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Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
Confused
At the end of the twisty canyon I must hit a tiny hole in the ground. Oh no! The targeting system is dead, I have to use the Force. Wait a minute... is this Star Wars?
Elvis (2022)
Elvis? Elvis who?
I'm not sure what that was. A fan version of "Tweety meets Jerry"? The scenery is fake and cartoonish, the dialogue is fake and cartoonish, the makup is fake and cartoonish, the wardrobe is fake and cartoonish, hell, there are even cartoons in it. What a masterpiece!
Dune (2021)
Not Dune
Honestly, this would be a 3-4 stars movie if it was called Dustball or Sandworld or whatever else than Dune. But no, they hat to name it Dune, trying to remake a remake "with a fresh vision".
Well the vision might be fresh, but it's impaired, stealing some elements from the book does not make a movie Dune. Liet Kynes is a girl, Paul Atreides is a girl, the worms are... anything else but Dune's worms (a pimped car wheel maybe?).
Also the CGI is weak, costumes are meh, the fighting/battle scenes are scarce and unconvincing with so many closeups one will think it's a low budget indie movie. And, as a final blow, the "entertainment" just... stops. This is rude, after two and a half hours of pain you are being abruptly dismissed. "The conclusion in the next episode... maybe"? Not a very good marketing strategy when your product is a polished turd.
Station 19: Get Up, Stand Up (2021)
Disgusting
Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting... Did I say disgusting? This show should be cancelled in order to give everyone (writers, producers, actors) the free time needed to protest.
The Rookie: True Crime (2021)
Awful
Why some people feel the urge to share with others the nightmare inside their brains? Whoever had the idea that what the frack I've just watched is a "The Rookie" episode must file for retirement.
The Liberator (2020)
Going down
The art of cinematography is going down. Fast. Just watch side by side "Band of Brothers" and this... masterpiece. Cartoon filter? Why? Was the entire production crew on drugs? Or they thought/hoped that we're on drugs?
Rogue (2020)
OMG, your CGI is WEAK!
Nothing much to watch, just another band of (really, really) incompetent mercenaries - led by Snow White -, being taken out, one after another, by some pathetic clowns. Unfortunatelly Snow White survives! Bonus: a very weird lioness which: a) is suffering from arthritis or b) was hit by a train in its childhood.
Alex Rider (2020)
Oh no, another one!
Yet another (really) boring story spread across several episodes and called "series".
Tales from the Loop (2020)
Dumb kids all over the place
There should be a big red warning sign in the synopsis: FOR, WITH AND ABOUT KIDS. I (barely) endured throughout the first episode, there are some pretty pictures from time to time but that's about it. Nothing happens, dumb kids all over the place.
Star Trek: Picard (2020)
Cramp Trek
My eyeballs hurt! Oh, the lights, so many pretty lights shining straight into my retina! It's so nice someone got the great ideea to copy the special effects from Discovery. What a remarcable finding: using blinding spotlights to hide the garbage under the carpet.
Coroner (2019)
Trashed after Season 2 started.
I had some expectation after the first season fiasco but the new season is following the same expired recipe: a lot (I mean, A LOT) of personal life drama filler. This is supposed to be a procedural show not "Ugly Betty at the Morgue" .
6 Underground (2019)
A masterpiece by drug addicts for drug addicts.
The editing is fubar, someone just glued together pieces of filmed material while being clueless about the plot. Worst scene: the whole "movie". Best scene: initial car chase... epic, just epic... truck breaks green car left side mirror... green car keeps going... left side mirror restored... wow, such a masterpiece!
Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)
Missed opportunity.
It could have been an enjoyable 1h:30m B movie with monsters, incompetent military personnel and plain dumb politicians. Unfortunately, this production is riddled by unnecessary long family drama filler + the unavoidable stupid child, which, when hit by a really big piece of the crumbling wall says "Ouch" and keeps running instead of being pancaked.
Hellboy (2019)
Hellboy is ill.
It must be, I think he's dying. His mighty right hand is migrating to his left side. This horrible side effect of his illness is visible 30+ minutes into the movie, during the fight with the giants.
Blood & Treasure (2019)
Clueless
I don't get it. Who are these characters doing here? What do they want from me? Why so many? Is there a purpose behind the pretty pictures and limp dialogue?
Proven Innocent (2019)
Enough is enough!
It started ok, not a masterpiece but enjoyable, then it went down the drain really quick, becoming a annoying, neverending story about nothing. Well at least I've consolidated my two basic representations of the U.S. society (as shown in the movies/tv shows): 1. Almost every U.S. citizen is a proud member of the LGBT clan and 2. Every member of the law enforcement system is either corrupt or plain dumb if not both.
The Predator (2018)
Epic, just... epic.
First thought? Another bad movie with kids in it. Then the "climate change" line came. God, I'm still laughing. Epic, just... epic.
Extinction (2018)
I'm puzzled...
So the Synth family childrens where not conceived ON a Dodge truck backseat but FROM a Dodge truck backseat. If so, why are they scream-crying the whole goddamn' movie, don't they have a "mute" switch? I think the little one - Lucy - is powered by Windows, she's totally FUBAR. And why the synths need children? And how are their children built? And are their children idiots from the date of manufacturing or is it a "bug"? Or maybe a "feature" aquired through an update? How are the kids "growing", through upgrades? So many questions, such a stupid plot!
Death Wish (2018)
Don't take the critics for granted.
"It's the absolute wrong movie at the absolute wrong time." This is what a (big?) critic had to say about "Death Wish". Really? Why?
- No political correctness? I don't care, I actually enjoy it.
- The real violent nature of human beings exposed? Ooops, karma!
- No LGBT life stories / hot kisses / joyful parties? Oh, I'm so sad, I think I'm going to cry...
The Commuter (2018)
Another OK movie spoiled by "artists".
It was supposed to be an OK movie, the script is nice, the lead actor is good etc. It was not. Why? Well, everyone in the movie business nowadays thinks he/she is an artist. Weird camera angles, camera shakes like hell, filming through the blinds, scene cuts every 10 milliseconds... Every "artistic" effect a drug addict would think of is in this movie. And it is a shame. As I said, it was supposed to be an OK movie.