Reviews

You know the drill: Celtic head honcho women are trying to keep Christianity from taking over Wales, while Arthur spawns trouble children and Lancelot and Gwenavear fall in love on the side, with some weird lovemaking thrown in for good measure.

My two cents: Well... The book's 900 pages. They cram the first 200 pages into the first 10 minutes. That should give you some idea of how much the main plot was abbreviated. Most of the philosophy of the book is left out in favor of the 'weird lovemaking' mentioned above (which is probably the only part of the movie that's true to the book, sadly enough, and one I could have done with LESS of). The only people who would really understand what's going on in this movie are those who have read the book (I spent a lot of time filling in back story for the benefit of my friends), and the fans are the ones least likely to care, given how uninteresting this adaption is. If it's any credit, the scenery (especially of Avalon) was nice, and the acting, while not brilliant, is serviceable.

Recommendations: Fans of the book "Mists of Avalon" should check out Katherine Kerr's Deverry series. Stephen Lawhead's Pendragon series isn't too bad, if you're a huge King Arthur fan. The "Merlin" miniseries is a much better adaption of the Arthur legend than this, and "First Knight" and "Sword in the Stone", while not as in depth, aren't bad either.

You know the drill: Miles Massey, the most evil divorce attorney in the world, meets Marilyn Rexroth, the most evil multiple divorcee in the world, and they fall in love (or something resembling it) while trying to outmaneuver each other.

My two cents worth: Anyone who says this movie is awful is missing the point. It's not supposed to be taken as a serious romantic comedy. The story I heard (granted, this may be a rumor with nothing concrete supporting it) is that the studio had a script that was SO BAD they couldn't do anything with it. So they gave it to the Coen brothers to rip apart. When viewed from this perspective, this is a perfect spoof of every bad romantic comedy that I've ever been forced to see, from the cheesy acting by the pretty yet vacant leads to the over-earnest "I've seen the light" speech towards the end to the "supposed to be funny but aren't really" supporting characters. Is it cliched? Yeah. BUT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE. The icing on the cake is making the two leads not the "gosh darn wonderful" people that most romantic comedies have (or try and make you believe the main characters are) but instead centering the story around two people so morally bankrupt that almost any sane real-life individual would run away screaming into the night upon meeting them.

Bottom line: If you have a wicked sense of humor and a firm hatred for 95% of the romantic comedies out there, this is for you.

Recommendations: A great romantic movie that stays out of cliche ville is "Before Sunrise." A good completely cliched, yet still funny romantic comedy is "Miss Congeniality". "Down With Love" is another romantic comedy spoof, but if you're only familiar with post 1970's rom-coms this isn't as funny.

You know the drill: It's the 1950's. Body turns up in the desert. The victim has a past connection to the detective investigating the case.

My two cents worth: The look of this movie was perfect, kind of a dreamy, washed out sepia tone. The cast is perfect, and does the best job it can with what it has to do. The script is functional and moves the plot along. The problem is you've seen this kind of movie before. It's a pleasant enough way to pass the time, you certainly won't be sorry you watched it, but it's not the best of its kind, nor is it the worst. It just is.

Recommendations: Most people here seem to prefer Chinatown or L.A. Confidential to this movie. I'd recommend checking out some 1940's film noir as well, maybe something like Double Indemnity.

You know the drill: A group of neighborhood kids rescue their dog from the clutches of the evil Kennel Master and the local street gang.

My two cents worth: This movie reminds me a lot of The Goonies; group of diverse 1980's kids working together to take down the ring of bad guys. I'm guessing that the movie will have the most appeal if you see it for the first time when you're about the same age or younger than the characters (12 or 13).

Part of the attraction was watching the kids plan and execute the kennel break in, using only the limited resources that a kid would have access to (kind of subversive, for Disney). The scenes with the town Hermit as their trainer/mentor were a nice touch, along with the pure evilness of the Kennel Master.

Like Mr. Boogedy and many of the other Disney Channel movies from the same time period, these have never been released on tape. I don't even think they re-air them anymore, which is unfortunate, since I'm sure there are other people out there who remember them as fondly as I do (and my copy-of-a-copy is looking pretty shabby).

Recommendations: Other good live action Disney? "Flight of the Navigator", for sure (though copies are pretty hard to come by), "Honey, I shrunk the kids" (which Disney channel's been re-airing recently), and "Three Musketeers" are some of my favorites. I'd also recommend Hocus Pocus (though it's not to everyone's taste).

You know the drill: 12 year old David falls into a ravine in the woods and discovers when he wakes up that he's been missing for eight years. He also discovers that he's hearing voices that seem to come from a mysterious craft housed in a NASA hangar.

My two cents worth: In a time when all the live action Disney movies seem to be a variant on "I was normal but just discovered I am/have just been mistaken for royalty/merperson/rock star/leprechaun/etc., this movie from the 1980's is a real breath of fresh air.

The scenario, waking up and discovering that everything except you has changed, and knowing you'll be somebody's idea of a guinea pig for the rest of your life, is instantly relatable and creepy, whether you're a kid or an adult. The kid fainting, the change in the two brother's relationship due to the age flop, parents trying to protect their son, government trying to exploit the kid's knowledge, everyone's reactions to the situation are all logical and believable.

And who hasn't wanted a chance to fly a saucer? Having Max, the ship's pilot, be a robot was another stroke of brilliance. So many movies have the aliens flying all the way here to come visit us face to face. But if we send machines to other planets because it's cheaper than going ourselves, why wouldn't they? And having him learn about Earth courtesy of a 12-year-old's TV polluted brain was hysterical.

The movie seems a little dated today; but it's forgivable because, like Back to the Future, it's set so specifically in a certain frame of time (you expect it to look and sound like 1986 because, hey, they keep telling you that's when it is.)

Recommendations: Back to the Future and Big are the two I can think of that are most along these lines.

You know the drill: Scarlett ignores Rhett and pursues Melanie's husband Ashley while Atlanta burns down around her.

My two cents worth: The portrayal of the Civil War and the aftermath were superb, especially for the 1930's. Costuming and set design were also very impressive, especially in the restored version. The colors were vivid, and the people were all ideally cast for their parts. I just couldn't stand anybody in the movie. Scarlett was a jealous, spoiled brat, the stereotypical "evil sorority chick" type. Rhett came off better, even though he had a wicked temper; he should have left sooner, or better yet, never married her in the first place. Melanie was "good", to the point where people took advantage of her. And Ashley... was he supposed to be good looking back then, or what? Because he didn't seem to have much going on in the personality department. Mammy was the only one who had any sense, and nobody listened to her.

Recommendations: Oh, I don't know. Casablanca? Titanic? Even Anna and the King is better than this.

You know the drill: Jack Bauer, CTU agent extraordinaire, foils the evil plots of terrorists (and his friend Senator/President Palmer's staff) with the help of a handful of loyal co-workers (usually in a way his boss doesn't approve of) while his daughter Kim wanders aimlessly around L.A. getting herself into trouble.

My two cents worth: The first season was, without a doubt, one of the most enjoyable TV experiences I've ever had. It unfolds like a two-act mini-series, each arc lasting 12 hrs. The second arc doesn't unfold quite as neatly as the first (they really had to work hard to keep his family in the story to get the season ending they wanted, and most of the ways they did it were soap-opera cliches) but everything moved along at a brisk pace, which is great.

Jack Bauer is the kind of character you don't really see on TV: the good guy who gets the bad guys because he plays the game the same way they do. The goings on at CTU were also good, staying one step ahead of the boss, not knowing which people to trust sensitive information with, etc. The story arc with Palmer and his family/staff was also done well, for the most part, especially when he slowly starts to realize how many of his "friends" are really friends of his wife.

Second season wasn't nearly as good. It seemed to move in fits and starts, with a lot of time being devoted to subplots that didn't really advance the main story. It also didn't wrap things up as neatly, I guess so that you'll be anxious to watch the next season.

The motivation of Chapelle, Tony's superior, didn't make any sense to me, unless he's in on some plot that they never bothered to explain to us. Kim was completely unnecessary, and Marie, past the identification, seemed to be in it "just because". I thought the best part of the season didn't revolve around Jack, but President Palmer, the differing views on the course of action he was taking, and what they intended to do about it.

Recommendations: If you're looking for a great political thriller, check out The Contender. If you're looking for some pretty decent "guys against terrorist" movies, check out The Jackal, Phone Booth, or Ransom. For some reason, I also think that fans of 24 would like The Client. Go figure.

You know the drill: After a whole bunch of criminals die on a boat in a drug deal gone wrong, the D.A. and chief of police try to get the truth about what happened out of Verbal Kint (Kevin Spacey), who may not be as reliable as he seems.

My two cents: This movie is unique in that it started the whole recent "unreliable narrator" trend in movies. The 'twist', despite what some people have written, isn't a last minute tack-on; the inconsistencies in Verbal's statement lead up to it well before it's finally revealed (the "man with the plan" and "I'm a cripple" speeches taken together are what clued me in).

Aside from that, the movie's pretty standard stuff, the standouts being the random memorable lines and Kevin Spacey's performance. Even so, it's well worth a look, especially if you like crime dramas.

Recommendations: Fans of "Out of Sight", "Get Shorty" and "Ocean's 11" will probably appreciate this the most, but fans of "The Sopranos" and "Goodfellas" may want to give this a try too.

You know the drill: Cursed ship, only one can break the curse, his girlfriend gets kidnapped by the undead, has to team up with a pirate to save her, blah blah blah.

My two cents worth: I guess the first question on whether or not you should see this movie is; How do you feel about pirate movies? If you're not sure, try this: stand in front of the movie poster. If your reaction is anything other than, "Pirates of the Caribbean! Cool!" then nothing will salvage this movie experience for you. It doesn't matter how much you like Johnny Depp.

For those of us who like pirate movies, this is a dream come true. We've got curses! Treasure! Pirates who have been out on that island too long! Funny one liners! Large complex sword fights in ridiculous places! Stuffy British naval officers! (And a plot with more holes than a latticework gazebo, but WHO CARES! It's a PIRATE MOVIE!)

Recommendations: If you like this movie, I highly recommend Princess Bride (if you haven't seen it already). The original version (1950's)of Treasure Island is also good, and 20,000 leagues under the sea (it's better than you remember! I promise!) If you're a pirate movie hater (or just a movie on ship lover) any of the versions of Mutiny on the Bounty will do, also recommend the book "True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle" (it's a Newberry award winning 'kids' book, but adults will enjoy it too).

You know the drill: Chihiro is a ten year old girl who gets trapped in the world of the spirits after her parents gorge themselves on spirit food and turn into pigs.

My two cents worth: I've noticed a lot of people discussing in their comments that the movie "doesn't feel whole" or "doesn't make sense". It has a dreamlike logic. Things that seem perfectly ordinary at the time you watch it will make no sense when you try and explain it to somebody else. (Think "Alice in Wonderland")

That having been said, this movie is completely involving and absolutely beautiful to look at. The characters, as strange as many of them are, are completely believable. It takes someone of great imagination to make a film like this, and make it work. And this coming from someone who usually can't stand what most people term "anime".

On a side note, I've noticed some parents complaining about this movie for various reasons. The box for the movie says it is rated PG. This is not a Disney PG where it's been rated for slapstick or the occasional bad word. This is a "you're insane if you're letting any little kid who can't sit still for two hours/gets scared easily/under 7 years old watch this movie" PG, kind of like Harry Potter was.

Recommendations: If you like the story of Alice in Wonderland, you'll probably like this. If you're into enthralling animated fantasy, I'd recommend "The Last Unicorn". "Flight of Dragons" is also good, but doesn't hold up as well under repeat viewings.

You know the drill: Christian is a struggling writer who meets the courtesan Satine. They fall in love, but she belongs to the evil Duke.

My two cents: This movie is... frustrating. There are some scenes that are arranged perfectly and deliver real emotional impact (tango to Roxanne comes to mind). Then there are others that make you wonder just what planet Baz Lurhmann is from (the Duke singing Like A Virgin)?

The up and down style works against the movie more than for it. Just when you really start to become emotionally invested in the characters, something so insanely spoofy comes along that it ruins the whole moment. It's like the director couldn't decide whether he wanted to make high drama or Rocky Horror, so he decided to throw in a little of both, and they cancel each other out.

If you're curious as to whether or not to go see this movie: If you like Rocky Horror, Rent or anything else by Baz Lurhmann, this is right up your alley. Otherwise, buy the soundtrack. You'll get all of the music and talent, without the distractions.