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Imalone_Dik
Reviews
Hellraiser (2022)
Such delights and exquisite sights
After what seemed like an eternity of suffering sequel after sequel, abominations horrific in their sacrilege of the original configuration, we have finally been granted a worthy boon.
Perhaps a mere glimpse of future delights and pleasures for the initiated, a new beginning. A reconfiguration of a crimson story that became a legend for those of, unconventional tastes.
Not a retelling of the original, but a freshly flayed book of blood eager to be experienced and appreciated, a gift to be sure for those who waited patiently and perhaps, rewarded even more if some next pilgrim seeks for The Lament and sings us a new song orchestrated by The Order of the Gash.
One can only hope.
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
Waititi, grow up already...
Mediocre, even for a popcorn flick. The "humor" is... beyond cringe and almost always out of place, dialogues in a bunch of scenes are overly dramatic and it feels way to forced (lady Sif scene for instance), the not so subtle forcing of "The Message" is irritating to say the least (diversity is always welcome if its natural and organic, not forced upon) and so on and so on... The ONLY redeeming aspect of the movie is Christian Bale as Gorr who plays a masterful role as a deeply broken, and although his goal is simple, a very complex villain. Kind of worth a watch, but only if you dont pay for it.
Firestarter (2022)
All smoke, no FIRE
Yeah, nice try, but no cigar. Story wise, they vent way off the rails with this one. If ol' cokehead Stevie King hated the original movie, i wonder what he'll think of this one, where everything, and i mean everything, is mediocre. Even the special effects were better in the 1984 version! The feeling i got from this trash fire (pun intended) is that it doesn't know what it wants to be. Movie is just all over the damn place, so what we are left with in the end is a whole lot of smoke, and zero FIRE.
The little girl playing Charlie is rather good though. She's no Drew Barrymore, but still, among all the other "big names" in the cast, this little spark shines the brightest light.
Photon (1986)
The greatest show you never watched!
"Stellar" performance from a diverse cast of over the top characters created probably by an autist high on PCP, backed by cover songs of 80s greatest hits, and all that in space no less! What more could you possibly want in a show? Prepare to be Blacked - Let The Darkness Grow!
Mediterraneo (1991)
Dedicated to all those who found peace in the unlikeliest of places...
This movie is simply said, a sequence of perfect moments, of infinite replayability that will fill your heart with joy and sorrow every single time. Watch this movie, you will love it... and you will watch it again, and again...
Masters of the Universe: Revelation: Comes with Everything You See Here (2021)
Play on emotions and shameless ripoff's
So Evil-Lyn is basically Thanos at this point, and a scene when He-Man FINALLY shows up again, it's another Avengers ripoff. You will know it when you see it. Slight hint, its starts with Orko/Bruce Banner "Oh you guys...". Shame on you Smith.
Masters of the Universe: Revelation (2021)
Pathetic...
IF your a fan of the original, you will hate it. IF your a fan of the 2002 revival... you will hate it. IF you have no brain or taste to speak of whatsoever, this show is for you, enjoy.
Masters of the Universe: Revelation: Cleaved in Twain (2021)
Who in the hell approved this...
Total idiocy?! Smith tries hard with a bunch of emo scenes and opening sequence memberberries but the rest falls flat on it's a*s. And the "jokes"... jeez. "Wu... Tang", "i'd sure like to fist him"... dude, you suck, and have sucked for a long time now. Go shill for whomever pays you the most, cry a bit, and for the love of God, leave beloved franchises alone!
Boss Level (2020)
I honestly... loved this movie!
Lets get this right from the start, the base premise is nothing new or groundbreaking. The time loop thing has been done dozens of times, sometimes better, sometimes not... it doesn't matter, the movie "knows" that and plays with it, not taking itself too serious. Its a goddamn FUN, high octane action movie where the characters are not Mary Sue's (main protagonist learns trough painstaking trial and error) and, unlike sooo many new movies, doesn't force feed you "The Message". The only message it has is a human one and well known, and it is that a real man will do right and be there for the ones he love, no matter if he has to walk trough Hell and back, experience pain day in and day out, even at the cost of his own life... because he is a man, and he will be there when needed. A thoroughly enjoyable watch, 8/10.
Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021)
Because together they are... The Lethal Protector!
In a time when most movies are trying way too hard to be taken seriously, and just coming off as pretentious as a result, here we have a nice and lighthearted movie that knows it's limitations and works with what it's got, and has FUN along the way. It's a Cop/Buddy movie from the 80s, a "dark" antihero movie of the late 90s, it is the story of... The Lethal Protector! And i'm just fine with that.
John Wick (2014)
Only a Chad...
Could make a movie like this. A true action master piece. Enough said.
Pig (2021)
A damn near master piece
The trailers show you Cage in hobo mode probably going on a Cagian rampage when his truffle pig gets "taken" (why no one uses kidnapped anymore?)... don't trust any of that. This is a story with a simple yet very deep, hidden almost, premise. A story about connection. The truffles, Cage's character being a master chef... those are all incidental. When you see a certain scene, and you WILL know it when you see it, it will all become clear. A beautiful movie, 9/10.
Black Widow (2021)
Another disaster of "subverted expectations"...
Apart from a few amusing bits here and there (not one of them involving "The Star" of the movie), this was a very "stale popcorn" flick with a mediocre story and an underlining agenda showed in there in such a heavy-handed way that an illiterate butcher with raging autism would have managed to create a subtler way of telling a story about a certain Hollywood creep that everybody knew about for decades (and did nothing) until it was beneficial for a select few... but hey, you can't spell Hollywood without H-ypocrisy. Scarjo, just... keep saying what they tell you to, like a good little parrot and use those fading looks for as long as you can, because after that, millions you get paid now will be a fading dream for a mediocre actress that literally built her career on crumbling foundations - Her Beauty. They subverted our expectations alright, i was expecting a decent summer movie, nothing "groundbreaking" but simply fun to watch. Instead what we got here is too little, and way, WAY too f'ng late. Yeah, MCU at this point is deader than Hollywood's creativity.
The Tomorrow War (2021)
A FUN action packed ride, and sometimes, that is enough...
Unforgettable it is not, quite the contrary, you have seen this story many times before, and it adds nothing new... and it never tries to. It is the story of our fundamental archetypes, a Mother, Father, Fool... a Hero. It is not a grandiose master piece, it never tries or pretends to be it, it is just a fun movie, a good action packed SF movie that knows what it is and doesn't pretend anything more, or less. In my 40yrs, and thousands of movies worth of experience, i rate this one, well worth a watch!