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Reviews
The Bedroom Window (1987)
Shockingly awful
This extraordinarily dreadful film sounds like it's dubbed but when you see it's not , you wonder why they all sound like AI robots reading a script in a foreign language . But they all just act really badly . Like they're on tranquillisers .. maybe the only way to get through an excruciatingly turgid script
Gutenberg has 2 expressions ; bemused or smiling like a simpleton . To compare this to Hitchcock (every second is a feeble attempt to rip off the great director ) is unforgivable. It has no tension , no character development, no style . It plods wearily along like a slow moving landslide of sludge .
How a real actress like Huppert ended up in this , gratuitously flashing her nudity for no dramatic reason other than tacky titillation , is incomprehensible. Everybody is truly appalling .
The Change (2023)
Magical . Funny & moving
This is an exceptional
unique series and epitomises how far TV comedy has moved on from the days of Men Behaving Badly & other dire sexist comedies . This drama was beautifully written, beautifully cast and beautifully designed . All the characters are individuals and splendidly eccentric . It's feminist and all the better for that . But it has both a light touch and a serious message and is done with love . Lots of little details of modern life ring true and you think " yes that's so true !" The final episode , a gloriously costumed fantasy just begs to be continued in a second series . Let's hope it is re commissioned.
The Banshees of Inisherin (2022)
Awful designer view of those quaint " Oirish "
This is indeed the Emperor's new clothes for people in Islington who" love the Irish" and their funny ways and designer clothing . And stay in Air B & Bs in a quaint Croft with a loom .When people start saying the scenery was good you know it's a bummer . And even the scenery is shot like a 70s Rothmans cigarettes commercial . It's over prettified . The design is truly bad because it's dishonest . All these inarticulate peasant types in love with their animals and drink and corny fiddling ,just happen to be dressed in Vivienne Westwood's tweed collection , Farrel looks like a film star in the sort of clothes Jeremy Irons would wear on his Irish estate. The sister hangs out meaningless yellow and blue squares of fabric as fake washing and pops of colour stick out like sore thumbs pretentiously all over the place like entries for Alan Carr's Interior Design Masters show
The cottages are scarves are propped from the Toast catalogue and painted in Farrow and Ball designed colours and the old psycho nutter has a tasteful collection of masks and puppets , never explained , borrowed from the V&A Theatre Museum ? The plot turns utterly Monty Python as the old guy keeps cutting off his fingers ( how did he cut off the last one ?) and throwing them at doorways , then turns gratuitously offensive as a beautiful donkey chokes to death on one of them . The Cg fire is some of worst visual effects I've ever seen . It's handling of mental illness is deeply shallow , gratuitous and patronising . It's for trendy Londoners who buy Soda Bread from their farmers market and love vegetable dyed designer shawls
Just ghastly , fake and empty topped by the cliched old witch figure .. a sort of Celtic Norn who beckons mysteriously and "meaningfully "... like a really pretentious fringe theatre production may insert into a production of Synges Riders to the Sea.
So awful but it will fool a lot of people.
The final image was hilarious ... of Farrel sitting alone with all sorts of farm animals nudging up to the windows while Gleeson was quite happy with his house burned down
.. I suppose with no fingers left he'd never have managed to open the door anyway ...
And Ps the village simpleton child abuse suicide story was the most gratuitous thing of all .... Cheap ,
The Iron Lady (2011)
As tedious as the real person
Phillada Lloyd has been lucky in being given Mama Mia which has made her immensely rich & famous
Cue a starry Thatcher movie which is really awful because she simply is not a director . The endless flashbacks are irritating and impede any sense of story progressing anywhere . It just meanders aimlessly around . All we have is the interminable decline of a very uninteresting woman .. well made uninteresting by Lloyd
Compare to the Long Road to Finchley and " Margaret " which were both riveting and moving
This is turgid caricature.
The photography is awkward , the design boring and that bloody voice .... Torture.
The Promise (2011)
Quite outstanding
To film this in the heart of Palestine / Israel was an extraordinary feat . Nothing is spared but the brutal truth of a much wronged people left once again by a U. K. " peacekeeping " force to be butchered and annexed . Afghanistan reminds us we still haven't changed . What shocked me was to learn Terrorism was initiated by the immigrant Jewish fanatics not the indigenous Arabs , who 70 years later are still terrorised and beaten down. It's not polemical though . A powerful story observes history without comment as people struggle to coexist . Beautifully made , acted and shot . Thrilling.
Persuasion (2022)
Pointless
Apart from the irritating Fleabag mannerisms this has no real reason to be made .. it was well designed but was structurally flabby and had no rising tension or pace Compare this over prettified Anne winking & smirking , with Sally Hawkins powerfully moving portrayal .
The Gray Man (2022)
Unspeakably boring
Unspeakably tedious fail Gosling shuffles through looking bored out of his tiny brain . Sets are awful .. Those fake hedges !! . Just so poor on every level ....
Cruella (2021)
Was so expecting to enjoy this ...
Another box ticking , cliche ridden , copycat bore of a film . Thompson 's one dimensional baddie , a performance seen a million times throughout bad cinema Then Stone emulating her so two boring unnuanced performances . She probably tried to copy Lesley Manville in Phantom Thread but just isn't good enough , nor is the script or the director.. A total mess that just dragged on and on and on trying to be Paddington but there was no wit ,
Utterly predictable end .. in fact it kept ending and then lurching back into life just when you thought the torture was over
Even after the credits it lurched back to life like a rotten zombie
Needed cutting by an hour
Oh and awful predictable music
The black and white costuming was boring
An irritating Bob Hoskins copycat fat boy and everyone else looked in pain
Good actors like Mark Strong playing a part beneath him ... awful and they're making another ! God spare us . Where is 101 Dalmatians ?
Holding (2022)
Very special
Somebody said this a version of Mrs Browns Boys . It's absolute not . There's no condescending cliched humour about thick Irish " characters" . This is riven with subtlety , pathos and and a gentle humour . It has no slapstick , no funny drunks , : I would call it a drama not a comedy . It's very bravely acted by the two main protagonists and very moving . I'm sorry people just dismiss it because you have to think a bit and not just belly laugh . Beautiful shot and directed this is rather special.
The Ipcress File (2022)
Immaculate
This is a very classy piece of television from the writer/ director of the wonderful McMafia
Terrific cast and the production design is outstanding
Beautifully done to perfection full of great colour richness and great detail
Photographed with flair
I love the fact Harry Palmer cheekily has Michael Caine specs but doesn't attempt to compete in coolness .
Obviously irritates tje hell out the " can't change a classic " brigade or those who can't cope with a Dutch angle ... good !
A Castle for Christmas (2021)
A shocker
An appalling travesty. Horrific American kitsch fest dredging up every ghastly cliche about Scottish culture . The Duke speaks with a cod lower class Scottish accent which is unforgivable. All titled landowners in Scotland actually speak like Prince Charles .Scottish land was all given to the English in the 18 th century
The castle is Victorian kitsch not 500 years old . The villagers are panto cliches . The story is a boring series of cinematic cliches . It's so predictable
Brook Shields is an embarrassment. Nobody can act . You just see them selling their craft for dollars . Just the worst Xmas film ever .. deeply insulting to Scotland , exploitative and culturally appropriating . Yuk !
Our Ladies (2019)
Utterly cliched
We've had decades of this type of Scottish humour from 7:84 to Connolly to the Slab Boys etcetc , But done well . This was a male fantasy of tarty schoolgirls with a few bits of unconvincing social conscience and an obligatory smattering of sleazy men who they slag off and then go off with !
Depressing and dishonest . Is that really what women talk like ? The Traverse Theatre version was joyous , irreverent, moving and hilarious and devoid of gratuitous sexism.
So Little Time (1952)
Jawdroppingly brilliant
Watched this casually not impressed by the title and am just overwhelmed by its emotion and power . One of the most powerful films about the lunacy of war and blind patriotism . Beautifully lit and shot , wonderfully designed and acted throughout .. unbearably romantic but brutally real in its tragedy . Maria Schell is spellbinding in her tremulous beauty and Goring is terrifying as the artist blunted by the idiocy of armed service
Amazing !
Arabian Adventure (1979)
Refreshing
Refreshing not to have the ghastly Disney versions destroying all our fairy tales with their celebrity genies trying desperately to be hip and embarrassingly street cred with modern audiences , ticking boxes of political correctness , doing everything on computer and having not an iota of charm . This film ,beautifully designed, beautifully costumed , has the simplicity and innocence of a real children's story and is all the more magical for that .
And blessedly no American accents
Never Let Go (1960)
Totally mesmerising
I watched this by accident as it has the most unprepossessing marketing in history .
"cosmetic salesman tries to get his stolen Ford Anglia back "!
It's actually a superb film noir with incredible tension , wonderfully shot , really nail biting and a line up of stars at the top of their game . Just outstanding .