Yes, this was a good spoof on a Bond film, but it was actually quite funny, and it fulfilled its purpose as a spoof a bit better than did Alien Files--and probably because Bond is more universally known than Scully and Mulder. The actors' lines were fitting and silly, and the sex scenes were truly comical and provided a lot of exposure. Although Delphine Pacific gets naked right off, and although she's pretty hot, her character is a wise-cracking bimbo stand-up who tells one liners even while she's getting drilled. Robert Donovan was great in this--the movie is worth watching for his believable performance. He should actually audition to be the next Bond! For the older ladies: Early 80's Penthouse model and B-movie queen Michelle Bauer still looks great; and so does De'Ann Power who makes a fine canvas for her body paint. This is a truly stupidly funny movie and avoids being lame while still being campy and sexy. The only problem with all this is that I know that I've seen some of these scenes before; about 4 or 5 years ago on cable, which leads me to question why this film was released now.
Reviews
15 Reviews
Oleanna
(1994)
Unreality authenticating life
26 April 2002
There are some who have reported that "Oleanna" is unrealistic, in regard to manner of dialogue, diction, action of the players, etc... And these reports are absolutely correct. However, the unreality and awkwardness of the dialogue and at times nonsensical turns of phrase bring the viewer into what is actually happening in the film. In other words, the events depicted in the film are disturbing: misrecognition of motives and statements on both sides that render the players at each other's mercy--or helpless. The viewer is involuntary brought into this dance, and forced to decipher and piece together a very disjointed encounter as a participant. It almost seems at times as though two sides of the same story are being told--that were filmed separately in the same place; that both actors are in monologues that have been subsequently united to form a dialogue. Yet is not this the case in regard to the manner that we communicate as a matter of course? I think that Mamet's exagerration of this structure of communication serves to drive the point home that misrecognition is perhaps the best that we can hope for in any kind of relationship as a default setting. So its not that Mamet's film is too far afield from the manner in which we act and communicate, but quite the opposite: it's too close to how things actually are, and the proximity and accuracy of his portrayal of this is what proves to be so disturbing. It's definitely worth a few viewings.
Good and accurate spoof
25 April 2002
Animal House illustrates the zany side of a small liberal arts college with a strong Greek system as the only social outlet. The college models for this film most undoubtedly must have been Dartmouth and Colgate--both great tiny "work hard party harder" colleges in the middle of nowhere where the Greeks rule (although they used to rule more in the past). The late John Belushi is great as the whiskey guzzling, mashed potato spitting Bluto who has spent 7 years in college and still hasn't graduated. The funniest characters are Doug Niedermyer and Eric Stratton because they're extreme parodies of the archetypes they represent. Much of the wildness and insanity depicted in Animal House is accurate to fraternity life these days (although I wouldn't know about it in 1962, but older individuals that I've consulted who were in fraternities at that time vouch for the accuracy of the film). I would give this film a 10 for content, comedy, accuracy, and absurdity. Don't miss it.
Stigmata
(1999)
This movie is about as Catholic as Col. Qaddafi
27 February 2002
The concept of this movie was good for a religious adventure story in the tradition of the 7th Seal and the Omen series, and for those who might not know much about Christian Theology or the Roman Catholic Church. However, the emphasis on "The Kingdom of God being in you..." as a subversive statement to all Christianity isn't revolutionary or antiChurch at all; it is actually found in the Holy Bible itself in the Gospel according to St. John! In addition, the Gospel according to St. Thomas (which is cited in the movie) isn't a mysterious prophetic book from the crypt that threatens to destroy the Church. It's an extra Scriptural book that never made it even into the apocrypha--and not because it echoes the Bible in saying "The Kingdom of God is within you." Otherwise, Patricia Arquette is pretty hot, Fr. Kiernan and her cut a striking pair, and Cardinal Houseman's character is that of the defender of the faith at all costs. Stigmata is an interesting movie that is interesting in regard to hypothesizing about political dealings in the Church and minor aspects of Christian Theology but more grossly inaccurate and fictitious in regard to these things.
Hell
(1994)
Misnamed
27 February 2002
This movie shouldn't have been entitled "Hell," or "Jealously," but "Martineau," because what it's about is a seemingly normal husband's (Paul) ridiculous insecurity about the possibility that his wife (Nelly) has been unfaithful with a mechanic named Martineau. Movie critics with a penchant for the psychoanalytical will talk about desire, desire of the other, transference, displacement, and projection; and might even talk about Paul's jealousy as being the paradoxical building block of his very love for Nelly. But what is really operative is that Paul's obsession begins with the realization that his mechanic friend is very handsome and gets along well with his wife Nelly. From Paul's realization that Martineau is attractive to his wife and probably other women, a whole structure of jealousy is erected that winds up making a fool of Paul in public, to his wife and child, and ultimately driving him to cut himself while shaving.
3000 Miles to Graceland
(2001)
3000 body bags later
26 February 2002
Lots of blood, guts, and disrespect for authority, but not only aimless violence. The film is a good action thriller and features Kevin Costner as a really violent psychotic badass who is neither liked nor disliked by the viewer. There's something disturbing about guys dressed up like The King committing dastardly and bloodthirsty acts of violence. It was almost as disturbing as the Silent Night series in the mid-80's where Santa wielded more than just a bag of toys. But seriously, Kevin Costner is brilliant as the badguy in this hit and run chase film, and even though about 3/4 of the way through you realize the movie is reeaaaally long, somehow its worth viewing.
Dancer in the Dark
(2000)
Great
26 February 2002
This is without a doubt the best movie I've ever seen, yet I cannot bring myself to view it again because it was absolutely heart wrenching. The music is fabulous, and the ordinariness of the plot, combined with this fine score as well as the violence make watching this absolutely sublime. There are very strong yet subtle Christian themes in this film that are presented beautifully. It's one of those films that continuously builds to an unbelievable emotional climax that leaves the viewer mourning for days following. An 11.
The Evil Dead
(1981)
Exquisite Cheese
26 February 2002
Apparently, this film was extremely low budget. However, it is much better than other horror films with higher budgets and more 'professional' cameramen. The beauty of this film is minimalist approach--the horror sequences of monsters, approaching of demons, or demonic possession is done with simple make-up, time lapse photography, and in some instances--particularly regarding organic decomposition--claymation. The film does not pretend to be high budget--and this directness of approach immediately does away with any pretension that the film otherwise might contain. There are several great effects in this film, particularly the one later when Ash touches the mirror. Likewise, the fish-eye lens camera work really creates a 2 dimensional screen-like quality of 'looking awry' at things from the confines of the haunted cabin in the woods. During the demon chase scene, the camera does a great job of making the cabin appear absolutely huge and labyrinthine--something that Stephen King conceptually describes of a similar haunted cabin in the woods in his latest novel (with Peter Straub) Black House. In any case, there are parts of this film that are really scary and exciting. On a horror film scale of one to ten, I'd say this earns an 8.
After Hours
(I) (1985)
Dated Classic
25 February 2002
Here's the premise of this excellent film--a young man (Dunne) meets a good looking blonde (Arquette) in an upper east side cafe with whom he strikes up a conversation. She's staying in SOHO (South of Houston St.), and gives him her number. He calls her later that night when he gets home, and she invites him over. Dunne takes Arquette up on the invitation, and what follows is a zany adventure where a subsequently 'broke' Dunne encounters a series of blondes (including Arquette) who quickly reveal to him that they're all nuts in some way or other. As the clock ticks on into the wee small hours, Dunne's goal is transformed from wanting to score to wanting to just get home--but either crazy blondes, stoned burglers, vengeful cabbies or angry murderous mobs stand in his way and keep him stranded in SOHO. The reason this movie is dated is because in 1985 there weren't any ATM machines around in SOHO (as far as I can remember)--so Dunne's inability to get a couple of bucks would really not happen today, since SOHO is no longer the dark, seedy, yet trendy artists' hangout it used to be back in the time Scorsese made this flick: there's a Swatch Shop, Club Monaco, Banana Republic, Zales Jewelers, Starbucks, and Chase bank all within a couple of blocks from the setting of this film!
A Heart in Winter
(1992)
The Violinist-Psychologist not quite in Love
22 February 2002
The plot revolves around the 'love triangle' of Camille, Stephan, and Maxine. Camille is a young up and coming concert violinist, and Stephan and Maxine are violin craftsmen. Camille is one of their many clients. The main character of this film, Stephan--played by Daniel Auteuil--is brilliant. He is a good looking and quiet man who knows what he wants and is secure in this: solitude--regardless of the amorous advances of Camille, the beautiful and brilliant young violinist who winds up dating his business partner Maxime, and whom he could seduce very easily. Many people analyzing Stephan's character would immediately say that he is sociopathic, deranged, insecure, or whatever. But Stephan is actually fully in control of his life throughout the whole film. He is not aware of fleeting passions like infatuation because he does not exist outside of passion: He is passion incarnate as he is very in tune with what he wants and is skillful at asserting his desires; so much so that those who encounter him become very jarred. His personna functions as a mirror that reflects other people's neuroses and fears back at them instead of absorbing them into itself and thus becoming poisoned. In this way, he's almost like a freelance mobile psychoanalyst passing through different bistros and concert halls in Paris, and disrupting the otherwise 'normal' relationships of those he encounters. The psychological tension throughout the film is thick from the start, and reaches a point of absolute saturation at its apogee. The viewer cannot help but find himself emotionally invested in the plot. The background score of the film is beautiful.
American Gothic
(1987)
A Real Creepfest
22 February 2002
American Gothic is a horror movie that is truly horrible and scary: Because what it portrays is a completely psychotic and homicidal family living on an isolated island in the Pacific Northwest who become the only beacon of help for several young people who become temporarily stranded on the island. The lighting in the film is almost nonexistent; it seems as though it were filmed in a basement, which adds to the creepiness. Even though there are some extremely cheezy elements in the film, there's a constant suspicion that something not just bad, but terrible and downright terrifying is going to happen. Rod Steiger and Yvonne de Carlo are absolutely brilliant in this film as "Pa" and "Ma" and are so extreme in their character portrayals that they almost become parodies of themselves and are therefore on the threshold of being humorous. But the 'kids' (who are actually 3 deranged siblings in their 40's and seemingly quite comfortable in their maritime never never land) are so creepy that they make not only your skin but lining of your bones crawl. On a scale of 1--10, I'd give this an 8.5.
Carnival of Souls
(1962)
Great horror film
22 February 2002
First of all, don't bother with the late 90's remake as this version is a classic, and the later remake 'softens' certain elements of this version which detract from the overall terror of the plot. If Freud had made a movie about the themes of trauma, wish fulfillment, and repetition, this would have been it. The movie isn't so scary as it is intriguing and manic. The cinematography is quite sophisticated and the score is strange. You get the feeling that you're in the middle of a large patch of cells undergoing mitosis.
Affliction
(1997)
A great study in despair
20 February 2002
Warning: Spoilers
This film is a perfect example of how the sins of the father are not only visited upon the son, but are perpetuated by him, and serve to visit and affect others as well. There is one story line here: Wade Whitehouse, town police constable of Lawford, New Hampshire was raised by an abusive alcoholic grouch of a father. He has remained in the town while his siblings have fled. His terrible relationship with his father has infiltrated every relationship that he's had, and acts as the lens through which he sees and judges the world. Because of this, his relationships with different people are all ambivalent: He either respects them and turns to them as a pupil would his master, or he hates them, and violently lashes out at them because they have disappointed him in upholding his preconceived 'high assessments' of them. Wade is very unstable in that he seems to have a drinking problem, an inability to manage his anger, and as a result but also as a constant circuitous reason, a very low moral view of himself. In this elliptical plot, an important crystallizing event is the hunting accident that results in the death of a rich Bostonian with suspected links to organized crime named Evan Twombley, whose son in law--Mel Gordon--is in business with Wade's boss, Gordon LaRiviere (whom Wade both admires and despises). The New Hampshire State Police seem to think this is an open and shut case of accidental death: Twombley goes hunting with Wade's young friend Jack, winds up shooting himself, and that's that. However to Wade, this is not the end of the story. Wade's low assessment of himself, his having to deal with his father more closely after his mother's recent death, his financial destitution and reliance upon Gordon LaRiviere, as well as his failing attempt to have a close relationship with his estranged daughter Jill and ex-wife Lillian causes him in a desperate act of self assertion of his 'authority' to insist that Twombley was in fact murdered, and that all characters that surround him--his boss Gordon, Jack, and Mel--are involved in a sinister plot to not only get away with murder, but to deceive him and make him look foolish. As Wade's fantasy elaborately blooms into a wonderfully baroque and intricate starcaise to psychosis, his relationships with the people of Lawford and particularly with his close friends and family rapidly begin to deteriorate. Watching this occur is like witnessing an avalanche, and exemplifies Kierkegaard's assertion that one does not hit rock bottom in despair, but instead can always sink lower, perhaps infinitely. Needless to say, the film does not end on a happy note, yet I would commend this film to anyone because the plot is intense, the cinematography is excellent, and Schrader's directing is magnificent.
Caligula
(1979)
Good film
29 January 2002
Still after 22 years, the most intense and erotically powerful and symbolic scene in this expensively lavish and beautifully scored violent historical film is the one that ends the orgy brothel boat scene: where two senators' wives (played by 1975 Penthouse Pet of the Year Anneka di Lorenzo and another Penthouse Pet) graphically and enthusiastically fellate a well-endowed young Roman citizen, at the end of which "Anneka di" lasciviously proceeds to consume the young man's climax but not before exposing the healthy bubbling dollop to us movie viewers in an extreme on-camera close-up. When viewed on the movie theater's huge screen, this particular scene is dizzyingly overpowering, and truly epitomizes the excess of power, wealth, cruelty, lust, and tyranny that surrounded the emperor Caligula's reign--therefore strangely acting as the entire film's centerpiece and focal point--but also the excess that surrounded the very making of this hugely expensive and protracted production. If there could be a preview or summation of the entire film, this brief 2-3 minute clip would be it.
Sex Files: Alien Erotica
(1998)
Great Erotic Sci-Fi Comedy!
13 November 2001
This film earns five stars out of five for being a great all-around postmodern sci-fi retro parody. Overall, Alien Erotica is really campy and corny--the dialogues, costumes, and set seem like colorized versions of their 50 year-old counterparts. The postmod quality of this film results from its being a spoof on the current X-files program coupled with and reinscribed by extremely cheesy acting, periodic shabby footage (that resembles vignettes from 1950's space and monster movies), and extremely hot actresses that look like they're from the pages of Penthouse. The level of the erotic is very high in this film, featuring simulated sexual encounters and full body shots of B-movie hotties Kira Reed, Delphine Pacific, and Gabriella Hall. The most erotic scene sequence begins when Delphine Pacific (a scorching Asian who plays Dr. Claire Danning) is infected by the spores of the alien plant. She proceeds to whip off her horn-rimmed glasses, disrobe and spread the slimy alien spores all over her naked and beautifully shaven hardbody, roll around in ecstasy, and seduce several crew members to boot. What makes this scene so erotic/comedic is the radical switch that Delphine Pacific's character undergoes: the character of Dr. Claire Danning is really square and nerdy--in manner, appearance, and speech, who yet goes through a whole sexual turnaround after being infected by the spores. I would recommend this film to those who like science fiction, those who like comedies, and those who like to see young hot women getting naked.
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