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Reviews
Scarecrows (1988)
Am I missing something?
I've come to understand that this movie has a bit of a cult following. Except I really don't see why. The production value is too high to be a "B" movie but the writing and acting is too horrible to be considered a good movie. The acting isn't all that bad but the dialogue is atrocious. It's got some pretty good gore effects but it's not enough to save this "movie".
Pros: Pretty well shot, decent gore
Cons: horrible script, terrible dialog, thin story.
The Legend of Bloody Jack (2007)
Oy...
Usually threads posted in the forums are pretty harsh but in the case of "The Legend of Bloody Jack", they are richly deserved.
The acting is horrible, the "special effects" aren't very special (it looks like they pillaged a Halloween party supply store), the dialog is laughable, and the plot is non-existent.
Bloody Jack, or as the credits list him, Lumberjack is the most non-threatening and ineffectual slasher I have ever seen. He basically looks like a regular guy who went into Kmart to buy flannels, Dickie's work pants and a pair of CAT boots. On his way out, he remembered that he needed a hat and a face-warmer so he picked those up too. The ax was an impulse buy at checkout. He's just a regular guy that went crazy after too many lonely Alaska winters. All that seems legit. Oh...except that the Netflix description of this movie says "Bloody Jack" is 400 yrs old.
Hell, the IMDb description says "The legend of Jack The Ripper comes to real when one of his descendants revive him." Really?? When did this happen??? Did I see a censored version of this movie that left the gore and nudity in but edited out any and all major plot points? I will give this movie one plus; the girls in it are relatively attractive and they all bare their relatively nice breasts. But that's it. That is it! No more pluses.
Don't even get me started on the ending...
Follow the majority of the reviews and do not waste your time with this. If you wanna see relatively nice breasts, you can easily find them faster and easier on the internet.
Abduction (2009)
Utter crap
Obviously, the only good reviews on this movie were submitted by people that either starred in this POS or are somehow involved in the production (and I use that word loosely). Since I watched this on Netflix, I wasn't expecting too much...and I was right. Only I didn't know how right I was until i sat through this abortion of a movie.
Here's what I have concluded by watching "Abduction": -It was filmed using a Flipcam that was being operated by a monkey with Parkinson's disease. Oh, and the monkey was apparently told to film absolutely everything...everything. -It was lighted by a 4-cell MagLite -The sound was by Mr. Microphone -It was edited with Windows Movie Maker...though the film makers used restraint and decided not to go with the "star-fade" transition. -They paid the women with Sudafed so that they could make and smoke more
Meth. -The breast implant surgery on all these women was performed by the same doctor that performed Tara Reid's surgery. -I've seen better acting at my 4 year old niece's Christmas pageant.
Prior reviews have said that this is the director's "Best Work!", so that means two things: 1) He's actually been allowed to make movies before and 2)this is his "best work". Heed my warning: Don't waste your time on this POS unless you really, really, REALLY have nothing better to do. And if that's the case, you should get out more...