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Babylon 5: The Lost Tales (2007)
Substandard effort calls in the supernatural.
Two stories are presented in this made-for-TV (or, to be precise, DVD) movie.
The first offers possibly the most bewildering turn for Babylon 5 yet in which a station staff member is possessed by a demon. Now this is not your typical telepathic parasitic alien feeding on the fears of the station residents by pretending to be a satanic apparition. No, it's played out as an actual real demonic possession, fire and brimstone and all. This is made clear by constant references to supposed Catholic dogma. Thus all suspension of disbelief goes out the airlock by the end of the mini-story as it slides from science fiction to unabashed occult.
Apart from two or three extras doing their best to make the station look populated (it is hard to *mill generally about* with such low numbers, believe me), the only 'series' character to appear here is Lochley (Tracy Scoggins). She's joined by a possessed gentleman (Bruce Ramsay hooked up to a voice synthesiser that invites weak quips about his voice finally dropping) and Father Cassidy (Alan Scarfe acting well in the face of extreme silliness), a Catholic priest who, as tradition dictates, has his faith and values tested.
There is a logical conundrum to provide the suspense but unfortunately said conundrum is solved by a leap of logic that defies believability. Worse, Lochley talks us through it in a clumsy 'Light Bulb Moment' monologue that is embarrassingly unconvincing.
Speaking of monologues, although JMS was famous for giving Sheridan lengthy speeches at the drop of a hat, nearly all the dialogue in this first story is via horribly over-extended uninterrupted slabs of wordage. The result is stilted, unnatural and, frankly, boring. It almost gets to the point of being funny (but, sadly, not quite).
At the conclusion the demon is vanquished back to earth (to, we assume, be safely exorcised by Father Cassidy) and Lochley re-finds her religion (we are told this in another epically long monologue cum epilogue), presumably becoming a good church going Christian.
The second story leaves the realms of The Exorcist and reintroduces Galen (Peter Woodward), a Technomage who has a habit of talking in vague platitudes. We find the earth is about to be blasted into picturesque ruins (some very nice CG effects here). As if the aborted Minbari invasion, president Clarke's scorched-earth stunt, the Shadow planet killer and the Drakh plague weren't enough trouble for one world. Anyway, what follows is basically Galen trying to persuade President Sheridan to kill someone to save the planet. The twist on the story is highly improbable and Galen could have achieved his aims more simply and reliably by just being direct. Peter Woodward is a good actor and his character is still fun even if his motivations and actions don't make a lot of sense here. Bruce Boxleitner plays Sheridan very well and in the same slightly quirky way he did in Call To Arms. Of note: the accent on the young Centari Prince (Keegan MacIntosh) is a painful mimicry of Londo's. Peter Jurassic did Londo's unique pseudo-European accent with aplomb (he invented it after all) but Keegan sounds like a high-school production of The Merchant of Venice gone horribly wrong. All in all it's a silly by-the-numbers story but still much better than the first.
Lost Tales is a little better than B5 in the special effects department. Considering the huge leap forward in CG rendering technology over the last ten years, this is to be taken for granted. There's a very good city scene but the new cruiser version of the White Star looks stylistically... well... awful. Pet gripe: the background nebula of the TV series, actually touched up Hubble space telescope images, are now generic looking swirls that look much worse.
Quantum-space is a new and improved version of Hyperspace that is both faster and, err, a different colour but otherwise an identical plot device which allows characters to move from one location to another... which makes you wonder why JMS bothered. Superfluous, at odds with the established universe and it has a silly name too! Surely this is an example of typical B-movie making where irrelevant details get extensive coverage while large plot holes are left unattended?
A new telemovie could have explored any number of very interesting loose ends that were left at the end of Babylon 5 season 5, so why produce a couple of second (third, fourth...) rate stories that are weaker than 95% of the original TV series?
I Am Legend (2007)
Derivative and badly paced
Possibly receiving (hypothetical) awards for "Most Derivative Motion Picture", "Most Boring Horror/Suspense Film (post 1960s)." The "Help Help The People From 28 Days Later Are Suing Us" award. The "Most Money Spent For So Little Effect" award. The "Was That A Zombie Or Has Gollum Turned Up" award for "Regrettably Derivative Live Action Character CGI Effects"? It hurts us my precious! The premise is exactly the same as 28 Days Later... and even Resident Evil and Doom did essentially the same thing (hiding from Zombies or attacking Zombies - look, it's a Zombie film, OK?) as this film but at least Resident Evil was more enjoyable because it took itself less seriously. The last man alive thing was already done in Quiet Earth, quite a bit more believably despite obvious differences in budget and special effects technologies.
While the hand held camera look has a valuable place in cinematography, I think my eyeballs got whiplash at one point trying to track the scenery. Ouch... No, seriously...
Will Smith does a damn good effort but he's too practised and slick and confident. Robert Carlyle from 28 Weeks Later is far more convincing - a different world of fear, desperation, determination and emotional hurt. Smith is wooden by comparison despite some very cute character peculiarities when he finally meets another person after so many years alone with just his dog to talk to. It's just too smooth to feel real.
This is an annoying film for fans of science fiction because it re-does so much that has been better done before and tries to make the mundane look exceptional with unpleasant pretentiousness. Themes that should have been explored weren't (were the zombies forming a structured society of their own despite Will Smith's character's assertion they were mindless beasts?, were they evolving?, did they possess more intelligence than given credit for? Hinted at but not explored.) Wait until you can hire it on DVD, the special effects really aren't that good.
I am Legend: the feel-good Zombie Movie...
Gabriel (2007)
Angels, demons, guns, drugs & prostitutes... about as bad as you'd think
Purgatory: a run down dirty city; the place between heaven and hell where souls go to await judgement. Demons have taken over the Lord's waiting room so Heaven sends in their archangels to do battle. One at a time. For no obvious reason. And so we watch the nonsensical plot line fight it out with the dreadful dialogue and often unconvincing acting. Trust me, no-one wins. See 'homages' to the Matrix, the Crow, Dark City and a dozen other blockbuster, homages much less well done than the films they honour. I think there was even a nod to Battlefield Earth in there and believe me, that doesn't bode well at all. I got a sense of optimism from the director that any idea, no matter what, was a good one. It's the kind of optimism that made Edwood D Wood a great director.