Reviews

This is one of the worst movies I have seen in awhile. It's complete and utter trash; and when the film-makers saw how bad this pos is they tried calling it a "comedy" and "horror spoof". Make no mistake, this isn't a comedy or a spoof, they were serious when they were making this and failed hard.

A mafioso gangster catches his wife and another guy cheating and has a special man off both of them. They're out in the woods where these mutant-zombie-dwarf things are, hoping they will devour the corpses. But, shocking to no one, it turns out that the hit-man was the real cheater and he and the woman try to get away from the mafioso. As the gangster hunts them down, he encounters many different demon things, each one dumber than the last. These encounters are drawn out and mostly filler scenes. He kills each of them and gets stronger. The other two are armed with plot armor (a talisman) that stops pretty much everything in the movie. A plot point pulled literally out of someone's backside; the cheater-hit-man says he suddenly remembers a story from an Indian tribe that says a demon warrior with mixed blood will come and battle against a medicine man/shaman. After more endless walking and the movie going nowhere, they two finally meet this shaman, through a girl possessed by him. This shaman has the ability to possess people by looking at them and makes them go get a big stick so he can roast and eat them. They try to save the girl, but are unable to break the shaman's spell. Instead they go and steal the girl's boyfriend's car (these are our leads, the characters were meant to feel for btw), as the demon warrior with mixed blood mafioso gangster fights and quickly kills the shaman. He approaches the car the two are in, and his wife gets out and just quickly kills him by shooting his crotch with a crossbow. she gets in the car, and presumably after gaining the shaman's powers, says "Get me a stick".

This is a big stinking pile of ####. The characters are one dimensional, insipid, and down right terrible people. The two leads are cheaters, so right there I don't want to see them live. The acting ranges from flat to way over doing it (particularly the girl that gets eaten off screen). The story is a clusterf### that doesn't try to make sense. The effects aren't good by any means, the demons are all so stupid and lame looking. The last time I saw a movie this bad was Won Ton Baby, but that movie knew it was freaking terrible, and was tongue-in-cheek about it. And at least that movie made me chuckle once or twice. This is just terrible, there's no twisting it into something different. Every copy of this should be burned, but that would be a waste of fire.

Simply put, this is a great movie. It's a creative and unique story, with little details that really make it standout. The fine details added in to make the time period so authentic really go a long way in this movie.

When Sir Hugo accidentally captures a picture of a spiritual creature heading towards a dying man, he starts to question what this is. He approaches his daughter Christina's lover, Giles to help him find out more. Giles is skeptical but after viewing evidence of it, the two attempt to figure out what it is. They find out it is something called an Asphyx, a grim reaper type thing that appears before people while they are dying. They use a "boaster" to capture a video of it at a public hanging and use this footage for research. They hypothesize that if this Asphyx was captured it could cause immortality. They first test it on a guinea pig, and then on a dying man. They end up failing, and killing the man, but this does not deter Hugo from trying to immortalize himself. He persuades Giles to go along with it, and offering Giles the chance to immortalize himself and Christina. Hugo straps himself in a chair and electrocutes himself. With the help of Christina, Giles captures his Asphyx and seals it away, ensuring his immortal life. Christina is apprehensive and worried about it, but Giles shows her that her father is fine. Despite her apprehension she agrees to go with it, they set her into a guillotine and the two start their experiment. However, the guinea pig from the beginning chews through one of their chords, causing the blade to fall and kill Christina. Hugo, overcome with guilt for his children's death, asks Giles to release his Asphyx so he can be killed. Giles reminds him that he promised to make him immortal. While Hugo sleeps, Giles burns the combination to the chamber. Giles is put in a glass chamber, and it is filled with oxygen. He pulls a match out and it explodes, killing him. Hugo, doomed to live forever, grabs the guinea pig and the two presumable live on up until we cut to what appears to be the 1970s, when Hugo is about to be hit by two cars. Freeze frame and the credits roll.

As I said, this is a great movie, however, it is not free from flaws. Christina's character is not great, and around the third act when she's really involved, there's been no build up or chemistry between her and Giles. The Asphyx itself is a kinda cheesy effect and doesn't really look that frightening. There are lots of great details though, and the other characters are all unique and likable. The story is unique and interesting, the immortality via the Asphyx is clever as are the methods of the characters killing themselves. This is really a smart horror flick that I would recommend to any horror fan.

From the start of this movie, it had me kinda interested. The funky bassline with the typical '80s soloing, it was just so cheesy and awesome, it made me feel like I was in for a good time. We get told that in 1990 the Bronx has become "no man's land" and that The Riders control it. A blonde woman is being attacked by a gang when the Riders roll in, beating away the gang. The Riders stop near a place underneath a bridge, and another gang in old, flame covered muscle cars pull up. The leader of this gang killed one of their members for entering their turf. This member was one an undercover. The Manhattan Corporation are watching over them, on a "secret operation". They are trying to track down the blonde girl, who's apparently the richest girl in the world. A man infiltrates where they are hanging at and shoots two members with a shotgun, causing a fire fight. He takes off in a semi, and the Riders chase after him on their bikes. They flag the truck down but don't find him. They find a ring belonging to a rival gang called The Tigers, and the Riders cry out for war. This is a trap set up by the Manhattan Corporation to lead them in the wrong direction. Trash and Ann, the rich girl, get trapped by the gang from the beginning, The Zombies, and get attacked and beaten. Trash drives back to the gang to tells them he plans on going to somebody called the Ogre or something like that, but that would require them to go through all the rival gang's turfs. They come across the first gang, a gang that tap dances while they fight and move. Trash manages to talk to the leader to let them pass. Meanwhile, the left over members decide to get revenge on the truck driver, but get caught by the man with the shotgun, who calls himself Hammer. The Riders move through this tomb/tunnel thing where the get ambushed by these dusty ninja things. One is killed, but Trash and the rest manage to fight them off. The member that got captured turns traitor and goes and steals Trash's main weapon. One member tries to alert Trash but is killed by those dusty zombie ninja things. Hammer inexplicably catches up with them and reports their whereabouts. They end up in The Tiger's territory and sneak about trying not to be caught. Hammer stops Trash, and the two confront each other. He tells Trash that he will be the one blamed for one of The Tiger's deaths. Hammer gets away and Trash is caught by the gang. Trash ends up talking the leader of The Tigers into working together, telling him that Hammer had set them up against each other. The member that tried to warn Trash is found hanging almost dead. He tells Trash the other member has turned traitor, and then Trash mercy kills him. Hammer is told that he needs to get the girl within the next day by 11 or he dies. Hotdog tells him that Ice, the traitor, made a deal to get her back and they plan on flying her back to the Manhattan Corp. Trash and the leader of the Tigers make their way into The Zombies headquarters. Ogre and the Zombies' leader duke it out, and Ogre ends up killing him. Trash joins in to back him up, and the fight off the Zombies. Ice stabs Hotdog with a boot knife, killing him. Trash goes to confront him, Ice tries to get him to turn on the girl and the two start fighting. Trash pushes him down a hole and he is impaled. The Manhattan Corporation storm around The Tiger's hideout, big trucks filled with their troopers surrounding them. More troopers continue to approach and enter the building, firing off flamethrowers. The Tigers run and flee, as they are attacked and killed. After a long battle, the Ogre is shot multiple times and dies, soon after Ann get shot and slowly dies in Trash's arms. An Angered Trash gets revenge, shooting a harpoon into Hammer, killing him. He manages to escape and rides off.

This is an enjoyable action movie that does not try to hide what movies it is ripping off of (although a lot of Italian rip offs did this). It's just good fun, with lots of action and some blood and gore. There's lot of cool sets and scenery, especially in those tomb/catacomb area. The gangs are all memorable and different, and pretty goofy at that. Trash is a likable hero, and we do feel for him at the end. I would recommend this to anyone who is a fan of old '80s action movies, and the movies this movie rips off of. It's just classic '80s fun, camp and cheese included.

Torture Garden is a four piece anthology film based off Robert Bloch stories. I haven't read these stories so I am unfamiliar with them and can not judge these based off of those. However, what we get here is a couple of well made horror shorts, although it is a mixed bag. Some are good, and some aren't. They're not bad by any means, but not really enjoyable.

Dr. Diablo challenges an audience to step up and become hypnotized, showing them their future in horrific visions. The first one is a bout a man who unleashes a witch's spirit, that takes the form of a cat. The cat drives the man insane and causes him to kill. He is caught and thrown in jail, where the cat comes back and he torments him as he screams for help. The second audience member steps up to see her future. In this, she uses her friends date with a big star to her advantage. She goes on the date and gets close to the star, too close. As she closer, she soon learns some horrible secrets. Her lover/the big star gets shot, but miraculously ends up perfectly fine. She does some research on the doctor, and finds out that he had made these big stars in robots. She can not live on knowing the secret, and is turned into one too. Another women stars into the scissors and sees her vision. She is a music reporter who gets close to a famous pianist. The pianist is a lonely man, who talks to his piano. The more pianist and the girl go out and get closer to each other, the more his manager despises the girl. She is not the only who does not like the girl stepping into the pianist's life. In a twist of the bizarre, the piano itself is a living thing, and hates this girl. It comes to life and forces the girl out a window; falling to her death. Finally, the last man comes to see what Dr.Diablo can show him. He is a huge lover of Edgar Allen Poe, who meets a fan bigger than him. He stays at the fan's mansion and explores his huge collection. The two get a little liquored up, and the fan shows the man his true collection. An unpublished Poe story called The House of the Worm. As he continues exploring he uncovers papers that contain a 1966 watermark. He calls the fan out on these forgeries, claiming that he wrote them. He tells him his grandfather robbed the grave of Poe, and kept remnants of Poe in a box, but not only this, he tells him that his grandfather knew black magic and rose Edgar Allen Poe from these ashes. The man goes mad, craving more he steals keys and explores even deeper. He finds Poe inside a hidden chamber, and tries to gain knowledge of the unknown from him. He gets trapped by fire and Poe tells him he is damned. Diablo tries to get a scared audience member to be hypnotized, be he freaks out and stabs him with the scissors. This was all just part of the performance, and as Dr.Diablo is preparing for the next round of visitors, he turns around facing the camera, his face looking like Salvador Dali.

This is really a hit in miss anthology, some of it is genuinely good, and some isn't. I can say that each piece is well made, the acting, picture quality, effects, etc are all well done. The problem lies in the stories, and in one instance, a key character. The first and last are pretty entertaining, and are worth watching alone. However, the two middle ones are the weakest points. They're dull and the stories aren't entertaining, scary, or interesting. The worst is the one about the Hollywood actors. This is partially due to the character of Carla being a manipulative #### and an all around terrible person. Part of me wishes this was a slasher film so she would meet a gruesome end. Worst part is, is she is made the central character. I have nothing but animosity for this character, I do not want to see her go on to the end. The pianist story is just boring, the characters are alright, but nothing really exciting happens in it. Really, just watch this for the host segments, and the first and last story. All around pretty decent, but nothing amazing.

Ahhh, '80s monster movies. Even if you claim to hate them, deep down you really love them. Every time you look at one of the covers, or read the name, you envision some giant mutant or monster picking people off in gory and grotesque ways. Cellar Dweller is like any '80s monster movies, it has a campy story, way off acting, and loaded with effects. The problem is, there's not much of this in it.

The movie starts off with a comic artist, played by Jeffrey Combs, accidentally unleashing an evil monster upon this earth. The comic book page is destroyed and the monster disappears... but it will return again. We cut forward in time as Cellar Dweller, that comic, is being relaunched. Whitney, whose favorite comic is Cellar Dweller, gets brought on to do the art. She winds up finding a forgotten crypt which contains old, unreleased Cellar Dweller pages, as well as an arcane book of unknown origins (one that gives the monster life.) She takes these and uses them in her artwork, unbeknownst to her that it brings the creature to this world to kill. When Amanda, a rival artist, tries to expose her, she is drawn into the comic, and eaten by the monster (WHO'S NEXT!) When her seedy boss starts spying in on her work, he too is written in the comic, and killed off by the monster. Whitney ends up realizing that the creature has came to life through her drawings and she sets out to destroy them. This ends with the rest of cast catching on fire and dying. I think there were a few fake out endings, but I don't really remember them.

This movie had a lot going for it, the drawings coming to life is a great concept, and the altering of reality through the drawing (e.g. the banana peel), could have worked real well. However, it is under utilized in this, and it kinda bums me out. The effects are pretty good, the monster look pretty cool, and the face movements are awesome. It's not that intimidating though, and that kinda hurts the movie. There's a good amount of gore effect, like a sweet head rip. Unfortunately there is a lot of off screen kills. The acting is pretty good, Combs obviously being the best (he's under utilized as well.) The worst part though, is that this movie is too short for anything to get really rolling. There's too little plot or character development and there's interesting ideas that aren't fully developed or fleshed out. 6/10, for fans of the classic monster movie, or pure '80s cheese.

Modern zombie movies are so bland, there seems to be a new one every week, more bland and banal than the last. They tend to most be mostly a gimmick; running zombies, zombies that could shoot guns, or zombies set in a place we least expect it. And although this one falls into that last category, it does do a lot of good things.

The movie starts off with a narration about the plague, and we are given a backdrop on the time frame this takes place in. We are introduced to group of knights and a priest on the hunt for the holy grail. Another group of raiders are hunting after the knights, presumably to take the grail for themselves. They take refuge into a valley, where the come across a "witch" stealing from them. The decide to use this witch to their benefit, using her to lead their way. As they journey into the valley, they are confronted by zombies; the hordes growing bigger as they continue onward. A couple of the knights are killed off, and the rest hide in a cavern. They believe they are safe, but are attacked by one of the knights turned zombie. They continue moving on, until only the priest and "witch" remain. The two spend the night in a cave, and become... closer, to each other. But, yet again, they are not safe. The raiders from earlier have tracked them down, and tie them up. The leader stabs the priest and leaves him off to be eaten by zombies, but he escapes in time. The witch tells the raiders she knows of an easier escape route, but leads them to a zombie pit. The priest makes a bow, and hunts after them. He and the leader of the raiders have a sword fight, this does not go on long as the Witch shoots him with the bow. The two make their escape from the zombies, and she shows the priest the true passage out; over a mountain. She shows she has been bitten, and the priest reluctantly kills her, and sets out to cross the mountain. When he makes it over, he lays down, thinking he is dying, but a horse appears not too far away. He climbs on it and rides off.

Although not strong plot wise, this movie did have a lot of good in it. The acting wasn't flawless, but compared to a lot of the movies I watch it was Oscar material. The production is superb, well light and very crisp and clean look. The best part is the special effects, most notably the decapitations. The noises the zombies make are also very well done, they manage to be creepy and not the same "rawr" crap we're used to in these bad modern zombie flicks. Not a perfect movie by any stretch, but a worthwhile watch for any zombie fan.

It's been a good while since I've seen a horror movie this original. Anguish is very creative, especially for its time. Its clever use of the "film-within-a-film"(often mixing both so well you don't know what's the film they're watching and which is the film you're watching). Although it's far from perfect, this is a great big breath of fresh air.

The movie starts with a shy eye doctor, John, who still lives with his mother. John gets harassed by one of his patients when he gets the wrong contact lenses. His mother promises to make them suffer, unlocking a serial killer side to John. He makes a visit to the girl's house to give her the correct pair of lenses, and promptly kills her and her boyfriend. We are then shown that this is a movie, and there is an audience watching. We're introduced to two girls, one fully enjoying the movie, and the other completely horrified. As the movie continues on, and John's killings become more frequent and intensified, the girl gets more terrified, to the verge of tears. John enters a movie theater, and starts slowly killing the audience one by one. His killings become too much and the girl leaves to the bathroom. While in the stall, a man walks in. This causes her to go back to her friend to check out the bathrooms. What they don't know is that there is a real killer who has targeted their showing. He dispatches off a few of the staff with his silenced pistol, before coming into the screening. His killings start to mimic John's on screen. He grabs the girl and holds her at gunpoint, slowly slipping into deep lunacy. He talks to the screen, and his cover gets blown. The girl's friend alerts the police, who watch him waiting to make their move. They manage to get their shot and take him out, just as the other movie is ending. The girl is taken to the hospital, where she is attacked by the killer from the movie. As the credits role, it is revealed that this was all ANOTHER movie.

This movie is creepy and creative. The acting is very good in most places, nothing that's completely terrible and groan worthy. A lot of the movie has an Argento feel, kinda sleazy and gritty. There's a little bit of gore, but not as much as I wanted. The kills weren't that inventive but were satisfying enough. I think this is one that should be seen by lovers of horror and even those that are just looking for something different. The characters are pretty well developed, particularly the ones in The Mommy (the movie inside the movie). Highly recommended.

I didn't know what to really expect with this movie, I'm not a massive Rutger Hauer fan, but I've seen a few of his works and have enjoyed all of them I have seen. The plot sounded familiar (however, as it turns out, it was very different than what I thought), so I expected to see a run-of-the-mill action horror movie. I was surprised though, I found myself enjoying it more than I had expected.

In the future (2008), global warming has caused rising sea levels and flooding of the cities. Harley is a psychic detective on the hunt for some one (or something) that had killed his last partner. He is lead to a club where a girl gets her heart ripped out. The police chief has Harley work with Dick Durkin, a more "by the books" detective, and the two are lead into an apartment type area where another murder has taken place. The killer left behind a memento, Harley's last partner's gun. They find a clue on the ceiling, a Scorpio astral sign. This leads them to looking about the occult and the astrology. They continue tracking down the killer, who strikes every new moon when the tide rises. DNA tests reveal that the thing has the DNA of all its victims, as well as Harley's. Dick believes that the thing captures the DNA and soul of its victims, similar to how primitive tribes believes they gained courage from eating the hearts of their victims. As they continue tracking it down, they find a body with a similar sign carved into its body as in the beginning. They use this as a map to track the thing down into the sewers where it dwells. As the two make their way through the sewers they come face to face with the creature. A Xenomorph-esque type creature that prowls under the water. Harley blasts at it with a big gun that resembles a minigun, and Dick uses a big explosive to blow away the subway the creature is in. However, it is still alive, so Harley grabs a bunch of electrical wires, and they shock the water. It still isn't dead! Harley and the thing grapple and wrestle for a moment, and then Harley rips it's heart out. The three (Harley's old partner's widow was being held hostage) ride off at the end.

This movie was pretty enjoyable, I liked the plot and thought the occult and astrology elements as well as the creature stealing the DNA of its victims was a nice touch and pretty fresh for this type of movie. The special effects were well done, but weren't as abundant as I expected. The sound effects, especially for that minigun thing were very cheesy and laughable. The creature was pretty generic, but effective nonetheless. There were a lot of clichés in this, and some of them were laughably bad, however, that didn't really take away anything from this movie. Rutger Hauer stole the show here, his character, Harley, was an enjoyable tough guy, and some of his witty retorts were genuinely funny. Alastair Duncan was enjoyable as Dick Durkin, it was great seeing him at the end go to a cold, hard killer, who handled his own when face to face with the thing. Overall, a pretty enjoyable experience, warrants repeated viewings, would recommend to any '80s action or horror fan.

I expected a little out of this; I love Tim Ritter's Killing Spree, and kinda liked Truth or Dare. But this is such a stinker it deserves a courtesy flush.

The movie starts off with Angus fleeing from a crashed police car. He gets chased a little by a cop, but gets away pretty easily. We get introduced to a female cop who constantly has flashbacks of her mother being attacked. She gets assigned to catching Angus. Angus makes his way to a couple in a car out in the woods. The girl leaves to go relieve herself, and Angus kills the guy and steals his clothes. He then kills the girl and hangs her in a crucifixion type pose. He steals the car and goes to find his sister, Kascha (or something like that). Kascha has an abusive "boyfriend", and Angus wants him done with. He meets the fat slob, and stabs him in the stomach. The FBI takes over the case, saying that Angus is the most prolific serial killer in history, with over 300 murders. Angus goes to his mother's grave site, digs her up and curses her for dying before he could kill her. Him and his sister have sex and then he kills her too. He goes to a pawn shop and robs it, and after burns the owner's face. The FBI gets closer to catching him; meanwhile, the female cop finally realizes that the person who attacked and killed her mom was her own father, who for some reason has teamed up with Angus. Angus kills the father but gets stopped by the female police officer.

This movie is absolutely abysmal, I am a lover of bad movies but this is just flat out terrible. There really isn't gore, just bad looking blood and a Papier-mâché head. As expected there really isn't any acting in this, Kathy Willets seems bored and probably hates every scene she's in. Joel Wynkoop does a better job, but still can't act at all. This movie just exists, as a big, stinking pile on Tim Ritter's name. There's nothing good in it, and it's too bad to be funny. Watch this if you want to waste some of your life.

I can't see why this is voted so highly. I have seen far better films sitting at a 2 or 3 (or even lower) on here, but this has a 6!? Impossible. By anyone's standards this is a bad movie, and the worst part is it's not even funny bad.

The movie starts with Madam Won Ton seducing an Elvis impersonator, and getting pregnant by him. We cut to "the present" to the Asian restaurant owned and ran by the Won Ton family. Lily, or Little Wing, appears to be pregnant and as such causes a lot of problems. Two detectives come in trying to bust Madam Won Ton for running a brothel, but one ends up liking the Madam and offers to go on a date. Madam Won Ton takes Little Wing to the hospital, where it is revealed that she is not pregnant but has a fully grown parasitic twin. And then the movie goes full retard. They remove the baby and it looks so laughable. It's like a mix between a Cabbage Patch Kid and Franklin from Arrested Development. The Won Ton Baby kills a rat and masturbates to scat porn all while the most obnoxious, desperately trying to be funny voice over goes on and on. There's maybe two times the voice over was funny and even then it was nothing more than a chuckle. The Won Ton's leave the baby at the restaurant for the night, and it proceeds to kill one of the workers. And then continues to rape one drunk chick, kill one of the chefs while he's having pathetic sex, all the while the Won Ton children are sitting around smoking nothing (they're meant to be smoking weed, but the bong clearly has nothing in it!) They sit around acting retarded, even beyond stoned, while Madam Won Ton is on a date with Detective Duke, and the Won Ton baby kills. The two stoned Won Tons hear the baby kill and try to stop it. Madam Won Ton breaks the news to Lily (Little Wing) that her father was not Chinese, but was in fact an Elvis impersonator. She then goes on to tell her that a law passed that stopped everything carrying the King's image became outlawed and drove her father into poverty. Madam Won Ton soon after kills the baby with a vacuum cleaner and the movie ends with another woman giving birth to a similar, if not the same, creature.

This movie tried so hard to be funny, but just failed on all accounts. The humor is all super low brow, poop jokes, terrible racist jokes, etc. It's humor for children that think making funny (see: stupid) noises and voices and saying random, or inappropriate things equals funny. There's a giggle here or a chuckle there, but nothing that is really funny. The effects aren't good either, there's minimal gore and it looks stupid and fake. The umbilical cord that whips around was pretty decent, I'll give them that. It's too bad the baby looks so f-ing awful. The characters have no charisma or charm, even Debbie Rochon, who I normally love, is bland here. Would not recommend.

It feels hard to review this movie because I can't honestly tell you what it's about. It's not really a story, much more random scenes loosely involving a "brainsucker" who drills people's brains out with a big, cartoonish drill thing.

People just do random things in this movie, characters aren't really introduced nor developed. They just do random things, and mention this "bloodsucker", who is hardly shown in the movie. The sheriff, I think, makes the townsfolks deputies and they run wild. There's cuts to some radio talk show host who can't seem to stop breathing into the mic. There's some attempts at humor, but they're painfully unfunny. Some women says it's her son, but she dies off pretty quickly and pretty randomly. We get these terrible police, one with an absolutely terrible accent, chasing after a dance instructor and her boyfriend, when they reach an airport. One police officer finds out the brainsucker is his son, but this isn't really a twist and I don't really give a ####. They take off in a plane, and the brainsucker uses the drill to remove some white goop out of his head and releases it out of the plane.

As I said, it's hard to review this because it's not a coherent movie in any sense. There's a lot that's in it for no real reason and the story doesn't make sense anyways. The characters aren't fleshed out or given any life, and there's little connection between them and what's happening. The effects are crude and barely amateur-level. The brains look like strips of bacon or pork cutlets. I can't recommend this to anyone, not even lovers of bad movies. Abysmal.

Where to begin with this; there's too much here to riff on. I guess the first place to start is its biggest downfall; this movie isn't funny in the slightest. Every attempt at humor in this fails so unbelievably hard, from all the stupid sexual innuendos (which are about as subtle as a slap to the face). But that isn't the only flaw in this, the writing is also absolute ####, the effects are so laughably bad they would have been outdated in 1996! The music is perhaps the worst selection of ill-fitting songs I have ever heard in a movie soundtrack. The acting, writing, effects, fighting, characters, attempts at humor; it's all incredibly bad.

Minty is a lesbian assassin who works for a man who's called Big Boss, who is also her mentor. She teases with a Lesbian vampire named Double Delicious, who's working with some sort of doctor. Big Boss gets kidnapped and Minty must fight through the... Cocktower (dear God, please kill me now!), with each person she fights being more inept and retarded than the last. There's a running gimmick where they all take off a piece of clothing; and if you're too slow to catch it then padd the run time out with flashbacks to them. She ends up freeing Big Boss, meeting with Doctor B and Double Delicious, whom the former is a gigantic fanboy of. The doctor takes over DD's body and Minty and DD have a long, drawn out, and very boring "sex" scene. Minty causes DD to orgasm and breaks the doctor's control. She kills him. Minty and Big Boss have a rubbish conversation, you can tell the writers thought they were touching on something "deep" and were expanding on universal knowledge, but it's closer to something a little kid would write in an attempt to appear intelligent.

The only appeal to this movie is all the overt sexuality in it, with woman getting as frisky as they can in a softer-than-softcore film. We get terrible almost sex scenes, mostly of the women rubbing against each other (mostly fully clothed, there's covered nudity at the end). For a movie that tries to bring in the 13 year old crowd, this movie doesn't offer much to keep their horned-up attention span.

The fighting and effects are very amateur and non-existent, the fighting choreography is not very good at all, almost every predictable fighting movie cliché is throw in, you can see every move coming a mile away. The effects are almost all cg, and very, very, very bad cg at that. As I said earlier, the cg effects in the mid-90s were better than what is seen in this. The extent of the practical effects is a painted mannequin arm.

Flat out avoid this, I only gave it a 2 star because it's not the worse movie I've ever seen. Pure garbage, only liked by those unable or too lazy to find porn online.

Let me go on record as saying I like some Toetag and Fred Vogel movies. Redsin Tower, August Underground's Mordum, they're decent movies (if very grisly and not for the squeamish.) But this one is absolutely terrible; it's easily Toetag's worse movie.

Brad returns home after his time in the service, but his family does not rejoice as they should have. See, Bradley was involved in some sort of accident and his health has been deteriorating more and more every day, moving to the point where he needs help to do everyday things. He spends time with his family, while getting worse. Eventually (and I mean in the last 10 or so minutes), he freaks out and kills off a few family members before being killed. Inside his head is a little alien.

This movie is so ####ing boring, it goes on and on and on, the dialogue is so pointless and meandering, it's almost a contest against the viewer's attention span. If you manage to stick along for the slow ride, you're given two very good gore scenes and that's it.

The acting is very bad, even Camille Keaton (I Spit on your Grave) gives a very bored, tired performance in this. None of the dialogue works because no one is invested in anything. We can't feel for the main character or his family, or care about his situation because the actors don't.

The worst part is, this movie could have been good. There's a decent plot in there, but it gets wasted on terrible, terrible, terrible character development. If we could even give half a #### about any of the characters, maybe it could have worked, but with how inept the writing and dialogue is, we just can't. Go watch Redsin Tower instead, much better.

This is one of those movies that almost shouldn't exist. It's so disgusting and vile that's certainly a scene that's going to offend or sicken every viewer. This movie takes almost every taboo and plays it to it's most extreme, never taking the camera away for a second.

The movie is about a prostitute who becomes pregnant, and starts losing clients. Her pimp becomes enraged that she isn't making him money and performs an impromptu abortion with a coat-hanger. She dies, but the child does not. He is raised by a homeless man until he is 18, when his father picks him up, and lets him stay with a retarded Asian named Russell. He goes to work at a scraping company with Russell, occasionally killing off anyone who bothers or insults him. This includes crushing a hookers head open when she screams at his face, a Jehovah Witness who intrudes into their apartment, and Phil, a man who drugs and rapes both Hanger and Russell (the movie does not cover much up). During this, Hanger's father is being tortured by Leroy (the pimp). Leroy believes he has killed him and dumps his body, but he isn't dead. Leroy sets up a trap and kills Russell, when Hanger attacks him, but Hanger's father returns with guns and equipment and they two shoot and kill each other. And that's the end.

Like Gutterballs, this movie is very gory and the special effects are top notch. It is filled with nasty visuals, shocking imagery, coarse language, nudity... It has it all. This movie will offend pretty much every viewer, but as long as you have a sense of humor, it won't affect you. There's a lot in this movie that would discourage potential viewers, but they are not the audience for this movie. Ryan Nicholson knows his audience and makes movies for them; they're exploitative, schlocky, violent, everything campy B horror/schlock should be. Also, look out for Lloyd Kaufman's appearance in this movie, it's crazy.

There is nothing original, fun, clever, entertaining, or worthwhile in this stinker. It rips off every other slasher film and does so so incredibly ineptly that I can only assume a three year old created this. Plot? A masked killer picks off campers in the woods. That's it. The twist is that a park ranger (I believe I can't remember exactly) is the killer and was working with someone else to lure the kids.

There is nothing here that hasn't been done before, done better in SOV slashers that were ripping off the classics. Don't be fooled, this movie isn't "so bad it's good" nor is it entertaining at all. It's so boring, so plodding, so incompetent, it's absolutely useless. Some have said this movie is intentional bad, but I don't see it. When watching this it was clear to me that the film makers set out to make the best movie they could, and unfortunately, that is this POS. Avoid at all costs, this movie is complete trash and a major waste of time.

This movie starts off with a monologue about movies and the things in the movies that happen, or in some cases don't happen, for no particular reason. We are then "introduced" to the audience, representing the viewer. They start looking through the desert with binoculars, until a tire pops up and starts rolling. It blows up a bunny, and we learn that this tire has the ability to blow up stuff using psychokinetic powers. It falls in love with a girl, and follows her into a hotel. It starts killing off people at the hotel. "Police" (although not really police) chase it down, until it stops at a small house. They corner it, as it's watching racing, and devise a trap for it. They rig a mannequin with dynamite, while the lady from earlier reads off lines. The tire blows it up, but doesn't die. The "sheriff" goes in with a shotgun, "kills" the tire; however, the tire comes out as a tricycle. It kills the sheriff and rolls off, a gang of tires following it as it reaches Hollywood.

This would be a pretty good plot for a movie, but the problem with the movie comes with little segments of the audience. The movie gets too self aware during these parts, as well as some other parts during the main story arch, that only serve to please the person making it, and pretentious movie snobs. It takes the viewer out of what is happening, reassuring them that, yes they are watching a movie, and no they do not have any interaction with the movie itself. It seems so mindlessly indulgent; the only people who could possibly enjoy these segments are those who call themselves "intellectuals" while they sit around at Starbucks. What could have been a decently campy "horror" film, is turned into a pretentious art-house film.

This leads to the biggest setback of the movie, it doesn't know what it wants to be. It's too schlocky to be a art-house, too intelligent to be a campy b-horror, and not funny enough to be a comedy. It just kind melds into something that really has no true identity. Sure people throw "unique" around, but that doesn't really benefit this movie in any way. It's attempt at being different is its major drawback, it alienates too much of its audience by trying to be some many different things, while not truly being any.

I could only recommend this to those looking for something different, or those who like looking too deep into a movie, thinking it makes them smarter. It would only appeal to a small demographic of horror/comedy/or art films. Rubber just tries too hard to be unique, but it ends up suffering because of it.

Video Violence 2 takes a turn away from it's predecessor in that it is far more tongue-in-cheek and silly than the first, which was a lot more serious in tone. A lot of the gags are cheap, and are laughable, as is the acting and plot, but it seems like that was all intentional.

the movie begins on set of a horror movie, a campy one about a vampire. When the actress refuses to eat the fake heart, the crew show her how it is done, by removing hers! It then cuts to a news broadcast about a pirate TV show that features killings, before promptly being cut by the pirate TV show - The Howard and Eli show. The two guests start by telling some corny jokes, before showing an ad for a little Christmas toy that kills the child. Howard and Eli then bring out an actress, telling her she's doing an audition for a splatter movie. They tie her up and then begin torturing her. Every so often the show cuts to fan made videos that are sent in, like an ex-cop that electrocutes a criminal's head and pops his eyes out, or man hating women that kill a pizza boy. The show ends and it is revealed that the actress was never actually harmed and it was just a gag. The crew receive a tape, from Steve and Rachael, the victims of the first one. They break in with a shotgun and a chainsaw... And then remove masks to reveal that they aren't those two.

I love this movie, is so campy and hilarious, it's the type of movie you can watch with a beer or some pizza. It's not meant to be taken seriously, and if you turn off your brain and just go in expecting a great time, you'll have a blast.

Video Violence is one of those SOV horror films, the ones that started popping up all over during the late '80s. For the most part they went unnoticed, and for good reason; most of them completely stunk. Yet where ever there is bad, there is good. Or at least moderately enjoyable. And that is where this film is, it's good enough to warrant a play through, but most people probably won't enjoy this film.

Steve Emory has recently taken over a video store, and soon begins receiving these strange VHS'. The home videos contain scenes of murder and gore. Steve then begins noticing that the townsfolk only rent the horror films; and then one of his employees goes missing! He tries to get the help from the local police department, but they're so incompetent they can't even use a VCR! Finally, he unravels the mystery; the entire town has been in on it, producing and starring in their own snuff films. Unfortunately for Steve and his wife, Rachael, they're going to be starring in the next one!

I find the plot to be pretty good, perhaps a better writer could have made something great out of it, but for what it is, it works. The acting isn't that great, but most of these movies tend not to have good acting. The biggest problem this movie has going for it is that many scenes tend to drag on for too long, slowing down the movie. The gore scenes are pretty good, although some are bad... To the point where they're hilarious. I recommend this movie to anyone who enjoys cheap and cheesy horror; it may not be great, and most people might want to turn it off from the start, but any fan of low budget horror can find some enjoyment in it.

Modern horror doesn't have much going for it. It's all about gimmicks. But "Splinter" actually cut through all the Hollywood horror garbage to be a decent horror film. It is well acted, a decent story, and the effects are good.

The story is about a couple who go on a camping trip (played by Paulo Costanzo and Jill Wagner) who get taken hostage by a criminal couple( shea Whigham and Rachael Kerbs). They run over a little vermin, to find that it's normal. They run and take cover at a local gas station. There, Dennis' gets taken over and thus starts the night of constant terror. Later in the movie it is revealed that the parasite attacks by heat. They come up with a plan to lower Seth's (Costanzo) body temperature, and have him leave to contact the police via the radio thing. He is unable to reach anyone and gets the shotgun from the car instead. In the end, they blow up the gas station, presumably killing the parasite. This is not the case as the hand (I think it was) starts to move.

What is best about this movie is instead of being about jumpscares, or excessive violence, the movie instead relies on the situation they are in. Much like how Night of the Living Dead and The Thing captured that same "trapped-with-nowhere-to-go" kinda scare. I find movies like that more scary then movies that just have people jumping out all the time. And it makes you think, what would you do? There is it's fair share of blood and gore (the scene with the boxcutter and the cinder block was brutal), and the parasite monster was really well done. What really brings this down is the "shaky cam". It's annoying. I wanted to clearly see what the monster looked like, instead I get flashes of it. And every movie is doing this, when will it stop? This movie didn't need the shaky cam, it had so much going for it! Had they actually used a tripod. this would have gotten an 8.

First, since I have to rate, I gave it a one star. THAT IS TOO KIND TO THIS MOVIE! This movie is pure garbage.

"Paranormal Activity" is a movie that plays up on the clichés of "paranormal". I don't believe in the paranormal, perhaps that is why this movie didn't scare me, or I've come to realize that door slamming ISN'T scary... Anyway, the plot to this movie is thin, and terrible. A couple moves into a new house, only to find that it is haunted. It is then revealed that the man's wife, Katie, has been followed by a demon all her life. It should be said that the man is an idiot. His first dumb decision is to stay with her. They try a plethora of bad plans to get rid of it, all his ideas, and record all of it. Also, why does he care more for the camera then the girl...? And why do I care enough to review this...? Finally, we come to the end, a horrible ending too, as now the girl is possessed and kills her husband. She moves towards the camera, he face looking like a Marilyn Manson fan, and attacks it. The end.

Wasted money is what this should have been called. The plot is stupid, the acting is terrible, and both characters are equally stupid. It's not even scary, it's just doors slamming, which if you live with a teen girl, you come to be familiar with. The movie moves slowly, with very little "paranormal" occurrences happening. Don't watch this movie, ever. Avoid the sequel, and don't listen to the idiots reviewing this movie. It's bad, it's been done, it's boring.

Before this and "The Toxic Avenger", Troma did really normal horror/thriller/erotica movies. It wasn't until "Combat Shock" that the movies got a little weird, but "The Toxic Avenger" and "Class of Nuke 'Em High" really started the whole toxic love obsession that has become associated with Mr. Kaufman and Troma.

"Class of Nuke 'Em High" is a simple story about Tromaville and it's one big problem, the nearby nuclear powerplant is infecting all the town's weed with toxic materials. And boy, the weed, nicknamed Atomic High, has bad side-effects. It starts messing with Chrissy and Warren's hormones. Problems increase when the school's gang takes over the school. Then a mutated monster, the effects of the powerplant, attacks the school and kills all the gang members. Using a really fake looking laser, Warren manages to kill the monster, and live happily, mutated ever after.

Yes it is a trashy plot, and laughable to some, but for someone like I, it is an amazing plot. I can not put into words how much I love this movie. The scene where the geek starts spewing slime was awesome. Sure, the acting isn't the greatest, but it's good ol' fashioned trashy fun. A must see for anyone into tasteless movies.

"August Underground". This movie has been smeared as graphically intense, the most brutal movie ever, blah blah blah, malarkey. This movie is not that violent, any person who has seen a few splatter or slasher movies can handle it. The blood is pink for god sakes! The plot of this movie is... Well, two guys just going around doing dumb stuff, and laughing. Splice in two or three scenes of actual violence and you got this movie. It's terrible.

The acting is actually kinda good. They all act like real people... Except that one of the victims is laughing!! Really? You think they would have noticed that, maybe re-shot the scene... Maybe!?! If you want genuinely graphic movies, watch the two sequels, they are far more brutal, avoid this stinker, it's really bad!

"Ghoul School" is a crappy film. That's all there is to it. It's another home made film, trying to hard to be funny, and trying to become an instant cult classic in the horror community. Unfortunately, it lacks the comical values of Troma movies, or the sheer tastelessness of... Troma movies, or even the campy, DIY horror "classics" Camp Motion has released. This movie is instead a really, really, really crappy movie.

The plot is about these kids who try to steal something from the school, but wind up releasing this chemical into the school's water supply. Yeah, it's similar to Class of Nuke 'em High, except that movie was awesome. So everyone starts turning into "ghouls", but not before the kick ass rock band (and they are rock, not metal as people have stated), who rock so hard, they don't have to play the instruments to rip! And notice how the drummer pounds away at nothing, a real Neil Peart! If you really want to laugh, watch the pool scene! The ghouls rip apart the swim coaches to reveal, the coaches are filled with green and blue balloons!!! Yup, the gore is that bad. This movie is a big joke, one that has no punchline.

So, if the plot is terrible, the acting is garbage (at best), and the gore is comical, is there a redeeming value? No. No there is not. Watch this if you want to laugh, really hard, at a sad attempt at a horror movie.

Let me get technical and use some big, movie words to describe this movie. It sucks.

Snakehead Terror is about mutant fish attacking the town, and causing all sorts of chaos. Take one group of inexperienced, rowdy, drunk teens turned Militia, who are so dumb, it's painful. Add in a plot about some idiot dumping growth hormone into the water, but you know, he never meant to hurt anyone. Add in bad jokes, bad gore, and bad acting and you have this s#1t-fillet, Snakehead Terror.

I want to focus on the gore, because it could have been done right, it could have redeemed the movie, but they failed it. Instead we get cheesy gore, with blood that's extremely too bright. It all looks like raw meat with excessively too much red food coloring. And the fact the kid can walk with a broken leg? And the fish look dumb as hell, and all the do is flop back and forth. Oh and the CGI of them swimming is laughable.

Want to laugh at SciFi (or Syfy)'s expense? Watch this, you'll laugh 'til it hurts.

What can I say about Evil Dead that hasn't been said a 100 times? This movie is perfect. It's got amateur, yet completely awesome acting. It's got amazing gore, and a supremely low budget. It's got the necronomicon, and Bruce Campbell.

Evil Dead is a simple story about a few kids who go to a little cabin for the weekend, when they discover a book. This not any normal book, it's the Necronomicon; the Book of the Dead. It slowly turns everyone into demons, all except little ol' Bruce, who is left to fend off against the evil dead menace. Finally, after a long night of fighting and being tormented, Ash (Bruce Campbell) throws the book into the fire place, leading to one of the coolest scenes in any movie... Ever.

The acting is awesome. It's four kids, no experience, putting their heart and soul into this movie. Most importantly, Bruce Campbell, who not only acted, he funded the majority of the movie, did a lot of the FX, even got injured making this movie. And the gore in this movie is incredible, the pencil in foot scene is so wrong... And we can't forget the tree rape, thanks Sam Raimi for giving me nightmares about that! A must-see for any one a fan of horror, or good movies. 10/10