Reviews

TBC is a riot a minute! I've never read the books, but I saw this movie when I was 13 and I was in love with all of the girls in it. The storylines in it are perfect for adolescents. The movie abstains from boredom with some entertaining and hilarious scenes and comments, and the overall cheesiness of the film is endearing in a way. The storyline between Luca and Stacey is magic, and very funny.(SPOILER) At the end of the film, she says that next summer she'll be 14, and he says, "I know." It is absolutely gut-splitting fun. Watchable for all ages of movie fans, and afficionados of every genre and niche of movies. 8 out of 10.

The Satan Killer is probably one of the most hilarious b-movies of all time- not because it's riddled with incredibly bad editing, picture quality and special effects(which it is), but because of the ridiculous plot and events that unfold throughout the movie! The one liners in this one are worth the rental alone. Here is a rundown of the movie's plot, which contains SPOILERS: A police detective's fiance is killed by a maniacal, murdering crystal meth dealer, so he decides to go on a solo head hunt for him. Along the way, he teams up with an ex-cop(Billy Franklin, who's one liners are some of the most entertaining to come out of a b-movie), and an ex-male nurse. Now here are the funny parts of the movie: The main character, detective Stephens, is an atrocious alcoholic, drowning his sorrows daily. He wears the same canary-yellow shirt during every scene of the entire movie, which encompasses weeks, never washing it, yet each morning, it is perfectly clean! He gets saved from a brutal beating by a drag queen who resembles Boy George to a tee! Throughout his Journey, he ends up brutally killing about a half dozen innocent people who stand in his way-more than the Satan Killer does in the entire film! He is in such "remorse" for his deceased fiance, that he cheats on her with some reporter chick who starts following him around! During their "erotic" scene, he is VISIBLY wearing a woman's nylon stocking on his right leg!!! The villain, the Satan Killer's real name is, get this, Jimbo!!! He is 6'5" crank dealer on the streets, and has nothing to do with Satan. I have no idea why this movie is even called "The Satan Killer", since none of his killings are even closely related to Satanism in any way. A scene is played where Jimbo is only a young lad, and asks a priest why his mother, and God hate him. Jimbo begins crying, then we cut to a scene with him, as an adult, standing in front of a church, where he shouts at the top of his lungs "You never fooled me!". During another scene, Jimbo's boss, that's right, boss(and drug supplier) starts hitting on a blonde in a parking lot. Jimbo tells him to lay off her, and spares her life. You see, Jimbo's mother was an abusive night club stripper who ridiculed him throughout childhood. The blonde woman resembled his mother, so he felt for her and saved her life. This movie has you actually FEELING for Jimbo, and hoping that he defeats the murderous, drunk drag-queen detective that hunts him throughout the movie. You will really have a sincere disliking for the main character very shortly into the movie. His retired, bounty-hunting partner, on the other hand, is a hilarious addition that will have you on the floor in tears. Sadly(spoiler), he passes before the conclusion of the movie, a touching moment that leaves a little disappointment, but there isn't too much of the movie left after he dies, so it's not that big of a deal. Overall, this movie has a lot emotion, and a lot of inconsistencies to along with them, but I can guarantee you it's very different from any of the other b-grade action dramas out there, one with a unique set of characters and a few memorable moments. Give it a try if you love b-movies.

SPOILERS INCLUDED!- Return of the Living Dead II is not your typical horror film. It starts off as such, preparing the viewer for typical white-knuckle suspense, but turns into the laugh-fest that it is with the first zombie-a hypothyroid-eyed slime man who murmers "BRAINS!" intently. From here on, you have many memorable scenes, such as the zombies rising from the graveyard and Joey's girlfriend letting him eat her head because she loves him(!). This movie plays like nothing you've ever scene, at least in the horror genre. There's enough gore to please even the campiest ghoul-flick fan, and enough wit(such as the Michael Jackson reference at the end) to satisfy viewers looking for a unique experience. And that is doubtless what you will get here. Some of the plot and script makes absolutely NO sense, mind you, and the realism is next to none, so if that bothers you, avaoid. Otherwise, strap yourself in the chair and turn out the lights for the cheesiest experience of your life!

***SPOILERS*** ***SPOILERS*** This so-called "classic" is pathetic. The script is horribly flawed, and the film is directed poorly. The movie itself oozes stereotypical nonsense from spiritually naive people. Don't read on unless you want to be spoiled. The antichrist is afraid of coming with in 100 yards of an epicsopal church? Lol. He's trembling just by coming within view of the structure, then at the end of the movie he's lying on the floor of the church and his dad is trying to kill him, and he seems relatively calm. The inconsistency in this film is nauseating. What the heck did that first nanny have to do with Damien? What was she talking about before she hung herself? Why do Rottweilers have the power of telepathy and mind-control? Why does the second nanny visit the mom in the hospital, push her out the window in front of onlookers, yet 3 days later she's alone at home with Damien instead of in police custody? Why is Gregory Peck 18 years older than Lee Remick? Who in the world was the evil priest, how did he know everything, and why was he so vague with the Embassador if this was so important? Where did the photographer come from? Who was "Bugenhagen" and why did he know everything? Why was there so much non-Biblical fantasy invented for the script, such as having to kill "Damien" with a series of knife blows on hallowed ground? This movie was not believable for a second. The writers obviously had the Biblical knowledge of pissants. This is the king of all turkeys. Ovoid at all costs, unless you particularly enjoy making fun of stupid people. Kickboxer with Jean Claude Van Damme has more credibility than this. The only real question left to answer is this: why did Gregory Peck accept this horrible role? His acting was very good, as usual, but this lemon stained his career in the eyes of anyone who can see through this wafer-thin, logic-devoid cowdung. Avoid at all costs. 1/10