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E Depois, Matei-o (2012 TV Movie)
7/10
Effective at its task
29 July 2021
This is a TV movie made to raise awareness about violence against women in the household. Just one hour long and obviously made with a shoestring budget, yet it has good performances overall and a believable story. The one criticism I have to make, all things considered, is that sometimes the story seems rushed, with characters' personalities changing very fast and several characters being underdeveloped, but at just one hour long this is to be expected.

It is hard to judge a movie like this as a movie, so I'll review it according to its purpose: is it effective at sending the message that a woman should walk out of a relationship and seek help the moment a man is violent, rather than just waiting to see if he finds a way to stop being a dirtbag and then paying a high price for it? The answer is yes, to the point where I believe this should be shown at schools.
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Mutant Blast (2018)
6/10
Funnier than it has any right to be
28 July 2021
As a big "so bad it's good" movies fan, I'm suspicious of movies that are deliberately bad, as they tend to be boring and no fun at all. This is one of the rare exceptions.

The plot is, to put it midly, absurd and disjointed. The acting is mostly terrible. The cinematography is basic. What is worse, the movie is little more than an assemblage of horror movie tropes that we've seen in other movies. Yet, it's a blast to watch, as most of the jokes are spot on.

If you're a fan of Z movies, in the style of Jackson, Rodriguez or Romero, you'll love this one.

Oh, and I have to give it at least one extra point for the brilliant French lobster character. The world would be a far better place with a lobster like Jean Pierre in charge.
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1/10
The impossibility of a good soap opera movie
28 July 2021
Half the movies made in Portugal now are in this trend: directed by a soap opera director and starring soap opera actors. The result is predictably bad. I can appreciate making a movie about a girl friendship where we never see anyone elses' faces so we can concentrate on the protagonists, but when the director is bad, the script is predictable and boring, and the acting is at best average what we have is a waste of time.
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5/10
The Hours meets Romeo and Juliet
26 July 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Pedro and Inês are Portugal's Romeo and Juliet. According to the legend, the prince was in love with Inês, after being married to Constança, and went to live with his mistress after his wife died. The king did not approve and had Inês killed. In a fit of rage, Pedro ripped the hearts out of the killers and crowned the corpse Inês as his queen.

The movie re-enacts the legend but also shows two different stories, one set in the present and another set in what seems to be a post-apocalyptic future. In the present, Pedro is an architect in his father's atelier and he hires Inês because he's in love with her (which would count as sexual harassment, I guess). In the future, they all live in a hippie commune and Pedro is married to Constança but then Inês shows up at the commune and he falls in love with her. All of these stories end up with the women dead.

Though the historical re-enactment is the best I've seen in Portuguese cinema, the movie falls short of being recommendable due to mediocre acting (this is what you get when you hire soap opera actors), the dull narration from Pedro and a boring and predictable plot. Skippable and unnecessary.
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A Solista (2012 TV Movie)
1/10
A soap opera condensed into a movie
25 July 2021
This movie is directed by a soap opera director and it shows. The dialogue is terribly basic and boring and the acting is mostly bad. There are the forced tear-jerker scenes and all the soap opera tropes. The one thing that isn't terrible is São José Lapa's performance, but it's far from enough to save the movie from being a waste of time.
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Yao (2018)
8/10
A trip to Senegal
14 June 2021
I caught this gem on Belgian TV. It's a beautiful movie about a famous and wealthy actor of Senegalese descent who gets to meet his father's homeland trough the eye of a local kid who's a fan. As he takes a trip towards the kid's village he gets to meet a diversity of people, with different languages, religions, and cultures. There are a lot of heart-warming moments and I'm glad to say nothing bad happens, which is a nice detour from the "Africa as the land of war and corruption" trope.

The acting is great. Omar Sy has an amazing presence, as always and Lionel Louis Basse holds his own. Fatoumata Diawara is great as the travelling performer who introduces us to the local culture and establishes the "otherness" of the main character.

I loved watching this not only because of the good acting and story but also because it was a way to get to know more about an African country. I also found out about Fatoumata, who is a great singer, and have become a fan.
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1/10
Boredom in the Douro Valley
1 December 2020
I know this is considered to be Oliveira's masterpiece but it's not even one of his best movies. The plot is dull and drags on forever to the point where the ending is a relief and the acting is just terrible or non-existent. The movie starts, disturbingly, with the story of a young woman who seduces the men to the point where they go crazy. I say disturbingly for two reasons: one is that the woman protagonist is shown as a devilish creature that uses defenceless men and sucks the life out of them, a misogynistic trope that should have been abandoned long ago. The other is that the woman is as young as 14 when the story starts. To be clear, the movie sexualizes a 14 year old girl. If you find that repulsive, as you should, steer away from this movie, because it doesn't get better. The young girl, played atrociously, "seduces" an older man, a doctor, who, years later, ends up marrying her. She then becomes an expressionless, cold woman for the rest of her life (or, at least, that's what the movie shows, even if unintentionally) and cheats on her husband with every single man that crosses her path. This is all framed with images of the Douro Valley in a way that doesn't do justice to that amazing region. It's all dull, predictable, and boring until the end. Having seen most of Oliveira's movies, I have to say that, in my view, not only is this not his masterpiece, it's even one of his worst movies. Avoid, unless you are looking for a sleeping pill.
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2/10
Another miss by Oliveira
1 December 2020
This is one of those movies that had potential to be good but was ruined by a poor plot, bad acting and directing flaws. Like so many others in Oliveira's career. Through stories from Portugal's military history and mithology, told by an officer in the middle of the Colonial War, the movie attempts to show a reflection over the role of wars and empires and, by extension, Portugal itself, as a country that once held an empire and is at the time sending its youth to die in Africa in a desperate attempt to keep possession over the colonies. It is an interesting setup but not only is the acting mediocre or even very bad, the way the story is told makes it uninteresting and boring. The scenes of war (as far as I know, the only scenes of war in a Portuguese movie) are so poorly done it seemed I was watching one of those historical re-enactments made by amateurs, where they just dance around hitting swords and randomly dying. The mythological scene, taken from the Lusíadas, is supposed to be an erotic dream but, as demonstrated in "Vale Abraão", Oliveira was really terrible at erotica. As for the scenes in the present, it's just badly acted cheap philosophy. I can't recommend the movie to anyone. As a historical movie, it does not hold as it mixes mythology with history and has little connection with historical facts. As a war movie, it attempts to be profound but fails to the point of becoming comical. I only give it more than 1* because occasionally Oliveira made some beautifully filmed scenes.
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6/10
A reflection on death
7 November 2020
Warning: Spoilers
This is one of the "new cinema" movies, marked by the use of experimental filming and a plot exposing social problems. The movie follows a doctor who works with cancer patients, becoming numb and unemotional as a means to cope with the fact that he cannot save his patients. The doctor then falls in love with a woman dying of leukaemia and has a romance with her until her death. The acting isn't great but considering how this was made during the dictatorship, with very little money, I say it's worth watching for the interesting cinematography and the historical interest.
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6/10
One of Oliveira's best
5 November 2020
Manoel de Oliveira started his career with the excellent "Aniki Bóbó", but then went on to do dozens of experimental movies that, for the most part, were failed efforts at a philosophical reflection. This is an exception. Here, Oliveira mixes quotes from Dostoyevsky, Nietzsche, the Bible and the Portuguese José Régio and puts them in the mouths of people that live in a psychiatric hospital. The result is a reflection on morality, religion and Europe, which is sometimes serious, sometimes provocative, and sometimes comedic. I have to admit that, not being familiar with the works cited, a lot of references were probably lost on me. But, then again, a script should be good enough to stand on its own and not require people to read thousands of pages of books to understand it. My first criticism is, therefore, the difficulty of understanding just exactly what is going on. Often, I found that there were some beautiful images and great lines, but that I couldn't figure out what the message was supposed to be. The acting is good enough to make this a good movie and far superior to the normal in Oliveira's movies. Miguel Guilherme is great as always, as is Maria de Medeiros, and it is delightful to see the master of comedy Manuel Viegas play the cynical philosopher (Nietzsche), a role that fits him perfectly. Maria João Pires, one of the world's best pianists, also makes an apparition here, mostly to play the piano, and holds her own very well. Some members of the cast are just so so, but none are bad, which is not usual in an Oliveira movie. Still, I have to point out the cast as a second source of criticism, as sometimes it stands in the way of the story (most notably, in the story of Adam and Eve). The movie comes very close to being excellent but comes short due to the failings I've mentioned. All in all, a movie recommended for those who like philosophical and/or experimental movies. Just don't ask me what the relationship of the story with Dante's "Divine Comedy" because I haven't a clue.
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8/10
Unmissable Portuguese classic
1 November 2020
This is the movie that started the "new cinema" movement in Portugal, which saw the production of many great movies, influenced by the French "nouvelle vague" and Italian realism. The movie is an insight into the lives of those who lived the rural exodus that started in the 1960s, an exodus that saw millions leave the rural areas of Portugal, where poverty was rampant, in search for a better life in the city or abroad. Following the story of a young man who goes to work in Lisbon and meets a young girl working as a maid, also a former villager form the rural interior, it illustrates just how scary and dangerous a city can be for the rural uneducated folk. Made during the dictatorship, this is clearly a movie made with a very low budget. Still, the good acting and cinematography, accompanied by the excellent soundtrack by Carlos Paredes, makes for a worthwhile experience. Unmissable.
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Paixão (2012)
1/10
Boy, is this bad
30 October 2020
The movie starts with a guy being kidnapped by a woman. The dude, who spends the majority of the movie with his shirt off (guess why), then says "You must think this is funny, huh?", with the annoying voice of a posh boy who lost his conditioner in the shower. I immediately started laughing, as I knew this movie was going to be laughably bad. I wasn't wrong. The plot is an idiotic pastiche of Almodovar's "Ata-me" and other movies about Stockholm Syndrome. The acting is atrocious. The cinematography is mostly bizarre (e.g. in one scene, the woman starts walking towards a wall with food on her hands, god knows why). The directing is on par with Ed Wood. The only reason to watch this is if you find bad movies funny. If, like me, you are a MST3K fan, then don't miss this, there are a lot of riffing opportunities here. If not, spare yourself the pain of watching the worst Portuguese movie of all time.
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Montanha (2015)
4/10
Another movie where nothing happens
30 October 2020
Unfortunately, Portuguese cinema is still dominated by this sort of movies. There is an interesting setup and characters but then nothing happens for the whole movie and the story just ends abruptly. To be clear, what I mean by "nothing happens" is not that there is no action, I know I'm not watching transformers here. What I mean is that, unlike, say, a Bergman movie, there is no story, no character development and nothing similar to an interesting dialogue. The acting is wooden not because the actors are bad but just because there is nothing to act. I really wanted to like this because, again, there is an interesting setup here, and the potential to illustrate some pressing social issues. But then nothing happens. Too bad.
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Dentro (2016)
5/10
A Portuguese Orange is the New Black?
23 October 2020
A series that follows the story of a psychologist who works at a women's prison. The elements for yet another OINB copy are there: a lot of dramas, some comedy and a diversity of characters. But it's all let down by average acting, poor script and uninteresting and stereotyped characters. I really wanted to like this but I can't.
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South (2019)
8/10
Solid crime series
22 October 2020
A girl turns up drowned in the river. Some time later, another one shows up in the same conditions. Both ruled out as a suicide by the police chief but a stubborn inspector decides to go further and a conspiracy unravels. Granted, the story isn't original. In fact, it contains many of the clichés we find in this kind of series, like the self-destructive cop that doesn't follow the rules and the existence of a criminal underground where news travel fast. Still, it's great to see this in Portugal, a country where there are still to few series being produced and those that reach the screen are mostly boring and badly made historical series. The acting is top notch and the soundtrack, by Dead Combo, fits amazingly well. The direction is also very good, with a cinematography that shows the essence of both sides of the Tejo river. Unmissable for those who like crime series and everyone who lives in Portugal.
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Sara (2018)
9/10
I wish Portuguese cinema was always this good
19 October 2020
Sara is an actress known for dramatic roles who suddenly finds she cannot cry any more. Her journey towards finding a new career leads to many bizarre and sometimes hilarious experiences, including participating in a soap opera, which are masterfully depicted. This is a series that has everything. The acting is sublime, which is not surprising considering that we can see the always excellent Beatriz Batarda, Rita Blanco, Albano Jerónimo and Nuno Lopes in main roles. Marco Martins is excellent at directing, as he is always, and the result is beautiful cinematography and gripping storytelling. The script, written by the comedian Bruno Nogueira, is a masterful mix of drama and comedy. This is just about as good as a TV show can get. Highlights include scenes brilliantly mocking Portuguese cinema, soap operas and life coaching, but also poignant scenes about depression and disability. If only this was the norm in Portuguese cinema, in lieu of the pseudo-intellectualism that dominates most of it.
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Colo (2017)
5/10
Had potential but is just boring
16 October 2020
For some reason, keeping the camera on and not cutting anything on editing has become a symbol of quality and intellectualism in Portuguese cinema. I blame Manoel de Oliveira, but his movies at least had beautiful photography. This movie has none of that. This is a story of a family stuck in debt, unemployment and depression, seen though the eyes of a teenage girl. There was a potential to tell an interesting story about these issues, but the acting is mostly so-so and the movie drags on for so long that it becomes boring. The cinematography is unremarkable, as is most of the script. It all seems like the first movie of a film student, even though it is from an established director. Not recommended.
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Tarrafal (2017)
10/10
A voice for the voiceless
14 October 2020
The history of social housing in Portugal is complicated, as this movie shows. After the end of the dictatorship, left-wing governments started building social housing to guarantee the right to housing and erradicate shanty towns. While a positive evolution, this policy was often used by municipal authorities as a means of getting rid of "undesirables", by putting them on large quarters located in the periphery, sometimes with only a dead end street connecting it to the rest of the city. This is the story of one of the most problematic social housing quarters in Porto, the "São João de Deus". Known as "Tarrafal", after the concentration camp where the dictatorship sent political dissidents to die, this neighbourhood was populated mostly by people considered "undesirable", namely gypsies, and families that had been kicked out of other social housing quarters for disrespecting some rule. It soon became evident that having thousands of the most poor and vulnerable people living in a neighbourhood in the periphery was a terrible idea, as the people there had almost no chance of getting a job outside of drug trafficking or other criminal activities. So the municipality addressed a mistake by making another mistake: demolishing the quarter and scattering the families across other social housing quarters. This beautifully filmed documentary shows testimonies of those who lived in the "Tarrafal" and miss the community they lost. In doing this, it shows just how cruel it is to treat a whole community as a mafia because there are some criminal elements within it. It shows how none of the problems in the community (like poverty and illiteracy) were addressed by the demolition of the quarter and how traumatic it was for the people targeted to be thrown out of the only house they ever knew. As someone who grew in Porto but knew nothing of "Tarrafal" this touched me. I recommend it not only to Portuguese people but to everyone concerned about social issues like poverty, exclusion and racism.
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Mystery Science Theater 3000: Mac and Me (2018)
Season 2, Episode 1
10/10
Pretty nice!
23 November 2018
This is yet another classic episode. The movie is an unspeakably bad ripoff of ET, complete with unlikable aliens, nonsensical plot and cheesy acting. The riffs are, as usual, spot on. I especially loved the Star Wars reference, which will make many geeks happy. If you loved the classic "Pod People" episode, you cannot miss this. If you never saw "Pod People", then drop whatever you're doing now and see it. All I can say is that this episode is... pretty nice!
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