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Guillermo del Toro's Cabinet of Curiosities
Guillermo del Toro's Cabinet of Curiosities (2022)
3/10
Expected more and please remove episode 7
7 November 2022
Expected a lot from Guillermo del Toro. I was disappointed. Episode 1 the only one I rated highly.

Episode 7 dragged on with too much talking, and then a limp ending - sorry to the writers, but if we can have a series 2 but with the writers of Episode 1, and maybe Guillermo will only release season 2 when only it is of a high standard, because in my opinion, bad reviews could damage Guillermo reputation being associated with this anthology. Also sorry to say Episode 6 not so good either.

I realise ideas and twists get more difficult every year, but if Guillermo could only wait until every one is a gem, now that would be worth creating!
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Horror in the High Desert
Horror in the High Desert (2021)
1/10
Too long on documary, not enough found footage scares
12 September 2022
Fast forwarded most of this film. I believe (just my opinion) the last second of the movie is the best part. The rest of the movie is just people talking. If I wanted a crime documentary I would watch the crime channel, but thought I was getting a found footage film. But not very good, not good at. I would be interested to find out how many of the high star ratings did not work for the movie company or production PR for the film?

Just my opinion - and I haven't forgot that other people really do like the movie and they are entitled to their 10/10 superb film, best film they have ever seen opinion? But think I'm a fairly good judge.

This is either an interview with people movie, or it should be a found footage film with relevant scares.

I think it was just talking.
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Amityville Playhouse
Amityville Playhouse (2015)
1/10
its really bad and very ameatur dramatics.
7 July 2022
Just bad, can't figure out if its bad British actors, or bad American actors? But its bad and surprised that this is served up on Netflix which people pay good money for?
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The Commando
The Commando (2022)
1/10
I was addicted to this film... because it was so bad - really!
23 April 2022
It could either be one of two things. Either a comedy, or a half-grindhouse movie of the 1970's?

I can only assume some of the actors where getting a large payday - and that's all it was about, it was a job perhaps, no commitment or creativity for acting sake?

Stunts bad - was this camera angles?

Dialogue and facial expressions bad - was this the actors couldn't be bothered?

Music bad - got no explanation here?

Script, editing and continuity bad - Still got nothing?

Its a no from me.
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Pasture
Pasture (I) (2020)
1/10
Video cover is great... but movie?.
28 June 2021
...I mean its shot well enough, nothing offends me in the editing or sound... just didn't make sense? And I didn't even want it to make sense half way through the movie - it was just... there?

For me - my personal taste - there was no story that made sense? Now, if its about schizophrenia then I'm sure it will make sense of someone who experiences this, or knows someone, or takes care of someone? But for me, disjointed, not enjoyable collection of snippits of scenes with no enjoyable storyline. Forgettable as soon as it ends to be honest.

If someone asked me should they go and watch it, I would say no. Wait for something else.
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The Horror at Gallery Kay
The Horror at Gallery Kay (2018)
1/10
Not a horror move - more a script recital
9 June 2021
Can't do a long critic as I'm not going to give this movie more time - sorry.

Not a horror movie as such, with scenes, locations, money spent on it, etc. Its more a recital... just words... just that... the movie is just words. Sorry.

Try again please.

Thanks.
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Surprise
Surprise (I) (2018)
1/10
NOT 10/10 - more a 1 - to be honest
16 February 2021
Before I continue, credit to all the actors, writers, crew and everyone concerned with this film.

No joke, it takes a lot of commitment to make a movie.

Now my honest critique - after watching horror movies and especially my favourite genre... anthology films, watched all my life.

Okay. Its not a good movie - just deserves a 1/10.

If I was watching a parish council local theatre production, it would be a 7/10.

The acting was amateur, plots were extremely thin and the entire plot for each segment could have been more than summed up in one sentence, in the script.

I'm British. I think the British are superb at anthology movies - or at least we used to be.

We need to re-examine our roots (and learn) from films such as 'Dr Terrors House of Horrors, Torture Garden, From Beyond the Grave etc (and I know these are Amicus, but the above are examples)

Its late, I'm going to have an ice cream now, but please please please (again) British guys... don't give up, continue, but DO GOOD MOVIES! - think like Amicus or Hammer - even Blumhouse is a good example now.
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The Lone Road
The Lone Road (2020)
5/10
If Russ Myers did a thriller - this is it.
14 September 2020
Amateur acting, photography not very good, but if your a fan of 70's grindhouse combined with Russ Myers inuendos, this is the film for you. Its not memorable in any serious way, just a bit of fun, for all sorts of wacky reasons.
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Toothfairy 2
Toothfairy 2 (2020)
1/10
Best part - camera work in kitchen
24 July 2020
About 54 or 55 minutes in, the kitchen scene where four or five of the characters are arguing - for me - this is the best part. The camera work is so bad, its actually funny to watch. That's it. Sorry.
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The Hunt
The Hunt (II) (2020)
10/10
Really enjoyable film, but its a Killing Eve clone.
21 June 2020
Loved the movie, but the humour and even the actress is clearly a Killing Eve clone, in my opinion.

Right down to the Jodie Comer look-a-like actress (with respect, and not taking anything away from the excellent actress of Betty Gilpin) right down to the clone of the excellent dry humour of the 1st series of Killing Eve - before the writer of Eve (Phoebe Waller-Bridge) left it to someone else, for S2 and 3.

As I said, dry humour, great effects, gory in places, exciting, rolls along... great.

If only Phoebe would come back to Eve for the 4th Series. One can hope? (Get back on track with Eve, Phoebe - steer it back please)
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Trigger Points
Trigger Points (2020)
1/10
You can get a massage watching this movie!
9 June 2020
I'm 25 minutes in, and I'm writing my feelings here to get it out of my system, while I'm still awake!

Well that's my saracasm over, and now a punters point of view...

It's slow. Music makes the movie slow. Cinematography is bad - or is it the director of the shot? - where 5 seconds of a movie is dedicated to watching a woman air cycle exercises - absolutely no point to that shot, or the length of time given.

What seemed minutes... yes minutes, given to watching the actress face and text messages... is not going to sell this movie to get people talking.

Story, direction, cinematography?

I'm British. Proud. Come on guys, fellow Brit moviemakers, take your inspiration from the past greats? What makes a great movie? From movies such as Ace in the Hole, to Raiders Lost Ark, to Gravity, to Parasite. Break them down, why they are so good. Be successful, make money, produce more. PLEASE!!!!

Aim for the next one. Learn. Don't give up.

This one sucks.
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Millennial Killer
Millennial Killer (2020)
1/10
Not good.
30 May 2020
Although its 70 minutes of my life I can't get back, I am happy to give my star rating. I can only give it 1/10 - for effort really.

My review, is this:

If you gave 8 or 10 film students a camera, and asked them to come up with each a different way for an estate agent to kill someone in one room. Then take those rushes, and edit them one after the other into one film. This would be it.

There's no character development, no continuing story, no music adding to the atmosphere. Just one way after another on how to kill someone in one room. One after another, after another... after another. That's it.

There's nothing notable about the film? Objectively, maybe there's not much of a continuing story, or running plot? Don't know who's fault it is.

Maybe they are all learning their craft. Maybe the future? But this one. Sorry, its a no.
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Night Sweats
Night Sweats (2019)
6/10
Low budget, entertaining movie - yes, good.
22 February 2020
Well I enjoyed it.

It's not big budget, but kept me watching.

Pleasantly surprised!
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Red Handed
Red Handed (I) (2019)
3/10
Can only give 3 out of 10
19 January 2020
As agreed, slow a lot of the time, and only in last 10 mins is it interesting. Not a horror/thriller, more like a drama/psychological

Puzzled me at the end though? The women were integral to the story, but what happened to them at the end? They didn't tie that one up???
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Joker
Joker (I) (2019)
10/10
No review, no pros or cons - just a masterclass in acting
30 December 2019
No review, no pros or cons - just a masterclass in acting from Joaquin Phoenix.

If he doesn't get the Oscar, or BAFTA, there is no justice... or should that be justice league - :)
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Sacren
Sacren (2019)
1/10
Not much dialogue
24 December 2019
Disappointed really.

Very slow at the beginning. So much so - and indeed throughout the film - I don't think the screenwriter will be getting RSI or repetitive strain injury! There's not much dialogue, but just my opinion. For me, lack of dialogue doesn't add anything to the movie, just makes it not-noticeable. Sorry.

A good one, for a background movie.

R
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Mask of Thorn
Mask of Thorn (2019)
2/10
Okay, after 10 mins
22 November 2019
Warning: Spoilers
I love British horror movies, from the serious horror to the comedy ones, but I honestly believe this one should be a comedy horror for the first 10 mins or so, until they get to 1988 - cut out all the first part.

The first 10 mins is more in the style of 'Stitches', the one about the clown? But how can you take this one seriously as a strict horror?

You have a baby that cry's in the opening few minutes of the film, without moving its lips. The short skirts on the nurses, I don't think the NHS would of approved that one! And gotta' mention the black curly wig. The group of friends all look in their mid-twenties, and not about 16, which I believe they are supposed to be? I could go on, but I think you get the idea.

To its credit its okay, further in, but I just can't get away from the actors - a bit amateurish - the effects - not much money spent - I know its all down to money, and the music, which would of been better using akin to early Carpenter movies like Assault on Precinct 13, or the thing. Something more atmospheric, instead of relying on keep the finger down on one key on the chorus settings.

I wanted to like this, but it summed it up for me when the evil character was behind a nurse, and the other actor says in Pantomime style... 'Behind you!'

I take my hat off to all involved in this film, from actors, production and writers - because I cannot do any of that and I'd be even worse acting, but I watch a lot of movies, and for me it was a miss. It was more like an amateur theatre production. But effort is 10/10, end result is (this time) more like 2/10

God love 'em, don't give up, keep trying - next one will be better. Spielberg had to start somewhere.
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Marla
Marla (2018)
2/10
Disappointed
9 November 2019
I'm no expert on movies - as are a lot of guys on here - but personally, didn't enjoy the film. It was slow, and not much of a horror movie effects wise?

Nowadays, I judge a movie on whether it grabs my attention, and this didn't. I was confused as to why the main character had this reason for the horror part, but didn't get it? Even the end was a bit confusing. Maybe its me, and others will, so look forward to their enlightenments.

Wanted to enjoy it, but didn't 1/10
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