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Reviews
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
Is there something wrong with me?
How can so many people possibly hate this movie? I loved it. So what if you could pull something better out of your ass? You didn't and Tom Green did. The lack of effort is half of what makes this movie so funny. Some of the humour sinks to the lowest level just to get a chuckle but it's really worth it. If you find this movie funny it doesn't mean you're an idoit...it probably just means you're a guy...I don't know many girls that would like this movie. This movie is stupid but that works in it's favour. I mean the cheese sandwhich part at the restaurant makes me laugh out loud everytime. And how can people be so hard on Tom Green. This man grabbed a horse's schlong just for your entertainment, doesn't that deserve even a little respect? So what I know this isn't a "good" movie...but it has a place in my heart...and hopefully it'll find a place in yours. :)
Commando (1985)
WHOA!!!
This movie is absolutley fabulous. I haven't laughed so hard watching a movie in quite some time. The action is finely tuned, the one liners are shear artwork, and arnold in his purple speedo is both gratitous and yet..somehow nessesary. This movie is the PERFECT movie. It just doesn't stop puns, quips, and deaths are abound in this incredible movie. Some parts must have been made deliberatly funny. Technically this movie isn't worth the package it came in....but for just plain entertainment it is unrivaled. I'd rather not get into specifics because I want to to discover this amazing movie for yourself. 10/10 a damn good time whether it was intentional or not.
Children of the Living Dead (2001)
This movie is a hidden treause(read on before judgement)
This movie was an absolute blast. Gather round and I shall regale you with is story of how I came upon this gem of a movie. I went to my local blockbuster with my two chums and was looking at the movie Dog Soldiers. I said "We should rent this it looks either half decent or so bad it's funny." One of the employees said "No, this movie was sort of interesting if you want a really crappy movie follow me". So off we went to the vhs section of Blockbuster. He hauled out children of the living dead. He summed it up the best "You will laugh your ass off. This movie is the most terrible thing in the store. The acting is garbage, the special effects are sad, and the ending doesn't make even romotely ANY sense whatsoever...But I'll leave you to discover it for yourself." So we thanked him and off he went. We had to wait for my friends mom to rent the movie so we left it at the front desk and went across the street to get snacks for the movie. When we came back like 5 minutes later instead of the usual "hello" Blockbuster employees give you the guy was like "It was that bad you're back already?". This movie is absolutely the worst thing to be dedicated to film. The previews are a riot in themselves. I'd have to say one of my favorite parts is probably when tom savini is aiming a sniper rifle at a car and he says "Surprise" but his lips don't move That's what happens when you dubb nearly the entire movie. The acting is is like High quality porn(and that's not saying much), the special effects are retard-quality, and the story is just abso-f**k-inglutely insane. And just wait 'til the last giant battle at the diner.(tom savini plays someone else..he's the guy hucking dynamite from his car. He shaved his beard and only my friend noticed). To call this movie crap would be a compliment. But I will call it crap becuase it will encourage these movie makers to continue to produce these finely tuned laughing stocks. If it were a little less boring in the middle it would be flawless. And the big kicker here is that everything is tinted light blue. After watching the movie we checked the back of the box and "OH MY GOD IT'S MADE IN 2001!!". It looks like they used paper towel for film...this movie is a disgrace. This movie sucks, so invite over your most sarcastic friends and have a gay old time. 0.0001/10-Final Score
A Clockwork Orange (1971)
One of My Favorites
This is by far one of my favorite movies(Alongside "Ravenous" and "Fargo"). The movie's greatness comes mainly from the subject material which is only imbelished by Kubricks competent directing and visual flare. Very stylish(ever notice how everything looks like a penis?). I really love this movie(the book is fantastic as well) and I wholy recommend it to anyone. As for the content it's not so much how graphic it is as opposed to the context and subject matter.Not for younger children but anyone that's mature enough...I saw it when I was 14..(which was last year). The less you know about this movie going into it the better. I had no idea what it was at all when I first seen it and was pleasantly surprised. This movie is just so visually stimulating, entertaing, and very deep. It's also a riot at some parts. I mean laugh out loud funny. Fantastic movie. It's not everyones cup of tea soo you can't be blamed if you don't like it...but odds are you will.
Resident Evil (2002)
Resident Evil? More like Resident Crappy
I know resident crappy isn't even the slightest bit clever but I'm too mad to be clever...This movie is absolutely terrible. What bothers me even more is so many people seem to love it. The subject matter has so much potential which is evident in the games. This could have easily been rated PG-13 if there was one less "f**k" and if the producers didn't want you to think the movie had to be good cuz it was rated R. The most fun had with this movie was when me and my friends were watching it and making fun of all the crappy acting and story. Michelle Rodruguaeauss or however you spell her name..(I'm too lazy to check) always has a scowl on her face like she just smelled something really bad...maybe it would make sense if there were some damn corpses there but there is hardly any gore. And when she says "When I get outta her I gotta get laid"(or something like that I was laughing to hard to remember.). Well good luck with a scowl like that...ewwwww. Or maybe she was scowling cuz she knew how bad this movie would be and that her carear would be in limbo..doomed to be in awful movies like blue crush crush for the rest of her life. bad bad movie
Ravenous (1999)
Just Plain Entertainment
I don't want to tell a whole lot about this film except IF YOU ARE DUMB YOU WILL NOT "GET" THIS MOVIE. It's not a complicated and it's alright not to like it but if you just don't get it don't ruin it for other people. This is the only movie that i would say is my absolute undisputed favorite movie. I'm both sad and glad that it did poorly in theatres and overall sales. Im sad because that means none of the people behind the movie got what they deserved....but then again it makes this movie even better to me because most people don't like. Sometims when i show it to people I know I'll be laughing my ass off and they will just sit and ask "Why is that funny?". I would just like to say this is not a light hearted comdedy it's what you'd call a dark comedy but you will still forget your problems and have a good time. Many people say it is a Dark comedy, it is not. They say it is a Horror movie, it is not, some people have even gone as far as to call it an action movie. It is just an experiance so shut up relax and watch. It's serious (but funny) and intense but not really or filled with foreign themes. It can be thought Provoking but probably not until a couple of viewing. This movie is only even touched by Jacob's Ladder.
10/10
If you plan on seeing this movie the less you know about it going in the better. If you think im a moron please feel free to email me. P.S Resident evil was garbage watch this instead.