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Reviews
Ocean's Eight (2018)
Just boring....
Slow pacing with absolutely zero suspense. Couldn't even finish it. Did housework instead.
Jack Ryan (2018)
Just OK.
Tried to give this series a chance but after three episodes it did little to improve its standing. There's nothing new here, no clever writing or clever characters. Was expecting a higher quality of story-telling but didn't get it.
I'll assume the good guys win in the end and Jack Ryan lives. Yay 'Murica!
Case 39 (2009)
Multiple scenes from the trailer are not in the movie...
If you watch the movie's official trailer on YouTube, there are multiple scenes from it that were not included in the final cut of the movie (saw it on DVD). At least two shots where the girls are cowering (one in a corner, the other under a bed) that were not in the film. Also, a shot of a man in black (presumably the friendly cop) falling off of a building. Lastly, there is the notable shot from the commercial spots of the homeless guy pushing the cart in the parking garage, to which we get a zoom on his face, and his face changes into some demon - NOT INCLUDED!!! The parking garage scene in the actual movie only includes a few dogs tracking our hero cop down. It is like they shot the movie and the studio had them rearrange the plot and edit the film to suit a new plot, cutting out all of these scenes. Anywho...
This movie is below average at best (another "disturbed demon child" movie). Renee Zellweger is poorly cast in this movie - honestly she has never been a strong lead where dramatic acting is concerned. The creepy girl was just never creepy enough (foreign filmmakers do this better). Bradley Cooper cannot be taken serious in any role where he is suppose to care about anything - he's already typecast with his smug looks.
Two items of note that should bother you if you are a thinking human being... the demon girl proves she can appear anywhere - in visions and escaping certain events (like the house on fire while she is drugged asleep). However, her former parents deadbolt the door from the inside leading us to believe that a locked door can keep the demon out. The girl is also sent into the river in a car and drowns - for some reason she could not simply reappear somewhere else. And how does a demon actually drown? This movie is just too "simple" to be enjoyed. Lots of major issues peek up and are glossed over. It's entertaining to a certain extent but it's neither scary nor well done - unless you're easily scared and watch movies to be simply "entertained" by Hollywood drivel.
Clash of the Titans (2010)
Started yawning towards the end...
Much ado about nothing. This is a classic example of a trailer being much better than the movie it represents. Sam Worthington is cut out of every other movie he has previously been in - cardboard acting, terrible job of hiding his true accent, tough guy persona with modern-day haircut and attitude. Same with Neeson - he plays the same character in virtually every movie he's in - from Darkman to Taken to Love Actually to CotT. Many of the supporting actors feel properly cast beyond the main few though - I like seeing no-namers in new roles, actors with something to lose. The CGI is OK, sometimes you catch the actors looking at nothing in front of them - the interactions are very loose here. The Kraken is a remake of the Godzilla remake - beady eyes to go along with a head full of teeth. This remake won't make anyone forget the original in the long run. I saw it cause I bought into the hype and the wife likes Worthington. But I could have - and should have - easily caught this one on DVD from our library for FREE in a couple of months. If you miss this one in theaters, you're okay - the world will still turn. Saw it in 2D by the way, and I don't feel like I missed much.
Paranormal Activity (2007)
Idiot Boyfriend and Dumb Girlfriend Make Movie Go Blah Blah...
Yikes. I was scared for about 10 minutes into the movie until I realized that I was had by the hype. Unless you're between the ages of 6 and 17, you wont find much in this movie to make it worth your time. I can no longer stand movies where the lead characters make the dumbest mistakes - or are slow to realize things that the everyday donut would see right away. When the movie ended, I felt like the boyfriend got his just desserts and I wished the girl ended up going down a similar route. I turned to the wife and said these two are perfect for each other - he's an idiot and she's a moron - match made in heaven.
This movie hangs too much on the "jump frights" that were mastered back in the 1980s - hell, the 1930s even. Beyond that, there is very little to actually "see". Though there are cameras places all over the house, the boyfriend seems to only dissect the angle that we as viewers have already witnessed. These two are too dumb to call the experts until its too late. They're too dumb to ask Jeeves or Google for information early on. The information they do eventually find is useless. Why don't they lock/close their bedroom door? Why not move in with the girlfriends friend for a time? Why not stay at a hotel for the week? These two think nothing logically and almost dare the ending to come to pass. The alternate ending is no better - just there for the "gosh!" factor. One of the worst hand-held movies out there.
I really don't understand what all the hype was about. At 80 minutes long, you people should ask for your money back.
But alas, you'll leave this movie wishing you could haunt these people yourself - and do worse to them by morning. Simply blah at its best.
The Ladykillers (2004)
VERY Underrated Movie
I was surprised by the low scores for this movie. I passed on it in the theaters but decided to give it a go on DVD rental and was pleasantly taken into this plot line and all its characters. It's one of "those" movies that has the right level of comedy in the right places. I could do with a little less vulgar language (it seemed excessive at times) but overall, the movie is a great clash of different character types thrown together in a comedy stew. The Mississippi location and soundtrack really work in bringing this title to life. Hanks does a good job of playing that southern gentleman bent on thievery. His motley crew really drives this movie and how incompatible they all really are. The dumbest criminal (the musclehead) is - in some ways - the smartest, the toughest (Wayans) ends up being the weakest and the smartest (Hanks) is ultimately done in. Great movie and worth a second watching. My wife pointed out that the demolitions guy was really the only weak link in the group/plan. His constant mistakes are what caused the operation to go south (and not just talking about his IBS :) Overall, great little gem of a movie that deserves better mention on here.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)
Knowing is half the battle...so know not to see this "film"
Let me start off by saying that I would have rather watched 2 hours of the cartoon (made some 25 years ago) than this modern retake crap-heap. For all of the "good" and "great" reviews on here, I really wonder how much-of-it-the-ganja these people were smoking when they saw this movie ("movie" used loosely there) and when they wrote their respective reviews. Must be people loyal to someone on the set.
This movie SHOULD have been made for the millions of fans out there and not the forgettable drivel that make up main stream America. We wanted a film that did the GI Joe name and franchise proud and not some idiot attempt at creating what is quite possibly the worst action movie ever made not starring Michael Dudikoff, Treat Williams or Chuck Norris.
The acting is as good as what you might find in either of the Transformers movies (take yer pick, not good). The characters are poorly cast and are dominated by a hokey script, basic CGI and generic side-plots. Lots of stereotypes to behold. Cheap love stories. Must have been a "paycheck" movie for Dennis Quaid - most of his line deliveries are laughable - he just looks plain uncomfortable.
The action is everywhere and anywhere. This is what the mindless hordes are loving on here I suppose but even the show had a restrained formula.
There is little faith placed in the original (and far superior) Joe script. So many plot lines are turned upside down in this version - but why? It was GREAT the way it was - millions of fans agree. This is one facet of modern day "screenwriting" that will always baffle me. Why change what isn't broken? Is the American movie-going public THAT stupid? The actors were poorly cast. Not ONE of them is likable in the least save for MAYBE SnakeEyes, but that poor actor can never get any fricken speaking lines in his films (he played Darth Maul). That tells you something.
Storyline is as basic as connect-the-dots with lots of lights and colors. Must be why the gameboys on this site a loving on this title.
The SFX are pretty average - the exoskeleton suits move almost comically. Actually, pay attention to how everyone runs in this movie. It made myself and my wife laugh. Watch the suits running through the streets of Paris, Scarlett on the treadmill (running as if she's never used one before) and SnakeEyes starting his run in the streets of Paris. Something weird about their motions.
Expected to see more of the memorable characters like Flint and Lady Jaye, Roadblock and Shipwreck. Nope.
They picked a total dweeb to be THE Cobra Commander. Seriously, this guys action was atrocious and somewhat comical through the whole thing. The producers didn't even have the decency to leave the cool-as-hell chrome mask of his as is - they had to modify it for the fanboy "cool" factor in this movie.
NOT A PG-13 movie by the way - some wayward parents here argue otherwise. There are curse words here that are obviously delivered, heads exploding, people getting pierced in the eyes/throat or just plain vaporizing and female-shaped sexiness abounds (Baroness/Scarlett).
Makes the Transformers movies look like Academy Material.
Shame on you Hasbro for signing off on this bucket-o-trash. Money talks I guess and you got your portion I can only assume. People getting this far in my review should dig up GI Joe The Movie on YouTube and enjoy a real Joe storyline, not this bad Hollywood nonsense.
Avatar (2009)
Great Movie for What it is...an Action Film
I liked JC's return to the big screen here - it is pretty epic but I really hope they keep the world to just this one movie as it's pretty much told everything we need to know. I wasn't too excited about seeing a 60% SFX / 40% live action split but I was pleasantly surprised by this product (saw the 3D version). Some of the plot lines a seasoned veteran can spot coming a mile away but that doesn't detract from the above-average acting and stunning computer visuals. I think the greatest challenge to any SciFi "thinker" like Cameron has always been in creating an "alien" world that is wholly unique, not just another movie filmed in Hawaii or the Sahara - I think JC accomplishes that here with all his little details in the terrain and the alien environment. His alien natives are well developed though obviously borrowing a TON from man's world history. You can easily relate the situation in this movie (the Big Bully versus David) to much of what's already been made of humankind - America forcibly taking lands and driving out the Native Americans, the British/German/Belgium/France/Spain/Portugal/Italy rape of Africa - sad to note but we're no better to one another let alone to this peaceful alien race. That aside, Avatar plays it well - perhaps a bit too "eco-crazy" for those Republicans out there - but a great action movie at its core nonetheless. The 3D version didn't add much to my overall experience BTW - it really just adds a little visual depth with the camera target staying in focus while the entire scene is "layered" in front and behind the target. So you'll see passing leaves and embers moving about in front of you - nothing too distracting/overtly cool there.
V (2009)
Not Impressed
I grew up watching the original "V" show and remember it being scary and cool - I was like 8 years old though. For last night's premiere, I raced home to watch it and was disappointed at how slow the pacing was. The acting was cardboard and there weren't any twist deviations from the original that I noted. The special effects were borderline at best. The whole luster of the show wears off when the audience already knows A) the aliens are bad guys and B) the "aliens" are reptilians under human-like skin. What's the point of re-making a show like this??? Even the "cut to commercial" sounds are too much like LOST. Maybe this show will be cool to 8-year olds out there but everyone else can move along.
Watchmen (2009)
Not Great But Not Terrible...
I never heard of the Watchmen before this so I went in with a clean slate.
The GOOD: Enough fight scenes to keep it interesting; more story here than most action movies.
The BAD: The costumes for these superheroes are downright laughable; there are at least three sex scenes thrown in for no real good reason (guess Spectre's daughter is as much a tramp as her mom was); deep plot can get confusing fast - you'll need the 3hrs to watch the movie and another 6 days to dissect it all; why do mobs of villains still attack one at a time? (reference to the prison riot scene); sometimes the violence is just too over the top and totally unnecessary; the digital blood is lame - but Hollywood hasn't figured that out since it released V For Vendetta; drags at times; too long for its own good.
Overall, I was left with the feeling that I really didn't "get" the love affair people have with the Watchmen - the "stellar" posts you see here are probably fans of the graphic novel banding together to keep its rating high (just doing my part to bring its rating down some here). It's an "okay" movie but you'd be hard-pressed to tell a friend why they should see it or describe its plot to your blind Grandma.
Valkyrie (2008)
Better than I thought it was going to be...
Great story and the acting was surprisingly good by all parties involved - Cruise included. I always want to hate this guy but he seems to always convince me otherwise in his movies.
No doubt this movie would have been Academy material had they used German actors speaking German the whole time (something akin to Das Boot). As it is, we have an American in the lead role surrounded by a bunch of Englishmen playing Germans. Even Adolph Hitler has a British accent(!). Not a bad movie at all though - you feel for the guys involved in this complicated plot and know that they did more for Germany than anyone under the Reich flag did in the end.
Worth a viewing as there is plenty of suspense and drama for most. It also tells another side of Nazi Germany that most people never think about - that some Germans DID think that Hitler was crazy and were brave enough to stop him - at least fifteen such times by the movie's count.
Terminator Salvation (2009)
Entertaining but Flawed in Many Ways...
This new Terminator installment falls third in the four movie line up. It plays homage to the first three in a variety of subtle ways, which is good, but fails to provide the "realism" inherent in at least the first picture. While the second was truly an action flick, the third was a campy outing not worth mention. Terminator Salvation (TS) tries to play up the futuristic parts we got a taste of in the previous films but doesn't really carry it well enough.
For whatever reason, Arnold's T-8000 in part one could shoot up every cop in the police station, on target. In TS, the T-700 terminators here are armed with friggin miniguns and cannot hit the broadside of a barn. For whatever reason, these T-700's were also designed as 7-foot tall killers which goes against Kyle Reese's description in Terminator of them looking like humans but having rubber skin ("We spotted them easily").
Sam Worthington is "okay" as the new terminator, though a bigger glimpse into his transformation process from executed killer to new terminator would have been nice. We can also do without the burgeoning love affair between the hot female A-10 pilot and Worthington - this felt forced and misplaced in every sense.
I didn't appreciate applying a face to Skynet either - this being Helena Bonham Carter. Skynet is a computer through and through, and it doesn't need to explain its evil ways to one of its creations (Worthington) ala Dr Evil in Austin Powers.
We really have no developed feel for anyone of our characters. Christian Bale doesn't reach the deepness he provided in Batman Begins. In fact, I thought this movie would have been more along those lines but it hardly was. Despite him catching a metal rod through his chest, this bloke survives long enough to talk to people, smile, push a detonator and ultimately accept Worthington's still human heart.
Kyle Reese's first attempt at ever driving a car - this an open-topped jeep - makes him look like a trained professional stunt driver. Worthington should have already been behind the wheel here.
The mute little girl didn't serve much purpose after the mid-way part of the film. Bryce Dallas Howard wasn't much of a presence either.
The giant "Transformers" human collecting robot seems misplaced here. Like they needed a towering "WOW" factor so they through it in. How can these resistance fighters never sense when this huge beast and it's accompanying dropship are arriving? Why do the resistance fighters operate on the surface in broad daylight with little or no fear of being detected? Where are the Hunter-Killers at this point? Why did they amass a collection of A-10 Thunderbolts, Ospreys and Huey helicopters and no F-22 Raptors or F-15 Eagles? What happened to all of our tanks and artillery systems? Where are the laser rifles we see in Kyle Reese's versions of the future? Bale and his compadres all love using the modern M4 Carbines and sidearms for budgetary purposes I suppose.
Lastly, I feel this film should have gone for the R-rating. The Terminator series is deserving of it. The subject matter requires it whether you like it or not. The future is suppose to be ugly and violent and to go the PG-13 route here does the series a low blow.
This movie could have been something special but it let down the first two in the series while bettering only the third installment. Too bad :/
Twilight (2008)
Just Plain Bad
I don't even know where to start...
Never read the book but one should be able to watch any movie today (if the movie is worth its weight) without having to do so - heck, Lord of the Rings pulled it off.
The casting in this movie was dead awful - I haven't see this many cardboard actors since The Phantom Menace. The direction was equally bad - slow-moving and trying to be all artsy - and the hype centered around this movie is a crime that should not go unpunished. The special effects were laughable as no one's done the "fast-running/fast-climbing" thing convincing enough yet. With so much to work with material-wise, it's a shame that people can still muck things up like this. Any one with any creative vision would be able to do more with a cardboard box and some tape.
I sat through this 2-hour crap-fest to please the wife, who was not pleased herself with the translation from book to screen. Ashame that they wouldn't give roles like these out to a more deserving and talented set of young actors - whoever picked these two - yikes! Just about everyone involved in this cast was terrible.
At least there are some laughable moments in this film - though I don't think they were suppose to be laughable.
Any Michael Dudikoff/Chuck Norris/Treat Williams flick has more heart than Twilight.