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kingdomofshadows
Reviews
The Hive (2023)
Amaturist and Immature.
This was a terrible contribution to the world of film.
It was monotonous to say the very least. It looked like it was. The narrative of this flick was non existent. It took boredom to its lowest level and the repetitious lines just seemed to pour out over and over again.
The budget for this filmmust have run into 40 or 50 dollars. You might as well have closed your eyes all through the film and just have used your imagination.
It was like a bad Montey Python meets Pepper Pig.
The acting couldn't really be judged fairly because there was no point in them trying to perform to what seemed to the film crew and absolutely nobody else. It was an awful flick.
The Ray (2022)
Putrid
A really terrible flick with little content and no definitive narrative to talk about at all.
This movie must have cost zip to make. The storyline seems to be made up as they go along. The acting and the script seem to battle it out over which was worse.
The acting is pretty grim and if this leading actor is looking for a future in making movies they will all be You Tube bound. Seriously, it's just a mish mash of rhubarb.
I watched this on Netflix so at least I expected much better than that was doled out to the public. I can't think of anything memorable about the film. Sorry, but do not waste your time on this film it's junk.
Breach (2020)
Ludicrously Awful
Trying to find 600 words for this bilge is a pretty tough job.
Basically it is so stupendous it ranks up there with 'Cat Women from Mars' and 'Plan 9 from Outer Space'. The space ship is a mix of a condemned building filled with all kinds of junk like empty bottles and cartons. There doesn't seem to be any safety sanctions on the ship as the cast are running round firing high velocity weapons, throwing hand grenades about, using flamethrowers and pouring highly corrosive acid around. 😬😖
Seriously, a 10 year old kid could have made a better job out of it.
Poor old Bruce Willis doesn't have a clue what's going on so he's been cast as a drunk.
It's kind of mayhem from the start and the editing is non existent.
I'll give it 7 out of 975 billion.
The Eve (2015)
Hilariously awful
If you want to watch a film and pick up some tips on how to make a laughable horror movie with a couple of bucks and a cast that couldn't act to save their lives, well, this is for you. 😘
I loved the way they found a dead body on the beach on a cold but fairly nice day. No blood, no wounds, no nothing, so they high tail it back to the cabin to phone the emergency services. This is after previously stating that there are no phones at the cabin. Suddenly after running back to the cabin, day has miraculously turned into night. 😬 Maybe they took a wrong turn and ran around the island 5 or 6 times.
Now, no crap horror movie would be complete without some woman running around and falling over, phone don't work and car won't start. Cliche after cliche.
Do yourself a favour and give this one a miss. There's not even a smidgen of a story or any kind of a plot. My score. 7 out of 456 billion.
The Riverbank (2012)
Flies on a Light Bulb flick.
This is about as enthralling as watching two flies making out on a light bulb on a Sunday night.
I'm three quarters of the way through this film and I'm starting to feel like I've lived in this one horse town all my life. It's like sitting in an old ladies knitting circle listening to gossip that isn't worth listening to. All I need is for some dork like Tom Hanks to appear in a cameo role.
There's nothing to grip the imagination at all. There's no new twist in the tale because no one in the movie reveals anything at all. They should have called this 'Idle Gossip' or 'Going Nowhere. I'll give it 5 out of 964 billion.
A Day to Die (2022)
Hilarious
Bruce Willis aka Sleepy Joe Biden in another masterfull performance as ....who knows?
.....who cares? Assisted by Kevin Dillon who looks like he's just about woke up in the back of a car after being on meth and crack all night.
No surprise this movie cost nothing and lost 4 million dollors. It's terrible. I mean with no redeeming qualities at all. Score 2 out of 865 billion. 😜😛😝
This terrible flick starts with some mayhem about I haven't a clue then plod it's way through a million cliches and killings every 5 minutes. This is a great film to watch if you're mowing the lawn or getting drunk down the street.
Leda (2021)
Pretentious Sleep Movie for Nerds.
This is a movie for science teachers, librarians and people contemplating commiting suicide.
I've watched a few non talkie movies in my time (mainly 1920's stuff) and this one is right up there with them.
This isn't creative at all. Just shots of dorks walking around with faces like they've just deficated in their underwear but are too lazy to do anything about it. I got through half of the film waiting for some dialogue but that only came from some horses and a couple of squirrels.
Leave the remake of Greek mythology to the likes of the Pre Raphaelite artists who could say more with one stroke of their brush.
The Hunting (2021)
Hilariously Bad
Enter Sherrif Steroid and Deputy Dumb Arse to solve this mind blowing case. Apart from these two not being able to find a fire blowing dragon in the dark, their acting was on par with the Three Stooges playing in a Shakespearean play. The narrative of this mess made no sense at all. Seriously, this has no redeeming qualities except for the girl who played the wolf lady. She was the only actor in the film that was worth watching.
I was going to ditch this flick after 15 minutes but I thought I'd give it a chance. Big mistake. There are no spoilers and that's why I gave it a chance. There's nothing to spoil. It was awful to say the least. 5 out of 975 billion.
Werewolves of the Third Reich (2017)
Welsh Weird Wolves
Mad Dogs and Welshmen go out in the midday sun. The so called American combination sounded like some dorks from a 1930's film speaking pigeon English. The acting was absolutely terrible. And what werewolves are we talking about here? I don't know? They only just made it into plural.
Don't think that Wolverine will be worried about this Mad Dog guy. He sounded like James Cagney on meth. The script must have been written in about 30 minutes. Adolf Hitler was hilarious and had nothing to do with the proceedings. I think I drifted off into unconsciousness because I can't remember listening to a worse dialogue. I'll give it 3 out of 975 billion.
Death on Scenic Drive (2017)
Abysmal
Must have been on meth and crack when they made this load of drivel. Being generous I'd give this movie 7 out of 865 billion. The only thing worse than the narrative and the acting was most likely the music. There's no spoilers in my review because there's nothing to spoil about this flick. In fact you could play the entire film backwards and it wouldn't matter one iota. I've seen some bad films in my time but this one takes the biscuit by a mile. The highlight of this movie is basically at the end when the credits roll and the hideously awful racket posing as music comes to a racket laden end.
Premonition (2005)
Trash can Film
Awful movie and equally awful narrative. The plot had more holes than a watering can. Sorry but Casper the Ghost just doesn't cut it as an actor. I watched this on You Tube and it didn't take me long to see that this was a TV movie.
The special effects didn't help much and the plot went through more cliches than I can remember. All you needed to top it off was a car that wouldn't start and a girl running through the woods who trips over. Do yourself a favour and find another wannabe Nostradamus type plot. I'll give it 6 out of 22 million.
It might sound a bit nasty but I don't think that there was much of an effort made here.