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Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)
I felt a great disturbance in The Force....
....as if millions of Star Wars fans suddenly cried out in terror....and demanded their money back.
I've been a die-hard SW fan since A New Hope blew me away when I was 12 years old. Even now I still have a fine collection of SW shirts, toys and memorabilia. (You do the math on my age, I'm not saying.) I was dreading what would happen to this franchise when George Lucas sold out to Disney, and my fears were confirmed. There are more detailed (and probably better written) reviews on this site that list all of this film's faults, so I won't repeat them here. But the clincher has to be the dreadful miscasting of the incoming characters. Daisy Ridley and John Boyega are so Disneyesque and hammy, you'd think they just walked off the set of The Mickey Mouse Club. And it's hard to be scared of Kylo Ren, the new face of the Evil Empire, when the actor playing him could star in a remake of "Revenge of the Nerds" and needs a face- mask to produce a deep, threatening, British-accent-tinged voice.
As for the returning cast, I was just saddened. Harrison Ford was the only one who pulled off his character with ease, though his reunion with Leia was painfully saccharine and schmaltzy. Poor Carrie Fisher just looks sad and worn-out, a potentially great actress whose spark has gone out after years of alcoholism, substance abuse and voluntary EST. And the lynchpin character to the whole story, Luke Skywalker
.well, I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions. I'd just like to suggest that Mark Hamill make fewer trips to the Craft Services wagon and hit the gym once in a while.
J.J. Abrams apparently got this gig because he's a "lifelong Star Wars fan". On that basis anyone reading this could have done the job, and probably more faithfully to the canon set in place by much better films, novels and Lucas himself. He trashed the memory of the Star Trek franchise (another of my favourites) for me, now he's set his sights on Star Wars. He should stick to producing/directing mediocre genre TV series and Mission Impossible instalments.
The whole piece isn't without its good bits, though. The SFX were impressive, especially the flight sequences. The CGI characters were well-done. The sets and costumes were rather good as well.
I was getting my hair done the other day and my hairdresser mentioned that she'd seen The Force Awakens, but had never seen any of the previous Star Wars films. She loved it, though she was a tad confused by references to previous chapters and the in-jokes. After listening to her experience of this film, I think that's how it should be viewed if one wants to truly enjoy it: with no knowledge or experience of the Star Wars universe. That way you can enjoy the new storyline and its few good qualities without walking out of the cinema feeling like you'd just taken it up the posterior courtesy of Mssrs. Lucas and Abrams.
Holy Flying Circus (2011)
Stop this at once, you're all being far too silly!!
As a lifelong Monty Python fan, I was delighted when the ABC (Australia) finally aired this film. I should have known what I was letting myself in for when, in the first five minutes, Jesus Christ turns around, bends over and expels a long, loud, robe-billowing fart in someone's face.
I'm surprised that, reading the reviews on this site alone, so many self-confessed Python fans love this film. Granted, it attempts to emulate the Python spirit by often segueing to absurdist/fantasy/dream sequences, and the ensemble company feel of the cast each adopting several roles. In the end, however, it merely comes across as a bunch of modern-day comedians who grew up on a steady diet of Python, tried desperately to emulate them, and fail miserably. The whole piece is painfully unfunny (though I confess I did laugh twice).
The acting, while competent, was disappointing; the Pythons are caricatured as opposed to portrayed. Graham Chapman's is the most offensive, being depicted as a lisping, mincing, pipe-smoking queen who mentions his homosexuality at every given opportunity. Terry Gilliam is shown as a wild-eyed, eccentric Yank. Terry Jones comes across as a public-school-educated Elmer Fudd. Eric Idle it seems is a money-grubbing miser, though I thought Steve Punt gave an excellent turn here. Stephen Fry is dryly funny as God, but that could be because Fry thinks he IS God.
The humour descends to rank callousness as the script rips mercilessly on people with speech impediments, Tourettes Syndrome and other social disabilities. Something the original Pythons would have deemed beneath them. The film only briefly picks up in the last act with a fairly accurate portrayal of the televised debate. If they'd just stayed along this course, with the odd splash of humour thrown in to lighten the subject, this could have been such a good presentation of one of the more interesting chapters in film history.
John Cleese has disowned this film, and I can see why. Avoid at all costs, unless your Python obsession plummets into the depths of sado-masochism.
Hammer House of Mystery and Suspense: Paint Me a Murder (1984)
Could you just paint us a plot line??
Things I've learned from this episode:
1. British art dealers are invariably smarmy gits with public school accents. 2. Indian chemists will sell you prescription sedatives and deadly poison in the same visit without asking too many questions. 3. Painting pictures while standing at the edge of a very high cliff isn't as safe as it looks. 4. Michelle Phillips can't act.
I have a vague memory of catching this episode when it first aired. Seeing it again after so many years brought back how much the early 1980's TV viewing audience would forgive a show; the soundtrack was jarring, the camera work dodgy in places, and the script....well, check out this gem, when Luke (Laurenson) describes his passion and drive for his artistic gift as "fire in the belly", his wife (Phillips) calmly tells him to "take a Pepto, darling."
The plot itself is nothing new - artist, at the behest of his money-hungry wife, fakes his own death so the value of his work will increase, while still creating pieces that his "widow" unleashes on the art world in small, regular doses. Meanwhile, blond moustached Old Etonian art dealer has designs on the former Mama. This has all been done before, and much better, by the likes of "Tales of the Unexpected". The story has a few holes, the kind that make you think the editing job was rushed to meet an airdate deadline. (What was the deal with Luke suddenly deciding to paint a selfie on the Battersea Power Station?) The biggest zinger, however, has to be the wife's decision to off her husband. I mean, come on! She's basically got what amounts to a license to print money hiding in her attic, pumping out artwork that ever rises in value. Ka-ching, lady!
The good points: Most of the acting performances are worth sitting all the way through the ep. James Laurenson is his usual excellent self. He manages to shine despite the uphill battle that script and storyline must have been - I swear there were one or two times I thought he was going to look directly at the camera and mouth the words "I'm sorry". David Robb is suitably slimy as the determined art dealer, Michelle Phillips stood on her mark and delivered her lines where she was pointed. Special mention must go to W. Morgan Sheppard and Alan Lake as Luke's compadres; I'll watch Sheppard in anything, and it was touching to see Lake in this swan song before his tragic death.
Well worth a look if you fancy traipsing down Hammer Memory Lane.
Felicity (1998)
One of the worst shows I've seen in years...
I know a lot of viewers love this show, but I can't get over the fact that it's a show about a young woman who is, basically, a Stalker. Check this out; she pines for a fellow student at her high school for 4 years, and when she finally gets the courage to ask him to sign her Yearbook, she mistakes what he writes as an invitation to follow him across the US and sign up with his University.
Felicity may have learned some life lessons on the way to pursuing some poor young sap who never wanted her attentions to begin with, but none of it was entertaining. This series should have been shot in the head well before it made it to a 2nd season.
Dummy (2002)
One hell of a great (sleeper) comedy!
I originally rented this (it's only available straight-to-video/DVD Down Under) on the recommendation of a friend...and I wasn't disappointed.
Steven's a forelorn pencil-pusher who longs to be a ventriloquist; his sister (Douglas) is a brow-beaten (by their mother, wonderfully portrayed by Jessica Walter) wannabe singer, who's trying her hand at wedding planning; his best friend, "Fangora" (played by Milla Jovovich, who all but steals the show) is a foul-mouthed, determined punk singer/anti-societal. Steven breaks free from his work bounds and purchases The Dummy...and therein lies the tale. Who's controlling whom?
Greg Pritikin plays a master stroke by combining sharp, dark comedy with Steven's (and others') emotional angst, but never lets the audience go astray once. The Dummy takes on a character of its own (greatly helped by Adrien Brody's work here), to the point of giving Steven advice on how to capture the potential love of his life.
The score aptly frames each scene, and the dialogue is rippingly funny in places. I'd spoil it for you if I gave any examples. The principal cast carry this film to great comedic heights, without letting you forget that the story's just about one under-appreciated man, his Dummy, and the universal search for love and acceptance.
I've since shown my copy to several friends, and would recommend this film to anyone. A good night in with the (wooden) companion of choice.