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Made in Heaven (2019)
Glorified - A typical SJW's delight "I am always right" snooze fest!
What a typical new age "ohh maah godd they showed it on tv" virtue signaling crap-fest! And the paid reviews being floated all around for it? "What a show" "We need more such social issues highlighting shows" Dear god, the cringe is more real than you!
This series is yet another attempt of showing the hip topics in social justice warrior arena while taking overt jibes at pretext of mocking cultural sensitivity while conveniently overlooking the problems that plague society but are obviously out of SJW spectrum to cover and harp about.
It is such a cliched show that it doesn't warrant a review just to call it bad. Just consider this:
1. Girls breaking marriage due to last minute dowry demand are "You go gaal" content, no doubt..but girls marrying due to charm of having a US residency ticket, that too with an impotent, mind you, this series doesn't deal with women that are infertile (for overdosing on iPill?) but easily passes off a man being impotent because feminism ftw, and previously married man (uncalled for, but hey did you read SJW correctly?) is good to let go off without letting your heroic(heroinic?) part-time justice genes come into effect and do its bit (read more on point 4). And that man conducts a talent hunt to find a bahu for his parents after having a failed affair in US and despite knowing he can't do it. Try reading further about the ludicrousness in next few points.
2. Forced sexuality - What is an SJW show without a topic that looks as redundant as logic in this entire series. We have a homo lead - claps! claps! You go guy. But he does nothing other than investing his parent's hard earned money in businesses he consistently manages to screw up and inviting men to his rented place and go boeing 7-377 on them (ok that was a bad one)! And all that while he's working in hotels where he can have perfect setup instead of doing it in a conservative neighbourhood but then how will it lead you to believe all societies are like this and anti SJWs? Talk about stereotyping someone yourself and whining how society oppresses, compresses, depresses and bench-pressess people
3. The monsters hiding beneath the cultural attires - Aah, my favorite cringe and fit of disgust moment in the entire series. How else one could show someone royally rich and popular owner of a hotel's chain being promiscuous and molesting monster screwing the mehendi girl. Stop reading and process it for a while, a man who can have any woman he wants for all the gold he has *cough leading lady cough*, chooses a paltry average looking mehendi girl out of all just because the phony SJWs wanted to target an attire and culture being shown around it.
4. It also makes my belief firm that time travel is possible. I am sure yesteryear's Shaktiman had a hybrid with the characters having Made in Heaven bandana tied to their head and hence they scream everytime there happens to be a critical situation (because relatives are too drunk and wasted to chime in to solve the moral crisis, eh?) and they literally tell you this, "Thehro, ye galat hai. Aapki shaadi aise nahi ho sakti. Waise hi hogi jaise hamko theek lagegi (Stop you can't marry like this, it will happen only as we say it). So what if we are just managing the event? For now we are also the justice delivering our judgements on your shallow display of wealth while earning on it. Chew on it, folks"
5. It's epitomic "you go gal" moment for a woman to have 3-4 affairs even with married men but it's also natural for them to go blown crazy when their man starts screwing their best friend. Freedom can roast itself in the oven of equality she just got as a gift for sneaking and taking out a man who was already seeing someone while logic can go kiss someone's behind whose toilet seat broke while taking a dump and flush didn't work!
6. All the new age fresher girls from middle class families are so unimaginably dumb that first thing they do on job is go binge shopping for an expensive dress and get the childhood friend who's now a mechanic, to screw and overhaul her when she is caught and fired from the job.
I could go on and on but looks like 6 points shall do for now! AVOID IT
Andhadhun (2018)
Andhadhun is a BLOODY HOOT!
Andhadhun is a BLOODY hoot!
A taut crime tale of a blind man and his artsy screw ups. This movie easily is one of the finest thrillers to ever come out of Bollywood and will go down as one of the best crime musicals, if there ever happens to be a genre like that. Ayushman Khurana has given a splendid performance as an experimental blind man who gets into so many things that it becomes a natural instinct of the audience to know and explore more about what happens to him.
Sriram Raghavan is modern day Vijay Anand, as a master crime caper specialist, he knows how to present his taste onscreen extremely well. Vivid but small setups haphazardly spread characters but bound together, highly contrasted and colorized shots, few colorful characters and a pace that never lets you think away about anything else other than next frame.
I forgot when was the last time I saw a first half in Bollywood that was as intense as this one. Mark my words - the way first crime scene is picturized while the blind pianist plays symphonies while being a mute and blind spectator to a crime, is nothing short of a pure gold class masterpiece and will go down as an instant classic in the list of greatest scenes ever filmed in movies. The explicit parallels drawn between two extremes in that scene is wholly on another level and shows the Raghavan class we have been familiar with since ever. This movie takes his definitions of the depiction of crimes on whole another level after a gruesome depiction in Badlapur and a high shock value execution in Johnny Gaddar.
Musical symphonies often represent the mood and put you at unease. Scenes with Beethoven Symphony 5 as background score are a great example of what a fine musical taste can do to an otherwise great scene in silos, and exalts the overall weight of a scene many times. Old Bollywood style tunes scattered in beginning and jazz music with high tempo gel extremely well with the fast-paced scenes.
The only weak point of the movie is that it disintegrates a bit towards the end where new characters are introduced and a new storyline gives albeit a good support to the overall story by the climax. It still lefts out few questions nonetheless but if you sum it all up - it is an amazingly well-done flick with nuanced filmmaking of Sriram Raghavan - the best crime master of modern age Bollywood and great performances of Tabu, Ayushman Khurana and supporting castes.
8.5/10 for me.
Sanju (2018)
A cross between overhyped and cringe
This is a movie about Sanjay Dutt's shenanigans with law, people, family and everybody around him. It depicts his time in jail, his time with drugs, his time with family and strained relationships. When it's not doing that, this is a movie that has clips of the good scenes of all Sanjay Dutt's movies, enacted by Ranbeer Kapoor. That guy can't act unless you're talking about overdoing it. He focusses on replacing Sanjay Dutt instead of acting like Sanjay Dutt. In a scene, where Sanjay is being taken for interrogation, the overall walking posture, body style and language of Ranbeer became so tedious to watch, that even an average joe eye could figure out he's overdoing it and laughably bad at it. And to explain that I had to sit through this torture for 2 hours? God bless free ticket schemes for corporates.
I won't talk about other actors, this movie isn't about them. This is about Sanjay Dutt, this is about Ranbeer Kapoor. Sadly, one failed in life and then in movies, another one simply failed in movies.
Raju Hirani's direction is on a downhill run since 3 Idiots. No scene in this movie has some crank to be remembered for a long time to come. Few shock value and factors are added in the movie just to present it as a shocking tale that would move you and make you more sympathetic about Sanjay - it doesn't! I miss the Hirani from pre-3 Idiots era. His Munnabhai duology still remains one of my favourite.
Add to the inter-film stars fan rivalry, I am sure ratings for this movie are going to be dissed by those whose demigods are at cross/tiff with Sanju.
Only act for retribution for Sanjay Dutt would be to act like Ranbeer Kapoor in a movie title scoured from his name. Save yourself some bucks in this sweltering heat and go watch hereditary, worth your time.
Newton (2017)
Newton for Oscar? My belly for Mr. World contest
Newton is anything but great and remotely worthy enough to be sent to Oscars, let alone some pan masala awards. Movie always stays on the left side of the fence, from showing the army concocting attacks on itself to keep the BLOs away, to manufacturing AISA/SFI style Hindi "kranti rocksss" graffiti on walls in a village with zero literacy rate, to showing the close camera angles in the poor's faces to keep the emotional quotient high and running, from showing the paramilitary chief as one aviator donning reckless I-know-it-all folk and showing the force as the chief perpetrator where the so called Newton (Nice move showing him from Dalit background, else his selection as BLO would've left me in splits!) thinks everything isn't happening as per his lucid fascinations, his styles and his rules - hence is wrong. So typical to a commie kranti-jerking dumbo, that I had to switch off the movie midway due to his self-entitled views of everyone around him but one. The era of peddling the ulterior propaganda sugar coated with good cinematography and actors, and a script that sounds mildly interesting, is actually here and Newton is one screaming example. #Newton - 3/10. Newton for Oscar? Yeah, me too for Mr. World contest.
The Hateful Eight (2015)
QT far from what we know Identity meets the usual suspects and almost ends up as a Mansion mystery
Tarantino has a wild reputation for being the director known for non-linear stories, asymmetric character development through verbiages, radical to moderate to liberal characters all in one frame kind of cinema that has kept us, at least me, entertained since reservoir dogs.
He can be easily distinguished from his way of imagining things, artwork, the old school ways of instilling you with sense of unease, which work damn good every time. His last western, Django Unchained, was a roller coaster ride of revenge saga of a slave with help of his suave, smooth talking partner, which Tarantino seems to be desperately missed while filming the Hateful Eight.
A group of different people are stuck in a blizzard and have to take shelter at a Passover called Minnie's haberdashery. They can't leave until the storm subdues. One of them isn't what he or she claims to be. And then begins the tale of deception, thrill, flashbacks, excessively verbose but crucial dialogues, few intense moments, with mansion mystery style flavor added (like revealing something taking place now, in the flashback, with narrative explaining what's going on) which kind of makes it a good watch – unless you are a Tarantino fan. I have never assumed Tarantino to be this obvious storyteller. Always I have watched his movies with my own theories and I was so glad he blew them out each time with his own set. I expected his films to surprise me, they rather blew me. Not this time. In short, this film is nothing like what you expect QT to throw at you. More like Ridley Scott or one of those directors whose movie got critical acclaim for god knows what reason. There are hardly any surprises, storyline is predictable, violence is nowhere to be seen albeit in few places. Ruthless, unrelenting atmosphere that he usually creates, doesn't really gets at peak. Every QT flick has a sequence that is remembered for ages to come: Ear ripping off on chair, post robbery carnage in Reservoir Dogs, Climax with Mexican standoff, self-realization of Jules in Pulp fiction The long take in Kill Bill, final battle (this entire series is remarkable) Astounding opening to Inglorious Bastards (probably one of the greatest opening scenes of all time), Bar standoff, when French girl actually meets her family's annihilator, Redemption of Django and his deeds as a free 'slave' in Django Unchained, confrontation post 'D is silent' scene and finale
I may have missed plenty of scenes here, but point being each one of his movies have some scenes which have immense repeat watch value. Hateful Eight itself is a cumbersome movie, with even more tedious character development and draggy first half that leaves little to no scope in the room for unpredictability or remarkability. The premise isn't something which we haven't seen before, and add on to that, Tim Roth's impersonation both in terms of appearance and speech, starkly reminded me of Christopher Waltz's suave mannerisms in Django Unchained, which kinda made me wonder the purpose of it. There are no catchy dialogues, no worthy one liners which I could keep note of, maybe there were, I missed to take note of them.
Second half does some justice to compensate the first half's boring prologues, but it fails to get a grip over the entire play, by the time it climaxes and to explain several questions and give out answers to them. *********SPOILERS START: Skip this section if you haven't seen the movie********* Why kill entire haberdashery's staff than to ask them to either go along with the play, or get the hell out in the stagecoach? Which one of the spiked the coffee? Joe says he did, but that is unclear given his seating from the coffee jug and the POV we get to see the hands and wide angle take at Domergogue's face? Snow after unprecedented blizzard will melt out in two days? How sure they could be? If her fifteen men are awaiting her arrival at red neck, and waiting for snow to clear out in two days (but hello? They plan to stay in Passover for two days, right?) why interrupt them in the middle of nowhere? Why not catch them by throats when they arrive in full force? Why cross swords with those who have got nothing to do with you? *********SPOILERS END: Carry on reading here onwards************
Summing it up, this movie is great only if it weren't from Tarantino's stable. You certainly feel like missing many typical elements of a Tarantino flick, especially after last two glorious movies he churned out. Only the most ardent fans of QT will not be disappointed, for haters, it's the easiest pick after deathproof and for appreciators of QT, like me, are certainly in for a disappointment.
Cloud Atlas (2012)
Finally some Cloud Atlast..
What is life? And is there an afterlife? What shall happen when we die? There shall be bereavement, shrill pitched voices explaining how good we were, interestingly same voice could never bestow the same degree of accolade whilst we're alive. So by all probability, death
is that it? Is that the boring finale of our dull lives? Born, brood, burn, breathe last... Only thing to differ, this isn't it. There is a certain afterlife, a life whose genesis is implied the very moment our karmic cosmic particles are in motions. I have been hearing that karma thing for years like you only go back in high heavens of lowly hell, after getting even with your karmas and yourself. However, few fellows seem to trespass that threshold and that strengthens the notion that they've been exempted the karma cycle swiftly. Though only thing, that isn't it as well, karma carries on following you and decides what you're going to be in your next life. Revenge is best served cold – Kill Bill v.2. Quite well put, though revenge carried out across time frames that could range from colonial centuries to post-apocalyptic world is what makes it gruesomely awesome. There are few flicks that re-instate you belief in something mystical, something far more complex and typical then our ignoble brainy cells could ever comprehend. The condescending nature of human superiority overtly eludes few deceptive facts that are as certain as eye to a face, yet we choose to be misled every time shallowly for our own good
bad, don't know. This very flick describes on such hell of an amazing ride and it takes you across centuries within blinks and yet you can make out the connection in between those two eclectic, seemingly incongruent events. Ever played connect the dots? Just that this time you're seeing your brain do the homework while you sit tight trying to help the poor fella out. Unbelievably deep layers of stories that in one way or another, relate to what gets served, is marvelous representation of thought provoking cinema. For example, a person too bad, full of greed and lust in colonial times turns out to be a nice fella in early 18th century and then keeps on improving until he meets his fate, in an excruciating way. You can ponder, hell bloke was nice for two centuries and then suddenly? Yeah, karma cosmic, remember? There are several such mind numbing examples set out in movie that make you actually wonder that you're a changed man after watching it. Tom Hanks – this man carries enough space up his belly to carry all the awards conceivable and yet walk like a camel. In his till date most phenomenal performance from a contemporary failed writer to an primeval lust-bitten doc, he justifies his grandeur once again and takes the cake for this year's best supporting role, if I were to be believed. And squeezing out such a grimly overlaid script in 172 minutes is an achievement in itself. From euphonious and amazingly mellow background music to grandiose of one of the finest cinematography I've ever seen, I am afraid this movie is not for everyone who loves to see fantasy movies with the fantasy, eyes wide jaw dropped, brain hibernate style. Most brain-tickling movie I've ever seen in recent times is easily this special movie which even makes inception a bit duller, albeit only at different plateau. Watch it for the sheer imposing cinematic experience that will render you flabbergasted for a more somber and subtle view next time. These aren't my ruminations, you may call it fiction, some may call it fantasy, others may call it karma delectation, though I prefer to call it in its originality – CLOUD ATLAS! 11/10
OMG: Oh My God! (2012)
An explosive content handled masterfully
A man sues God because he thinks God is responsible for his loss. A gripping comic drama about the battle of a loner atheist for whom God is futile simply because according to him the way we happen to perceive God is ludicrous and especially because of the institutions, ashrams who swindle money in the very name of God.
This movie, in a way, keh-ke-leti's of all those babas, sadhus, saints, institutions that munch money from the innocent public unwavering with their faith, in name of god and questions the notion of donation, lavish physical gifts to temples, churchs, mosques. It very much appealed to me because I have always been the same kind of devotee who believes. OMG, also mocks the mass phenomena that takes the community by storm once an airy larger than life notion is shown about a particular person.
Not for once, this movie slows down, it is always a joy ride from start till end. Umesh Shukla deserves applaud for binding this movie so well given the explosive content he has carried out masterfully and the best dialogues, screenplay I have seen in Bollywood since a long time.
It's not often you get to see a movie that challenges your opinion, defies your perception and literally shakes your age-old, orthodoxian beliefs from the core.
On the acting part, let me admit, I was a bit sceptic because there was logic defying combination of Paresh-Akshay again.
But, Paresh Rawal is phenomenal in his portrayal as a Gujju businessman he single 'handily' carries the whole movie on his shoulders with ease. Easily the best role he'd done amongst his last ten movies. Akshay Kumar great to see him back with sense, though I thought he overdone his role a bit at few places. Govind Namdeo is terrific with his role as Siddheshwar baba.
Well, yes there are flaws in movie, like Paresh Rawal questions the unscrupulous ways of babas, swamis and in start he makes money by selling statues with fake proposition about their origin. But that's explicable given that God gets even with him ;)
Overall, a wonderful movie with a special memo to masses, God isn't anywhere
God is everywhere. 9/10
Aisha (2010)
Mediocre is an understatement
Dear. ... Sonam,
Simply unbearable, Sonam Kapoor, I pledge from now on, in whichever movie you will appear, I would stay away from even trailers, forget movie. You overact too much baby, you forget that you are from bollywood. You think that your father born n bred you in LA or NY. So poor baby..You are from India. Get it straight to your head. Overacting is something what I hate.
The way you act, I actually get blushy moments on your pathetic attempt to copycat F.R.I.E.N.D.S Jenny's inevitable style, I request you to get natural and please act like you've been born n brought up in Mumbai/Delhi wherever you belong, not being Kardarshian.
Sonam, I ......never believed in you. Believe me, never. Last I saw your glimpse in Saanwariya, it was apparent that either Sanjay leela bhansali had indebted truckload of money to your father or worst your father was intimate with him, thus your surprising inception in film industry has been justified.
I am not saying you don't have talent or looks.........so what, even I have got loads of talent and great looks, then? My father isn't a human bear, with hairs on the corpse body more than you have got talents in your bootie and some solid luck with B'wood.
You were horribly awful in the movie. I got swayed away by 4 star ratings which TOI, and many other newspapers gave you. And I swear, the day I will lose hope of life, the day I will accept that their is no other way left, I will start reviewing movies.
I lost my 200/- + snacks ~ 400/- like ........whooooosshhh! All I needed was just a place to place my ass in this sweltering delhi heat where I had decided a dayout with ma friends, else I would have preferred indoors. Pls avoid acting for goodness's sake!
[Rec]² (2009)
Gun point sequel.
I have tried not to mention spoilers in any form, however few not-so-crucial details are given, hence the spoiler warning! Rec 2 is the almost perfect example of how overladen expectations with the prequel destroys the ought-to-be-good sequel.
Rec 1 set standard pretty much high and I expected no sequels whatsoever of this great found footage horror as according to me it ended great and required no implant jobs. Needless to mention I was surprised to see a Rec 2, I saw this movie with apprehension and seems I was darn right.
Rec 2 starts where Rec ended, this time city officials involved in pursuit of that building's sinister secrets. Teams are sent in and then, I was too dumb to care what goes on as It almost identifies with what you expected.
Plot hatched for Rec 2 doesn't makes sense. Children barge in from some tunnel a route of which is not even known to building guys, so that they could escape. And their entrance is not related whatsoever to the story. I consider that as wasted 15 minutes.
And still I fail to understand how a 50-60 year old person with bleak body structures, over powers shooters with multi-shots gun, that puts even Kalashnikov to shame. And such sissy shooters I guess, even Kyrgystan would have heroic rangers than mentioned in the movie.
Summing all that up, I would say, watch it but not with expectations, you'll be disappointed. Watch it with intention of just having kicks on a Halloween .....skip this for Halloween.... find a better movie! 4.5 for me!
Kung Fu Panda (2008)
The Big Panda - skadoosh!
Let me tell you straight without much of any rants...this is the best animation flick in recent years, probably the greatest ever! Why? It has got probably the most awesome action sequences that interlude with slow-mo frames extremely intelligently, thus producing a scene which makes you go...Whoa! That fight scene on the bridge final fight scene are worth to die for! Comedy is unexpected and unprecedented. I hardly remember myself laughing with my eyes out in an animation flick, I nearly missed half of the film as I was too busy laughing my bellies out. Characters are great, voice-over is nearly perfect..The only thing I was let down that it ends a bit too abruptly, just when you think it has started, it decides to end. Too bad they changed script writers,vfx managers in sequel as a result it wasn't as good. I can watch this movie ten times, still can pretend I haven't watched it, to ensure eleventh time!
Flypaper (2011)
Brilliant all-in-one entertainer
This movie is severely underrated and for me, its one of the best crime comedies of decade.
summary:
At a bank heist, two groups accidentally choose the same bank with multiple hostages. The thing is, hostages have got the gun, robbers haven't albeit both are too dumb to realize it. But wait, there's more to it than this froth sounding storyline, there is a third robbery secretively going on! I assure you I haven't give out even nanograms of details. Another thing, the cast is amazing, acting of dumb robbers, is best of all. And this movie has so many twists and turns, surprising ones, not those which will let you bang your fist at seat in sheer frustration, that it keeps your nail chewed out by the time it ends. Though there is a great clue in the mid of the movie, about the culprit, but nonetheless, director has done well to bind the tits and bits of movies all together and present it as a crime caper. And last thing I expected, laughing while watching a heist movie. Dialogues are witty, clever and Dripsey as Sherlock Holmes to this Agatha Christie style movie is brilliant with his role. Ashley judds is getting older but she plays a nice role. Rest assured you'll scarcely find such an entertaining package at one place
9/10 for me!
Revolver (2005)
Guy Revolver Ritchie with his best creation till date!
Arguably, this movie stands as the greatest mindhunter movies of all time. Guy Ritchie's best till date. He's dared to go beyond a plot, subplot and other relative script-ridden boundations. Jake is released from prison after 7 years of solitary confinement where he was kept with a conmen and master chess player. He comes out to take out the famous old revenge with Macha, excellently portrayed by Liotta, he succeeds at most. But just in order to capitalize his revengeful acts, he meets two mysterious personalities which help him to get his acts done, quietly, neatly and tidy.
The epiphanic Jake Green's self-confronting scenes are intriguing and sheerbrilliant. I agree with the explanation of Mr. Gold. He is ubiquitous, exists at many places, all at a time. He is in every living soul, hence probably the best quote in recent times, The greatest con he ever pulled was making you believe that he is you, gets an amazing explanation.
Such territories are seldom apprised to the movie-class audience as a storyline, fearing that so called class, may bifurcate elsewhere and if they do, it needs a braveheart to do so. Guy Ritchie is one among them. After SNATCH, Lock Stock, just for the sake of avoiding redundancial gangsta elements, he chose a path less travelled and he's justified it very well.
And agree like anything, this movie ain't for corn-munchers and those who will abide by a Japanese puzzle book to confuse them, rather a film and I do agree this feels a bit over the top at times! But for the psychological thrill lovers, this is on list of "Films to see before you head for asylum"!
Valkyrie (2008)
I want my nails back!
I don't have habit of chewing nails...but then I saw Valkyrie! Best historical thrillers I've ever seen.The moment it starts, one thing is for sure that the edge of your chair is going to be occupied all the time! Tom Cruise is at his stellar best. I just loved the portrayal of Stauffenberg, very intense indeed. Even Col. Stauffenberg would have been surprised to see TC acting, if he were alive by any chance! The story doesn't even digresses for a moment,precise extremely grippy, needle sharp screenplay keeps you gasping for more and more as every moment unfolds itself in excellent tandem with the storyline.
Some dumb reviewer here in India, said that "Making a suspense thriller based on the outlines of Historical dramas and occurrences, kinda voids the whole purpose as from 5th standard, every kid knows 'what happens next'....". Its India you see. I am sure either the reviewer acted way too dumb to get the disabilities benefit or he actually doesn't needs to act as one! A "threatful" recommendation, watch it or Fuhrer is on his way!