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Paranormal Activity: The Mark of the Coven (2022)
Terrible
I love the Paranormal Activity franchise but this fan film was just horrible. Nothing interesting happened in this at all and it had no clever or good ideas that hadn't been done before. Also the acting in this is very poor, especially from the lead guy. He didn't do anything to make me give a crap about his character. As eager as I was trying to find more Paranormal Activity content on the internet I gave this a shot, but it's not worth your time at all. Definitely one to skip
The review is over, I'm just writing a bunch of random stuff to reach the word count lmao. So yeah, that's about it see ya.
Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
This is the conclusion? Really?
Now I didn't really have high expectations with this movie. I'm not the biggest fan of this franchise nor was I blown away by the trailers. With all of that, I was still let down and extremely disappointed with the movie.
The movie is trying to tell too many stories in one movie. It has about 3 or 4 central plot lines that I think get jumbled together and it becomes unfocused. One minute some characters are globe trotting spies, the next minute it's about giant locusts that could cause extinction, the minute after that it's about this clone and her past.
And the problem is, none of it is interesting. The new set of characters in this movie are as forgettable as in the last and speaking of characters introduced in the last movie, why does Hollywood keep casting Justice Smith? He is NOT a good actor.
Speaking of the acting, it's unfortunately mediocre to terrible in this movie. I really enjoy seeing Chris Pratt but in this movie, he seems bored. Same with BDH. Not to mention Sermon who plays Maisie is still annoying as all get out. The legacy characters probably had the best acting out of the entire movie, which still wasn't great.
But before I move on to more negatives, what did I enjoy? The score would probably be my favorite part. It's as sweeping and as beautiful as John Williams previous work in the franchise and I did my best to drown out the pretty lame dialogue to hear it in the background. The dinosaurs still look great as always and the locations were pretty solid for the most part. I think that's about it however
I wanted to see so more of how the humans and dinosaurs live/interact with each other and we do get a little bit of that in the beginning I suppose but I wanted to see a lot more.
I also felt absolutely no stakes in this movie because I pretty much knew how it would end. No major characters die, the human villain gets sat on by the dinos (In this case spat on) and the Dino villain gets easily defeated. It's perhaps one of the most tedious and not very climatic climax I've seen in quite some time
I'll stop here: This movie just doesn't feel like a conclusion to a saga, to me it felt like it ended the same way the other movies ended. There are still a lot of people who enjoy this movie and I'm glad that you do, I just unfortunately hated it.
2.5/10, downgraded to a 2 for IMDb.
Unknown Dimension: The Story of Paranormal Activity (2021)
A lovable, insightful documentary on one of my favourite franchises
After watching the disappointment that was PA: Next Of Kin, I felt like I needed to watch this. I'm glad I did because this was an awesome doc!
Every single person that was interviewed came across as extremely likeable to me. A stand out that I'm actually surprised to be saying is Kathryn Newton. I did not like her in the fourth Paranormal Activity but she seems like such a sweet person in real life and I feel like we would get along.
I also liked seeing a bunch of deleted and alternate scenes, especially for Marked Ones which is my favorite.
I guess that if I had to say one negative thing about this documentary is that it spends the majority of its runtime on the first two and there wasn't a lot of time covering the other movies but I was still interested and intrigued by it.
So fans of this franchise, if you were disappointed in Next Of Kin, this documentary 100 percent makes up for it! High recommend.
Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin (2021)
As a massive fan of the franchise, I was letdown
This movie just isn't Paranormal Activity for me. When I think of the franchise, I think of the secluded, charming movies filmed with lower quality cameras and filled with an interesting mythology. That's not what this movie is at all
This movie does have some great things about it though, like the last 10-15 minutes, some awesome visuals, and the character Dale. But overall as a reboot, this movie did not pull me in and it dragged in 2nd act for sure
The scares also fail for the most part, there's a couple of kind of creepy visuals like the two headed goat and Sarah herself but I did not jump once.
Now with the characters other than Dale, I suppose they weren't horrible and the acting was pretty good but they are nowhere near my favorite characters of the franchise.
I'll give this movie props for trying something new for the franchise but I'm hoping that with the supposed The Other Side releasing next year, that the franchise will return to its roots and go back to the way it was, the reason I love this franchise.
Life in a Year (2020)
One of the most miserable movies I've ever watched
Oh my god I hate this movie with burning passion. For one, the main characters are super unlikable and extremely annoying at times. And another reason is that this movie tries to force a tear out of you every 3 minutes and it made me want to throw a brick through the TV.
I was incredibly bored as every character in the movie was always pouring down sobbing and I couldn't wait for it to be over. The movie was only an hour and 47 minutes but I honestly though it was 2 and a half hours at least.
All About Steve (2009)
We live in a 10 star world
I was reading reviews for this movie and there were some how 8,9,10 star reviews, just how and why.
This movie is an absolute abomination against cinema. It's awkward, uncomfortable, obnoxious, unfunny. Good lord this movie is painful unfunny with a main character who is a stalker this entire movie and I couldn't get into her character because basically it wasn't one.
This movie was written. Was it well written? Absolutely not, but it was written.
The actors have 0 chemistry and good on the Razzies for awarding bullock and cooper for this movie. They are both really good actors but they are horrible in this movie, the fact that Bullock was a producer on this movie is embarrassing.
Read reviews for this movie, critic reviews. Those reviews are correct and I don't care if I get blasted by all the All About Steve fanboys and girls out there, but don't watch this movie. It SUCKS.
The Mummy (2017)
Can this movie not
Be an absolute abomination against humanity for .5 seconds? No because for one, there are no likeable characters AT ALL! So Tom Cruise's character has a thing for the blond lady Jenny because of course he does.
Literally that lady hated him for pretty much the entire movie and at the end she's like "BrRrR tHaNkS fOr SaViNg Me"
And also the fact that none of the stupid, emotionless main "characters" died at the end made me mad but I honestly was expecting it.
The filmmakers were like "Hm let's try to make this cute scene at the end with our main characters' but it was so mind numbingly stupid, that I didn't give a crap.
I had no idea what this movie was trying to be either. Is it trying to be an adventure movie, a horror movie, a giant blockbuster? This movie has all of that and more and it did a horrible job mixing them together.
This movie also sets up this supposedly "Dark Universe" that is actually a really good idea with the classic Universal monsters in one universe but that clearly went nowhere because this movie was trash.
As for the CGI/editing, it was absolute drivel. At times it was trying to be like "OO look at us MCU, we have big things" and Fiege raised his eyebrow like "B you can't even raise a candle to us". That's for the CGI, now for the editing: WhT felt like every 3 seconds it was cut with the mummy woman before she became the mummy doing the same crap over and over and it just got old!
Now for the acting: Tom Cruise was committed, I'll give him that. Unfortunately it wasn't NEARLY enough to take this movie any higher for me. Russel Crowe is just awesome in everything I have seen him in and I like listening to Jake Johnson as he was in Spider-verse. The woman who played Jenny made me want to eat rubber and choke on it as did the rest of the acting besides those 3
Long rant I know but I honestly think this is the worst wide release movie that has been made so far.
Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)
Lizard vs Monke but with big budget
I enjoyed it enough. The CGI looked cool and the fight at the end was fun. The big glaring flaws for me were absolutely the Team Godzilla characters because THEY WERE SO ANNOYING AND THEIR ACTING WAS DREADFUL! I wanted to beat myself with a wooden spoon across my knee whenever they appeared on screen. And it sucks too because I was rooting for Godzilla and the characters they give him were horrible. And also Kong side had Rebecca Hall and that's not fair because Rebecca Hall is awesome !
Quantum of Solace (2008)
Absolutely awful action
Action is probably my favourite genre of film and I was looking forward to it because I liked Casino Royale. How the crap are you supposed to see the action if the camera is all like GRNRBGNRNTBRNG and SHUSHSUSHSUSHSUSHSUHSUS and a little bit of MDNDMSNSNNEKSNS. Oh I'm sorry are you confused? That was the camera shaking so much and giving me a headache. And also pretty boring and I've already forgotten a lot of it.
Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021)
Hehe absolutely my kind of movie
This movie was made for me. I'm the guy who liked the first Venom and also Bloodshot just because they were purely entertaining and nothing else. This movie is not exception and in fact it's better than the other 2 mentioned. It's big fight at the end looked really cool and the movie had a lot of funny dialogue. Venom was never annoying to me and Woody was a great Carnage.
Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)
We demanded it(spoiler review)
This movie is one of my new favourite movie sequels of all time. A sequel like The Dark Knight and Insidious Chapter 2 really felt bigger than its predecessor. Well this one was literally bigger because the house was bigger and there were a lot more cameras. I definitely preferred these aspects because in the first one I felt more contained in that one camera but with this one we see everything that's happening.
As with the house, the house is bigger and more spooky then the last one.
The scares: Not gonna lie I definitely jumped several times. The scene when all the shelves and drawers was like OMG holy crap. I have seen so many horror movies so I try to predict when scares will happen or when something will movie by itself and in this movie I couldn't really predict them at all.
The ending: When they went down in the basement to get Hunter I thought that was gonna be the last scene but no there was about 10 minutes left. The last actual scene was Katie leaving Kristi's house and arriving at Micha's house and we get the opening scene from the first one and I thought that was awesome. Then it shows 20 days after Micha dies and Katie has finally arrived at the house and kills Daniel and Kristi. The death of Kristi was reminiscent of micha's death from the first one. Then Katie takes Hunter and leaves and I thought that was interesting.
The way I thought it tied to the first one was really good. It did answer some questions like what was Katie doing before she got to Micha's house.
The Dark Knight (2008)
Literally a masterpiece
I read a 1 star review(Why this movie has a 1 star review is lost to me) and the person wrote"You shouldn't call this a masterpiece" and well guess freaking what THIS IS A MASTERPIECE. Every single shot is handled to perfection with literally the best joker by miles. So good that I've been trying to do a good Impression of him. It's not good yet but I'm working on it. If you haven't seen this movie in a while or at all, definitely watch it.
Chaos Walking (2021)
Chaos boring
This is also a weird movie. The CGI doesn't look good. The action doesn't look good. The shots don't even look all that good. This movie just isn't good but some pretty good acting. I can see Tom Holland being the new best actor working today.
The Emoji Movie (2017)
I remember this being bad
I don't remember hardly anything from this but I remember it was bad. Unfunny.
Cats (2019)
Prepare to cover your eyes and ears
Wow this is bad. Ok what the actually hill is the cgi? It looks like litter. And the singing is actually quite terrible. So bad in fact that I had to mute my TV a couple times. Get a group of really funny and annoying people to watch this with. I wish I had.
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Starts movie at 12PM, looks at watch at 3PM. OH GREAT THERES STILL AN HOUR LEFT
So slow I wanted to fall asleep. Horrible CGI with cheetah looking like One of those abominations from Cats. Garbage action and as a big fan of action, bruh. This movie didn't make a lot of money at B. O. and I'm usually not like this for a lot of movies but I'm glad it did.
John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019)
Bad action scenes? BAD ACTION SCENES?!?!?!!!
Some of my fellow IMDB users rated this 1 or 2 out of 10 and said bad action scenes but I'm sorry, that is not correct. This is a flawless movie with amazing action. I'd like to see them try to fight off dudes with a sword on a motorcycle but you can't. Only Chad and his team can pull it off.
Nobody (2021)
Chuckles
This movie is a rip off of John Wick. Yet it is somehow better than John Wick.
Black Widow (2021)
Unfortunately lower tier MCU
Don't get me wrong I really like the Black Widow character but this movie was meh for me. I'm always about the journey of the movie. If the journey the main character(or characters) go on then I'm not as interested and this was sadly the case. The action set pieces are decent but nothing that really blew me away. That's the thing about this movie for me, it's just kind of forgettable.
Mortal Kombat (2021)
Not flawless but is still a victory
A movie that I was along for the ride on because I did not play any of the games before watching this and now because of this, I'm playing MK11. Excellent CGI and fights. Some people said the fights were quick cuts and shaky cam, I didn't see that at all. I don't normally mention this in reviews but costume design is literally perfect in every way. Main issue is most of the acting and characters from the Earth Kontestants but I can forgive that if I'm having fun!
Totally Accurate Battle Simulator (2019)
An excellent game that really lets you use full creativity!
I have been playing this game since 2016, when the alpha I think it was was out. April 1st 2019, they released it into early access and I was immediately on board. Silly battles with a unit creator and battle creator. Glad I can review this on IMDB because You. Need. This. Game. Now.