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scarletvonklutz
Reviews
Licorice Pizza (2021)
Cringe
Not really sure why we're glamorising a relationship between an adult and a child in 2022 but here we are. Apparently I'm meant to be find the racist white guy as a huge joke - and sure he is, but it's not funny. Is it meant to be? Those two things aside, this is just really boring and pointless.
Scream (2022)
Medicore at best
I went into this movie not expecting a whole lot because honestly, Wes Craven gave us his views on reboots and remakes with Scream 4. I'd say this film met what small expectations I had for it. There's a few good laughs but there's no character development so you really don't care about any of them or the fact they're dying. In fact the 'final girl' for this film comes across completely ungrateful.
Ghostface is brutal, but the kills are also over quickly. Part of the fun with the other 4 movies is the cat and mouse game between the killer and his victims and we weren't given that this time around.
This "love letter to Wes" was written by a 12 yr old boy who just had his hormones kick in. They could have tried harder to live up to the Scream legacy the characters claim to love so much. I had one of the killers picked straight away and the big reveal was cringe. Make it make sense.
When it finished I turned to my friend and told him Scream 6 better be Wes returning from the grave for revenge on this film.
The Girl in the Photographs (2015)
Photography + Slasher = Good fun!
The Girl in the Photographs combines two of my favourite subjects: photography and horror movies. The movie centres around Colleen who keeps finding gruesome photos of murdered young women and the police won't take her seriously. At the same time we have photographer Peter Hemmings (Kal Penn) reading about all of this on the internet and he becomes so intrigued by it all he decides he's "gotta see these pictures. They're like literally the only thing that's not on the internet" and next thing Peter and his crew of misfits are all on a roadtrip to his old hometown Spearfish.
Kal Penn is perfect as deadpan photographer Peter Hemmings. He definitely has all of the best lines in the film and he delivers them so well you can't not laugh. If you're a photographer you might find some of his comments highly relatable whether it's his take on how everyone thinks they're a photographer, social media or how he reacts during his photoshoot - I've definitely had that inner monologue happening at times.
Overall it's some solid film making and great casting choices. The film doesn't give too much away in regards to the killers and that's not a bad thing, some of the best films we're left to our imaginations on who and why they do the things they do. Not everything in life requires an explanation. This is one of my favourite films and I recommend it to everyone!
Friend Request (2013)
Just pay for your stock photos guys
The only reason to watch this trash is so when you get to 8:07minutes you can rewind and laugh with the rest of us when you realise the "police station" has SHUTTERSTOCK written over it. It surely can't cost that much for 3 seconds of stock video?
The only reason I watched the rest of the film was to see if I could find anything else to laugh at. One scene did, I'm no doctor but I'm not sure a crash cart is going to be much help for a slit throat. Everything about this film is just so bad. I hate myself for suffering through it. If you feel the need to punish yourself, you'll find this on Amazon Prime.
Untitled Horror Movie (2021)
Really funny!
Straight up I have no idea why this is rated so bad, this film is awesome! This is how I wish horror-spoofs would be made. It's intelligent, has a great script, great acting from all involved and I laughed from start to finish. If you're watching this expecting to watch a horror then you might be disappointed. This is a comedy.
Untitled Horror Movie is about a group of young actors about to find out their TV show is being cancelled, so they decide to make a horror movie. After the opening scene I was recommending my friend watch it asap. The characters are all Hollywood cliches, some you like and some you don't but the actors all pulled off their parts perfectly.
2020 gave us Host which is seriously the most overrated crap I've ever seen. There was nothing revolutionary about it. It was just Unfriended but on Zoom. Untitled Horror Movie was filmed during lockdown with the actors doing their own filming/makeup etc and they nailed it. The end product is a well crafted film and not something that looks like it was shot on an iPhone 4 by candlelight. It's a great piss-take of the entire paranormal genre.
Benny Loves You (2019)
Imagine if Elmo was your friend til the end..
I haven't laughed this much in a movie in a long time. It's basically Toy Story on crack. The main character is having his 35th birthday and still lives with his parents until a freak accident happens. Several months later, he's about to lose the house and he isn't getting the promotion at work so he tries to start living like an adult and throws his toys out. Next thing his old toy Benny seems to come to life and goes on a killing spree starting with some teddy bears.
The main downside to this is the CGI isn't brilliant. They didn't even try to match the lighting and the muppet doesn't give off any shadows so it's just blatantly obvious he was pasted into scenes but I think that just added to why it was so funny. It's all so OTT ridiculous! There's some solid SFX too for what looks like a budget film.
All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006)
All the Boys Love Mandy Lane but I don't know why
All The Boys Love Mandy Lane and after watching the movie I have no idea why because she has the personality of a soggy muffin. She's your average pretty high school girl, she can run fast, and that's about it. Other than being some conquest for boys who just want to say they had sex with her, there's nothing shown on why everyone is fascinated with her.
The characters are boring, there's no character development and the plot is weak. We don't know why this lot are being murdered and even by the end I was still fairly clueless to why this all went down.
The acting is sub-par but at the same time all we have is a bunch of teens with 1 thing on their mind, I guess there wasn't much to work with. The opening scene we have a pool party where Emmett convinces some drunk guy to jump off the roof into the pool. He misses and everyone except Mandy is shocked. There's literally no emotion from her at all as she just sits there. Hard to tell if this action was planned or if this is just poor acting on Amber's part, which is basically how the rest of the film goes. I wouldn't watch this twice.
Homewrecker (2019)
I hate myself for watching this.
Poor acting.
Terrible score of super annoying guitar effects.
Multiple shots of a bath bomb in between scenes.
Pathetic excuses for fight scenes.
Didn't laugh once.
That's it. That's my review.
Slaxx (2020)
Good laughs
I really wasn't expecting much from this but ended up really enjoying it. As it turns out killer jeans are pretty funny. Imagine what The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants would have been like with blood spatter.
Starts out with a scene of women picking cotton in India then snaps over to a girl on her first day of work at some wanky overpriced clothing store that claims to be sweatshop free, GMO free, ethically sourced etc. You find out the point of the opening scene later in the film. The clothing store is your basic retail experience - lots of workers who either aren't doing much or think they're better than you, and a movie like this wouldn't be complete without featuring some idiotic influencer.
It's a well made film with plenty of laughs and bloody kills throughout.
Host (2020)
Host brings nothing new to the horror genre.
I honestly don't understand all the hype for Host. This film is just Unfriended with a half-assed seance. It brought nothing new to the horror genre, the acting was poor and the 'jump scares' are predictable. Setting the film during lockdown and using Zoom isn't pioneering filmmaking. The only time I jumped was towards the end because I was that level of bored I was more focussed on how many polaroids she'd taken rather than what was actually happening - and while I bring that up - Polaroid film is about $35 for 10 photos. Who the hell just wastes that while walking around their blacked out apartment? It's 2020, we all have smartphones so why not USE THE TORCH?! I know common sense is a rare sighting in horror but the 'found footage' genre really take stupidity to new lows.
Bloody Hell (2020)
Rated MA for Mildly Awful
When I first heard of Bloody Hell the write up made this sound like the new Hostel. I checked out the trailer and thought ok some comedy splashed in there, this could be interesting. Well it is..for about 25 minutes. We get some quick flashes of a bank robbery, a court case and now Rex is out of jail, looking to get out of his home town and away from the constant paparazzi. He travels to Finland because why not and next thing he's hanging in someone's basement. Just as you're getting excited about the fact this movie isn't wasting any time and getting right into the action..it stops. Fast forward to the final 15 minutes and you get your hopes up for a climactic ending only to be let down yet again. There's a couple of laughs but mostly I found this pretty boring, lacking in horror and there's zero mystery. You know exactly what's happening from the moment he ends up there.
Charlie Charlie (2019)
This film belongs in the trash
If you like your movies dumb and filled with bad acting, some twerking and a huge dose of racism, then this is the movie for you. I can only presume that Eric Roberts and Tom Sizemore were blackmailed into appearing in this movie.