Reviews

Harmony Korine is an auteur. His films are entirely his own, which leads one into utter confusion when he switches gears from dirty white trash cinema into an unexpectedly profound Spring Break experience. This film is definitely not for the traditional audience of its stars, as it depicts its actresses in an entirely different light than what they became famous for. In no way are these characters friendly child pop icons anymore, but darkly tragic criminals, placed into a surprise journey of danger, indulgence, love, and self-discovery.

It sounds weird, doesn't it? Certainly not the movie most people would expect, though this movie does a fine job in destroying these child- stars' family images and proving they have potential to be serious actresses, even if this movie presents them as students who just want to have a good Spring Break. It's more than that. They want a life-changing Spring Break, and here it is.

Like many of Harmony Korine's films, this one is a visual collage of events, though there is a most definite storyline underneath this, unlike many of this other films. Despite it's extreme contrast to his other movies, it is still 100% a Harmony Korine movie in the sense of its abstract structure and style, only a lot more focused and visually stunning. This is one of the most beautiful movies I've ever seen due to its surreal neon party atmosphere, its extremely moody vibes and music, and of course, its bikini-clad characters who don't change their clothes very often, and that's a good thing.

James Franco is almost unrecognizable in this role, because he plays such a unique character compared to anything else he's done, but he gives an absolutely phenomenal performance and completely steals the show as the hilarious and endearing gangster with the heart of gold.

As a fan of Harmony Korine's work, I was expecting to like the movie, but the promotion of this movie doesn't prepare you for the trip it takes you on. The film retains the director's hypnotic charm, yet it completely shatters and reinvents his whole style of film, as well as the teenybopper images of its stars by giving this movie a surprising amount of depth and dare I say coherence. Not only is it my absolute new favorite of Harmony Korine's, but perhaps the most beautiful 90 minute experience I've ever witnessed.

I think this movie is going to stick with me for a very long time.

This rendition of Dark Shadows plays out like a joke to the audience of the original soap. What this movie does is retain the characters and the relationships, but almost entirely discards everything else that made the soap what it was.

The 2012 film is a what-if scenario. What if the Gothic horror/drama was turned into a Tim Burton comedy? And what if they set it in the 70s instead of the 60s for some reason? What if ALL the story lines we know and loved were completed neglected on all accounts?

What if Roger didn't have his proper accent? What if Willie was a balding drunk? What if Dr. Hoffman was a drunk too? What if Maggie Evans was merged into Victoria Winters and had a convoluted backstory? What if one of the characters was a werewolf for absolutely no reason? What if Alice Cooper partied at Collinwood? What if Burke Devlin never existed?! Nor Jason McGuire, Reverend Trask, Ben Stokes, Jeremiah Collins, and countless others... What if nothing followed a pattern, and we just get vague cutouts of our beloved characters?

With its innumerous differences to the show accounted for, how *is* this movie actually? It's surprisingly watchable, in an over-bloated Tim Burton kind of way, but this movie really shines its subtle moments, which was a highlight aspect of the show. In a film where almost everything is just wrong about the mythology, Johnny Depp plays Barnabas Collins (vampire), channeling the original actor Jonathan Frid in a commendable performance where he retains the propriety of the real Barnabas. At least it kept that right, but all-in-all, this is a terrible representation of what Dark Shadows is all about. This movie is more amusing in how extravagant it is with the liberties it takes.

My brother told me of a movie once about a Vietnam vet turned poolboy who has to take on a rival Mexican gang of pool-cleaners, and I thought, "genius". Quite frankly, it was. From the same team that brought you "Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury", comes an equally outrageous concept of a story. Franklin Delano Roosevelt gets polio from a werewolf attack and becomes determined to stop the Nazi werewolves and end the second world war for good.

FDR, played by a hysterical Barry Bostwick, gets polio from a werewolf. First off, the introduction of werewolves automatically tells you this movie will be very profound and dramatic. From a biographically standpoint, the events in the movie are very true to source. The story is a highly accurate telling of his rise to power, presidency, and war politics, but the real impressive aspect of this film is its attention to detail. The characters can seamlessly spout off lines of cocky socky comic genius and exploit themselves endlessly until the movie really just *ends* abruptly, with a climax so unforgettable, you wont be able to remember what happens in it.

The humor is crass, politically incorrect, and inversely subversive, so fans of bad movies should definitely hear it hitting the right notes. The narrative flows awkwardly steady, and the payoff is unimaginable, but what helps this movie entirely is the production design. John Waters once said his favorite movie idea "is to do a movie where everything's fake; the trees, the grass, even the sun", and that always described how I felt my life would be like if I were in a TV show from the heyday of America. It just seems funny to me, so in comes a movie that looks like it was shot entirely in a studio, and everything from the story to the characters to the dialogue and effects, just seems so consumingly fake, that it's incredible. Nothing in this movie can be taken seriously, and they just flat-out don't care. They had a funny idea and ran with it, exploiting FD Roosevelt for all his worth, and how he's a true American hero, regardless of anything he's ever done in "real life".

Now this may not be the "best" movie in the world, but by all means, it *is*, and to have a movie where FDR freestyles, men whore out their wives, black people play slaves, Nazi werewolves gossip anti- climactically, Japan continually gets made fun of, and Kevin Sorbo manifests as a cannabinoidally-induced Abraham Lincoln adviser... then you really can't go wrong with a movie that took an under-appreciated ex-president and turns him into a new-found American B.A.

The man. They myth. The Delano'saurus. Franklin Delano Roosevelt. And his jiggly polio legs that look like, and *are*, a complete joke. After all, isn't that what America is?

Blood... Sucking... Freaks. Now there's a title that's an understatement, evoking the mental imagery of a vampire smoking crack and prancing in the fields, but this isn't that, at all. This incredible torture show is an intricately preposterous tale of sadism, theatricality, and deception; deceptive in that it markets itself as a forgettable "the-title-is-the-best-part" type of movie, but it deviates from that formulaic cliché of a just another horror movie and becomes a comic exploitation fiesta of pure depravity.

First off, the film is spiritually comprised of three films. It's the ill intentions of "The Wizard of Gore", the theatrical delusions of "Theater of Blood", and the sadistic endeavors of "Ilsa: She-Wolf of the SS". It's a series of B-quality sensations that unfold in a fascinatingly implausible way, where as our protagonist Sardu is an arrogant sadist whose delusions of grandeur send him nonchalantly on an overlooked killing spree disguised as "art".

Sardu kills women on stage in front of an audience, but it's only a show after all, albeit that severed hand sure does look convincing. And so does that gouged-eye, that drilled finger, and pretty much every act of sadistic violence towards women on the stage... Though after an overly- stubborn critic denies Sardu of this simple reality, Sardu decides to convince him the hard way, but once an actor, always an actor, or so the critic believes, in his refusal to believe Sardu at all.

The sheer daftness of the premise deems it hypnotic in its way to seamlessly bring you from one act of mind-boggling murder to the next, and it does this on a perfect balance of serious demented cruelty to laughably sadistic fetishist behavior. Played brilliantly (and as an unexpected swan song) by Seamus O'Brien, Sardu is cocky, cruel, and downright debonair as he gambles women's digits, narrates acts of murder, and brainwashes bimbos to kill more bimbos. Together with what's either his black or Mexican midget sidekick, he truly is an unsung hero of the exploitation circuit, who had an undeniable charm as he balanced his cues and contingencies perfectly.

Blood Sucking Freaks is a film like you've never seen before. It laughs at its audience while laughing WITH its audience, since you know you'd have to be a little off-the-wall to enjoy a movie like this, but if you're already privy to the infidelities of cult films and B-movie beauty, then this torture show delivers on all accounts exceptionally. A debonair jerk and a black-ish midget try to convince a stubborn critic that they're *actually* killing the naked women that they torture and humiliate on stage in front of a live audience. Yes, this movie does exist. No, I didn't make up that plot. Yes, sobriety of narrative may not seem present. No, it's not condoning you do drugs. And yes, this movie is irregardlessly THE most awesome movie ever released, in the history of time and space.

When I want to think about definitive hippie movies, Psych-Out is the first that comes to mind. It's a totally 60s flavored film that explores the psychedelic angle of the 60s history, fusing a complex narrative with trippy visuals and an impressive technical effort. And it even has The Strawberry Alarm Clock.

The cast does a great job, but the obvious alluring standout is Jack Nicholson, in the days of his youth. He was involved in what I consider an unofficial drug/counterculture trilogy in 1967's "The Trip" (as writer), this film, and 1969's "Easy Rider", though he has a prominent starring role in this film, playing Stoney, a easy-going hippie in San Fransisco being soured by the illusion of fame and fortune, though this is only one aspect of an interwoven series of colliding events.

Coming into this with a childlike innocence is Susan Strasberg's Jenny, a deaf runaway, who gives a solid performance, and with an interesting twist to narrative complexities as it mixes asides in and out of the casual dialogues, causing you to re-analyze how some of the dialogue is being interpreted. But that's just one little facet in a film that has a lot going on in it.

Obviously, it was a time of change, and you can't have a film condoning drugs, but you don't want to be too conservative if your audience is in that culture. Psych-Out blends the balance perfectly. It has a lot of ideology for a high and hungry mind, but enough of a compelling story to go along with for sober realistic minds too. It seems so definitive because it really does have everything in it. Sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll. Primarily it's a drama of a distressed romance, but there's also scenes of suspense, further influenced by funny, creepy, and tense drug tripping that all, in one form or another, delves into the psychology of the era, and what really matters. Like any good movie, it's a clash of perspectives, looking to find the right balance, and this movie finds it.

WOW! And an almost equally astounding WHAT?! I say almost because this is a very weird short film, but if you're a fan of Harmony Korine's work, you'll find it to be a very endearing weird, and if you don't "get" his films, this one will be entirely lost on you.

Umshini Wam is about two wannabe German ganstas in bright yellow and pink pajamas with machine guns who are on a quest for "redemption", as well as pimping out their wheelchairs, which I'm not even sure are necessary to these characters. Essentially, this film has our two protagonists Ninja and Yo Landi wandering the suburbs, pretending to shoot machine guns, sometimes actually shooting machine guns, smoking big fat blunts, hitting each other, drinking out of bottles, and killing people (with machine guns). It's one of the greatest films ever made about the wheelchair gansta sub-culture.

I was halfway expecting a side character to question these two courageous heroes, but it never happened, because this film takes the idea of "normal" and shoots it in the face with a machine gun!

Things. That's exactly what this movie is. A jumbled mess of obtuse things that don't fit together, being forced to co-exist in 85 minutes of sheer avant-garde brilliance. Everything about this movie is a complete enigma. The premise, the purpose, and the pretense of this movie, because it makes NO sense, it serves NO moral, and the biggest mystery is to whether the creators of this film intended to create a mocking masterpiece, or if they just fell completely steam-roller flat.

The look of this film is reflective of the mindset of the film-makers involved: it's fuzzy, foolish, and downright foreign. Shot on 8mm, this Canadian epic is technically one of the worst films ever made. Everything about this movie is just wrong, from the framing, to the editing, to the sound mixing. Especially the sound mixing, because it's almost entirely dubbed, and everyone doing their lines seems completely out of their emotive mindset, it just ends up fascinating. The music is a mixture of mistaken synths melodies, airy repetition, and dastardly guitar riffs. The lighting is in eccentric Suspiria colors that vividly contrast our protagonist's blue sweater. The editing is jumpy, the shots linger far too long on people struggling to accomplish a relatively simple task such as putting on a shirt, or wiping off blood and goo with paper towels. It's only natural that the cast and crew had no idea how to film a regular movie, because they can barely dress themselves. Yet all this transcends typical technical inferiority and surmounts to something mesmerizing. A true testament to Canadian film-making.

The plot involves things, and characters who encounter things, and unenthused conflicts brought about by things. After things start appearing, it becomes a survival story in the vein of The Evil Dead, only less coherent, less logical, and with a lot more beer and filler. Nearly half of this movie contains scenes that further the plot in absolutely no way, and sometimes even twist the story into a complete knot. Describing the story of Things is one of the toughest challenges mankind has faced, because the premise has yet to be deciphered. So when one wants to know about Things, it all boils down to a mustached mullet man in a blue sweater fighting off giant rubbery ants after his spectacle-wearing brother's wife gives birth to said things after having been artificially-inseminated by a satanic scientist... or something.

Things is a strange case of the worst ingredients forming a completely happy accident. You have to be in a strange place to enjoy this movie, because it's so bad... it's beautiful. Some movies are described as nightmares on film, but most films are too coherent, or structurally sound, to encompass a true nightmare. A real nightmare makes no sense, and takes you from one place to another, so fluidly, that you don't even realize you're going there until you suddenly find yourself at that place. This is Things. A surreal mess of incompetent creatures and uncordial catastrophes, that you'll never truly understand, even after you have just experienced Things.

Fresh out of the psychedelic 1960s, "Blood Freak" tries to be many things, but it doesn't know how to do any of them right. It's an ignorant person's attempt at a horror movie, made by someone who doesn't understand the genre, but pretends to be a master of it. To understand Blood Freak is to understand that sometimes, coherence can be fatal.

Our protagonist is a stud. Herschell is real American man, in that he's an unemployed drifter who's after the women and after the drugs. And mind you, these are some fine women, and some finer drugs. Drugs so potent, they have a strange effect on Herschell. What do they do? They send him on a bizarre drug trip, which has an even stranger side effect when coupled with the experiments he undergoes as a guinea pig to some inept turkey farmer scientists. What does this mean? Well, all he has to do is taste test the experimented turkeys, but things not-so-quickly become complicated.

This movie begins with titles straight out of a Roger Corman picture. Then the movie throws religious themes at you, as well as the occasional interludes of a chain-smoker who thinks he's Vincent Price. The premise is never sure of itself, struggling throughout its runtime to understand itself, but never truly does. It's nudity is softcore to none, it's gore is confusing and contrived, and it's outcome is propaganda, preaching against everything this film fails to accurately misrepresent.

The technical quality of this piece is inferior, which compliments the narrative nicely. Had the film been well made, it would just be bad. But it's those inconsistencies throughout that make it feel more like the trip it didn't intend to be, but ultimately was destined to be. The out of focus shots? The unnecessary zooming? The poor lighting? The awkward sound design? The brief and badly timed editing? These "flaws" are essential to the experience that is Blood Freak.

Blood Lake. Such a dull film. The plot is typical, involving a group of teens who head to a house by the lake for a few days, only to have a bland and uninspired killer arrive. With a twist to genre conventions, the characters don't make stupid decisions until AFTER the killer makes himself known. Then everyone wanders off by themselves, subconsciously anxious to escape from this trepid and worthless film.

The film itself isn't even poorly made. For an SOV slasher flick, it has decent shot setups, proficient sound design, it's own score, some awfully crappy rock songs, and on par editing, but it lacks a soul. Yes, this film is completely lifeless and bland, priding itself on its "realistic" and "down-to-earth" characters, who ultimately become anything-but-memorable cutouts of bad 80s fashions.

What exactly makes this film so boring? It's loaded with filler material involving the core group of people having good times, riding fast cars, water skiing, playing quarters, and exchanging dialogue so light- hearted, it would almost be offensive to teenagers to suggest they have such timid nature. They don't even get naked or insinuate anything, except between the underage kids, which is just wrong (and improbable).

How is the horror? It's far too little, far too late, involving a character with the most miniscule motive, killing not enough people in settings too dark for anyone to truly appreciate the gore effects that don't even look that bad. This is a movie that shines on VHS, and DVD would only accent its irredeemable flaws.

Some "bad" movies are good due to their technical inferiority to the point where they become laughable. This ain't one of those movies. Everything about it is so standard, it just becomes completely awful, insanely boring, and utterly lifeless, with nothing to remember it by other than the memory of how unmemorable it is. What a fantastic movie!

WOW! What a preposterously mean-spirited bowling slasher! Now I'm not much for modern horror, but this is a great throwback to retro horror films and spans several different feels throughout. It starts off seeming like some typical modern crap, in which the characters are so over-the-top, they're borderline Troma caricatures. But this movie just continues to evolve throughout its runtime to encompass 70s giallos (with appropriately great music scores), 80s slasher flicks (atmospheric and cliché), late 90s and early 2000s Troma films (extreme gore and silly concepts), and raw brutality of modern horror, and THEN some!

The premise involves a completely unlikable group of rapists bowling against their latest rape victim's team, which sounds kind of outlandish, but they pull it off well. Following a gnarly rape scene, a killer arrives and of course, you know where it goes from there. What makes it such a standout entry in an otherwise obvious sub-genre is its ability to capture the mood of a golden age slasher while keeping it modern enough, and this includes upping the language, the gore, the grit, the brutality, and the nudity to the point where it, dare I say, captures the excitement one might have had back in said golden era of slasher films. It gives me hope that modern horror can return to greatness.

If you've seen "Deadbeat at Dawn" or "The Manson Family" and wish to seek out more Jim Van Bebber, this short film is available on the Jim Van Bebber "Visions of Hell" boxset.

It's a no-budget home movie that's really just a showcase of how awesome JVB is, as it's mainly just action-oriented fight scenes. The fights are all clearly choreographed as if he wanted people to see he knew martial arts, but that doesn't hamper your enjoyment of it any, and there are still a few stand-out bits.

It's nothing groundbreaking at all due to the obvious lack of budget, costumes, visual effects, editing equipment, etc, but it's still a very fun, very innovative video that shows JVB has a lot of raw talent that would emerge later in his career.