Change Your Image
Bioweapon
Reviews
Green Street (2005)
Mixed emotions
Providing a pragmatic analysis of this movie is difficult, since conclusions may vary depending which aspect of the movie you focus in: the plot (and its sociological aspects) or the movie itself.
When it comes to the movie itself, it delivers. Performances are solid, times are properly managed, stunts are well done, good costume design. The plot is in some way weak, since it is unoriginal (a guy suffered an injustice, leaves his comfort zone and finds something that will help him redeem himself and grow stronger... similar to "Scent of a Woman" in some aspects).
But I can't help to think about the social aspect of the movie. First of all, hooliganism is presented in a mild way, characters are "bad" but not as bad as in real life. I mean, come on guys, UK government had to take deep measures to stop hooligans in their own country, since they were unstoppable.
Secondly, the movie tries to present a "romantic" aspect of hooliganism: companionship, group cohesion, team spirit and respect. The truth is that Hooligans are a bunch of brainless retards incapable of fitting in a normal society, rebel enough to "make their own rules" and cowards enough to avoid acting as individuals (or for the case, using their punching skills in licenced boxing). In my opinion, this is a flaw. Hooligans could have been a raw movie that depicted the cruelty and wilderness of this underworld.
Thirdly, in my home country we suffer the local variety of "hooligans", which are known as "barrabravas". They are the scum of society, involved in drug trafficking, ticket reselling, extortion, GTA, murder, thievery and many of them have strong bonds with local politicians from the most corrupt political party in Argentina's history: the Peronism (Partido Justicialista). For this reason, even when I may feel some "empathy" with the main characters of the movie, I couldn't stop thinking how stupid is to fight a person based on the fact that he likes another football team, and the fact that the characters are plain thugs. If killing someone is an act of savagery, killing a person because he likes a rival team is retarded.
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
Another Kick-ass wannabe bull crap
I am gonna shred the F*** out of this movie.
OK, I am going through some difficult moments in my life. Some family issues, a radical change of my life's perspective and blah. Point is I needed to have some fun time and laugh. Medics say that comedy movies are a way to protect your health.
So guess what: I got this movie on the internet. The 35 longest minutes of my life. I say 35, because after that I stopped watching it.
The story is about a 22 y.o. guy that is dating a high school girl until the moment she falls in love with a "sexy" (check the way I wrote "sexy"... oops, again) girl (sweetie, you have an ugly taste for hair color and clothing). The story follows like this: the "sexy" girl had 7 ex SUPERboyfriends with SUPERpowers, though I would call them the seven dwarfs: Doc, Happy, Grumpy, Sleepy, Dopey, Sneezy and Bashful (all of them grouchy, noisy and stupid).
So, for some reason I don't even give a flying rat's ass, the "sexy" girl says to the main character (the 22 y.o. punk): "you have to defeat my 7 ex boyfriends to date me, and blah".
Why in God's name would a girl ask his date to beat the crap out his ex-boyfriends? There are more important things in life to look at when looking for a boyfriend.
We have to add the fact that Michael Cera is the most insipid, flavourless, unidimensional, emotionless and irritating actor that has recently been on screen in the last years.
Movie is unbearable. Reasons:
- comic in-screen noise metaphors are clichéd
- fast-movement scenes are clichéd (from old Asian Japanese movies to Kung Faux)
- in scene notes (for example: Scott's house, a rat hole) are clichéd
- I tried to find a reason to laugh at something, but I couldn't.
- movies soundtrack sucks. And i mean IT SUCKS.
It's just another movie with an identity crisis that tries to copy the "magic" recipe of Kick Ass (which, by the way, is another piece of crap).
And to make it worse, they rated it 7.6. Really, people?
Kick-Ass (2010)
A mediocre movie with an identity crisis
Kick Ass is nothing but a mediocre film.
It is not an awful movie, neither it's outstanding. Let's see:
(1) The plot: a guys sees how the city is ruled by bad people and thinks "it would be awesome that someone stood up and fought them... an average joe that decided to face them". Our main character does that role. Not outstanding, bot awful. Just mediocre.
(2) Performances: all the main actors fit their roles, all of them deliver. Though they are not outstanding, neither awful. They are just mediocre.
(3) Camera arrangements: they are not excellent, neither bad. Simply mediocre.
So, we have a movie that is simply mediocre.
Now, why does it have an identity crisis? - Because the movie has some fun moments, but they are not fun enough to make you roll over the floor laughing.
- Because the movie has some action scenes, but they are mild. I mean you see blood (let me talk about that later), but there is no climax. You see some bullets fly, some kills, but no intensity.
- Because the movie has some gory situations, but not enough to call it a gore movie. I mean, you see some blood splats, but nothing else. No intensity.
- Because it tries to be a teenager movie (they typical class loser that wants to get the nice girl and can't), but it does not have the plot elements. No tension created. Suddenly from one moment to the other, the guy snaps his finger and gets the girl.
- Because there are no decent criminals. I mean, criminals are laughable, but not laughable enough for a comedy. They are wannabe bad-guys, but they are too serious too be in a comedy and too silly to be in a crime movie.
For all these reasons, you finish watching the movie and you ask yourself: is this supposed to be a comedy, an action movie or what? Like in any mediocre film, when you end seeing it, you feel that you spent 90 minutes watching a movie that was like "meh.... okay. Ummmm... got to take out the garbage. Yeah.". You don't complain saying it was a waste of time, but you neither say "hell yeah.... this was good movie".
So, in the end, Kickass is condemned to fall into oblivion.
The Secret (2006)
Biggest piece of bull**** since a long time
Let's be honest. No human being with an IQ > 1 would qualify this piece of utter crap as documentary. Some bitch says that ideas go to the atmosphere and create some energy field and blah blah blah.
According to this documentary, problem with hunger and poverty in Affrica is because people from there does not think enough in money and food.
So, if they start thinking about it more often... voila! they will be as wealthy as Europe.
Rhonda Byrne should be killed the way Saddam was for creating such a lie.
Takers (2010)
Armored + Oceans 11 + Heat = X
I've seen this movie before. It was "Heat". No, wait, it was "Armored". No, wait, it was "Oceans 11". No wait...And therein lies the trouble with "Takers". We have seen it all before. Nothing new under the spotlight.
With "Takers" we get terrible writing, story-telling and the usual cinematography and editing made by subnormal minimum-waged crackheads.
The characters are blanks. Who are these guys? How did they get to be a criminal gang? Which are the fields of expertise of each of them. Seems they are all freaking pros, everyone knows a lot of electronics, explosives, shooting, and they are all martial arts experts. Who trained these guys? the British SAS? Characters are non believable.
Besides, T.I's "I am a hip hop hillbilly badass" talking is annoying. Having this jackass saying "aaaiii?" every 3 words makes him look like an ass****.
My advice, don't even rent it.
Saw 3D (2010)
Should have ended on Saw 4
Let's be honest, it should have ended with Saw 3, but the sequel still delivers.
Sae 5? predictable from minute 5.
Saw 6? yawn Saw 7? poor CGI (bowels look fake even in a RMVB version), mediocre acting, reused plot (someone has to go through several tests in a given amount of time to save someone... deja vu!). Awful, pathetic, uninspired ending. Let me tell you something else: I ve read that they are already filming Saw 8 and it will be all flashbacks. Given the crappy ending of Saw 7 which, by the way, is quite an open ending, I bet all my money that there will be a Saw 9 and 10.
What else to say? thank God I didn't pay for any of the movies.
My advice: watch it on TV or download it.
Nothing else to say...
Predators (2010)
Nice try... shame it wasn't up to the task.
First of all, let me thank this marvel called internet for saving me 6 bucks for the ticket. This movie is the type of movie you should watch when nothing else is available on TV.
There are so many negative aspects on the movie:
1) bad management of soundtrack: 95% of the movie you have the suspenseful violin sound trying to tell you "something bad is coming", even when the guys are hidden talking... and nothing bad happens.
2) cheesy dialogs: people had to climb to higher ground to see a planet that occupies 90% of the sky just to say: "change of plans". Or, when one of our heroes gets hunt down by one of the predators, he says: "what else have you got?". And I could keep going.
3) anyone have seen Danny Trejo? looks like he got lost in the set and no one could find him, not even the predators.
4) Predator's armor gets pierced by pistol ammunition. And a Predator claw, although it can go through Alien acid and its exoskeleton, can't cut through a Japanese katana.
5) predator's shoulder cannon is a muffin tosser. Not only its accuracy is laughable, but also a clean shot of it will only produce a superficial wound in a person.
6) Predators, although bigger and stronger, although being outstanding hunters/killers, although they hunt aliens as trophies, can't overcome a yakuza with a katana.
I am a fan of Alien movies, and I enjoyed AVP saga, but this one is a flop. I would have expected something better from Robert Rodriguez.
The Punisher (2004)
Frank GAYstle is "The PUSSYsher"
OK, this movie deserves a plain -10, it's a shame the votes go from 1 to 10.
anyone that has a MINIMAL clue of what Frank Castle is, anyone that has, at least, taken a glance at Marvel's comic will realize that this movie is plain GAY.
Let's go through the character story:
a) Castle is an ex ELITE Special Forces officer. For that matter, he is capable of killing you with a plastic spoon.
b) Castle lost ALL his family in a shootout between enemy gangs.
Take a + b and you get a f****** atomic bomb ready to blow. Tom Jane, as far as I could see is a cheap copy of Christopher Lambert (I remember watching him at "Mutant chronicles" while thinking: ain't him C. Lambert?), but that is not the issue here.
The issue is that Castle should be a dark character trying to keep his blood lust satisfied (which is not easy), not a tortured soul looking for redemption. And Criminals aren't pussies, like Travolta's metro-sexual villain, they are the worst of the worst. Not to mention that Castle's style ain't putting two bad guys against each other, it is more like "I'll stick an M-32 though your ass and blow it off while I gut the other guys with a rusty chainsaw".
If you want a true tribute to the comic, watch Punisher: war zone. If you want a cartoon of Marvel's no. 1 antihero, then go ahead. Don't say I did't warn you.
Idiocracy (2006)
Ironically accurate! (or accurately ironic? shall we call it "irony" or "social analysis?)
Humor is plain silly, let's be honest. But it is indeed a raw depiction of our society.
Globalization, internet and multimedia should have brought us access to literature and science from all over the world and allow true freedom of speech. Instead, you see that the most searched words are "paris hilton", "pamela anderson" and "britney spears". That not to mention that the website www.sex.com was sold for a few million dollars.
All these tiny things show us the way society is evolving. Instead of becoming smarter, and instead of the fact that multimedia should make general knowledge cheaper and easier for everyone (which did not happen), we find multimedia to be providers of utter crap and no food for thought.
So, when you see a movie such as this one, where people is plain stupid you ask yourself: Is mike judge a comedian or a visionary?
Lost (2004)
An outstanding viral marketing campaign, just like I thought it was going to be.
I think JJ Abrams should be the new Microsoft's CEO (Steve Ballmer is such an a55hole). His ability to exploit people's curiosity and profit from it is simply outstanding. He did that with Cloverfield and Lost.
When it comes to Cloverfield, a few months before the movie release, Abrams sent all sort of weird messages and videos over the internet, helping to create some sort of expectation/hype. Truth is that, leaving aside the fact that i really enjoyed that flick, Cloverfield has the most overused recycled sh***y plot ever to hit the big screen. A monster strikes Manhattan/Tokyo. BIG DEAL!
When it comes to Lost, the situation is similar. I remember reading at a local website in 2007 that Lost's "Grand finale" was already set up. JJ Abrams was just asked to set up a series of unsolved meaningless puzzles that were supposed to have some relation altogether, but that relation wasn't even obvious at all, so that they could make the series last as long as possible (and ABC would get big money from it). The idea was to let people speculate, imagine, become obsessed with the show, so that they worked as some sort of "sales representatives", spreading the word of the show.
To be honest, I was never caught by the hype of this show. I used to watch The X files (I am a big fan of it) and the premise was similar in some way. When a TV series chews more that it can swallow (too many questions, way too many) in some point the plot will become: a) inconsistent (plotholes/contradictions) or b) a show more dedicated to asking questions than answering them.
I watched only a few chapters and I did not like the way it was shot (colors, camera arrangements).
5/10 because I did not watched the series completely and I cannot tell for sure the true quality of the show. This is only a personal thought.
The Losers (2010)
Utter crap.... few times in my life I 've seen so many clichés in one movie
Seriously!!! This movie makes xXx looks like a screen gem.
Plot in a nutshell: our characters are part of a covert op in Bolivia (sure it was Bolivia? because in Bolivia people don't drink tequila, or at least is not a national beverage used for accompanying food) of the CIA to get a drug lord. Operation goes wrong and guys are left for dead. Their CIA boss tried to kill them for some reason.
Now, boss of the guys is messed with some really really really bad stuff (terrorism or crap like that) and it is a very very very bad person. So our guys are to stop him and take revenge for the Op that went nuts in Bolivia.
After telling you that, yo will see every cliché that has existed in a Hollywood movie applied to this one. Oh, besides CGI suck.
My personal advice, don't waste time and/or money on this one.
Kôkaku kidôtai (1995)
A movie that should be mandatory to watch in any Science/Medicine/Engineering/Computing School
This is a modern art masterpiece, from beginning to end. It is eye candy and food for thought. All of your senses (except smell and taste) will be delighted.
Where do I start?
An outstanding soundtrack by Kenji Kawai makes you feel immersed in what society might be in 100 years from now (although plot is set earlier, I believe technology will not be so advanced until the 22nd century).
Artwork is simply sublime. It is hard to believe that such animations were drawn one at the time. This movie puts CrapVatar to shame. Don't believe me? check the intro only.
Insight into science and society is awesome. It is hard for me to explain, but as a scientist I believe that trends in science and computing are guiding us in a complex society such as the one depicted in the movie, where each individual is a key part of the whole. Information/Computing becomes so complex and huge to comprehend by a single person, yet it is also so simple that anyone can make use of it (for better or for worse).
One final thought. When you get to the end and you see what Project 2501 is, think about this: what is a life-form to you? is it necessary for a life-form to have a real-world existence? is it necessary to be carbon-based? would the actual definition of "life", that is: - an organism that has a molecule capable of storing information - an organism that grows and reproduces - and organism that keeps a balance with the environment
accurate enough for the times to come?
Kill Theory (2009)
Bad direction, worse acting, even worse script
Poor direction, laughable script, and awful, plain awful acting. The premise had potential but was ruined by cheesy character relations.
Dialog lines sound like a cheap soap-opera, camera times are badly managed to the point of being annoying, and characters are so clichéd. Besides, the actor playing the "fat guy with complexes and deep resentment waiting to surface" plays just that with all the cliché choices one might associate with the cliché role and overacts so badly that he completely kills all the scenes he is in.
To make it even worse you see scenes that are truly awful. A person may be shot from 6 feet to the stomach, yet he does not die neither turn white from the hemorrhage, moreover, he has the strength to wake up and keep going!!! And you find other unreal stuff like this.
Ocean's Thirteen (2007)
A very average movie... and the worst of the saga
Ocean's 11 was a decent movie with a very good plot twist at the end. Ocean's 12 was a smart comedy with very good performances from all actors. And Ocean's 13 is a movie that passes by unnoticed.
Although performances were acceptable, the plot isn't attractive. Reuben got betrayed by Pacino, had a heart stroke and the guys want revenge. And that's fine. But Sodenbergh tries to make PAcino look like some invincible character, and his hotel like some sort of hi-tech Alcatraz where no one can steal anything, nor commit fraud because of some sort of "supercomputer" and super ultra high technology. The problem with this is that this looks so artificial and forced that is difficult to believe. There are some "funny" moments but they don't make you laugh hard.
Besides, there is no way Benedict would trust a guy like Ocean after what happened in the first movie. That's a flaw in the movie. Another flaw is that they don't explain why PAcino is so upset with Mr Bank, leaving aside the fact that the Bank hotel is supercool and is a strong competitor to the Bellagio.
One more flaw is that Sodenbergh made Toulour (one of the best's thieves of the world in O12) look like some sort of brainless thug that is easy to deceive.
For all this reasons Ocean's 13 = 5*
Death Proof (2007)
Unlike Palet Terror this one was pure crap
Saw Planet Terror and I found it a good tribute to B class movies.
But when it comes to this one, I felt like I wasted 110 minutes of my life: 1) no action, you get two scenes only, each one lasting about 10 minutes, the rest of the movie is pure chit-chat 2) I ended up hating all the characters, excepting K Russell 3) though it seems to be some character development (the idea of Tarantino with all the chit-chat in this movie was to give us certain notions on the nature of the characters), you get to a point in which you don't give a sh*t about who they are and want you want is action 4) in the second part the story doesn't show you how does Russell gets to know where the second group of girls was going to be 5) dialogs don't allow you to know anything on Russell's character 6) the end of the movie was sh*tty/cheesy/crappy/a total piece of bullsh*t and did not add to the movie
Stealth (2005)
Another piece of crap by Mr. Cohen
Rob Cohen is by far the worst director of Hollywood nowadays.
Seeing his name in a movie poster is synonym of: 1) sh*tty plot 2) sh*tty cast 3) sh*tty acting 4) sh*tty camera arrangements
If you don't believe me, these are good proofs of my point of view: 1) SWAT 2) XXX 3) Torque 4) Fast and furious (the four of them)
I can't believe he still gets scripts to direct...
If you have 2 neurons or more, then don't go on this one (or any of cohen films),, you'll regret it.
Did I mention that he really sucks?
1 more line and I guess they should approve my comment...
Battlestar Galactica (2004)
Until the end of S.03 the best show ever. Season 4 = worst show ever
I saw the complete series, excepting "BSG Razor" AND "The Plan".
Galactica is a show in which characters ARE human. Everyone has flaws, there are no "perfect" heroes, from Starbuck (the biggest whore from all the Galaxy) to the Mrs. Roslin (who shows certain radical tendencies when Zarek wins the election).
When you go through the series you see that certain "evil" characters are not as bad as you thought. this is, basically, because R. Moore manages to show you these characters from a different view (i.e.: Gaius Baltar).
Dogfights and firefights are awesome, and so special effects (the only bad thing is when ships use their FTL drives, since the space jump effect is extremely evident).
What happened that I rated this show with 3 stars then? The answer is simple: Season 4 happened.
While the story develops you are left with certain questions like: 1) why does Baltar see the blonde woman? 2) does she exist? 3) why the dream on the Opera House is so important? 4) why the daughter of Boomer is so important? and so on. When you get to season 4 you get a huge amount of filler in chapters going from 10 to 20 and, on the other hand, all the questions quoted before ARE NOT answered (or if they are, the answer is ridiculous). Also, the ending is stupid and unbelievable.
I strongly believe that R. Moore wanted to end the TV show on season 3 and made a couple of movies, but Universal Studios put pressure on him to make an extra season. It is indeed a pity, the most important elements of the plot that required an explanation were screwed up, and there are SEVERE inconsistencies during season 4.
Like someone said in a blog: "maybe, we will have to wait another 25 years to see BSG finishing with a decent ending".
Ghosts of Mars (2001)
One of the worse "horror" movies I 've seen...
I DO respect Carpenter, but I wander WHAT THE F*CK was he thinking when he did this movie...
A virus infects people and converts them in killing machines, that's OK, but:
1) why in Mars?
2) why the "bad guys" obey one person only?
3) why the shitty scenery? could have invested more money on scene arrangements
4) why did they hired Ice cube? (he sucks fat dicks as an actor)
5) same with N. Hertsridge!!! She acts like squat!!! Haven't Carpenter seen Species 1 and 2 to realize that? she should be working on Private XXX
6) Why does the "virus" can infect everyone except N. Hertsdrige (or whatever the f*ck her last name is), who seems to be immune??!?!?!
This movie is a big piece of SH*T
The Hurt Locker (2008)
Good movie, but doesn't deserve an 8.-
Bigelow is a pretty good director, she delivered movies like Pointbreak (an icon of the 90's) and K-19.
This movie clearly passes the test but is far away from being an action movie. every aspect of the movie is taken care of carefully, but I was expecting something better. I mean, there are few action scenes.
Also didn't like the cheap trick of killing a top notch actor like Guy Pearce in the minute 3 of the movie.
And the ending doesn't add up either.
Maybe, with a different ending, a little bit more action and/or some plot twists, the movie would deserve such a grade.
Public Enemies (2009)
decent film... but could have been better
Enjoyed the movie and liked the camera arrangements. Costume and scene design were carefully treated.
Leaving aside the fact that C. Bale always performs Bale (I like him, but he's a dull actor and lacks versatility), performances were good.
The flaws, in my opinion, were:
1) the movie is too dark and sometimes characters are really difficult to differentiate.
2) there is no character development. It is a 2:20 movie and yet you don't see anything related to the personal life of the gangsters or Purvis (besides Dillinger's woman, looks like nobody else had women).
Smokin' Aces (2006)
Could have been better
Lots of big guns, tattoos, black bitches and firefights.
I was expecting an action comedy and came across with a totally different thing.
The movie isn't bad, acting es decent. But the issues are: 1) plot is way too predictable. From minute 5 you know that there are two possible final outcomes.
2) there is a lot of visual noise in the movie. Excess of characters and action scenes, this makes the plot difficult to follow 3) in a scene you got a bitch with am M-82 antitank rifle shooting from building A to building B and nobody in building A notices anything?!?!!?
Good for a Saturday afternoon... don't expect much.
PS: the ending sucks.
The Omen (1976)
stupid. Wake me up when I am supposed to feel scared... z z z z
Stupid movie that shows that Hollywood produced sh*t since the beginning.
Let's see the plot. Satan send his child to the world to destroy it or something. Anyone that realizes the truth dies from a horrible death.
f*ck me!!! they did 3 movies out of this!!!! and they did a remake from this????? oh, boy.
If you want to scare your soul out, don't watch this one.... go and turn on the news. Or you can go and read Poe, or Lovecraft.
This one is a fake classic, incredibly overrated movie that remind us that even good actors (C. Walkef, for example) made sh*tty movies.
The Naked Mile (2006)
Porno for kids (and drugs apology)
Before giving my opinion I would like to state that I really enjoyed American Pie (the first one), for being a simple comedy with human characters and situations.
the second one was mediocre, and from then all the sequels sucked.
But what called my attention from this piece of crap was the "humor" (shall we call it "humor"? vulgar obscene and didn't make me laugh). Through the movie women are treated as prostitutes, you see ejaculation, drug consumption and a bunch of ass**les running naked.
Is that supposed to be fun? In a country like the U.S where drugs are an uncontrollable outbreak, shall we laugh at someone that says
-hey, thank you for that E
- it wasn't E, it was viagra
Is this supposed to be fun? Is it laughable to see women teenagers fuc**ng men like if they were buying a bus ticket? How stupid do you have to be to laugh at a group of idiots running naked in the university campus? I mean, it is okay if you go outside naked to do some aerobics (as long as the cops don't catch you), but doing a whole movie about it? This is not comedy, this is porno for kids.
Evan Almighty (2007)
God almighty this was crappy!
Enjoyed the original one, starred by J Carrey but this one sucks.
Stupid plot Stupid jokes (the first one had the advantage of presenting a groundbreaking idea, but this is not the case) Nothing new compared to the first one.
I believe Carrell is a really good comedian (The office, 40 Y.O virgin, and so on).
but this one sinks like a lead zeppelin.
Save your time.
And your bucks.
Why the *beeep* do I have to get 10 lines to post a comment????
Natural Born Killers (1994)
Stone was stoned... pity it was from really bad dope.
I consider myself quite open-minded for trippy films. I enjoyed movies like: - Acid house (but only some parts) - Trainspotting - Requiem for a dream - Fight club
among others. But, to be honest, I sat in front of this one for 30 minutes and I switched to another movie. I saw Oliver Stone and Q. Tarantino in the credits at the beginning and thought: "what could go wrong if this two giants work together?". The answer came as a punch to my stomach: "EVERYTHING!!!!!".
Both J. Lewis and W. Harrelson don't look like psychos, look like fuc**ng ass**les. And the animated scenes don't add anything to the plot, neither impress you.
A totally forgettable film that claims an immediate remake by someone competent (Oliver fuc**ng StoneD, go direct drama/action movies and let guys like D. Aronofsky take care of this one)