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Identity Thief (2013)
A premise that is not suited for a comedy
First things first, Sandy Patterson is an idiot. A random call from a person saying that my identity has been stolen would really get me to give that person all of my personal information. That poster of Sandy that has the tag line "Is this the face of a sucker?" really hits the nail on the head.
The cops said to Jason Bateman's character, "This is not in our state, we can't do anything about it." That really bugged the crap out of me. If I was enjoying a movie enough, then I can be on the lighter side when the unbelievable happens. But I wasn't enjoying it so I didn't accept it.
Watch "Breaking Bad" Season 5; Episode 2. In the beginning of the episode, it starts out in Hannover, Germany. Peter Schuler, the head of fast food operations for Madrigal Electromotive GmbH—the parent company of Los Pollos Hermanos(Which it's in Albuquerque, New Mexico)—kills himself with an automated external defibrillator when police arrive to question him about his relationship with Gus Fring. See, that is how the law works. The DEA won't say, "Well, it is out of our territory, so we can't go any further."
Speaking of Breaking Bad, they really wasted Johnathon Banks in this movie. Same thing with Eric Stonestreet. Melissa McCarthy character is so unlikable. I wanted her to be in jail. Sometimes I forget that T.I and Genesis Rodriguez were in the movie. They had no point to be in the movie. Robert Patrick was decent.
I like the director's other movies. Horrible Bosses had an unbelievable premise, but the actors had great material to work with. "The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters" was very insightful. So I know what this director is capable of. But this is not good at all.
The Wrestler (2008)
Every wrestling fan needs to see this movie
This does show the darker side of a wrestler's life, but it is so realistic on what they go through. The sacrifice to their bodies, how they present themselves in the ring, what goes on before and after the match, missing family milestones. Mickey Rourke was perfect as this wrestler. He has that look that he has been taken a beating at a time or two. He made me believe that he is Randy "The Ram" Robinson AKA Ram Jam. To think that this role would have gone to Nicholas Cage. The scene when he had a heart attack shows what you do in that ring can affect your body. It also shows that this of job are more for the younger people and there is a stopping point but Randy only knows this world. Any fan of professional wrestling needs to see this.
Scary Movie 5 (2013)
Worst "Scary Movie" Movie ever!
Cinema is really taking a nosedive this year. The definition of the word joke is really changing before my eyes. Please let there be someone out there with a defibrillator and bring the parody movie back to life.
One of the star in my rating was because of the 2 laughs I got and the other one was that it wasn't like the Jason and Aaron movies.
The laugh I got was from Snoop Dogg and Mac Miller. I was surprised that Mac Miller would make me laugh because I can't get into his music. The other laugh I got was when the husband and the maid fought on the front yard.
Are you seriously going to parody "Fifty Shades of Grey" when that is not even a movie yet? This movie was already late to the party when they parody "Inception", "Black Swan", "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" and "Madea" You also put Ted in the poster? He is not even in the movie! If he was, it wouldn't even had been clever. It would have been a cheap CGI version of him or a little guy in a god awful Ted costume. I bet that they filmed the parody of "Evil Dead" right before they released it. There was another joke about the pool machine cleaners having a party. That really feel flat. I bet Ashley Tisdale did this because she had no other offers on the table.
Ignore this movie.
Struck by Lightning (2012)
A good start for Chris Colfer
I read the book first before I watched this movie on Netflix.
This movie is about a kid named Carson Phillips, a senior living in a small town trying to get into his dream school and being a journalist. He is trying to better his chances by starting a literary magazine. The thing is though, no one even cares about the high school newspaper he runs or the writing club he started. So, he starts blackmailing people to send in submissions.
I think that Chris Colfer gave himself the best dialogue than the rest of them. One weak point is that the other people that played the other students were just caricatures. Later on, some of them grew in their character. I'm glad that they dove into why Carson had this type of attitude like they did in the book. If they didn't, then Carson would have been an asshole for no reason whatsoever. So it is a good start for Chris Colfer and good thing that he branching out to other things. He is still young, so he has room to grow.
Vampires Suck (2010)
Just youtube Twilight parody and it will better than this.
With one hand, I can count how many times I have laughed in this movie. This number is one. The one time I laughed was when that black vampire said this:
"I got the munchies. You know what can solve it?"
"Cheetos?"-random guy
"Thanks man. You're alright with me."
I like that they focused Twilight a bit more and got people that actually looked like Edward and Bella. But that type of improvement is like saying that you killed one ant that is part of a 10,000 ant colony. This movie references pop culture in no way that is clever, smart, sneaky or even funny. They say a name of a famous person and point off screen, and it cuts to an impersonator of that said person. I bet that the impersonator's resume will only list this movie.
I think that the script was written on a small square napkin while in the waiting room when the directors were about to pitch this idea to Fox. This movie is killing cinema. To think that this beat Scott Pilgrim vs the World on its opening day. Scott Pilgrim vs the World had more potential in the opening credits than Vampire Sucks in its entirety.
Ignore this movie. Permanently.
All About Steve (2009)
The worst movie that Sandra, Bradley, Thomas, and Ken have ever done
This movie was very painful to watch. I would rather go to the dentist without Novocaine before I go and see this again.
Sandra Bullock plays Mary Horowitz, a crossword puzzle maker. Her character is obsessed with vocabulary. Bradley Cooper's character is a camera man for the local news. Mary and Steve go on a blind date and Mary is head over heals for him. She tries to kiss him when they are sitting in his car when the date begins! They try to have sex, but it was awkward. Then the next day, Mary makes a crossword all about Steve, a person she had met for only like 15 minutes. If you want to continue with this movie from there, god bless you.
It felt like her character had a case of Asperger syndrome. She really had difficulty interacting socially. She did not know how to read a person's body signs. If they are not interested in your favorite hobby, talk about something else. No wonder she kept talking to her hamster. She was repeating behaviors that was annoying like saying facts like a walking Google search. She was also clumsy. How can see not see that big hole! She really turned me off in this movie. The movie tries to play off that you are supposed to feel that she is a happy go lucky girl, but that communication that the movie is giving me is sending another message.
This movie made me cringe, and there is a rant that Ken Jeong does, that has no power at all. If you want to see a good rant, check out "Waiting...". His character was a push-over, so I was expected a good rant or some vengeance.
Ignore this movie