swo0's Reviews

Final Cut (2022)

9/10

3 August 2022

I saw this during a sneak preview, so I had no idea what this movie was about. It was lots of fun.

It starts off bad. Really bad. Like they tried to go for "so bad it's good" but then failed at that. If it weren't for the fact that I was sitting in the middle of a row with people on either side I would have just left.

But after half an hour, there's a change of pace, and yet another 'what am I watching' moment, but then it all starts making sense, and it becomes really funny and easy to watch.

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Best Night Ever (2013)

2/10

Nope, don't go see this one

18 March 2014

From the makers of Disaster Movie and the likes comes a new low.

The story is a failed rip-off from The Hangover where 4 women: the rich neat sister, the weird one, the loose one and the one about to be married head to Las Vegas for a bachelorette party, their booking went all wrong so they just go out to get as drunk as they possibly can. What follows are seemingly random scenes akin to the stories my wannabe hip uncle tells at birthdays.

Still, if everything else was great it could have been saved. Unfortunately this isn't the case. The acting ranges from bad to mediocre. The editing only makes it worse, where sometimes people respond 2 seconds too late to shocking news. And the camera is horrible, they went for the handy-cam way of shooting the movie which makes for crappy quality and constantly gives you the feeling that you're watching some embarrassing home video that didn't quite make it to the funniest home videos show.

If after all of this you still want to see it, watch the trailer instead as anything remotely funny or worthwhile is in the trailer.

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Torchwood (2006–2011)

9/10

Skip to season 3 & 4

26 December 2011

A lot of the reviews here are of the first season. Though the first season is not as pitiful as most of these reviews would lead you to believe, it is rather cheesy. Anyways, I am not here to tell you to watch the first two seasons. You might want to watch the first (maybe first two) episodes of season one and the 7th (Dead man walking) and last episode of season two to get you up to speed. Or read the summaries.

After this however, it all changes. To begin with, season three is a mini-series with one overlying story: all the children on Earth stop in their tracks and speak the words "We are coming." What is going on is left to the - now renegade - Torchwood team to figure out. Superior story writing, acting and suspense keep you on the edge of your seat for almost the entire time. Planning on watching only one episode, we suddenly found ourselves staring at the TV at 3 in the morning still in awe after the conclusion of the final episode.

And if you've watched season 3, you'll be pleased to know season 4 is even better, keeping (almost) everything that was good about season 3, and putting a bit more icing on the cake.

As you might have guessed, my rating of 9 is for season 3 and 4.

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New Kids Nitro (2011)

6/10

Some good and some bad jokes without the story

18 December 2011

Assuming you have seen the first movie (New Kids Turbo) and laughed at the characters (there apparently are people who associate themselves with the characters), this new movie will be a lot more of the same. People are still getting hit by cars, blown up and shot for no reason (and they poke fun of this on a meta level). However, this time 'round you expect these things to happen, especially when they happen 4 times in a row in this movie as well.

This doesn't mean you won't laugh a good dozen times during the movie, there are still some very good (some horribly cruel) jokes in this movie.

What this movie is lacking though, relative to the first, is any form of continuous story. Where the first had a theme throughout the movie, taking a stand against the government, in this movie nothing much happens for the first half hour, they explore a bit of story this way, drop it, then wander off that way. Only at a good two thirds into the movie picks up a proper story and at the end you'll have forgotten what happened before the last bit.

So yes, if you liked the first movie, this movie will be enjoyable as well, though it's best left for a pizza and beer on the couch night with a bunch of friends.

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Against the Tide (1997)

1/10

Could be the worst movie I've ever seen

23 January 2011

Warning: Spoilers

Being on vacation and this being one of the DVD's in the lodging we decided to watch it. On the front of the box a submarine, some fishing boats and a freighter on fire in the background. Right, another cheesy B-movie. On the back of the box a list of things that are wrong with a fishing village, gossip, stealing, sabotage, etc.. But, when push comes to shove and a military submarine wants to dump radioactive waste in their harbour (What the..?!) they all work together. In the movie itself, it's like they want to show you everything on the list on the back of the box, twice. In bad acting you see all these things happening and they spend about one and a half hour explaining that which you got in one and a half minute. Even at double speed it was boring and took too long. So, here a short summary of the film so you don't have to go see it.

About 89 minutes into a 93 minute movie, out of the blue, a emergency village meeting about a submarine where the main character has his extremely motivational speech "Yes, I blew up that ship and killed someone, but that doesn't matter, we need to work together to stop that submarine!" And we finally get to see a submarine, in a shot that I would guess was stolen out of a documentary about the things and/or a navy promotional video. A shot of a blockade consisting of 3-4 fishing boats. The showdown is nigh. The submarine again, a shot of some random guy in a box with a megaphone: "Move out of the way or we'll go under you!" A shot of the fishing boats again, a shot of a submarine, a shot of the man in the box: "For the well-being of these citizens we'll leave." A shot of the submarine leaving. Victory! Some kid is happily jumping, the end.

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The Expendables (2010)

5/10

Not as awesome as it should have been

26 December 2010

I saw this movie expecting a mindless action movie with lots of shooting, explosions and the like; along the lines of 'True Lies', you know the kind. It only delivered a marginal amount of that.

There were indeed a some really nice fightmoves, a bunch of explosions and the like. However, a large part of the movie was spent on explaining the somewhat bad and overly complicated story (Something along the lines of 'those are bad guys, kill them' would have sufficed) and inferior dialogue. You don't go to a movie with Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham and Jet Li just to see them talk half the time.

About half of the not nearly enough explosions were clearly fake. They don't have to equal movies like Avatar on cgi level, these however were special effects like those seen in, say, GoldenEye from 15 years ago.

If you've seen all the good action movies already this one is worth the 2 hours. I would advise everyone else just to click on one of the main actors in this movie and watch another one they played in, 50/50 chance you've got one better than this.

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K-PAX (2001)

9/10

A great movie

20 November 2010

I remembered this movie, after having watched it 4 or so years ago as a nice average feel-good movie. However, after having watched it again recently it is much more than that. Firstly, the story is not like your usual story, it is about a man, prot (capitals are for planet's names only), claiming to be from the planet K-PAX and having traveled here on a beam of light. He naturally ends up in a mental institution where the question arises whether he's really speaking the truth. Apart from his own story, he helps all the other very convincingly portrayed patients deal with their own problems, as well as helping the psychiatrist who's analyzing him.

All this is what makes the film good. On top of it it's Kevin Spacey's and Jeff Bridges' flawless acting and the pure visual beauty of this film. Every single shot just fits. Every single shot (save a select few) also follows the same theme; there will be some form of play with lights, be it the sun through the windows with some shadows or a desk lamp giving a rainbow through a prism. This, together with the music gives it a very enjoyable movie, even if you're paying attention to it on a meta-level.

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