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An error has ocurred. Please try againBut not every episode of Seasons 1-9 was a winner. Here are my least favorite episodes from the first nine seasons in chronological order. My descriptions are spoiler-free except where indicated.
P.S. If one of your favorite "Five-O" episodes is listed below, please remember that this is my opinion and that rating movies and television episodes is subjective.
P.P.S. Here are My favorite episodes of Hawaii Five-O (Seasons 1-9).
Reviews
Hawaii Five-O: See How She Runs (1977)
"See How She Sits/Stands Around"
The "She" in "See How She Runs" is one Sunny Mandell, a seventeen year old girl framed for murder by a Todd Daniels. Daniels wants revenge on Sunny's father - an L.A. police captain who busted him and killed his brother.
Sunny escapes from Daniels and then meets up with a cult called "The Reborn", lead by the Christ-like Osiris. She moves in with them, hoping to evade both Daniels and the police.
Unfortunately, Sunny does all her running at the beginning of the episode. The rest is basically Osiris talking and The Reborn chanting. It's not far-fetched, but it is incredibly boring! Even the act breaks in this snoozer are anticlimactic. A better title for this episode would be "See How She Sits/Stands Around"!
However, I will say that the scenes set in the Five-O office seem to come from a different, and better, episode. For example, the scene where a voyeuristic witness is interviewed by McGarrett is a highlight. The office scenes saved the episode from a one star rating - but this is still a major disappointment from writer Anne Collins, who contributed an excellent episode, "A Touch of Guilt", in Season 8.
At this writing I have seen the first nine seasons of Hawaii Five-O, and concluded that Season 9 is a mixed bag. The ninth season has many excellent episodes, several that are pretty good, but far too many stinkers. "See How She Runs" gets my vote for the worst Season 9 episode. I couldn't even watch it in one sitting, which was a first for me with Five-O.
2/10
Hawaii Five-O: Diary of a Gun (1975)
"Diary of the Dumb"
At this writing, I have seen the first seven seasons of Hawaii Five-O. This episode had an interesting concept, but I think a better title would be "Diary of the Dumb".
A letter carrier finds a gun in a mailbox. Anyone with at least half a brain would realize that it had been used in a crime and dumped there, and would immediately call the police. But our stupid letter carrier not only picks up the gun, putting his fingerprints on what could be a murder weapon, he takes it home to show his wife what a funny thing he found.
Later, Eddie the janitor picks up the same gun after a kid accidentally shoots himself with it. How could Eddie not know the cops would investigate that shooting?
Finally, Frito the bandito (sorry couldn't resist) is surrounded by cops with rifles and shotguns, and yet he tries to shoot his way out with a .25 caliber handgun Danno describes as "junk merchandise: unreliable, inaccurate."
Thankfully this episode is not representative of the quality of Hawaii Five-O in general, or Season 7 in particular. I would say "Diary of the Dumb", er, "Diary of a Gun" is the stinker of Season 7. It's the only episode of the season with an idiot plot, i.e., "a plot which is kept in motion solely by virtue of the fact that everybody involved is an idiot."
1/10
P.S. Let me state for the record that my poor rating of this episode is NOT politically motivated. It is merely a reaction to the bad writing.
Casino Royale (2006)
Bond Begins
"Casino Royale" attempts to do for James Bond what last year's "Batman Begins" did for the Dark Knight. For the most part, it succeeds.
Although the twenty-first film in the long running 007 series, "Casino Royale" is based on Ian Fleming's first novel. This film aims to reboot the Bond franchise by stripping it of its tired formula and returning the character to his literary roots. It introduces Daniel Craig as the coldest, toughest, and most ruthless Bond since Sean Connery's 1962 debut in "Dr. No".
Despite the new lead actor and truer to Fleming approach, there are some curious throwbacks to the old series. The most obvious and perplexing is the return of Judi Dench as M. This is supposed to be the first double-o mission for Craig's Bond, yet he reports to Pierce Brosnan's old boss. Why the filmmakers didn't recast the role with a Bernard Lee (who perfectly embodied Fleming's M) type is baffling and creates a paradox between the previous series and the new one.
The film has a lengthy prologue before Bond actually reaches Casino Royale, meaning both the location and the book's plot. While this section contains some exciting action scenes, it's hard to follow and somewhat superfluous. Here Bond is piecing together who the terrorists are and what they're up to - the kind of thing a briefing in M's office would usually tell us.
But once Bond receives his orders to go up against the villain Le Chiffre, the film really kicks into high gear. For the most part this is Bond as Fleming wrote him. Bond is tortured as in the book. The violence is realistic and appears painful. James Bond probably loses more blood in this movie than in the previous twenty combined.
By the film's final scene, Daniel Craig proves the naysayers wrong. Daniel Craig _is_ James Bond, and the best since Connery. In that final scene he's not only wearing the same kind of three-piece suit Connery wore in "Goldfinger", he's also doing a damn good job of filling his shoes.
8/10
The Prestige (2006)
Movie Magic
"Are you watching closely?" is the watchword for The Prestige. Like the magic tricks portrayed within, the movie demands you watch closely.
Christopher Nolan employs the same non-linear style he used in Memento and, to a lesser degree, in Batman Begins. Watch closely or you may get lost in the film's many flashbacks and plot twists.
If you pay attention however, you'll be rewarded with a riveting tale of obsession, impressive visuals, and remarkable performances.
See this one on the big screen. Although I will buy the DVD when it's released, this is definitely not a movie you can play in the background at home. I recommend it highly!
10/10
King Kong (2005)
Less than the sum of its parts
Peter Jackson's King Kong is well made, but emotionally unaffecting and much longer than it needs to be.
The film has many plot holes that are exacerbated by its excessive length. The audience is practically invited to dwell on them during the long stretches when nothing much is happening. For example:
1.) Ann entertains Kong by juggling rocks and doing cartwheels. Why isn't she concerned with more important matters - like eating? She's "held hostage" by Kong for almost an entire day with no food and no water.
2.) It's winter during the New York scenes near the end of the film. There's snow on the ground and the lake in the park is frozen solid. And yet, Ann spends a least a couple hours outside wearing only a flimsy white dress. How does she avoid frostbite or hypothermia?
Another problem with this version is the nature of the Kong/Ann relationship. In the 1933 original, Kong's love for Ann is definitely unrequited; Fay Wray screams in terror whenever Kong is near her. In this version the relationship is, dare I say it?, romantic. The two look longingly at each other, and even go on a "date" "ice-skating" in the park. I suppose the filmmakers wanted to give Naomi Watts more to do than scream her head off, but the whole thing is unseemly at best.
In conclusion, if you have the DVD be sure to watch "Skull Island: A Natural History". That featurette is concise and entertaining - unfortunately King Kong (2005) has neither of those merits.
5/10
Doom (2005)
U.A.C. - Unoriginal Although Clever
I have played the DOOM, DOOM II, DOOM 3, and DOOM 3: Resurrection of Evil games. So I simply *had* to see the DOOM film, despite the bad reviews.
For me, the last critically assailed, but still must-see, film was Alien vs. Predator (AVP). Like AVP, DOOM the film is unoriginal, but enthusiastic. And in my opinion, like AVP, DOOM the movie succeeds at what it sets out to accomplish.
Sure enough, the DOOM movie, like the games, shamelessly rips off Alien and Aliens. Certainly, DOOM the movie is not in the same league as those two classics. But that doesn't make it a bad film. Frankly, I'd rather see a new story that recycles some familiar elements than another pointless remake.
Furthermore, considering its video game source material, DOOM is surprisingly well-written and well-acted. The marines aren't as memorable as those in Aliens, but Karl Urban, Rosamund Pike, and even The Rock give performances that are quite good.
The movie isn't completely faithful to the plot of the game, but in my opinion, the plot changes work. Furthermore, IMHO, the brief, but much discussed, First Person Shooter sequence works - both as cinema and as a homage to the games.
As well versed in DOOM lore as I am, I can't predict how a viewer who has never played the games will react to the movie. However, I predict that all but the most demanding fans of the games will enjoy the film.
7/10
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
"Incredible... it's even worse than I thought it would be."
Although I am a fan of British science fiction such as Doctor Who and Quatermass, I had little interest in seeing The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I went with friends who wanted to see it. I walked into the theater with low expectations, and the film utterly failed to meet them.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is supposed to be a comedy. I laughed out loud ONCE, during the "sock-monkey" scene. Near the end, I very nearly fell asleep.
The film has no compelling storyline. It just meanders around aimlessly. The characters are similarly underdeveloped. To make matters worse, Sam Rockwell's character, Zaphod Beeblebrox, is positively annoying.
At one point Marvin the robot says, "Incredible... it's even worse than I thought it would be." That's exactly my opinion of this movie.
3/10
War of the Worlds (2005)
See it on the big screen, preferably as a matinée
*** This review contains spoilers. Reader discretion is advised. ***
I finally got around to seeing War of the Worlds (2005). I saw the 1953 version earlier this year, so that is fresh in my mind.
(*** SPOILER ALERT! ***)
There are at least three scenes strongly reminiscent of the original:
1.) The scene with the probe examining the basement, followed by inquisitive aliens, as noted in the IMDb trivia.
2.) The scene where an alien machine crashes, and a dying alien emerges, arm first.
3.) The scene where Robbie seemingly throws his life away, like Uncle Matthew in the original.
Scene #3 is one of my beefs with this movie. While Uncle Matthew's death in the original still seems foolish, at least a justification was given (he was a pastor, and tried to make peace by communicating with the aliens). No justification is given for Robbie's actions, other than he's a moody teenager having a bad day. In the 1953 version, Uncle Matthew is incinerated. In the 2005 version, Robbie suddenly appears at the end, miraculously unharmed.
It's bad enough that Spielberg has this character seemingly throw his life away for no reason. It's even worse to resurrect him from what logically should have been a fiery doom, without any explanation whatsoever.
(*** END SPOILERS ***)
On the plus side, the film is never boring. Spielberg does a excellent job building and maintaining the tension, and the thrill-ride metaphor is more than apt. But that's also a problem. I never connected emotionally with any of these characters. I just sat and watched them run. In fact, I found the whole family rather annoying. The only character I felt for was the peanut butter sandwich, but I digress...
The main reason to see this flick is the special effects, which are outstanding. But with the plot holes and other flaws, I'm giving this movie 6/10. See it on the big screen, preferably as a matinée.
Batman Begins (2005)
Batman Gets Justice
As a movie, Batman Begins is outstanding. As a Batman movie, it's damn near perfect.
The three main men behind this production, Nolan (director, co-writer), Goyer (co-writer), and Bale (lead actor) understand and respect the source material, the Batman comics. They understand Batman has been continually published for nearly 70 years because he is a fascinating character. A character that has never been fully realized on film - until now.
Christian Bale is part of a phenomenal cast including Michael Caine (Alfred is a joy), Liam Neeson, Gary Oldman (Gordon done right - finally!), Morgan Freeman, Rutger Hauer and many others. Even Katie Holmes was a lot better than I expected.
Some critics have complained that this movie lacks humor. I laughed a lot, at the right places, and for the right reasons. This movie proves you can have humor in Batman without camp, and without turning it into a spoof. Didn't you get the memo?
This film is constantly surprising, constantly inventive, and constantly engrossing. How anybody can say this movie is too long, too slow, or too talky is beyond me. I was captivated, yes captivated, the whole way through.
10/10
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Begins like another toy commercial, ends like a real movie!
*** This review does contain one small spoiler, but it's flagged so it can be easily skipped over. ***
It isn't immediately apparent, but Revenge of the Sith (ROTS) is easily the best film of the prequel trilogy. Unfortunately, the beginning of ROTS suffers from the same flaws as the previous two episodes: lazy plotting, weak dialog, non-existent character development, and visual effects for their own sake.
But something wondrous happens during the last 50 minutes or so. We get a real movie, with conflict, drama, plot, and characterization! The acting is much improved in this episode. Ian McDiarmid and Ewan McGregor really shine, and Hayden Christensen stops whining. Even Yoda's "acting" is better - the scene where he enters the Chancellor's office is priceless.
The first part of ROTS has too many scenes that play like a toy commercial. During the fight/chase scene between Grievous and Kenobi, you can almost hear voice-over narration saying, "Generals Grievous and Kenobi action figures, vehicle and mount sold separately." But it's confirmed later that a real movie has arrived, because you know that Lucas isn't going to sell (* SPOILER ALERT! *) burnt and dismembered Anakin action figure, legs sold separately. (* END SPOILER *)
I knew immediately when the switch occurred. It's the scene where the view changes between Anakin and Padme, each almost silhouetted against an orange sky. I said to myself at that point, now we've got a real movie on our hands, and I was right!
In conclusion, remember your Jedi lessons about patience and you will be rewarded.
My ratings by Episode: I - 4/10, II - 6/10, III - 8/10
AVP: Alien vs. Predator (2004)
Control your expectations and you'll enjoy it.
I have seen all the previous installments in the Alien and Predator series. So I simply had to see this, despite the bad press.
I did not expect this to equal Alien, Aliens, or Predator in quality. Nor should you. I was pleasantly surprised to find that this movie easily surpasses both Alien 3 (which I hated) and Alien 4 (which started well, and completely fell apart by the end). And it's better than Predator 2.
Like many, I was skeptical that Paul W.S. Anderson could pull this off. He succeeds with a film that is enthusiastic, though not groundbreaking.
I think a lot of the negative reaction is from people comparing this to the ultimate AVP movie that they've carried in their heads for years. Making that comparison will only lead to disappointment.
However, if you watch this for what it is, instead of bemoaning what might have been, you will probably enjoy it as I did.
7/10
Split Second (1992)
B-Movie Gem
Split Second is a movie that can be described as "Blade Runner meets Predator meets Lethal Weapon". While not as good as these three films, it is as much fun as any of them.
[WARNING - MINOR SPOILERS]
Set in the partially flooded London of 2008, this film pits future cop Harley Stone (Rutger Hauer) against an intelligent monster. The monster, who wounded Stone and killed his partner three years earlier, is back and killing again. The unbalanced ("lives on anxiety, coffee, and chocolate") Stone is teamed up with straight-laced serial killer expert, Dick Durkin. The resulting clash of policing styles produces a lot of the movie's humor. Contains one of the greatest lines in the history of cinema, "Where the f--- is my coffee?"
[END SPOILERS]
Although the movie didn't have a big budget, it overcomes that with great acting, suspenseful direction, witty dialogue, and good use of London locations.
Hauer's performance gives Stone some complexity, while the screenplay provides the character with a minimal, but nonetheless effective, backstory. Hauer is tough-as-nails when needed, but displays convincing tenderness in his scenes with love interest Kim Cattrall. As an aside, I find it amusing that Stone's apartment is a mess with pigeons living in it, while the gun cabinet is the only thing that's neat and tidy.
Neil Duncan is a perfect foil for Stone as the highly educated (post graduate at Edinburgh, and then Oxford) criminologist, Dick Durkin.
At first Durkin thinks Stone is nuts, while Stone thinks little of Durkin's brains-over-brawn approach. But over the course of the film the two develop a respect for each other.
There are some problems with the film. The villain's origins and motivations are never really explained, and the ending is a bit weak.
But all in all, the film succeeds in delivering 90 minutes of rewatchable entertainment.
Krull (1983)
Solid 80's Fantasy Film
All prior fantasy films are going to pale in comparison to Peter Jackson's excellent Lord of the Rings trilogy. But compared to other genre films of the eighties, Krull (1983) is a solid effort. While having nowhere near the merit of Excalibur (1981), Krull exceeds lesser efforts of the time such as The Beastmaster (1982), and The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982). I would place Krull almost on par with the Conan films (1982, 1984).
Strengths of the film include an interesting story, strong ensemble cast (including a young Liam Neeson in a small role), a great musical score, scenic locations, and good (for the day) special effects.
Weaknesses include a less-than-charismatic male lead, somewhat derivative costume designs (the White Slayers in the Black Fortress sure look a lot like Imperial Stormtroopers, don't they?) and a somewhat disappointing ending.
But overall, an above-average film with many memorable moments, including:
[WARNING - MINOR SPOILERS]
The Beast telling Princess Lyssa, "Love is fleeting, power is eternal".
When the Slayers die, their heads split open and their brains crawl out, accompanied by the most wonderful horrible noise you can imagine! (If anyone knows where a .WAV file of their death shriek can be found, please post the URL!)
[END SPOILERS]
In conclusion, this is a decent movie and well worth your time. Just don't expect Lord of the Rings.
Howard the Duck (1986)
"Couldn't possibly be any more retarded"
Just saw this as Surprise #1 at the 28th (my 24th) Case Western Reserve University (CWRU) Science Fiction Marathon. My buddy brought his twelve year-old son, who provided the quote I'm using as my one-line summary above. You know what they say about the mouths of babes.
I spent $25 to see the fifteen Marathon movies, meaning I paid $1.67 to see this. That was about $1.67 too much.
This is one of those movies that make you wonder, "What were the film makers thinking?" The only reason I can imagine this movie exists is George Lucas' presence as Executive Producer. He was hot off the original Star Wars trilogy at the time and the studio must have figured anything he touched would turn to gold.
This is also one of those movies that make you wonder, "What was the CWRU Film Society (organizers of the Marathon) thinking?" I guess they showed the film because it is set in Cleveland, Ohio where the annual Marathon takes place. But if you live somewhere other than Northeastern Ohio, don't expect to gain any insights into life here by watching this movie. The WMMS sticker on Lea Thompson's guitar case, an RTA bus, the mention of East 9th street, and the logo of Cleveland Museum of Natural History are the only touches of authenticity. The city in this film and the surrounding countryside don't even remotely resemble the Cleveland metropolitan area. And if you come here to visit, don't look for the Cuyahoga Nuclear Power Plant - it never existed.
I understand this is science fiction, and that location shooting is expensive, but nothing in this film rings true. For example, Lea Thompson's character plays electric guitar in a Cleveland rock band. Well, I happen to play electric bass guitar in a Cleveland rock band and I've never walked home from a gig like Lea Thompson's character does, for the very simple reason that I have an amp that weighs 125 pounds! When I saw that scene, I couldn't help but ask aloud, "Where's her amp?"
In conclusion, don't waste your time or money by watching this movie. The character of Howard the Duck is intended to be humorous, but comes across as merely annoying. I've never seen a "comedy" with fewer laughs, even unintentional ones. Two hours of unexposed film stock has more entertainment value.