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Alone for Christmas (2013)
I LOVE Christmas movies, even some kinda dumb ones. I LOVED "Home Alone"; I LOVE dogs. I DID NOT LIKE this movie.
This movie had a semi-interesting premise, for a Scooby-Doo cartoon episode, but, alas it wasn't a cartoon. It was trying to pass for a real family-friendly movie. Kevin Sorbo was in it, but this was decidedly NOT your typical Kevin Sorbo film, other than the fact that it was completely unbelievable and memorably awful....in this mess he played the baddest bad guy and, as such, a total loser.
The basic concept is that a family leaves for Christmas and leaves their Australian Cattle Dog at home, supposedly safe and sound. Would-be thieves invade, and the dog, who of course has audible thoughts, has to defend his home.
Cute? No. In reality this was tediously unfunny and a waste of time.....although it WAS at least pro-dog and anti-criminal. Otherwise just silly. And not in a good way.
The only valid message I could find was that it's not cool to ditch your dog at Christmastime (or any other time). Dogs are loyal members of the family and at the very least feel badly when they're left behind. Beyond feeling lonely, dogs left home alone can be put at unexpected risk if criminals invade....not THAT much risk, though, as it turns out, if the criminals are merely clueless, greedy morons.
Seriously, no matter HOW much you adore dogs and enjoy Christmas movies, I really wouldn't bother with this one. And I'm the owner of a freaking AWESOME Australian Cattle Dog. This gimmicky stunt flick might amuse a few not-very-bright kids, but otherwise...no. Just....no.
Arizona Bushwhackers (1968)
Could barely hear the dialogue over the audience laughter
I saw this as a "sneak preview" before "The Odd Couple". Although there were several decent actors in it, "Arizona Bushwhackers" was so laughably awful that it got almost as many laughs as the main feature.
It wasn't intended to be funny.
I admit I don't remember much about it in specific except that there was a character who was supposed to have only one arm, but you could VERY clearly see his supposedly missing limb under his sleeve.
I really wouldn't suggest seeing this at all, much less sober, unless you're putting on a Worst Films Ever Festival. Seriously, this movie stinks on ice.