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John_III
Reviews
Im Westen nichts Neues (2022)
No plot & historically terrible
1) Let's start with the obvious. There's no plot here. More screen time is dedicated to the background of the clothes the protagonists wear than the protagonists themselves - so it's impossible to really ever bond with any of them.
2) We're showed quite a few supposedly funny scenes of the protagonists stealing geese from local farmers who are living well. Nonsense. The reality is that Germany starved the locals in occupied France and Belgium - they behaved like beasts to the locals in both world wars.
3) No dialogue, no acting. The film relies entirely on its dramatic scenery, which would be excellent short TikToks, but a bunch of scenes cobbled together without context just isn't good enough for a movie.
4) No thread. We jump from the summer of 1917 to the last three days of the war (on which the film spends a disproportionate amount of time) without any explanation as to what happens to the protagonists.
5) Apologists for WW2. The negotiation scenes with Foch attempt to paint Foch at a terrible winner refusing to sign a cease-fire whilst negotiations took place and blame an unfair treaty for WW2. The reality is that Foch was deeply distrustful of German motives - a ceasefire may have given them time to regroup and re-entrench, and then threaten to carry on fighting.
In the end, the aim of the movie is to show the war through the eyes of a poor somewhat naive young German and how it was terrible for all involved and have sympathy for them too. Instead, I was left thinking good riddance when he eventually meets the fate he is obviously going to have from the beginning.
Midway (2019)
Awful
There's really nothing redeeming about this film.
1) The CGI are seriously bad (it'll look dated in three years)
2) The acting is seriously bad (enough said)
3) The plot is seriously bad (let's do the entire Pacific war in one film)
4) The characters are seriously bad (shallow, stereotypical)
5) The relationship between the characters are seriously bad (let's do a family scene which adds nothing)
It's unwatchable. I had to stop. And I'm a war movie aficionado.
El dragón (2019)
Entertaining - at first. Then awful.
At first, it's a bit entertaining - the characters have some issues, there are lots of scantily dressed lean bodies (boys and girls) and a basic plot that's a weird mix of Japanese and Mexican. And, thank heavens, no superheroes.
Soon however the writers' complete lack of understanding of either drug cartels or finance show. Neither the narrative of running a drug cartel, or that or laundering money make any sense whatsoever. "I'll launder your money and double it" says the hero. Duh. If you can double the money, why bother with the laundering. And there is not ever even a mention of how their transport business works. The dummest IRS or DEA agent could land the hero in jail in about five minutes.
Then it turns out there are super heroes after all. The protagonist turns out to be super fast, super strong, super intelligent, super agile and can dodge bullets. Oh dear.
And the antagonists are stupid, clumsy, narcissistic, full of vices and mean - even when they're cops. The main love interest is so cliché it's nothing short of pathetic.
A perfect film for lovers of superhero movies who found narcos too complicated.
Timeless (2016)
Time travel never works - and this one is the worst
All right, let me put it very simply. The three heroes chase the bad guys through time, meeting all sorts of historical characters in the process, most of them described in historically inaccurate situations. They kill a whole host of people in the process, but somehow history only changes superficially. Pretty unlikely given every person they kill in 1750 likely has 10,000 descendents today (2.5 kids, 10 generations). Anyway...
Of course time travel can't happen (else the birth of Jesus would have been a crowded affair) but if done well, it can be amusing. The problem with this series that it's done badly. Or all the good guys - who are geniuses who invented a time travel machine - are spectacularly dumb. Only about 3/4 of the way in do they realise they can just go back in time and kill the bad guy's parents, or similar. And then it's only a weak attempt which, no surprises there, fails.
But worst of all is the way they chase the bad guys through time and are always arriving in situ after the bad guys and trying to catch up with them. They have a TIME MACHINE. They could just at any point arrive BEFORE the bad guys and just kill them when they arrive, or get them arrested, or anything else. That plot flaw just gets too irritating after a while, I had to stop watching.
Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)
It's just SO bad
The plot is whisper thin (and, as the last one, a poor rewrite of the originals). Rey can feel the conflict in Kylo. Wonder where I've heard that before. Kylo betrayed his master. Wonder where I heard that before. And then there's the usual pointless distraction of Finn whose purpose one still has to wonder about. Oh and Mark Hamill still hasn't learnt to act. Just everything is bad. Bad bad bad. They're ruining Star Wars. Someone please put a stop to it!
Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)
Same plot only worse
The cinematic effects are gorgeous, the actors are quite good, it's fast paced, but one leaves the cinema thinking... really? All this mega budget and they didn't spend a penny on the plot, as it's exactly the same as the original episode IV?
Let me explain: guy with the force grows up on a desert planet. Droid has secret message. Han is chased by bounty hunters. Death Star destroys a planet (oh no sorry it's more than one). Girl gets captured by storm troopers. Storm troopers - I mean really, 30 years on? Budding Jedi needs to find a master (okay that's early from episode V, but...). Kylo Wren is Darth Vader and he's being trained by the emperor come supreme leader. OK he's the son rather than the father but yawn. It's pathetic.
And then the characters aren't as well built. Is there anything that Rey can't do, or anything that Finn can? Where's the fantastic complementary trio from the original one?
Go and see it and have fun if you're a fan like me, but complain loudly too so they at least make an effort to have a new plot for the next one.