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Darling (2015)
No
This movie sucks. Flat out. It's a shame to think about how much time and effort was put into this complete miscalculation of a movie. I understand it's a low budget film, but if you're trying to make a movie that catches peoples' attention and gets them wanting more, you have to realize that a movie like this is not the way to do it.
Borrowing heavily from Roman Polanski's "Repulsion," this "film" focuses on Darling, a girl with no name that's hired to watch over a giant, mysterious apartment while the owners leave town. Apparently some supernatural stuff happened in the apartment and it's caused multiple other apartment-watching girls from the past to commit suicide.
So yeah, of course she takes that job, it seems like it has a good reputation.
I swear, I watched this movie with subtitles on (as I do with all movies) and the caption "Eerie music playing" showed up like ten times. This movie was hilarious in its attempt to be tense and scary, when in reality it is an extremely mundane and unbelievably boring film. The main actress (a beautiful woman, I'll give her that) blankly stares her way through what feels like six hours, and this is a 78 minute film. The director clearly intended her to be a character that's as mysterious as the setting, but when she is given no character, barely speaks a word and stares into the camera for a grand total of fifty-five minutes, there is no takeaway there. The movie hopes that the musical score will make you feel scared and uneasy, but nothing happens in the apartment that would warrant an uneasy feeling. Through static, uninspired camera compositions, you don't feel like something scary is about to happen; you actually feel like this is the worst student film that ever won Best Prize at the high school film festival.
I was in utter awe at how far they dropped the ball on this one. There's even a completely pointless subplot where the main girl stalks a man and goes on a date with him only for it to end horribly wrong but at that point during the movie, I was already clocked out and asking for my money back, even though I rented this from a library. When the "twist" is revealed that she's actually just an insane girl, it's not a surprise because you already knew that from her staring at everything for minutes at a time!
Please, stay away from this movie. It's a practice in endurance, and it is not an easy one. If you watch it just for the cute actress, fine, do that. She's cute. But if you're expecting a well-made thrill-ride with genuine horror and tension, you're better off watching "Halloweentown" for that.
P.S- there's an inkling of a great idea near the end where Darling opens "the room," which is the room that the homeowner told her to stay away from at all costs at the beginning of the film, but that, of course, goes absolutely nowhere and I hate this movie so much.
The VVitch: A New-England Folktale (2015)
Guys... This Movie Isn't Good
Why are terrible horror films being critically acclaimed like they're essential viewing for fans of "genuine horror?" "Crimson Peak" was horrible. Felt like a personal betrayal from Guillermo Del Toro for eating talented actors and having them do nothing for 2 hours. "It Follows" is another example. That movie had no genuine tension, no earned scares and the execution fell short of its promising concept. Unfortunately, "The Witch" or VVITCH is another example of that.
I admire what debut director Robert Eggers was trying to do here, and I can also appreciate the serious time and effort I know he put into this film, with Old English dialogue and great cinematography with impressive compositions. But once again, the execution is just wrong.
The film focuses on a family that's banished from their village but God knows why (I know there's a reason, but I'll elaborate on this in a few) and after they begin to live in the woods, some strange supernatural things begin to happen and the main daughter (played pretty well by Anya Taylor-Joy) starts being accused of being a witch by her own family. This could lead to very interesting things, since the concept really is a very interesting one. I've written many essays and research papers about the Salem Witch Trials and the whole topic of witchcraft always catches my attention. But nothing happens.
What we are subjected to are long scenes that have "dark and brooding" music when you're just looking at trees a majority of the time, moments that don't really further the plot and a handful of creepy images that after a while become trite and eye-rolling rather than evoking a reaction from the audience. There was a scene where the mother is having her breast eaten by a crow while she laughs and instead of being disturbed, I was joining her laughter by doubling over and holding my stomach in pain over how ridiculous the image was. The movie actually depends on the music for instilling a feeling of terror and tension, and that is not good. Same thing happened with Mickey Keating's "Darling" and that movie was a travesty.
When I said the family is banished from their land for "God knows why," I only said that because I swear, you cannot understand a single word any of the characters say; you seriously just have to hope to get the context of the scene to follow what's going on. It's not the Old English dialogue that's confusing, but it's the father's gruff mumbling, the mother's near-constant screaming, the children screaming, the main actress crying and the son just being annoying.
I'm telling you, the high praise this movie has gotten is just for the fact that people haven't seen a movie like this in forever and they've been sick of found-footage horror movies and anything produced by Blumhouse Productions. This is not a good movie. It's a thorough waste of time and should only be watched if you want to see how many times you can roll your eyes during a film. Good try.
P.S: Black Phillip (the goat) does nothing until the very end. The critic that said he's "the most powerfully eerie animal presence in recent movie memory" is a moron.
Oldboy (2013)
Way Better Than Expected
As a big fan of the original "Oldboy" (not in the sense that I boycotted this movie and own six copies of the original), I watched Spike Lee's version with a bit of a closed mind. I've never been a fan of American remakes of classic foreign films, and was a bit confused that this version came out only ten years after the original. But I wanted to give it a try, since Lee's film portfolio had some good entries in it (I also enjoyed 'Inside Man').
Needless to say, I thought this was a great retelling. Brolin's portrayal as the protagonist was convincing, and I couldn't help but feel terrible for him and the torture he was put through. The action is well done, and there is a realistic progression of events, although the 'identifying the villain in the yearbook' part was kind of unconvincing to me. Elizabeth Olson was pretty good in her role as Marie Sebastian, and Sharlto Copley did fantastic as the villain. Another complaint I had was that the villain in the original was tough and unrelenting while the antagonist in this version was a little weaker, both physically and emotionally in comparison. But maybe that's what makes this version a little more original.
It was intense when it needed to be, it was heartbreaking when it was supposed to be, and overall, I was left with a satisfying experience that I would be more than glad to expose my friends to in the future.
I recommend it.