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1/10
Drivel. It's shameful that this will be remembered in the Transformers legacy
10 July 2009
Well, I enjoyed it as it happened, but after some reflection...I've come to the understanding that this film is very, VERY messy.

A lot of people defending this film are saying the action scenes are spectacular. Sure, they're spectacular...if you like trying to figure out just who's who and what's going on. Most of the time the characters are so obscured by objects/smoke that you can't see the "action" that everyone's raving about. When they're not behind something, the camera's changing every five seconds that you can't focus on the mess before you. The only cool part about these action scenes is the intense way some of the Transformers are disfigured.

The over-all plot, story, and script of this thing comes together in the most ugly way possible. Most people are complaining about it being too all over the place, or that there wasn't one at all. Unfortuneatly, it's hard not to agree on both fronts. There was no flow, no suspense, no build up, no up, no down, just one flat line of point a to point b to point c. The intense battles would have been made more intense had they been preceded by some sort of build up, but they just kind of...happened. The plot in and of itself has the makings of something epic. MULTI-FILM EPIC. The script used to flesh out this story was mediocre AT BEST. It could have been so much more than what it was, it could have spaced apart plot points by delving into the characters (specifically: the transformers). Instead, the film was littered with unnecessary, and often crude jokes.

Heck, this overly cartoony humor was barely present in the first film. Now it's been ramped up to over 9000, and it severely offsets any emotional impact the film might have had. Most of it would have been better suited to something like Aqua Teen Hunger Force, at least there crude humor comes off clever. It's really sad we had to put up with all of that instead of enjoying some actual quality time with our favorite machines.

And, speaking of which, the lack of Transformer character development presents itself yet again. You would think after fans complained about the infrequent amount of Transformer screen time in the first, then things would have been different now. Nope. We still don't know what they're thinking, who they are as living beings, or really anything about them except that they shoot at the opposing force. And why would they just sit around in car mode when they were hidden? They came from a planet where they walked around freely, one would think they'd enjoy being able to just be themselves.

The annoying liberties that were taken here in the name of artistic licensing are nauseating. I understand this is an "adaptation" and that things aren't going to be 100% to the source material. However, completely rewriting a character's personality is like killing off a loved one and replacing them with someone completely different. They also went waaaay to far with appearance, as well. Being a fan of a character from the series isn't' going to matter much here because there's a good chance they've been overhauled beyond recognition. Heck, the only one that barely made the transition from cartoon/comic to this blight of a film is Optimus Prime. No one else even remotely resembles their previous incarnations. From personality to appearance, this piece of work tramples all of the work of those before it...AND the fans they had sought to please.

The film's treatment of characters like Sky/Jetfire is utterly appalling. It's proof that the people involved in this film don't actually give a crap about the characters in their movie. Then again, the lack of character development makes that just as obvious.

The character design here is also noticeably different from the previous film. In the last film, all of the machines were quite bulky, a little more humanoid. The new ones here all seemed to be cartoony or very streamlined. The mini transformers all seemed to sport bug eyes, where as the ones last time around did not. Why would this new batch, decepticon and autobot alike, differ so much from the others? It's not like they were all brand new, they'd been around as long as the others. I dunno, different art direction from film to film grates on my nerves, especially when it comes to character design.

And, for the love of sanity, WHY can't they treat women like people? If I wanted to gawk at girls who were just there because they're pretty I would look up questionable material online. I honestly feel sorry for her and any other actress who doesn't actually get a chance to show off any acting talent they might have. I don't have a problem with them showing a girl as being pretty in the film...but if that's all they concentrate on then they can just get right the heck out.

The rest of the talent on hand might as well have been treated the same way. No one was really given an opportunity to actually do much acting, it was all jokes and running.

The movie's fun, but if you have a brain you'd better shut it off or your going to find yourself wanting to bring some pain to the creators of this drivel. And for the love of pete, just because it's an "action" film doesn't mean the film can't have substance. It's possible to have a load of brain-flexing story AND explosions.
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1/10
Easily The WORST Comic Book Movie
12 May 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Brett Ratner needs a razzy for this one. Seriously. Or the person who hired him on needs to be fired from their job. And then fired out of a canon. Anyone who's seen any of his other films could easily tell you that this is the kind of scene capturing best left to prime time television dramas. That's right. TV. Ratner has no business directing something big, ESPECIALLY an established franchise. The filming had little creativity process involved, instead opting to go with standard angles that made the action very boring to watch. Any intensity, any emotion that may have been there was not captured with these cameras. Everything was bland and had me wanting it to be over with quick. Heck, even the locations of these action scenes were boring and aided to drive the viewer to sleep.

His soulless directing techniques even managed to make most of the performers turn out wooden and slapstick. People who should have appeared intense, intimidating, or emotional looked like nothing more stunt doubles saying the lines of a trained actor. Was this just his direction? Probably not. Was it the actors? Except for Halle Berry, who seems to want to do nothing more than play Halle Berry, the cast here had already displayed their excellent acting skills before this farce. So what happened?

Writers. Tsk. Some of em are good at their job. Not here, however. Every line of dialog spoken was forced, unnatural. Most of it didn't even fit the character who was speaking it. Heck, the characters didn't even fit the characters speaking the lines. Almost everyone here has had their role altered for the worst.

Magneto is went through the amount of change that angered me the most. He went from being someone to be feared to an old guy and a jerk. Before he hated humans and wanted them to know what it was like, wanted to make them pay. Now his hate shows irrationally, it's just there. He even goes so far as to abandon his love, Mystique, when she's cured. His decisions also make no sense whatsoever. Trying to coax Jean into unleashing her dangerously uncontrollable full potential??? I'm sorry, Eric's views are a bit skewed, but he's not a moron. It's unfortunate that the writer's chose to make him a bumbling idiot instead of someone with cunning. Heck, the change in character is even reflected in the poor choice of costume. This outfit is far more form fitting to him and closes off his neck, making his old show through even more than before. It's ash-gray color makes it look more like a Sunday suit than the uniform of a leader. What he had before gave him a much more sinister appearance.

Oh, and Wolverine wasn't Wolverine. He was too nice, too calm. Too collected. I understand he's old, should be wise, whatever, but he doesn't go from being a cranky guy to being deliverer of awe-inspiring locker room speeches realistically.

Since they butchered the established characters there wasn't really much to do for a decently dramatic story. It's chalk-full of cliché moments that they somehow managed to make MORE cliché than they ought to have been. The cure plot, done correctly, could have had you on the edge of your seat from the get-go. Heck, something like this could have spanned three movies, introducing characters we'd want to follow as they struggle with an extremely life-changing decision. We could have seen the bigoted hatred for mutants boil over into riots. More elements from the comics could have been brought in to further flesh this out: The Friends Of Humanity, Mr. Sinister or Apocalypse, SENTINALS. YES. The towering mutant hunting robots that my friends and I were greeted to when the X-Men cartoon premiered in the 90s.

Instead...the cure was introduced so that there would be an excuse for Magneto to start a war. The sad, tragic thing about this is is that war doesn't happen. What does happen is the pointless ripping away of a bridge to carry himself and a bunch of angry mutants to the island the cure is being developed on. There a battle takes place. It's not even epic. Not even pulse pounding. You would think that after a decade of great action films before it that it would be child's play filming a winner-takes-all climactic fight. The fight between Wolverine and Lady Deathstrike, a ONE ON ONE fight, was much more gripping than what happened here. I'm not even going to go into details because the whole thing was just more of a chase sequence.

Along with this crummy script came Magneto's new batch of chronies. None of them displayed any distinct personality traits like individual members of the brotherhood did in the first. The Juggernaut easily takes his place as the most annoying comic-book-based movie character EVER. That's really all there is. The others were all just like normal people, having no actual development taking place to flesh them out. Just there to take on the X-Men.

Adaptation wise, this film tore everything apart. Just assume that much and you'll be safe.

Gah, I gave this a one because it's one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I would have given it a negative number had it been allowed. My hatred for the shear waste of potential here, combined with the irremovable blight on the franchise's story, has made me do this. I don't even care if you read it, I needed to just rant my frustration at millions of dollars once again wasted by FOX.
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3/10
A major let down...
31 January 2006
Warning: Spoilers
I was giddy with girlish-glee when I found out about this movie shortly after seeing Spirits Within.

After years of anticipation, they gave November 2005 release date. Well, November came. And went. Followed by December. Oh, look, today's January 31, 2006. No US release as of yet.

Oh well, I'm so glad I had a friend with a bootlegged subtitled copy. ;D

Well, the cg was great. Not as good as expected, but near perfect. I cringed, however, at the unnatural movements made by the children throughout the movie. I had thought that we were passed this by now. Also, I didn't really care for the anime look given to their faces. I was under the impression that they were shooting for a realistic look to the film, and yet most of the characters have larger-than-norm eyes, especially the girl characters. They had personality, though, I'll give them that.

Even though I'm not a big fan of anime, I do have to say I was impressed with the wild fight scenes. They were animated beautifully and had me hanging onto the edge of my seat.

For about the first two.

And there-in lies Advent Children's biggest flaw. It's mostly just a bunch of hyper-stylized fight scenes.

A FF7 sequel of epic proportions had been promised for years. Instead, they gave us a pretty piece of cg with barely a plot to excuse it's just-under-two-hours running time.

Where Final Fantasy is famous for its intricate stories, this movie falls short. You don't really get to know the characters. The only way you'd have any understanding of most of what occurred in the film would have been if you had played the game. We barely got to see them before they were battling it out with whatever current threat.

What hurts the fans even more is the awful cameos that the majority of FF7 characters were given. They were nothing more than Cloud's "I'll call if I need you, but I probably won't" back up singers. And, to add to the hurt, they had each character individually throw Cloud higher and higher. This little part here was so cheesy I almost turned it off. I would have been much more impressed if he had just simply jumped up all on his own, ricocheting off of walls to get himself up higher.

It hurt even more when they reduced the Turks to less-than-just comic relief. That was fine for the game, but this is cinema. People do not act like cartoon characters in a harsh battle. They took away their dignity :/

And, spoiler (yeah right, most of you probably already know, anyhow). Who remembers Darth Maul being hyped up in SW: Episode 1? Yeah, now, picture that, but with Sephiroth. That's right. He had maybe 5 minutes of screen time. Maybe that. End Spoiler :P

If this movie was made for the fans, then way to go Square. If this is any indication of the direction you're taking the FF series, I doubt you're going to be seeing much of my money. I played your games for the wonderful story and the excellent characters.

You had a chance to make something epic. Something truly beautiful, a masterpiece that flies in the face of all of the Disney CG films.

Instead you gave us a pretty piece of flesh with hardly anything underneath to hold it together. Way to go.

And I'm sure if the rest of the fans paused for a moment and tried to just pay attention to everything but the CG they'd know what I'm talking about. Well, I was gonna rate this a 5/10, but after thinking about it while righting this, I'm giving it a 3/10 because they could have done better. They have done better. And this is just sad.

If they're gonna remake anything FFVII, they need to do this one first.
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2/10
not a winner.
5 November 2004
I'd picked this one up time and time again in the rental store, wondering if I should give it a shot. Today I broke down and gave it a whirl, and I probably shouldn't have.

While the writer/director did give the film a respectable effort, it fell far short of engaging. The characters, while you wanted to feel for them, just didn't have enough development or depth for you to get truly involved with them. Sara's sexual outbursts got tiring-- fast. I don't mind sex in films, and I don't mind bitchy characters, but being a "bad" girl doesn't mean you're prone to excitedly ask people at random if they'd like sexual favors. By the time what happened to the characters was revealed, I was bored, and ready to fast-forward to the climax, the end, anything exciting... and nothing delivered. The things the folks in the story eventually inform you of seems forced and unrealistic, and just wasn't played quite right. If they'd have thrown a bit more anguish in there, I might have been interested. This should have been a more of a suspense/drama film, and should have stuck to the title "Jon Good's Wife" rather than the whole "red right hand" and horror film-like cover. Hell... this should have had suspense, period.

Either way... watch this on a rainy day or a late night when there's nothing on the television. Though this isn't as great as I'd hoped, I would go for this over some infomercials.
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