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A Glitch in the Matrix (2021)
Train Wreck
Having all of your participants use some sort of really BAD CGI Vtube skins while trying to explain a subject like this is absolutely off putting. I have no idea who came up with that, but they sh9ould be run out of the documentary film making spaces. There is one dude who spends WAY too much time fetishizing his black trench coat, and seemingly completely oblivious to the fact that to a large portion of us, black trench coats don't mean "cool, Matrix!" it means "School Shooter". And then. It does him no good when he goes further talking about listening to. Drowning Pool's Bodies ("Let the bodies hit the floor"). The lack of self-awareness just screams basement dwelling neckbeard. Of course, ends up he really IS a murderer! What a twist we saw coming from the moment he phoned in.
The theories presented here are meaty and through provoking. The problem is the delivery feels more like Smurfette telling you about the problems with Harassment, the message is there, but it's far overshadowed by presentation. There is literally ONE professional who appears on camera without a digital avatar and I could have watched a lot more of him and the things he had to say. Instead, we get treated to anecdotes about how these guys "changed the Matrix around them" in these fanciful stories that were obviously inspired by the Matrix film and whatever drugs they were doing at the time.
This is a great subject. Too bad this is the film most will see about it. There is nothing of substance outside of a few archival scenes of Phillip K Dick, which you can easily find on YouTube. No reason to waste your time on this ALMOST 2 HOURS of stupidity.
Dicktown (2020)
The Butthurt is Real.
If you are a CIS Straight White Male who uses terms like "SJW" and "Cancel Culture", you're going to hate this show. Basically because you're the punchline. The rest of us can enjoy a very well written and smart show wrapped up in the mysteries solved by the two leads. But the mysteries aren't really the point, much like Archer, they take a back seat to the characters and dialog. I don't think it's going to set the world on fire, mainly because it's not going to appeal to the mainstream very much. But these little shows really can get viewers when services like Hulu take a chance. And in this instance, they have a solid show that deserves more seasons. I laughed out loud more than once.
The Healing Powers of Dude (2020)
Emotional Support Animals are STILL NOT A THING.
I don't care how cute and magical and healing the dog is, it's an ESA. ESA are not recognized by the American Psychiatric Association. They are a glorified pets that owners THINK they can bring anywhere they please. This is a right only granted to actual working SERVICE animals. This show only perpetuates a problem that already plagues local businesses and people who actually NEED service animals. It's too bad Netflix didn't use their platform for good instead of evil... But then again, they still support Dave Chapelle so......
Maybe one day a show will come along to call these people out on abusing a system that thousands of Americans actually NEED to live a fulfilling life instead of enabling already privileged pet owners with yet another excuse their animals is allowed in the same place I am trying to eat dinner.
The Book of Boba Fett: Chapter 7: In the Name of Honor (2022)
This is where the budget went....
At least now we can solve the mystery of why the rest of the show looked so bad: saving the budget for the Kaiju fight in the finale!
Honestly the best thing I could say about the finale is "It's finally over!". Sure, the two episodes in the middle that should have been included in The Mandalorian were decent, but the entire rest of this show is a flaming train wreck. Morrison just doesn't have what it takes to hang the whole show on his shoulders. Should have just called it The Book Of Fennec and been done with it. Or better yet, just make this season 3 of The Mandalorian and skip the boring Boba parts.
It's sad that a character that has so many fans ends up getting the saddest Disney + show to date. But at least it's over. And I pray there's no second season. If we need to know what's going on on Tatooine, you can always do a one off on a better show.
Put this travesty out of our misery. PLEASE.
The Book of Boba Fett: Chapter 6: From the Desert Comes a Stranger (2022)
Arguably the best one so far...
... mainly because that laborious Boba Fett storyline took a backseat for the majority of the last two episodes. These two episodes make Mandalorian season 2.5.
That being said, this was 80% fan service and 20% plot. I mean, BD showing up? Come on. That barely fits into the known timeline. But it made for a great 2 minutes of screen time. I guess.
I honestly expected Mara Jade to come walking out of the bamboo at the end. It was THAT packed with fan boners.
I didn't hate it. But I'm not going to pretend this is Star Wars either. This is still the most Bro positive, nepotistic, circle jerk doing on streaming right now. And it shows in every cameo and guest star.
I just wish they were as concerned with an actual story as they are about the servicing. And in a better show. I just really don't think Temuera has any charisma at all and am wondering why this isn't just Ming-Na's show. Other than the afore mentioned Bro Club. Boba Fett is awesome.
Except when he's not.
The show is a dumpster fire, but these two episodes (and maybe the next one) are basically essential watching if you are a Mandalorian fan. I would say they are getting as bad as Marvel........
Lazor Wulf (2019)
Absolutely loved the first season... BUT...
What happened to season two?? The production values took a noticeable turn for the worst. The animation is now cheap looking and not nearly as slick. The scripts are still about the same, but this cheap animation is killing the show. The character design is even different. WTF?
Annette (2021)
Talent doesn't mean you can't flop.
Have you ever thought to yourself, what would happen if Bo Burnham and Jenny Lind (The Greatest Showman) got together and had a baby? Because, for some reason, this movie decides to try and answer that very question. But instead of using Bo and Rebecca, they got Adam Driver and Marion Cotillard to play the roles.
If that doesn't leave you scratching your head, they throw in the creepiest doll baby this side of Chucky just to maximize the confusion. She's supposed to be beautiful and ethereal, instead she's... off-putting and very creepy. If your entire gimmick hangs on a special effect, you had better nail that effect.
But it's a musical, there must be a few good songs, yeah? Throwing together three sentences and repeating them five times while Andrew Lloyd Webber rock ballads play in the background does not a musical make. There is very little stylistic differences from one number to the next and half the time the songs are played straight faced, almost dour, while the rest of the time there's this tongue in cheek, almost mocking feel to the whole affair. What am I supposed to be feeling? And while we're stacking up the wood to burn this one to the ground, let's throw a couple more on. How about the actual themes of the movie? Well, there's Me Too, Cancel Culture, and Exploitation, for starters. But without the song writing talent to push the songs, instead of being an edgy deconstruction of our current world, it just comes off as cringe as a 60 yr old man's TikTok video. And honestly, that's not that far off.
I gave it a 3 out of respect to what Carax used to be. The talents on screen were absolutely up to the task of the script and awkward music, but they could only do so much. The fault lies firmly in the Director's Chair. This one couldn't stand up under it's own weight. I applaud him for trying something different. It's just not very good.
Evil (2019)
First Season was a 10/10. Second season falls short because of cast additions.
It's one thing to have a show of actors that is occasionally funny. It's a different thing altogether when it turns into a comedy with some moments here and there. Second season felt a LOT more lighthearted and the casting of Peter Scolari and Andrea Martin only further the idea. Having George now do the "coming next time on Evil" was one push too far. Self Aware is one thing. Parody is another. If we get a third season, and there is serious doubt, I really hope they course correct and bring it back to being a Horror Show with some humorous elements and not a Comedy with a boogey man or two. The cast is amazing, the writing on the first season was amazing, but they just went too far in the wrong direction and the entirety suffers for it.
Gaia (2021)
All the reviews mention Last Of Us...
... for a reason. This movie quite literally feels like a poorly written Last Of Us fan fiction prequel, right down to the noise these things make. If it were a better film, I might say it was an homage. But in this film, you know it's just a rip-off.
I also love the fact that we start the film with one character actually saying how the two persons of color are going to be "Better than those stupid white people" and then proceeds to maker the exact same stupid moves the "stupid white people" do in every. Single. Horror film. EVER. Split up? Check. Wreck the one way to communicate with each other? Check. Destroy the only means of contacting the outside world? Yep. It's all there, every beat exactly as you expect it. The only thing that feels off is the complete lack of horror in this horror movie. A few scenes of light body horror, a little blood and a couple of Clickers (the mushroom zombies from Last Of Us). That's pretty much it.
They do throw in a scene that's the director trying his hand at Altered States. So there is that. But at the end of the runtime, the only thing I was left with was a sense of wishing I had watched something else. I had heard good things from a couple of friends, but I think I'm going to have to have a conversation with them about what a good horror movie looks like. And I'm so sorry, but this is just not it. Predictable, derivative, and just didn't have any emotional impact.
Horror in the High Desert (2021)
Enjoyable, warts and all..
It is a sturdy little film and the ending is tense and unnerving, but that last 10/15 minutes could have just as easily been released to YouTube and it would have been equally effective. Knowing over an hour of backstory for 10 mins of film just feels heavy. There were also some production issues (why was the reporter so badly lit while the sister looked like she had a professional film crew, for one) and needless subplots (Why was there a room mate? What was his purpose? And was it necessary to make the Gary secretly gay? Why did that matter?) lead to that feeling of a lot of tact on story. Furthermore, anyone who has heard of Reddit knows that if this had all come to a head on a blog, they would have triangulated the location of that cabin and taken pictures by the time the sister found the blog. They'll do the work the cops and volunteers don't care enough to do. I really wanted to love it and I mostly do. It's well over the average horror movie these days, but with SO much media out there, is "just above average" worth the investment? Lastly, the painfully obvious set up for a sequel was painfully obvious... (I can't believe I had to sign up for ANOTHER streaming service just to watch this this, either!)
The 50 Best Horror Movies You've Never Seen (2014)
Feels like Buzzfeed...
Talking heads, some billed as Directors, trying very hard to be overly cool, while presenting 50 movies that pretty much every horror fan has already seen. This is beyond a cash grab. It's a glorified YouTube video, only with worse production values (Literally everyone is filmed in front of a green screen in someone's office...). They should have featured some of the films these "Director" presenters did, because THOSE were films I'd never heard of... You'd be better shoving bamboo under your fingernails than watching this thing.
From the Depths (2020)
Based On True Events my behind....
I have a genuine fear of sharks and like to give myself a little jolt by seeking out shark movies. Even I did not flinch at ANY of the shark footage in this movie. Not only did it look incredibly fake, but it also comes up in the most ridiculous places (Hall Shark? Closet Shark?). And the ending was quite literally an SNL skit (Landshark). But, out of ALL the things in this movie that could really upset a person, I'm left with one haunting memory I cannot get out of my head. That dividing wall - the one with the spoons and forks... What was going on there? Why was that there? Who would have that in their home? This was the single most baffling thing in a film FULL of baffling things. Skip this one unless someone is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to watch it. Even then, I'd heavily weight the pros and cons.
Harley Quinn (2019)
I'm a Harley fan since 92. And this is almost pitch perfect.
The thing missing from almost every version of her around is that she's never manic enough. Even in the comics, these hardcore killers are forced to talk like school children. This finally takes the cuffs off and let's these people talk like people I actually know. It's also helpful that Ivy is serving some serious Daria Morgendorffer realness. She's amazing and perfectly paired to Harley's impulsive insanity. My one complaint is that they do seem to cuss simply because they CAN sometimes. There are parts where it's perfect and I actually laughed out loud. But other times it feels a little forced, but not unbearably so. The writing, the voice work, the animation, while amazingly well done, are all a very new take but it's also incredibly refreshing to see. Do I want to see ALL DC animation do this? No. But allowing a super villain the power to drop an F Bomb is worth the 30 min run time. One fan service thing I actually wanted to cheer for was how they handle the costume. It's much closer to her solo title and I appreciated the nod. Now if they could justify Big Tony and the Gang Of Harleys joining the cast, I would be in heaven! Thanks DC for a great show! Rooting for a second season already.
Your Worst Nightmare (2014)
Not bad, but...
This really is Incels the Tv Show. Pretty much every story featured is "Woman say No to man" "Man comes back later and does awful things". Some of these cases are from as far back as the 70s. Again, there are worse ways to spend an hour of tv, but the pattern of the show really needs to be mixed up a little. There are female predators and killers out there.
Ladyworld (2018)
The only thing uncomfortable is the fact it lasts more than 5 minutes.
I'm a fan of all sorts of film and I especially love those little "undiscovered" films that stand out. The problem is, when you seek out films of that nature, you run into far more like this. It wants to be deep. It tries real damned hard to be Art. But to this viewer, it was neither. I'd use the word Tedious.
Aside from the, and I use this term as lightly as humanly possible, music (which was little more than repeated noises and Girl Moans..), the thing that bothered me the most was the camera filter. At several points in the film it looks like pantyhose with a hole cut in them are stretched over the lens, the edges of the screen are dark and the center almost looks like you are watching the film by flashlight. It's not artsy or claustrophobic, it's sophomoric lighting and cinematography. Actually, if this was a student film... no.. wait. Nevermind, it would still be boring.
The actresses are all capable of handling better material. If I were them, I'd fire my agent. As a moviegoer, you'd do better watching pretty much anything else up to and including paint drying.
Killer Unicorn (2018)
Awful.
I'm not even going to go into how offensive these cardboard cutout characters are. If you don't see it in the first 5 mins, you never will. But I know exactly no one who acts/speaks like this and I hang out with the Sisters Of Perpetual Indulgence. Apparently we call anyone we sleep with "Trade". The drag numbers are laughable and they aren't supposed to be THAT funny. The decisions and happenstances that make the movie possible make zero logical sense. Time changes without notice just because they need it to be nighttime. Also no one goes by the name PuppyPup. What the absolute hell? This is a train wreck from start to finish. I hated every frame. Want queer horror? Check out Hellbent. Want tired old stereotypes and a story that makes no sense? This movie is for you.
Beach Rats (2017)
Yawn.
Please take note: Most of the positive reviews start off with how Hot And Talented the lead is. If you go into this for any other reason, you'll have the experience the rest of us are warning against.
This movie is aimless and pointless. It doesn't have anything to say other than "Watch some random scenes that contain semi nude guys". Personally, I'm getting a bit tired of gay films that think a little flesh equals a riveting and engaging watch. The pace is that of a snail, which in and unto itself isn't a problem. But couple it with bored actors, a rambling sense of self, and the dialog of an After School Special and you end up with something as engaging as waiting in line at the DMV. Scratch that, the DMV sometimes has entertaining characters!
Save yourself the trouble. If you want a movie with some boy skin in it, there are hundreds of sites on the Net for you to do so, and you'll see more/better than are on display here. If you want a good movie about the struggles of coming out, again there are hundreds of other movies that do it much better. There's just really no reason to spend time with this thing.
Raccoon Valley (2018)
What did I just watch??
The main character makes some REALLY stupid decisions. For a deaf woman, she has ZERO spacial awareness, she NEVER looks up from her task at hand. The fact that she's deaf has nothing to do with anything, it's never even used in a narrative sense. She's just... deaf. Because why not. I also had huge issues with this being a horror film. It's not. There's nothing horrific here. If anything it's so slow you'll be bored to death. The ending comes out of nowhere and doesn't answer anything. That works for some films, but in others it just comes off as lazy. This is the latter. There are worse movies out there, sure. But there are so many 7,8,9 reviews on here I wonder if there isn't some padding going on. Surely not THAT many people thought this was a worthwhile film!?! Let's be clear: It's really not.