chrisbeaver's Reviews

Attack of the Gryphon (2007)

2/10

27 January 2007

My goodness. I just finished watching this on the SciFi Channel, and it's everything I thought it would be. Everything about the gryphon, from concept design all the way up the pipeline to rendering & compositing, is sub-par. Everything about the story is asinine; it feels like the random result of a D&D match between the scriptwriters. Even the props and costumes are silly; the majestic Lance of Whatever the evil sorcerer spent the whole movie fondling looked like a claw hammer covered in gold leaf in several shots.

And the acting! Half the cast obviously drew inspiration for their roles by watching Lord of the Rings a few times, and the other half just didn't care. Evil Sorcerer Guy, for example -- I have never in my life seen a man so bored as that actor was in the final scene! He never did really attain the point of being an imposing presence. More than anything, he reminded me of one of the recurring characters on Food Network's Good Eats, so much so in fact I've been hunting around trying to see if it's the same actor.

All that said, it's good for watching on a Saturday night with a few buddies, especially if there's beer involved. If it had taken itself a little less seriously, it actually could've made for a really fun epic-film parody. In its current state, unfortunately, I can only recommend one viewing -- And that's if you're a fan of cheese-ball movies.

18 out of 25 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Hellboy Animated: Sword of Storms (2006 TV Movie)

7/10

Pretty darn good, but missing something

29 October 2006

I caught this on its Cartoon Network debut, after about two weeks of waiting eagerly for the day to come. After I'd witnessed the Sci-Fi Channel's absolutely brilliant "Amazing Screw-On Head", also a creation of Mike Mignola, maybe my hopes were too high that this would have the same edge and charm and wit. It didn't quite hit that peak. Considering the audience, I guess it couldn't have.

Another thing I wasn't prepared for was Abe Sapien being so completely different from his movie incarnation. Not worse, just different. Despite having most of the same voice actors, don't come into this movie expecting it to be a translation of the live film.

Artistically, it's pretty great stuff. I watch the DeviantArt gallery of one of the film's concept artists, and minus some tweaking on the designs to make them easier to animate they kept it pretty consistent to the art direction. The character designs of the supporting characters are pretty standard stuff, but the film also boasts some truly beautiful layouts and artwork with rich and well-used color. Animation's kinda choppy in places, but nothing too bad.

I kinda wish the script and voice acting really stepped up to plate; despite its efforts there was only one line in the whole film I really laughed at. Still, it was a good way to spend two hours. I'd watch it again.

14 out of 23 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

The Bone Snatcher (2003)

4/10

On Par For a Sci Fi Channel Picture

29 January 2005

Warning: Spoilers

Well, it's not the worst thing the Sci Fi Channel has played. It's not the best either, though, and while it has a vaguely entertaining creature I'm afraid I can't say that goes for the rest of the film. The characters are of a cookie-cutter variety -- The smart guy fresh from the city, the belligerent man-inexplicably-in-charge, the hot girl (I don't remember what she was doing in the film), the superstitious guy from the area who knows what's going on but no-one listens to.... A few others, but they were so bland I can't even finds words to identify them.

The plot is, there's a mining crew that gets stuck out in the Namib desert with a mythical creature of African lore (whether this is an actual myth or not, I don't know; I wish I'd written down the name they were using). To its credit, the desert location was pretty exotic and the creature was pretty interesting. I hesitate to say "pretty creative" because it turned out to be a near-exact copy of a villain from the Tick cartoon, though naturally a more morbid version of it.

The creature in question is a colony of ants that's evolved to eat animals' flesh and use their bones as a skeleton to become a walking transport for their football-sized queen. So why didn't they just learn to carry the queen on their own? Too easy, I guess. The end result, though, is a walking black mass with the skull and random bones sticking out for aesthetic purposes. Kind of a cool idea, but on this budget it's not well-realized. Also, for some unexplained reason it's warded off by unlit gasoline.

Anyways, I may be running low on space by now, so here's the basics: They're stuck in the desert with a junker truck, this thing makes a habit of attacking them at night, they hunt for a radio then for its nest, then there's a really lame ending. That's about all you need to know. If you're a fan of B-grade sci-fi, you might wanna catch it on TV, but I can't recommend spending money on it.

0 out of 1 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Alien vs. Predator (2004)

10/10

Whoever whines, Anderson still redeems himself.

13 August 2004

Well... "Redeems" may be the wrong word, because while his work has ranged between Decent and Alright he's never produced anything that was complete unremittable garbage.

This movie is what I hope he'll be remembered for -- It has excellent visuals, a powerful score, a good cast, as good a script as one could hope for, and some truly brilliant shots. (The opening sequence, for example, in which the satellite's silhouette is evocative of the queen). Paul's working on it all the way to the days before its release really paid off.

The damning point it, it won't be accepted critically. This movie was not made for critics; it was made for fans, and the constant homages to the other films and John Carpenter's "The Thing" really shows this. Also, the fact the Fox forced it into a PG-13 rating hurt him also as it turned off many of the fans he was making it for. Future DVD releases will surely rectify this, though.

Give this movie a chance before you go making assumptions; it is not another Freddy Vs. Jason.

2 out of 4 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

chrisbeaver

Reviews

Tell Your Friends

Recently Viewed