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Reviews
One Soldier (1999)
The Wright kind of genius
Black and White aren't funny, its all those grey in between areas of life that are hilarious. I was lucky enough to catch this short on IFC more than once a few years back. I was so excited the first time I saw it I started every week by combing through the TV guides to see if it was going to be on again so I could tape. My one attempt at taping failed due to pore VHS quality.
But the important part is that I saw it. And highly recommend it to anyone and everyone. If you are able to understand Steven Wright's comedy this is the quintessential experience. Whether screaming to his wife that they should boil the furniture upon her announcement pregnancy, or explaining how life is an interruption from nothingness, Steven Wright is a genius. Fingers crossed I find this on DVD one day.
Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)
It really sucked.......my soul.
I will not apologize to those of you who saw fit to give this flick an 8.0. Coscarelli steps up from puck that is Phantasm and the Beastmaster, with Bubba Ho-Tep he is given a chance to do something great. But he drops the ball.
He's got prizing winning material, filled with golden ideas and endless possibilities. He's two great character actors in the lead roles. But he screws it up! This movie is so mis-directed right out the door. The screenplay misses out on chances for some real witty dialog. Note: 20 minutes about penile growths is not witty dialog. Its worst problem is the terrible sense of pacing. What a mess.
And now this jewel of unconventional film gold is trashed and we'll have to wait 20 years for Tim Burton's grand kid to "re-imagine" it into an even worse piece of crap with Marky Marky as the mummy!!! I really had hopes for this one.
Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)
Poor Gareth
This is a fairly good movie. All in all very British, but what movie with Hugh Grant isn't British. No, seriously this is a decent movie. Nothing spectacular along production, cinematography, or directing lines. But well written and I got a few laughs out of it. If your date movie nights are feeling a little stale with too many "Chasing Liberty"s or "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton"s. Then pick this one up.
My only complaint is killing off the funny, fat guy. What kinda world is it without the Gareths. It happens in movies too much. And being a fairly funny, heavier set guy is some what disturbing. We fattos need heros too, if only they'd stop dying of heart attacks. Oh, well. Give it a try. 7-8/10.
Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
This film Reeks of Awesomeness
This isn't going to be a long and in depth description and analysis of this movie. I just felt compelled to express how much I love this movie. In my general opinion there aren't many reasons for John Carpenter to be making movies doesn't. Face it, he's directed a lot of crap, please lets don't mention "Vampires" and how many people were walking out of the theater when I went to go see it.
But if there is one reason to justify his existence, it is this movie. Its great. I may like some pretty different and intellectual movies(see Northfork, Requiem for a Dream) but when it comes to just a great action movie, this is what I turn to time and time again. I cant even count how many times I've seen it.
It well acted, great score, interesting story, some kick ass action, and some good humor(no not the ice cream). If your looking for something a little different in your action flick don't look to Jean-Claude Van Damme, don't watch T3, don't even watch The Matrix movies(unless it's the original, that one is still ok).
I give this movie a 10/10. Sit back with a bucket of popcorn, pop in the DVD, relax, pay attention to the story, and enjoy. Give it a chance and I know you'll like it.
Mr. Nanny (1993)
Hey hey go easy
Mr. Nanny aint that bad. Who doesnt like Hulk Hogan. If you dont believe that this movie is a comedic jewel watch the scene were Burt(Mr. Jefferson, movin' on up) try to show the little boy how to defend himself against bullies. When Burt pulls a 3ft lead pipe from his pant leg, well lets say that I couldnt stop laughing for days. That one scene effected me in ways that a still felt today, years later. Infact, I'm still laughing.
The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Did they watch the final cut?
Well what can I say. This truly can be called the intelligent mans action movie because I like to think that I'm at least on the sidewalk Smart Street but I didn't know what the heck was happening during most of this movie. I went to this movie for the story/plot, oh its there but well hidden. Just a bit. Really I saw it twice in the theater and rewatched some of the intense conversations over and over again on a possibly "pirated" version(need I say anything more incriminating).
It posses the question of wether the damn directors even watched the final cut because there are some major pacing problems. The beginning dragged. What was with the 20min orgy scene. I got that they were having sex about 3 seconds in. And the scenes were a lot of information is presented moves way to fast. And right after that there is chaos and we have no time to absorb athing we've just heard. If you used all the big words in this movie while playing Scrabble you be a bloody god. All in all it was ok. I want to use my intellect while watching a movie but I don't want to watch it 8 times to understand half of what's going on.
If you don't want to hear this then don't read on. But for those who still might be confused and don't have the bank account to keep going back to the theater I'll give you the gist. My associate and I have come up with a basic theory. Mined you this is just a theory because this is the kind of movie where they want you to think one thing and then screw you up the ol' corn shoot a half second later.
Now the "architect" figure speaks about the systemic anomaly. Meaning that the Matrix is a harmony of mathematical precision but humans cant be rounded off as such. The "oricale" was created to understand why humans kept rejecting the Matrix. She discovered that if you gave humans a choice to accept the Matrix or not, even if it was subconscious that 99% would accept it. Our theory is that the 1% that rejects it must be dealt with or the would pose a threat to the Matrix so the world that Zion lives in is a second layer of the Matrix. A Matrix within a Matrix. They think they've escaped but they have not. That is why Neo was able to stop those machines at the end. They are all still plugged in. If you listen to Morphius in the first film he tells about how Zion was created. There was the first who was able to wake up he then woke other up. He was able to manipulate the world around him, thus creating Zion. This person was the first `the one' he was able to manipulate the world around him just like Neo. Because they are all still plugged in.
So to concluded understand that that is really basic. Because there are still a lot more question that cant be answered until the next movie. And I mean a lot, really important ones at that. Example, if the world that Zion lives in is fake than what is the real, real world look like? Is this whole robot taken over Earth ture or is this all a sick experiment of some kind. I'm telling you folks this is gonna be one hell of big ending. We're talking on the level of Planet of the Apes, and I'm not talking about that crappy Tim Burton one. So good luck my friends don't scratch your heads too hard on this one. All I can say is that I know why they're releasing the next one so soon after. It's a 5 hour sequel they cut in half.
Beat (2000)
Sutherland sux
This movie would have absolutley no interest to anyone who doesn't know about Burroughs. The only reason I even saw it was because I'm such a Burroughs fanatic. Slow and boring. I feel that when it comes to Burroughs nothing but the best should be put forth. This movie fell way short. The acting wasn't good. And Sutherland was damn terrible. Give me Peter Weller as Burroughs any day.