Reviews

I cannot begin to describe how monumentally disappointed I was with this film. I am a huge fan of Austin Powers but this has nearly ruined it for me!

Mike Myers has completely lost sight of the genius that made Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery the film that it was. The original concept was brilliant. It was funny, witty and original and was an excellent lampoon of the secret agent/spy genre, sending up everything from James Bond to In Like Flint. This vision was somewhat lost in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me but it was still a good sequel. The gags were faster and, in some cases, funnier. Distinctly different from the original, Spy Who Shagged Me was witty and original and gave us the unique Mini-Me! And, lest we forget, the scene where Dr. Evil's chair breaks down. "I need an old priest and a young priest! The power of Christ compels you, the power of Christ compels you!"

Sadly, the wit, humour and originality has been completely lost and what we're left with is a badly made, shoddy, jumbled-up mess of a film. It has clearly been the subject of some pretty sloppy editing, sudden script changes and, possibly, visionary disputes between writer (Myers) and director (Jay Roache).

The storyline behind 'Goldmember' is completely inexplicable and I'm not even going to bother writing a blerb about the plot because I honestly can't tell you what this film was about, I haven't a clue! This is a shame because this was one of the funniest parts of the first two films. Dr. Evil's plans were stupid but they were exactly the kind of stupid plans that the old Bond villains would have deemed feasible! Even Drax or Blofeld would have had trouble swallowing Dr. Evil's plan in Goldmember.

This problem with the plot is repeated with the cast. Almost every character is apparently pointless and all the time traveling left me so confused I didn't know where or when we were supposed to be half the time. Goldmember himself is a completely stupid character, who can only be described as a pointless, half naked Dutchman with a solid gold wedding tackle, who eats his own skin! Sir Michael Caine was, however, excellent but God knows why he agreed to do it.

The underrated Seth Green reprises his role as Dr. Evil's wayward son, Scott Evil. Sadly, Myers chose to downplay the awkward father/son relationship aspect of the Evils and tried to make them bond in this film. The result was nowhere near as funny as the dysfunctional relationship in the first two films. Verne Troyer returns as Mini-Me, Michael York as Basil Exposition, Robert Wagner as Number Two, and Mindy Sterling as Frau Farbissina. The only other notable addition was The Wonder Years' Fred Savage as 'The Mole'. The Mole, who has a huge hairy mole on his face, caused the only other remotely funny scene in the film, where Austin Powers makes a Basil Fawltyesque attempt, unsuccessfully, not to mention the mole (incidentally, however, we had already seen this in the trailer).

The Austin Powers francise has been horrifically corrupted by Hollywood and the product-placement isn't even funny anymore (see also, Spider-man, Men In Black 2, etc.). The celebrity guest stars are numerous as usual and include: Tom Cruise, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kevin Spacey, Danny DeVito, John Travolta, Steven Spielberg (annoyingly referred to as "Sir Steve" throughout his stint), Britney Spears, and Ozzy Osborne and Family. The only good guest-spot went to Nathan Lane, who also delivered one of the only other funny segments of the film.

Also, Jeanette Charles has been hired once again to play the "Queen of England" in the scene where Austin in knighted, despite bearing absolutely no resemblance to our own dear Queen whatsoever. Just to annoy me, as an ardent monarchist, if you care (which nobody will), she wears the Sash of the Order of the Garter over the wrong shoulder and the Garter Star on the wrong side. (This would normally have amused me, as in The Spy Who Shagged Me where the army colonel has completely the wrong uniform on, but because the film was so crap it just compounded my annoyance.)

The whole film is just awful and crushingly disappointing and myself and my friends left the cinema close to tears. Only real die-hard Austin Powers fans will enjoy this film, the kind of nerds that will enjoy it no matter how lame it becomes or people whose sense of humour is so lacking in sophistication that penis jokes are all that is required. I myself require a little bit more.

Once last bone of contention, from my own petty nationalistic point of view. I always liked Austin Powers because of the Union Jacks everywhere and because, like the Bond films, it made you proud to be British. It was suddenly like it was cool again, a far cry from all the Hollywood villains with upper-class English accents. Sadly, Myers (a Canadian and, thus, a Commonwealth cousin) must be under some pressure from the Hollywood machine. We saw the usually Union Flag bedecked opening sequence have a few star-spangled banners thrown in and Elizabeth Hurley's Vanessa Kensington was replaced with the more than welcome sight of Heather Graham's Felicity Shagwell in The Spy Who Shagged Me. Now, in Goldmember, we get yet another American, this time Beyonce Knowles as Foxxy Cleopatra. Miss Knowles may be a good singer but her acting ability makes Liz Hurley look like she went to RADA.

For God sake don't watch this film unless you're a brain-dead vegetable. Buy the first, rent the second but forget this one. I wish I could.

1/10 (and that just because of The Mole!)

I went to see this film for my younger brother's 18th birthday - his choice not mine. I am a fan of the first film. The partnership of young-blood Will Smith (Jay) and veteran Tommy Lee Jones (Kay) was a surprising success and the special effects were fantastic. Sadly, Barry Sonnenfeld has been unable to recapture the magic that made MIB1 such as success.

The Smith/Jones partnership that had been such a success in the first film simply wasn't rekindled. As some have already said, Smith has returned to his Fresh Prince roots and has become, in my opinion, irritating and childish! Tommy Lee Jones, an otherwise fine actor, was obviously drawn by dollar signs, as his poor performance demonstrates (although his performance is by far the more memorable of the two). Rip Torn (Zed) is the cast's only remaining asset and the new faces in the film are pretty poor. Vincent D'Onofrio's villain is replaced with yet another 'bug-in-human form', Serleena, this time played by the nonentity Lara Flynn Boyle. Her character is completely wooden and nowhere near as effective as D'Onofrio. She is partnered up with a crappy two-headed counterpart, called Scrad, who, as usual, is a complete idiot. Scrad was also the subject of a bizarre casting decision, as Sonnenfeld opted for MTV's Jackass-star, Johnny Knoxville. Knoxville doesn't perform too badly but there is nothing in the least bit compelling about his character.

The lifeless Rosario Dawson comes in as Smith's new love-interest and he falls in love with her within seconds of meeting her. There is absolutely no chemistry between them, unlike there was between Smith and Linda Fiorentino in MIB1. Add to this a surprisingly poor performance from Tony Shalhoub (reprising his Jeebs role) and a nauseating nerd character (David Cross) and you're left with nothing to keep you interested. This situation is compounded by the mandatory array of stupid alien characters (worst of all was the one with testicles on his face), those annoying worms, and Frank the Pug, who begins to grit within ten minutes. The only useful addition was that of Tee, played by Patrick Warburton, but he is dispensed with in the first fifteen minutes (perhaps Smith feeling deservedly threatened). It was Warburton who made me laugh and after he disappeared I sat stony-faced through the rest. Smith just made me cringe.

I was prepared for this film to be crap. Sequels always are. However, MIB2 manages to retain the essence of the first film but it doesn't recapture the pace and I think most people will prefer the original. The story is just a recycled version of the original, with all the style and wit removed, and the script is absolutely dire! Anything memorable or original about this film you will have already seen in the trailer. No doubt this francise will just be hammered into the ground until the studios are absolutely positive that it's no longer profitable. Like the Austin Power's films, MIB3 will doubtlessly be the death-knell for the Men in Black but, like the Aliens films, they'll probably make a fourth anyway.

Stick with the original.

3/10.

I refer to this review as "the view of an independent" for the following reasons: a) Although I have played the game, I was never particularly good at it and lost interest in it before I got anywhere near completing it. This is not because it was a bad game, indeed, I thought it was a very good game, it just happens I'm not real big on computer games. b) I'm not a die-hard Milla Jovovich fan, who's likely to applaud her performance no matter what. c) I'm not a self-proclaimed officiado of the horror genre, unlike some other commentators.

To put it another way, you're going to get a broad-based and un-biased opinion from me, not weighed down by any nerdy loyalty to horror films, the computer game or Jovovich's hot body!

When I went to see this film I must say I was pretty sceptical. I'm not a big fan of films based on computer games and thought 'Mortal Kombat' (also by Paul Anderson) was a pretty good justification for this, but my friend and I were in a funny mood and thought that the film would probably be, at least, amusing in a comically gory kind of way and before we went in I did in fact say "this will probably be crap".

I was pleasantly surprised.

The crux of the film is that a deadly virus is released in a top secret underground lab, called The Hive, belonging to the corrupt Umbrella Corp. Fans of the game will be familiar with the details. Basically, the Red Queen, a super-computer and the state-of-the-art in A.I., goes "homicidal" and kills everyone in the Hive.

This opening scene is brilliant and sets the tone for the rest of the film. Anderson has opted for a much different style than he presented in 'Event Horizon' (another rather good film), as he presents us with a world that is sleek and stylish, almost clinical. It becomes clear at this point that the virus has been released deliberately but for what purpose and by whom, we are left in the dark, for now.

After the excellent opening sequence (during which it becomes immediately obvious that the soundtrack is going to be brilliant) we move on to the more familiar setting of the famous Mansion, the emergency entrance into the Hive. Already Milla Jovovich turns up naked, although this is shot well and manages to not seem too gratuitous. Meanwhile the Umbrella Corp. has dispatched a special-ops unit, armed to the teeth, to investigate the strange goings on down in the Hive and to establish why the Red Queen killed everyone. Leading this predictable band of gun-toting rogues is Britain's own Colin Salmon, of the most recent Bond films fame. Salmon offers a good performance and his distinct vocal talents lend themselves well to a seamless American accent.

There is also a good performance from back-up babe Michelle Rodriguez, playing, as others have said, a "Lara Croft wannabe". Rodriguez gives a good, solid performance, although it does rather harken back to Vasquez from 'Aliens', while not quite managing to recreate the unique appeal of that character. The rest of the characters, sadly, are rather non-descript, especially James Purefoy, who plays Jovovich's love-interest and Eric Mabius. You'll be lucky if you can remember the names of half the characters in this film and when you leave the cinema you will be referring to them as "the black guy" and "the one that got eaten near the beginning", etc. Some people have criticised this lack of character development, stating that, feeling little empathy for these two-dimensional cardboard cut-outs, you don't care whether the characters live or die. However, I would argue that this is an asset, as it means you can sit happily for an hour or so, watching people get torn to shreds by zombies and not feel too conflicted. The only other character for whom there is a touch of empathy is that of Kaplan (Martin Crewes) who spends practically the entire film "about to die any minute" and you'll be willing him to live throughout!

So Jovovich, wearing a delightfully skimpy outfit, and this motley crew of ramshackle desperados delve deep into the Hive to confront a psychotic super-computer, hundreds of flesh-eating zombies and a giant mutant creature with a long, razor-sharp tongue. What ensues is plenty of gun fire and Jovovich ass-kicking. All in all it's pretty entertaining stuff, well shot and well lit, with an excellent soundtrack (kudos to Marilyn Manson, the absence of whose whining lyrics provides proof that he actually has some talent). Don't expect Oscar performances from any of the cast, although I always think the lack of A-list talent, minus one to put on the billboards, is an asset for any film! Just expect a range of non-entities, ready to get hacked to bits one by one, led by a couple of sexy, well-armed babes in knee-high rubber boots!

The film is of good quality, although die-hard fans of the horror genre will be comparing it to 'Night of the Living Dead', etc. This is a very different type of zombie film and comparison should be taken with a pinch of salt. The film is faithful to the game, while, thankfully, keeping the zest without merely recycling what we've already seen. There is plenty of gore but not so much that your left reeling by the sickening stupidity of it all! And of course there's Milla, whose naked scenes, as I said before, are tastefully done but are still present for the blatant purpose of keeping the lads' duel lust for violence and "booty" satisfied. The dialogue has some pretty awful cliches, as is to be expected from this genre, but on the whole it's of a better standard than I've come to expect from horror films.

Finally a round of applause for young Michaela Dicker, the voice of the Red Queen. Inevitably, the Red Queen has been compared to HAL but God only knows why because, apart from both being homicidal super-computers, they bare absolutely no comparison. Apart from one - the key to the success of both as 'characters' is the fact that they're not so much "frightening" as they are "disconcerting". In the case of HAL, it was his blatant homo-eroticism, in the case of the Red Queen it's the fact that she's modeled on a little girl, the head programmer's daughter we're told. The sound of a girl, who can't be much older than eight or nine, explaining why it was necessary to kill everyone in the Hive is deeply disturbing and Dicker delivers, by far, some of the most memorable quotes from the film, including: "you're all going to die down here!" and "I've been a bad, bad girl."

This really is a blokes' film, the kind you'd go see with your mates rather than your girlfriend. It all raps up nicely for a sequel (Resident Evil: Nemesis already in the pipeline) so watch this space.

7/10

Unlike others who have commented on this film I am actually English, so all this talk of H.B.O. means nothing to me. I watched The Gathering Storm last night on the good old B.B.C. I was absolutely amazed by Albert Finney's performance as the premier statesman of our country and a great British hero, Sir Winston Churchill, as he later became after Queen Elizabeth II made him a Knight of the Garter (having turned down the dukedom of London).

Finney simply IS Winston Churchill! He has every part of Churchill's character down to a 'T' and delivers a moving and vivid portrayal of Churchill in the years before him premiership. The cast also includes other eminent British actors including Vanessa Redgrave (CBE) as Churchill's devoted wife, Clemmie; Jim Broadbent (as Desmond Morton); Sir Derek Jacobi (as Stanley Baldwin); Tom Wilkinson (as Robert Vansittart); Celia Imrie (as Churchill's secretary, "Mrs. P."); and Hugh Bonneville (as Ivo Pettifer). There are also two notable appearances from Sir John Standing Bt (Lord Hoyse) and Tim Bentinck, a relative of the Churchill family (as Harborough).

I was also very happy to see the great Ronnie Barker (OBE) out of retirement to play the Churchills' butler, David Inches. Barker is fantastic and funny in this warm role that serves to illustrate the love and devotion that Churchill inspired in those around and under him.

This film brings British history into glorious and vivid colour and allows the viewer to concentrate on Churchill's character and persona and his relationships with others by concentrating on the period before Churchill attained his true greatness. The story focuses on Churchill's period of isolation within the Conservative Party. Stanley Baldwin (Jacobi) is Prime Minister and Churchill is being lambasted for his outbursts against Adolf Hitler, the Nazi Party and the re-armament of Germany. There are some brilliant scenes in the House of Commons with good performances from Finney, Jacobi and Hugh Bonneville as a particularly slimey M.P. The scenes between Finney and Redgrave are also excellent and show how special the relationship between Churchill and his wife was and how important Clemmie was to Winston, not only because he was clearly madly in love with her but also because she saved him from his "black dog" (particularly touching is the scene when Winston and Clemmie fight and make up, calling each other Mrs Pusseycat and Mr Pug).

Finney reveals both the political brilliance and extraordinary wit of Churchill but also his darker side - his dark moods and depressions. Finney is totally unashamed in showing Churchill to be the rather self-important man that he was. But on reflection at the life he lived, how can anyone criticise Churchill for having a vivid sense of his own destiny? Coming as he did from a long line of politically accomplished men, including the great Duke of Marlborough, whom he mentions on numerous occasions in the film. At the time it probably seemed arrogant to those around him but, with retrospect, now seems wholly justified.

My only criticism of the film would be that it is too short and omitted much - totally cutting out the Abdication Crisis, in which Churchill played an important part (supporting Edward VIII) and the role of Neville Chamberlain (thankfully, as Chamberlain all too oftens receives all the blame). I was also disappointed not to see any reference to, in my opinion, one of Churchill's most important relationships - the relationship between himself and King George VI (another of my heroes). This makes sense, however, given Churchill's role in the abdication and given that the relationship only really blossomed after Churchill assumed the premiership (developing into mutual admiration).

Churchill fans, those interested in history (as this is quite accurate), WWII enthusiasts or anyone who likes a good drama - this is for you!! I highly recommend it. And to our American cousins who so loved the H.B.O. showing - I don't know how readily available books are out there but if you're interested in Churchill then I also recommend the recent biography by Lord [Roy] Jenkins ("Churchill"), although I know this web-site's more concerned with films rather than books, it's a cracking good read.

8/10 - let's hope somebody thinks to make a "Gathering of the Storm II" with Finney reprising the role!

It's important to say right from the beginning that this is not an epic Oscar-winning film and it will not be to everybody's taste but if you're the kind of person who usually likes films that other people hate and are a fan of cult-classics, such as David Lynch's 'Dune', then I urge you to watch this film.

The People Under The Stairs is of the horror genre but is surprisingly funny. It is gory and bloody in the traditional Wes Craven sense but you will find a lot of this inexplicably humourous. It's almost a black comedy.

The tale is about a young African-American boy named Fool (Brandon Quintin Adams) who, along with some unworthy role-models (including Ving Rhames), breaks into the the wrong house. He and his hapless friends break into the house of the local psychos, an odd couple who are rumoured to have millions of dollars along with a valuable coin collection stashed away in their large suburban house. However, the would-be-thieves find that their intended victims are a little bit more than merely eccentric and that to say they have one or two skeletons in their closet would be an understatement.

The Fool and his friends choose the couple because they are the rich landlords over-pricing their families into the ghettos. However, the couple turn out to be completely insane and the young lads soon find themselves trapped in a suburban nightmare.

The house is a giant hight-tech, booby-trapped prison and "Mommy" and "Daddy" (Wendy Robie and Everett McGill) have been spending years kidnaping children and "cutting out the bits that were bad" and locking them in the celler when the boys displeased them. Only two of the children have escaped this fate: their only "daughter", an angelic girl named Alice (A.J. Lander), deeply scarred by a lifetime locked in hell, and a tongueless escapee from the celler called Roach (Sean Whalen), who moves about the house inside the walls pursued by his "Daddy", wearing a gimp-costume and brandishing a shot-gun and blowing holes in the walls.

This film is very good. The setting is brilliant. Craven turns an innocent-looking suburban household into a frightening maze filled with traps, tunnels and secret passages. Add to this an absolutely terrifying killer dog, which good ole' Ma and Pa have been rearing on human flesh, and you have a recipe for real suspense. As I said before though, much of this film is quite funny and the gore and suspense will leave you either cringing in the corner or laughing morbidly and punching the shoulder of the person next to you.

The acting is pretty solid throughout with excellent performances by Robie and McGill as "Mommy" and "Daddy" (McGill is particularly memorable).

As for those who don't like this film, allow me to quote from the script, "may they burn in hell!"

7/10

This film features another brilliant performance from the veteran comedy duo, Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau (sadly, both recently deceased). I shouldn't have to say anymore to sell this film to you. If you're a fan of Lemmon and Matthau then you'll love this film, if you're not, then you're philistines and who cares what you think anyway?

This lovely example of early 1980s comedy features Matthau as an assassin who's been hired by the Mob to "off this stoolie". During the execution (no pun intended) of this task he bumps into Victor Clooney (Lemmon), a weird little man, whose wife has left him and joined a sex-colony.

I can honestly say that I feel no need whatsoever to elaborate any further. As I said, Lemmon and Matthau's names in the credits was enough to make me watch this film and I'm so glad I did. It's hilarious! If you don't find this film funny then check your pulse because you're probably dead.

8.5/10

This film is simply a master-stroke. It depicts one of the greatest military victories in British history and, from the point of view of the French, one of the most disastrous. This battle put an end to the monstrous (but impressive) career of the 'Great Thief of Europe', Napoleon Bonaparte.

Firstly, as an Briton, I must count the Duke of Wellington as one of my heroes but I should also say that I am a great admirer of the Emperor. Although I stand in awe of his achievements, however, as a patriot, I can't say I regret that he was eventually defeated. Nevertheless, this doesn't stop me from admiring him.

This film is probably the best film ever made that so vividly depicts the unique relationship between these two exceptional characters: Field Marshal Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington and Napoleon Bonaparte, Emperor of the French, who, between them, were the greatest military minds of that era (along with the great naval genius Rear-Admiral Horatio, Viscount Nelson, who beat the French at Trafalgar, but was tragically killed in the Battle).

The film has an amazing international cast, which includes Rod Steiger, Christopher Plummer, Virginia McKenna, Jack Hawkins, Dan O'Herlihy and the legendary Orson Welles as King Louis XVIII.

Steiger plays the Emperor and the film starts with one of his most loyal generals, Marshal Michel Ney, Duc d'Elchingen (O'Herlihy), forcing him to abdicate the French throne. Steiger's portrayal of Bonaparte is electric and he plays the Emperor almost like a tragi-hero. A military genius who lays waste to most of Europe but cannot overcome his own inner-demons. Steiger's portrayal, unlike most depictions of Napoleon, shows both the Emperor's military and political fervour as well as his anxiety, insecurity and mental anguish. The director is mindful of the fact that, although Napoleon was embarking on the definitave military campaign of his life, he was mentally exhausted and destroyed by the absence of his beloved son, who was 'captive' in Austria with his mother. Although occasionally a little too zelous, on the whole, Steiger's performance lights up the screen, giving the viewer a vivid sense of Napoleon's imperfections, his tantrums and eccentricities.

Christopher Plummer takes on the role of one of Britain's great heroes. Once again, Sergei Bondarchuk has made no effort to romanticise or excessively glorify the 'Iron Duke'. Plummer's performance is beautifully underacted and Plummer chooses to show both Wellington's massive ego and his sharp and witty sense of humour. Like Napoleon, and most English aritocrats, Wellington was also an eccentric (this is most excellently demonstrated by the Duke's response to the discovery that a man from the Enniskillen, whom he "flogged more than the rest of the army put together", had stolen a pig - promoting him to corporal). Plummer makes no attempt to sugar-coat Wellington or hide some of the Field Marhsal's less attractive character traits and prejudices, one of his first utterances in the film being "scum! Beggars and scoundrels the lot of them. Gin is the spirit of their patriotism" (to the Duchess of Richmond, in reference to his own men).

Bondarchuk takes the risky but highly effective gamble of packing the script full of actual quotes attributed to the great men themselves. This could easily have been a disaster but pays off beautifully. Even though they never meet, the Emperor and the Iron Duke almost seem to have a bizarre rapour, Napoleon saying of Wellington "this man has two qualities I admire: courage and, above all, caution" and Wellington saying of Napoleon "by God, this man does war honour". It also reveals a curious phenomenon that existed between Napoleon and Wellington in that Napoleon publicly derided Wellington's skill as a commander but in private admired him a great deal, whereas Wellington always publicly expressed admiration for Napoleon but in private confided that he thought the Emperor a bad strategist and a clumsy military leader.

Bondarchuk performs a master-stroke of directing. The cinematography is amazing and highly effective, combining clever, well-chosen close-ups with audacious panoramic views of the battlefield. Thrown into this the great performances by Steiger and Plummer and an amazing supporting cast, including the great Jack Hawkins (sadly, due to his having throat cancer, rather badly dubbed) as the curmudgeonly General Sir Thomas Picton, Dan O'Herlihy as the charismatic Marshal Ney and Virginia McKenna as the snobbish closet-Bonapartist Duchess of Richmond, and the result is magic!

The battle scenes are exceptional (although perhaps not quite bloody enough to give an accurate depiction of the horror and carnage of warfare at that time). Bondarchuk wastes no time using poetic licence, dumbing down or filling every scene with stupid romantic flummery - the characterisation is limited to the two great commanders and those closest around them at the time. Only Ney and Soult and Uxbridge, Ponsonby and Picton are developed much beyond simply who they were.

The film should also be congratulated on its historical accuracy. One or two minor inaccuracies aside, the film is extremely faithful, especially in terms of the battle itself and the military strategy involved. Sadly, in recent times, especially in America, the Hollywood machine seems all to happy to totally re-write history (e.g., "Saving Private Ryan" and "Braveheart"). Anyone looking for another "Titanic" or "Ryan" will not be interested in this film. If you just like watching films that bypass historical fact and depict the U.S.A. single-handedly saving the world then may I recommend "U-571".

This film does none of these things, it shows the French, English, Scots, Irish, Belgians, Dutch, Prussians (Germans), Russians, and all the rest, fighting in a time when war was honourable and wasn't decided by some lab-technician siting three miles under ground in Washington with his finger on a button and where there where military casualties actually outnumbered civilian ones.

This film is exceptionally impressive, especially given as many of the panoramic views of the army formations were shot using cardboard cut-outs (much more effective than the contemporary practice of simply CGI-ing both armies). The only flaw is the bad dubbing throughout the film and the fact that, like so many de Laurentiis films, the original director's cut was 5 hours long and some soulless corporate hacks slashed it down to just over 2!

Nevertheless, this is movie-history!

10/10 - and that's rare!

This film is absolutely brilliant. Bryan Singer has done an excellent job, remaining respectful to the original material but still managing to give the story and the characters a unique flavour.

Singer puts together an amazing cast, led by two British greats. Patrick Stewart plays Prof. Charles Xavier, teacher and leader of the X-Men. Sir Ian McKellen plays Prof. X's alter-ego, the master of magnetism, Erik Lehnsherr/Magneto. They are joined by Hugh Jackman as Wolverine, Famke Janssen as Dr. Jean Grey, and Halle Berry as Storm. The good thing about the casting in this film though is that it also includes relative unknowns such as James Marsden (Cyclops) and Tyler Mane (Sabretooth). Singer employs Ray Park, the stuntman who found fame as Darth Maul in "Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace" and later as the Headless Horseman in Tim Burton's "Sleepy Hollow", as Toad, the model Rebecca Romijn-Stamos as Mystique, and the largely underrated Bruce Davidson as Senator Robert Kelly.

The storyline is brilliant and believable. Singer has managed to make a film that is really entertaining and which includes all the best Marvel traditions, with amazing special effects, dazzling locations and a witty script, as well as creating a story that is thought-provoking and quite intellectual. McKellen's Magneto almost becomes an anti-hero (as the beginning shows him as a young boy in Auswitz, watching his parents being carted off to the gas chambers. Obviously this sets a mind-set within Lehnsherr's psyche, which drives him to desperate measures when he sees the kind of prejudice directed against mutants (of course, he's a mutant as well as a Jew) by people such as Sen. Kelly.

The extreme nature of Magneto's beliefs are illustrated by the opposing view of Lehnsherr's old friend, Prof. Xavier. The storyline tells us (and anyone familiar with the comic will know) how Xavier and Lehnsherr were once close friends but were pushed apart by their increasingly differing views on how to approach the hostility towards mutants.

The story is well crafted and the script clever. The characters are well-rounded and interesting and Singer draws well from the Marvel comics, remaining very true to the essence of the characters.

All in all, this is an excellent film and I highly recommend it.

8/10

Nothing need be said about this film that shouldn't be obvious from the fact that some brain-dead idiot let Joel Schumacher direct it AGAIN!

I cannot believe that after Batman Forever someone thought it would be a good idea to let Schumacher try and redeem himself. I've got news for you - IT CAN'T BE DONE, BECAUSE TO REDEEM HIMSELF SCHUMACHER WOULD NEED TALENT!!!

The cast are awful (with the exception of Michael Gough as Batman's trusty aide, Alfred)! Schumacher casts Val Kilmer adrift (or maybe Kilmer did the wise thing and jumped) and replaces him with yet another plank of wood. This time he opts for ex-ER doc George Cloony, who was fashionable at the time but who had the acting ability of a blob of horseradish (he's improved a little, thank God, but not soon enough to save this dire offering). Cloony is teamed up with Chris O'Donnell as Dick Grayson/Robin, who is just as rubbish in this film as he was in the last, acting like a brooding, moody teenager throughout the whole thing. Alicia Silverstone is introduced in some tight rubber to play Alfred's niece Barbara, who metamorphasises into 'Batgirl'. She has a moustace, 'nuff said!

The villains are also pretty rubbish with some huge muscle thing following in tow of Uma Thurman as Dr. Pam Isley/Poison Ivy. Thurman decides to play Ivy like a silent-film melodrama villain with a posh British accent (a prerequisite for modern Hollywood villains it would seem) and she is accompanied by Arnold Schwarzenegger as Dr. Fries/Mr. Freeze.

It's a sad case of affairs when Arnie is the best thing in a film, especially if that's in terms of acting talent!

The comic-booky rubbish and unbelieveability which ruined Batman Forever is taken to new depths in this film.

0/10 - the film reel for Batman and Robin should be fired from a cannon into the center of the sun!

Oh dear.

Alas, we must say goodbye to both Tim Burton, the master-director that made such a success of the first two films, and Michael Keaton, the film's star. Keaton is replaced by Val Kilmer as Bruce Wayne/Batman. I have no animosity towards Mr. Kilmer and have liked some of his work but, sadly, he attempts to emulate Keaton's moody style and fails. Instead we get a rather wooden performance with Kilmer staring into emptiness through his mask and reading his lines as though he were reading them off the palm of his hand.

The delectable Nicole Kidman follows in the footsteps of Kim Basinger and Michelle Pfeiffer as the Dark Knight's love-interest, Dr. Chase Meridian, a psycho-analyst (Batman on the couch having his head shrunk is a tragedy!). The lovely Kidman is a vast improvement on Basinger and different in kind to Pfeiffer's dark romance with the caped-crusader. Schumacher gives us the usually brilliant Tommy Lee Jones as Harvey Dent/Two-Face. Two-Face is an excellent character and Jones does a good job, given the generally tacky nature of Schumacher's film! Jim Carrey is so over the top as Edward Nygma/The Riddler that he's not even worth watching. The rest of the cast are equally forgettable, except for Michael Gough, who reprises his role as Wayne's faithful manservant, Alfred. Alfred's one-liners (i.e. "I wonder if they'll have me back at Buckingham Palace") are the only thing that make this travesty worth watching.

Schumacher is a truly dreadful director and makes a complete mockery of the Batman saga. The action is uncredible and the plot has more holes than a piece of Swiss cheese. Also, and most damningly, Schumacher abandons Burton's brilliant gothic image of Gotham (it's in the name for God's sake!) and instead opts for a strange, bizarre bastardisation of it. Everything's exaggerated and stupid-looking.

THIS FILM IS AWFUL! Don't bother with it.

3/10

Michael Keaton returns as the caped-crusader in this second instalment from master-gothic director, Tim Burton. Reviving the partnership he had with musical-maestro, Danny Elfman, in the first film and also in 'Beetlejuice' and 'Edward Scissorhands'.

Keaton gives another great turn as the Dark Knight, sadly his last, this time with a new love-interest in the form of Selina Scott/Catwoman. Michelle Pfeiffer plays the feline femme fatale, whose cat-suit provided a whole generation of young men with deep psychological problems.

Perhaps knowing that this would be his last Batman-film, Burton spares no expense and also brings us the wonderfully grotesque Danny DeVito as Batman's new arch-nemesis, The Penguin, and the gravel-voiced Christopher Walken as the scheming businessman, Max Schrek.

I remember when I first saw this film I was a little disappointed with it. Although I would never have admitted it at the time, I was probably a little young to watch this film at the time. Burton was clearly in a dark place when he made it and I found many of the scenes quite disturbing - especially the scene where DeVito messily eats a raw fish (with rather too much gusto for my liking) and the sight of dark, thick blood pumping out of the nose of the poor luckless moron The Penguin had just bitten was enough to make me get up and leave the room.

Nevertheless, this film is very good and most of the cast give strong performances. However, it is much moodier than the first film and I advise parents to adhere to the film's classification when it comes to showing it to children.

6/10

Be in absolutely no doubt - THIS IS A GREAT FILM. The 1989 Tim Burton 'Batman' has become a modern classic and the template for future comic-book-come-movie efforts such as 'X-Men' and 'Spider-man'. This film's standing is of course hightened by the mighty hash Joel Schumacher made of the last two films.

Burton picks up where the Superman series left off and re-invents the genre. Burton implements the brilliant gothic style we've come to expect from his other films, such as 'Beetlejuice' and 'Edward Scissorhands'. Burton reunites with Beetlejuice-star Michael Keaton. Keating hangs up his striped suit and dons the black tights as the caped-crusader. The casting in this film is quite excellent. Keaton is brilliant and portrays Bruce Wayne/Batman in a moody and emotional way that is so effective it even covers up the lack of any kind of acting talent in Kim Basinger (as Wayne's love-interest, Vicky Vale). The legendary Jack Nicholson is simply excellent at the psychotic Jack Napier/Joker. Kudos also goes to Britain's own Michael Gough as Wayne's trusty old retainer, Alfred. Of course, Gough would later be the only good thing retained in the Batman dynasty after the series was placed in Schumacher's bungling hands. Thankfully, Gough was spared the humiliation of ever having to don the cape and tights himself, as Alfred was often prone to have to do in the original TV series. Although the old man playing Alfred in the original looked a damned sight better in them than Adam West.

This film is brilliant and, in light of the Schumacher debacle, a classic. The cast is wonderful and the story-line is also good. The setting and the characters are dark and gothic and lacks the stupid unrealistic nonsense of the last two films. Watch this! It's the original and best!

8/10

I am constantly waiting for someone to screw up a 'comic-book into film' movie but Spider-man isn't that film. By all accounts, Spider-man carries on this recent trend without cheapening the story.

Like most of the recent comic-come-movie efforts the director has obviously heavily resisted the urge to go O.T.T., with the effect of making the film slightly reek of restraint. Spider-man isn't as good as X-Men. There are two possible reasons for this. The first would be that there was greater wealth of characters in X-Men. Spider-man is basically Peter Parker/Spiderman (Tobey Maguire) versus Norman Osborn/The Green Goblin (Willem Defoe). Most of the other characters are pretty forgettable, with the notable exception of J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson. In contrast, X-Men had all the old comic-book favourites: Wolverine, Cyclops, Magneto, Storm, Sabretooth and Professor X.

The second possibility might be the quality of the actors (warning! Prepare for patriotic British rant!). X-Men has the superior quality of that great British acting knight, Sir Ian McKellen (Magneto), and the classically trained Shakespearian officer of the Order of the British Empire, Mr. Patrick Stewart (Xavier), the talented Mr. Ray Park (Toad) and the lovely Miss Anna Pacquin (Rogue). There was also our Australian cousin, Mr. Jackman (Wolverine) and the beautiful Halle Berry (Storm).

Spider-man had very little big-name talent (none of them British, I hasten to add). Pretty much anyone could have been Spider-man but Tobey Maguire was perfect as Peter Parker and Kirsten Dunst was an excellent up-and-coming choice for Spiderman's love-interest, Mary Jane Watson. J.K. Simmons, the actor who played Parker's curmudgeonly editor-employer, J. Jonah Jameson, was simply brilliant, hilarious! Now, Mr. Willem Defoe... he is not an actor for whom I have ever had any particular affection and this opinion was cemented by his performance in the villain in Speed 2: Cruise Control (a truly awful film!). However, Defoe performs quite adequately as the desperate entrepreneur, Norman Osborn, who, through an excellently done sequence of schizophrenic split-personality sequences, eventually becomes Spiderman's antithesis, The Green Goblin. Having seen Spider-man, I cannot imagine anyone else playing the role of the Goblin, due to Defoe's uniquely structured face, although the inanimate mask he wears is annoying at first because the gaping jaws of the Goblin never move, even when he's in full flow, and later it's annoying because, thanks to close-ups, you can see Defoe's mouth talking through the blackout of the mouth.

In terms of villains Defoe's Goblin is certainly no match for Sir Ian's Magneto. A friend of mine suggested that Jack Nicholson would have been better but I would maintain that Nicholson will always be The Joker! Defoe performed adequately considering the mighty foot-steps he's following (I certainly wouldn't want to be up against Nicholson or McKellen if talent was being measured).

In conclusion, the storyline is good and not too unbelieveable, although it seemed somewhat unambitious given the media hype. The much raved about special effects were good for the most part but for some lousy editing when Maguire gets replaced by a CGI Spiderman climbing up a wall. I can't help thinking that the camera being turned on it's side to film Adam West's Batman walking "up" a wall looked more real. Some have criticised the director's attempt to inject humour into the story but I found most of the jokes quite funny (i.e., Spiderman's early career as an amateur wrestler). However, the script let's them down and I expected better banter between Spiderman and the Goblin (more of the kind of great one-liners we got from Magneto and Joker). There was also the increasingly obligatory product-placement (kudos to Carlsberg) but I have forgiven them because they put Kirsten Dunst in a wet T-shirt!

To be perfectly honest, it's worth seeing just for that and also the few scenes with Simmons (Jameson) in. It's good fun to watch and most of the criticisms (in Britain anyway) that it's too violent are akin to the criticisms that Harry Potter promotes the occult! Thank God comic-book films aren't going down the same ruinous road as the computer-game films (i.e., Lara Croft, Street Fighter, Mortal Combat, etc.), except for some idiot giving the Batman films to Joel Schumacher! However, remaining cynical, I await Ben Affleck as the DareDevil and the Incredible Hulk films with great interest.

6.5/10

I rented this and recommend it to anyone. It is the best ghost film since Sixth Sense. Nicole Kidman gives a brilliant performance as a protective mother of two photosensitive children, as does Fionnula Flannagen as Mrs Mills, the housekeeper. The film is brilliantly shot and the old house in which the story takes place makes for a dark (because of the children's sensitivity to light), almost gothic setting, complimented by Ms Kidman's gorgeous porcelain appearance. The Spanish director, whose name eludes me, creates a beautifully chilling environment and employs some gloriously creative cinematography.

Final kudos must also go to the veteran British actor, Eric Sykes, who despite his well-known deafness gives a well timed and classically executed performance as the rather dead-pan gardener. However, my biggest round of applause belong, unquestionably, to the two child actors. Both of them will go far. They were both brilliant, but particularly the little girl who played Anne (she was hilarious).

The only criticism would be Christopher Eccleston's short little cameo. Getting such a big actor for such a tiny bit-part, for me, just seemed to distract from the story.

8/10!

I must confess, I was not as critical of George Lucas when I watched "Episode I" but I did think he'd lost his edge. It just lost some of the mystique of the original trilogy.

It had something to say for it: Natalie Portman (who we all fancied in "Leon" and were thoroughly ashamed of ourselves!), Darth Maul was moody and menacing and Ian McDiarmid did a brilliant turn, reprising his role (the only one to do so, except Anthony Daniels and Kenny Baker as the Droids) as the sinister Palpatine, presenting us with the roots of the Emperor's insidious rise to power. However, there were a number of major problems that can be summed up in three words: Jar Jar Binks.

Jar Jar was the epitome of everything that was wrong with Lucas' vision of "Episode 1", thankfully that George Lucas is dead and the Lucas we all knew and loved seems to have returned.

"Episode II" is a master stroke, returning to the mythological roots of the original trilogy. Dealing with intense political intrigue, "Episode II" sees the now retired Queen Amidala (a novelty for us Brits) acting as a controversial Senator Padme Amidala. Palpatine is now Supreme Chancellor of the Republic, which is under threat from a group of separatists led by the Count Dooku, played by Hammer Horror "Dracula" star and the old colleague of Peter Cushing (who played Grand Moff Tarkin in "Episode IV"), Christopher Lee. When an assassination attempt is made on Senator Amidala's life the Supreme Chancellor calls in the Jedi to protect her and Jedi Masters Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson is back and bigger than ever) and Yoda (voice of Frank Oz) assign the task to the now qualified Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor continuing his transformation into Sir Alec Guinness) and his grown up padawan Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christiansen taking over from Jake Lloyd).

This next installment in the Star Wars saga is mind-blowing. Lucas has assembled a characteristically brilliant cast, playing an array of highly imaginative new characters as well as some old favourites. Jar Jar Binks, now a representative in the Galactic Senate, is given a back-seat in this film, thank heaven. Top prizes go to Samuel L. Jackson and Ewen McGregor. Hayden Christiansen is brilliant as the angry young Skywalker and the sadly underrated Ian McDiarmid retains his brilliantly accomplished sleazy politician look. However, top marks must go to Christopher Lee as Lucas' new villain, picking up where Darth Maul left off after he 'split' in "Episode I". Count Dooku/Darth Tyranus is dark, mysterious and terrifying and Mr. Lee's excellent performance justifies my on-going calls for his knighthood!

You'll be wanting to see this again before it's even finished. The settings and characters are lavish and the battle scenes are simply amazing and you'll be completely gob-smacked by Yoda. Don't take your eyes off him if you want to see him kick arse. You won't believe it's the same Yoda.

I think Lucas has accomplished something I thought was impossible here: he's made up for "Episode I". Some of the love-scenes between Anakin and Padme are a bit syrupy and sicky but Lucas makes up for this by pulling off his attempts at humour by abandoning Jar Jar Binks in favour of some good old traditional C-3P0/R2-D2 slap-stick!

My only other criticisms would be that once again Lucas is relying too heavily on the special effects. Part of the brilliance of the original trilogy is that it all looks more real because they're models, not computer generated space ships, and the models are REAL! I was disappointed to see that Yoda was always computer generated. Maybe I'm just weird, but I liked the 'muppet', although it does make Yoda more flexible, which you'll all appreciate later on.

8/10

I was immensely disappointed with this offering. It represents a real missed opportunity to take advantage of an excellent character and a brilliant concept.

The storyline was too complicated and fiddly - they'd have been much better advised to simplify the story and stick to the basic format of raiding tombs!

I was disappointed that the characters of Lara Croft and her father, Lord Croft were both played by Americans. I have the upmost respect for Angelina Jolie and her legendary father, Jon Voight, but those roles belonged to a Brit! Ms Jolie and Mr Voight suffered badly from bad dialogue and Mr Voight has become increasingly hammy (his turn as F.D.R. in the awful Pearl Harbor was stomach churning). The scenes between Voight and his daughter was absolutely awful, so syruppy, please pass the bucket!

This film was entirely unconvincing and comic-booky! I liked the addition of the incomparable Chris Barrie of Red Dwarf and the Brittas Empire fame, as the hilarious Hillary the Butler. Leslie Phillips was also a welcome addition, although criminally underused, and again suffering from bad dialogue and a role that seemed to have no purpose. He should have been in it more and that awful hacker character should have been scrapped altogether.

One last bone of contention, if you're going to use the English aristocracy in a film at least do your homework. The villain of the piece repeatedly referred to Lara Croft as "Lady Croft". Assuming that Lord Croft was a hereditary or life baron, his daughter would be unlikely to be styled "Lady Lara Croft". She'd much more likely be "The Honourable Lara Croft", unless Lord Croft is and Earl or above in which case Lady Lara Croft would be abbrieviated to "Lady Lara", never "Lady Croft".

To be "Lady Croft", she'd have to be married to Lord Croft. So, either Lord Croft had a son who inherited the title and 'married' his sister (watching Jerry Springer, perhaps some Yanks think this plauseable) or the script-writers haven't a clue what they're talking about.

A major disappointment and completely unfeasable. Stick to the computer game.

Paul Bennett is clearly out of his mind comparing this film to Machiavelli. Pretending that this film is anything more than puerile rubbish is a severe stretch of the imagination. This film was by no means a serious critique of British politics or contemporary capitalism, in fact, the scenes shot in Parliament are miniscule and riddled with inaccuracies (a real lost opportunity).

I like Ali G's TV stuff, for much the same reason I like Mark Thomas, even though I don't agree with any of his political views: I think it essential for any democracy that people like Messrs Baron Cohen and Thomas exist! However, A.G.I. is a BIG disappointment. It's so incredibly far-fetched that you find yourself bored by it quite quickly. Ali G's election to the Commons and his subsequent success as an M.P. is so unlikely that you soon realise that no matter what he does he's going to get away with it.

There's nothing in this film to grip you unless you're such a die-hard Ali G fan that you're not going to hear a word said against it no matter how dire it is. For me, this film suffered from the same problem as Kevin & Perry Go Large - it's a sad attempt to create a movie-length 'sketch'. How they got the likes of Sir Michael Gambon and Charles Dance to participate is beyond me (large sums of money I assume), especially given some of the things Mr Dance is made to do during the film (Sir Michael appears to have been spared too much embarrasment)

It's boring toilet humour that should be outmoded in this day and age and should be consigned to the same broom-cupboard along with all the Carry-On films. I think a lot of Ali G fans will be equally disappointed with this pitiful offering and advise everyone thinking of seeing this to wait for the video.