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Rawhead Rex (1986)
Predictable without its Charm
Like it or not the benchmark here is Hellraiser. And this one falls incredibly short of it.
The film plays out more cartoonish and comedic than what the subject matter asks for. With an antagonist looking more like a Saturday morning cartoon monster than a threat to Irish faith.
I am on the record by saying I've never read any of Barker's novels/short stories, but film wise blasphemy and sacrilege as a subject matter is done considerably better in the Hellraiser series.
If you're a B-movie buff then by all means watch Rawhead Rex (which in this case you've probably done so already). Otherwise, your time is better invested in other titles.
...E tu vivrai nel terrore! L'aldilà (1981)
Banal and uninspiring
The most disturbing aspect of this film is how out of place the characters are to their environment. Nothing about the movie screams "Deep South" despite the director's desire to establish the - incredibly basic - premise there. This is especially detrimental because of how much Gothic Horror potential went spoiled. Instead, emphasis is given to sleazy gore scenes that fall short of Fulci's previous works. The result is an unmemorable movie with no substance, very limited eye-candy and an unimpressive display of violence made all the less impactful by the lack of investment to anything in the film. Watch it if you are willing to complete Fulci's filmography, otherwise not much is lost.
Tumbbad (2018)
What masterpieces are made of
Few films strike the perfect balance between depth and entertainment. This is one such film. The narrative is nothing new - western audience would find parallels to Tarkovsky's Stalker and Jacobs' The Monkey's Paw - but the way the narrative develops is particularly breathtaking.
Not only do the characters represent greater symbolic archetypes, they too have fleshed out personalities and characteristics which serve to convey the deeper meaning of the film. A meaning which is further elevated by the use of horror tropes - including lighting and cinematography - to perfection.
This movie is testament to the reality that we need not continue reinventing the wheel. If you do the right things right, you can end up with a work that resonates regardless of race, gender, identity, nationality or religion.
The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Flawlessly executed textbook thriller
What can be said about Silence that hasn't been said before?
The pacing is phenomenal. The characters are some of the most memorable in film history. Very few movies feature such a powerhouse cast of talent capable of immersing you into one of the all time great thrillers.
Silence of the Lamb is just not a mandatory viewing for film fans, it's mandatory viewing for everyone. This is textbook filmmaking. Have a plot, stick to the plot, do the plot justice in the best way possible and treat your audience to a feast for the eyes.
The fact this film continues to be quoted today is a testament to its impact on contemporary culture. Stop reading the reviews and watch it.
Possessor (2020)
absolutely pointless
No amount of eye candy cinematography or grandiose effects can make up for an undeveloped plot that culminates in a cheap copy-paste thriller.
It could be this film requires second viewing to perhaps understand what lies below the surface, but the way this film was designed does not merit a second viewing. It is slow. For the sake of being slow. And the themes - even if you can call them that - never fully develop. Worse of all is how it asks so much of its audience in terms of engagement, but barely delivers in response.
Yes, it is well-recorded and the cinematography is eye catching, but what is the purpose of having so much body if there is no soul.
The Wicker Man (1973)
lacks the subtlety it aspires to attain
This certainly had the potential to be a great art film because of how well executed the visuals are. Unfortunately, this potential is squandered by a cliched and excruciating ending filled with expositions which unravel the subtle clues behind the narrative up to that point.
At the surface this is a film which places the conflict between Christianity and other beliefs at the forefront. One would ask why choose this as the central theme? And the response given by the film is that this conflict can serve as a blueprint to change (or resistance thereof). Mind you this movie was filmed in the middle of social and cultural change in England.
Musically there was a rejection of the Beatles, culturally there was rejection to established norms regarding the Crown and other traditional practices, and socially there was more acceptance to the diversity of people, all which came under attack by traditional values.
This film ultimately does a great job at displaying the essence of the decade it was created during, but squanders any chance at achieving greatness by succumbing to a drawn out and ultimately uninspiring ending.
Midsommar (2019)
Not a Burn Just a Fizzle
Let's get the obvious out of the way. Ari Aster's potential to become a top tier director is once again in display here. The cinematography is on point. The camera work is stellar. The film's narrative is well executed . . . Until the second half.
Once the film passes the hour mark it becomes a slave to the tropes that it so valiantly tried to steer clear from earlier. This results in an obvious and less impactful ending; diluting the emotional response it sought from its audience.
Overall it's worth the watch - with your significant other for the memes - but do not expect something at the level of Hereditary.
Tusk (2014)
Honor Thy Trope
The obvious dilemma presented in Tusk is the fact that the gag this was based on did not cover sufficient run time to be considered a film. Kevin's choice to pad the remaining time is questionable at best. A pointless love affair, soliloquies that go on far too long, cringe dialogue . . . This is the guy that directed Clerks?
In any case all of this would be forgivable if it weren't for the fact that the whole point of the film was to be about a human walrus. Kevin uses every opportunity to deviate from this narrative.
It wasn't surprising then that I had no reaction to how the film ends. I was just glad it was over.
The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)
Look
What's the name of the movie? The Human Centipede (First Sequence).
What can you expect from this movie? That it will feature a human centipede.
What does this movie give you? A centipede made out of humans.
This is straightforward what you see is what you get. It's not terrible horror; there are far worse movies out there. At the same time it's not stellar but it does conform to the tropes well. You get all the highlights of the genre. The lost signal, the house in the woods, the idiotic MCs. It's not for a regular seating but at some point you will just have to watch it. We all need to indulge in our vices once in a while.
Cannibal Holocaust (1980)
In Retrospect
Lost in the violence of this film is a succinct - albeit dated - message. There is no limit to how low the media will go for that "shot". Yes other films before it and after have told it better, but this is the first of its kind; the found footage film. That alone counts for something. Moreover, the time period this film was released in should impact the audience's perspective. This came out in the middle of the Anni di piombo, a period of political violence in Italy which became as much a ratings game for the news network as a serious socio-political issue affecting Italy. In this respect, the abundance of violence in Cannibal Holocaust is not without meaning.
Martyrs (2008)
Potential Squandered by Self-Serving Director
Martyrs had the potential to become one of the great psychological horror films in recent memory. But then it passed the hour mark. What followed asks too much of the audience.
As a director you have to know just how much you can get away with via suspension of disbelief. If you are to commit to a fantastical plot that deviates from what was being set up in the beginning, then it better be a damn good one.
In this case it wasn't.
The self-serving second half of this film is riddled with thinly-veiled social and political commentaries told via dry exposition which does more to ruin the film than enlighten the audience.
The House That Jack Built (2018)
Back Surgery
Like all Lars Von Tryhard films there's ambition behind The House That Jack Built. But also, because it is a Lars Von Tryhard film, his narcissism seeps through to the point it becomes unbearable. I'm sure the tenets of Dogme 95 served their purpose when they came out last century, but taboos are no longer taboos when you continuously exploit them.
The result is a predictable film. Even more so if the viewer has been exposed to Lars' previous work. Like all things, you need to adapt to survive. This movie shows a director unwilling or unable to adapt to the new cinema that has so far outpaced him.
The only saving grace is Matt Dillon's superb acting. I sure hope Lars paid his surgery for carrying this film on his back.
Melancholie der Engel (2009)
To call this anything but "terrible" would be a disservice to the medium
This "film" attempts to convey a metaphysical understanding of the nature of men and the meaning of life. Problem is, the director - who is also the writer - comprehends philosophy at the level of an 8th grader. The result is a film-school reject production that makes Human Centipede look like the Exorcist.
The only target audience for this film is the director himself. The dialogue and interactions between the characters is so terrible it takes away from the cinematography and visual development of the film. In this respect the film would have redeemed itself if everyone just shut up.
All of this would be fine if it weren't for the fact the film takes itself serious. This is just criminal and insults the viewer. At least Dali's incursion into film resulted in an effective troll campaign.
Quite simply one of the worst films ever made.
August Underground (2001)
Novelty alone cannot save this film
The novelty wears thin after the first fifteen minutes. What you have left then is an hour-long carnival of filth. Whether intentional or not, the traits portrayed by the characters elicit more annoyance than disgust. Pending suspension of disbelief, it is hard to take protagonists serious when callous personalities manifest as ear-piercing laughter.
With these kinds of films the most important elements are the characters. Found footage cannot hide behind cinematography or soundtrack. It is in this respect that August Underground fails. The film focuses on the actions of the protagonists rather than the protagonists themselves.
So if this is the case, then why make this kind of film when authentic gore and violence is one click away?
Sang sattawat (2006)
Sound and Vision
I struggle to review this film because of its unorthodox nature. In some ways it is even more esoteric than the director's Cannes-winning film: Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives. In Syndromes you find the same audiovisual techniques as in Boonmee, only less refined. But what it lacks in sharp spiritualism, Syndrome makes up for in grand duality. And it is in this duality that the film finds its purpose.
Sang Sattawat is a reflection on the continuous cycle of life and death and the moments in between.
This reflection reaches its climax in one of the greatest audiovisual sequences in film history. The violence and hollowness of a black hole gives way to a lively park life.
The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Cliché ending to an otherwise brilliant trilogy
The Dark Knight Rises fails to capture the magic of its predecessors. While it was understandable to suspend disbelief for the Joker's antic because of his volatility, the same doesn't hold true for a cold and calculated Bane. This time the nihilistic philosophical lessons come off as pretentious and worn out. Even the repeated formula of action sequences pale in comparison to the first two films. What's left is a hastily done wrap-up of a film with zero character development for the supporting cast and a shallow narrative painted over a faux black.
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004)
The first one was passable
This one . . . It's not the issue of the characters, the corny jokes, the drawn-out fight scenes. That's all passable. It is the speed at which the plot develops that is nauseating. It was fine without a sequel.
Lost Highway (1997)
Prelude to a Dream
If after repeated viewings, you are left wondering what the point of the film is . . . Don't worry, Lynch doesn't know either. Since its release, Lynch has had trouble recalling how the script came to be.
Nevertheless, as abrupt as the sequences on this film are, there is a cohesive sensorial experience to be had. It is in experiencing the film for what it evokes, what it sounds like, what you visualize, that you can find what I believe to be the true meaning.
In the end, Lost Highway is the story of a man who never truly lived up to his definition of a man. Call it Lynch's inner demons from the Philadelphia years, or call it a unique allegory on the dangers of erectile disfunction, one thing is clear: this is Lynch's most Freudian film.
And no, this film should not be compared to Mulholland Drive despite obvious similarities.
Cop Rock (1990)
Solid all around
Sometimes 30 years make a difference, other times they don't. As relevant today, as it was yesterday, and as it will always be. Solid musical numbers make for 15 minutes of meme fame (which is how I discovered this show) but don't be fooled by John Oliver . . . This is the opposite of terrible. Worth a watch.
Inland Empire (2006)
The things about fairy tales
Is that they resonate. No matter the language, no matter the epoch, no matter the culture, we relate on a personal level to them. Fairy tales are able to do this by exploiting universal narratives. Do not trust strangers. Beware the wolf. Help others and they in turn will help you.
What David Lynch does with Inland Empire is elevate the Fairy Tale as a genre. He does this by formulating a metanarrative unprecedented in the history of art.
At its surface Inland Empire reflects the traditional Hero's Journey. Aided by supernatural beings, the protagonist embarks on an adventure that seeks to restore normality to a world filled with evil. It is an adventure which rivals - in size and length - the epics it shares its structure with. What sets Inland Empire apart from these epics is the role of the viewer in the cinematic experience.
At its core, Inland Empire is a film aware of itself. It is a living cinematic experience which challenges the norm of how we view films. It amounts to an uncomfortable experience because no film asks so much of its viewer. For Inland Empire to work, the viewer needs to be a part of the film in very much the same way that the film is part of a film.
In the end what you have is the missing piece to the puzzle that fulfills the universal narrative of the hero: By becoming part of the story - part of the film - the journey can truly end never to be repeated again. A true conclusion to an unfinished narrative which explains it all :
In short . . . THE Metanarrative.
Truly no film like it.
BoJack Horseman (2014)
Excess, self-pity and over-indulgence without the insight
The fanbase does not understand this show, because the writers do not understand this show, because Netflix did not understand this show, because this show insists upon itself in the most pretentious way possible.
No amount of budget or animation can justify a narrative as self-fulfilling as this. It is bad writing. Period. Seeing articles titled "BoJack Horseman Challenged Us to be Better Because its Anti-Hero Never Could" just scream at revisionism.
Fact of the matter is, the 10/10 people who think they too are Bojack Horseman failed to grasp the show's satire.
You're supposed to hate Bojack. That's the entire point of the show. If the show has failed at it, then the show fails as a whole.
Plan 9 from Outer Space (1957)
Too Grandiose for Its Sake
There are hints of something ambitious in this film. For starters, it is nowhere near as terrible as people make it out to be. Yes it does have its own shortcoming in all departments (Special Effects, Acting, etc.) but it also has a genuine sense of shooting - quite literally in this case - for the stars.
I know nothing of Ed Wood. This is the first film of his that I watch but I can say I was thoroughly entertained. And in the most basic sense, this is the primary purpose of a traditional film.
The film contained a plot, with no deviation, a message timely for its epoch and enough action to keep viewers occupied.
It frankly doesn't deserve the bashing it gets lol.
The Room (2003)
On Newgrounds
The only reason this film is remotely palatable is because of Newgrounds and all the memes that came after it. This film is literally on meme life support. The fact it takes itself seriously, the fact the actors try to act seriously and the fact that it is as narcissistic as its director really makes you question what the intent was.
That said at least it's not disaster movie.
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
I'm conflicted
Manos . . . Is something else entirely. On the one hand it is an objectively bad film, but on the other hand it knows it is an objectively bad film.
So how do you approach something that knows it is one of the worst things to ever exist? The only way to make sense of Manos is to judge whether it accomplished what it was meant to be.
And it did.
Which is why the film cannot be given 1 star. The whole legend behind the film alone elevates the rating.
I still don't know how to feel about this one.
Stalker (1979)
Walk Away from the Abyss
The beauty of this - and every other Tarkovsky film - lies in its simplicity. Stalker is one of the most brutally honest films I have ever seen. It does not try to hide things from the viewers. It does not try to set up the viewers. Stalker simply guides the viewer to the edges of human nature (more so than any other film) and leaves them dangling there to reflect. It is a film of Shakespearean proportion with all the perks that come from the designation.