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10/10
This movie was a good movie.
8 February 2009
I didn't like it as much as I liked it though. But the first ten minutes or so was rly good. Batman is introduced as he says with a confident and badass "I'm Batman" and then he jumps and glides straight towards the camera. He almost seems to fly out of the screen. It was amazing. The only way it could have been better is if he flew out of the screen and gave me a handjob, which was OK that he didn't but it would have saved me the effort. Batman then meets up with Commissioner Gordon on the top of the police station, because Gordon used the bat-signal again because he can't afford a phone. Batman gets there and is all like "I'm Batman". Gordon replies with an entirely expected "I know. Lol. Will you please sleep with my wife?" Batman agrees and then he goes to beat up the bad guys. The score during all of this is incredible. I threw away almost all of my CDs and stuff I stole off the internet and now I only listen to the soundtrack. Later on, because Batman is so badass, awesome, and badass, he says randomly at one point "Fuck." just to push the PG-13 rating as far as possible. Lol. He is so cool.

Great camera work, a perfect score, great acting, near-perfect editing, but then it all seemed to go downhill from there. It seems like 99.99% of the budget was used on that first ten minutes. After that, the entire atmosphere seems so cheap and rushed. Part of the rest of the film was in black and white and other parts there was no sound. The camera work was even more ridiculous. During a scene in Bruce's room when he's looking in the mirror, the camera and crew are all entirely visible in the reflection. If you look closely you can even see Chris Nolan smacking around his assistant. The score goes from being awesomely good classical music to being a bunch of random twee indie pop songs from the late 90s. At a certain point, the screen goes blank for seven minutes and is followed by a scrolling message that describes what supposedly happened while the screen was blank. At another point, Batman becomes a piece of paper with a wire attached to it that says "Batman" on it, and it flies around a cardboard cutout Gotham miniature model. I was also a bit disappointed by The Joker's role. He was in the background for a few minutes and just looked like a regular clown. It was hella creepy though. Clowns shouldn't just be "around". But what the hell was with the entire hour of rescuing orphans that seemed to pop out of nowhere? Where are their god damn parents? Talk about your cliché filler.

Despite all of these ridiculous flaws, it still had Batman in it, which makes any movie a 10/10 automatically.
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Miracle Dogs Too (2006 Video)
1/10
Miracle Dogs Too.
6 February 2009
Warning: Spoilers
This movie sucked balls. It's about this kid who has always wanted a dog but can't have one because of his sister's dog phobia (who wears big sunglasses to hide a tiny scar from a dog bite that she claims to have completely deformed her) and he ends up finding these dogs that have magical powers and then at the end they all get puppies.

These two teenagers steal a car (the stereotypical shady guitar-playing kid convinces the nice-guy-with-good-intentions-but-finds-himself-in-a-bad-crowd Steve Urkel to "borrow" it with him) and they find the two miracle dogs in the back seat. The wannabe grunge kid tells Urkel to throw the dogs in a river or something, but Urkel just puts the cage in the middle of the woods instead.

A bunch of crap happens with some old people that I don't remember and then the kid that wants a dog but can't have one because of his sister's dog phobia conveniently finds the dogs in the woods and lets them out of the cage. He's surprised why they would follow him home. He's smart. He hides the dogs from his mom in his tree house. I think. I don't remember. Wait, no, it was in that retirement home with a bunch of ugly nearly-dead people. The dogs lick their crotches and the old people all danced.

The best/dumbest part of the movie happens when the sister character is in the backyard, dancing and singing to obnoxious techno music. When I say "dancing", I mean she was randomly fidgeting around, and when I say "singing", I really mean she was yelling "WOO!" every few seconds. Of course, the preppy blond neighbor boy (complete opposite to her stereotypical rebel/punk/whatever thing she has going on) next door hears her, and gos over to where he hears it. The stupid bitch is completely surprised that anyone would hear her, and acts shocked and embarrassed.

The shady grunge kid and Urkel then try to steal the dogs back so they can use their miracle healing powers to exploit the sick and profit from their need for help. Shame on you. Shame. On. You. Urkel does the right thing and they get the dogs back and everyone lives happily ever after.
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