well (which becomes unintentionally hilarious considering the destruction the Avengers cause) well, that's the story....if you think that'll keep you engaged for nearly 2.5hrs you might enjoy it. the computer graphic effects are generally very good , 3D isn't great.
Doomsday (2008)
Escape from Scotland?
Neil Marshall, in his 3rd film (dog soldiers & the Decent being the others) goes down hill I'm afraid. seems like he wanted to make a film with all his favourite scenes & ideas from others & does not quite pull it off. The main two influences are Escape from New York (for the most part of the film) & the great car chase at the end of mad max 2 (so much as to name 1 character(John) Carpenter & (George) Miller & other references. on their own the action scenes (& gory deaths) & post apocalyptic Scotland & the action scenes & car chases are entertaining, but where it falls down hard is the script, almost as if a 13 year old wrote it,putting all his favourite bits of other films into one film & disregarded how to make sense of the plot & how to get from one scene to another.
Anyone like me who has Enjoyed Mr Marshall's films previously, will enjoy spotting the actors from his previous movies & the subtle name references (such as Sterling for the lad who played Spoon in Dog soldiers etc)
It's a film I really want to like, but due to the bad story used to wedge the good action scenes, It leaves you feeling not quite satisfied.
Living a Zombie Dream (1996)
run away!
now, i LOVE zombies, & have sat through some terrible films in the search for a lost classic, or even just something remotely entertaining.
This is some school kids attempt at a "cabinet of dr caligari" type movie,without the abstract sets - about 50 words are spoke in the whole film & repeated "visions" replayed over & over again from the main character, shot on video, the film makes less sense than a Jess Franco movie (that's saying something) there is one scene that's clever (the eat me scene) but really, i had to fast forward through chunks of it after 20 mins.
Very hard work & probably the worst movie I've ever seen (& I've seen pot zombies & zombiez & zombie night, which are BAD!)
Zombie Genocide (1993)
a good zero budget zombie movie.
I've seen just about every zombie movie made & seen some BAD ones (especially the "zero budget" ones from the late 80's & 90's) but for its technical failings (incredibly low budget, very poor sound etc) the story is actually good, with some little zombie in jokes too. nice shots of the town its set deserted, & even a bit i jumped at. if you can get past the technical problems, you'll find a good little zombie movie that doesn't outstay its welcome. well done fella's, you did yourselves proud. (actually I haven't seen a bad Irish zombie movie yet, try out also "dead Meat" & "boy eats girl" for more Irish zombie shenanigans.
Gojira: Fainaru uôzu (2004)
Awesome
if you've ever enjoyed a Godzilla movie, you HAVE to see this, it really is a fitting 50th anniversary tribute, directed by the guy who made versus (another very good action movie), its got all the kinetic action that movie has , just better done & he has a knack of putting explosions & people running & jumping about in the same shot. This Film has really great effects (but still keeps the miniatures & guys in suites also) & has most of the monster you have ever seen in a Godzilla movie, up on the screen where they should be, fighting it out. this film had me feeling like a 10 year old again & I was all "whooo" & "eehhh look at that" watch it, i insist.