Birminghamukengland's Reviews

Jackdaw (2023)

1/10

Beyond diabolical. Recorded on someone's phone.

28 May 2024

Films like this make me annoyed as they should not even be presented for viewing.

The whole thing was like a below amateur production and the filming was nothing more than smartphone quality with the direction skills of a failed media student.

I can say the same about the script.

The location of this, wherever it was, was totally depressing and would ruin any chance of tourism in that area.

It's typical Netflix filling fodder and they want to charge me an extra 4 quid a month to watch two screens simultaneously in my own home for total and utter rubbish like this.

It's number 4 in top UK watched films.

Says it all about this miserable, low standard country.

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Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024)

1/10

Clearly a Covid era low resource movie. Totally and utterly BORING.

18 May 2024

I was really looking forward to this as I've watched all the otters and paid a MASSIVE £23 miserable British pounds to see this is Stafford Odeon.

One word can describe this and that is BORING. I tried to get into it and kept hoping that the next bit of the story and animation would grab my imagination and attention but it didn't happen. I fell asleep for about 10 minutes.

The CGI is jerky and looks like someone has done it on an old computer. The characters are one dimensional and uninteresting.

There's no colour to it hardly, no life, nothing. The story is so simple and drags on for so long.

This is clearly a Covid era film where resources were very limited. I would be embarrassed to release this and put my name to it.

Even the Apes voices don't match the animations' characters.

I walked out after 2 hours as couldn't stand anymore so don't know how it ended, and couldn't care less.

I give up with cinema. There is literally nothing worth watching and for the prices they are charging it doesn't even deserve to survive.

I'm so very disappointed that I wasted my hard earned money and precious time.

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Baby Reindeer (2024)

8/10

Bafta awards for acting for all. Reminded me of case studies at Uni' during my training in mental health.

16 April 2024

Warning: Spoilers

A masterpiece in acting, writing and storytelling about two people with personality disorders. Donny clearly has a Narcissistic PD and Martha has an Antisocial PD.

I realised after that it was loosely based on the writer's life, I very much hope that he and "Martha" have received the professional help that they needed and are doing well now.

I have to congratulate the writer of the review on here who expresses my thoughts so eloquently: "Why are our human spirits being battered to pieces with a sledge-hammer by dramas like this", they are totally relentless in their frequency and so highly prolific that it's so difficult to find anything that does not have this type of content. Of course I didn't have to watch it, it was my choice but I had to see it through due to my intertest in human behaviours and disorders.

The two main actors who played Donny and Martha deserve Baftas. There was no weak link in this, everyone acted perfectly.

However, as a senior mental health nurse working in a crisis team for 21 years I found it thoroughly depressing.

I felt so much empathy for the main character, Donny, I felt so much empathy for the stalker, Martha too. When you're working with personalities both like Donny and Martha on a daily basis, and you've done everything in your power to help them but they continue to make life choices of self destruction, it's soul destroying.

After wanting to change the world by being a nurse, I have learnt the long hard lesson that people can only be helped IF they want to help themselves, many do try very hard on a daily, hour by hour basis and succeed thankfully, but certainly not all.

Donny started with Weed which generally always leads to darker paths and then stronger illicit substances, and I'm sure his mental health was impacted significantly by the heavy drug use and the after effects of that on the brain, as portrayed in the obsession with Martha after she was convicted, with the room covered in drawings of her and the obsession with the voice recordings etc.

I'm absolutely sure that both Donny and Martha would have had many kind people come alongside them to try to help, and also interventions from mental health services etc.

What really made me angry was when Donny went back to his abuser and didn't report him to the police, that just allows the abuser to continue and gives them license.

The ending was equally as depressing as it was so true to life, negative and destructive behaviours just go on repeat.

I actually wish I hadn't seen it, I'm off to watch Ricky Staniky again to cheer myself up!

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Scoop (2024)

10/10

Excellent film. Brilliant acting and direction.

8 April 2024

I didn't actually watch the interview but this was a fascinating portrayal.

The acting from all was first class and how ironic that Prince Harry from the brilliant Windors was in it.

Andrew should never ever be allowed to take any part in anything, a job sweeping the streets would be too good for him.

I remember the Queen paying 12 million of our taxes to protect Andrew and it made my blood boil, how corrupt, how absolutely abhorrent. This was the woman that was worshipped for her "good judgment".

The skill of Emily during that interview was sublime and she came across very well, apart from the entitled behaviour of taking her dog to work of course!

Well done Netflix for showing this.

Brilliant film.

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Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway (2002–2024)

1/10

I was deeply offended by the superior low quality of this utter trash.

7 April 2024

I was unfortunate enough to see some parts of this truly diabolical show recently.

The first was when they set up Lorraine Kelly whom I'm sure is the twin sister of Susan Boyle, as it's too uncanny to be otherwise.

I felt insulted that the producers and presenters would even consider that the average viewer would find this either remotely amusing or entertaining. Even when they pan to the audience most look very unimpressed.

My second viewing was on 6th April when I sat in my chair literally cringing at the section where Holden and Cowel sat there like two characters from a horror movie who have had their faces melted, giggling at antics which were simpy totally not funny.

The awful Witche's cackle of Holden was too much to bear. Watching Mcfartlan eat that Banana was absolutely ridiculous, and with the new format of the two little old guys being controlled remotely by anyone from ITV who doesn't already get enough airtime is abhorrent. Ant and Dec are way too old now to be acting like little kids, it's embarrassing.

Please, whoever writes and producers this total and utter trash, sit back and watch a whole episode and hang your heads in shame. How can ANYONE think that this is good TV, HOW???

Where has even the slightest bit of intelligence gone from British TV now? It's aimed at people with an IQ of an amoeba.

Noel's House party was a masterclass in Saturday night TV, as was the old Generation Game etc.

Also the constant adverts every 6 to 7 minutes when the volume is turned up makes this programmes even more unbearable.

Who do advertisers target, as I can honestly say I have never purchased anything from an advert.

Please get this highly offensive to my intelligence, low quality, pointless and pathetic content gone.

The presenters speak to the viewer like we're toddlers. Don't get me started on that Masked Singer/Dancer, what will be next, the Masked Master-Baker, that should make the fake laughter even more fakely hysterical than it already is from McCall and all the other wasters. If the make presenter of that programme were a piece of chocolate he would eat himself with his affected mouth movements and overly animated gestures. Of course he's famous for his overly animated gestures is Joel but that's another story.

Why do the same people turn up year after year after year. Of course unless you have a famous parent like Walsh or Kemp normal people don't stand a chance.

The whole lot just make me physically nauseous.

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Coma (2024)

4/10

Watchable as there's literally nothing else to watch anymore.

20 March 2024

If the miserable UK TV channels were even half decent instead of 99% adverts and patronising presenters who speak to the viewer as if we're very thick or children, then I wouldn't waste my time on this.

However as there's literally nothing of any interest on any streaming Service, let alone Freeview etc this is passable.

The old lead guy does an ok job of looking worried and stressed, however the star is the dad of Jordan who really acts the part. I haven't heard of him before but he could really go far. Jonas something I think.

I've just got to the end of episode 3 and at the end thought, oh good grief, could this get anymore silly, but I'll watch it until the bitter end.

I really need to get out more.

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The Gentlemen (2024)

1/10

Give it a rest Richie, same old same old.

17 March 2024

I had high hopes for this but got to the end of episode 3 and could stand no more.

The acting, if you can call it that is atrocious. The lead man, His Grace with the beard is so boring, monotone and bland he almost sent me to sleep. All of the others aren't much better, the drug leader woman from the underground factory looked like a rabbit in a headlight at times, like she was going to forget her lines or something.

The story, if you can call it that is juvenile, plain stupid and reminds me of the workings of a teenage boy who longs to be a Gangster but was actually born into the Aristocracy, oh, was it written by Mr Madonna Ritchie I hear you say. Poor Madonna, without her no one would have known who he was.

The childishness of the plot got vey tedious and the drug using clown of a brother's character, talk about him over acting.

Do not waste your valuable breath on this like I do.

Absolutely pathetic.

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Love Rat (2024– )

1/10

Abysmal.

17 March 2024

I watched until the 3rd episode then that was it, enough is enough. How that blond women ever gets parts is beyond me, she cannot act and when she tries it's painful to watch, totally over acts at each juncture.

Neil Morresy is as bad, he must be the same as the blond woman, they must know someone in the high places in TV as there are millions of other actors whom can actually act.

The story is pathetic and it will have you shouting at the screen.

TV is so low quality now, there is literally nothing of any quality to watch.

The same actors and presents dominate every channel with no new talent being allowed in.

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Wicked Little Letters (2023)

1/10

Abysmal, Olivia Coleman playing, Olivia Coleman, just plain boring.

15 March 2024

I went to see this based on the trailer and what a waste of 20 quid of my hard earned cash it was.

Just a very basic story which was totally predictable from the start, the bloke from The Windors playing his usual part, what a one dimensional actor he is, even The Windors' Prince Harry turned up in a lawyer's wig, they must have had a deal going on with Channel 4. Timothy Spall played his usual part too, yawn.

Olivia Coleman played the part she always does, no change there and Jessie Buckley did her best but with a script like that she should stick to musicals.

The constant swearing was supposed to be humourous but got plain boring, the acting from the others was average to say the least.

It seems like they tried to make it a Keystone Cops type thing but failed miserably.

However, I'm sure they were all paid handsomely, so what do they care.

I've said it before but I'm never going to see another British film again, although Saltburn was first class, but that was a one off.

Just don't waste your money on this.

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Saltburn (2023)

10/10

As a psychiatric nurse this was the perfect case study. Absolute masterpiece.

6 February 2024

I'd read reviews, heard opinions but thought I'd watch it for myself and I loved every minute. The acting from all was first class and the guy who played Oliver deserves an Oscar. Totally mesmerising performances throughout.

The story telling, direction, cinematography and script were perfect.

This is not for the faint hearted or easily offended but for those of us who have worked in mental health for 27 years it was the story of a genuine Sociopath who destroyed everyone around him and for what?

I actually didn't want it to end.

Towards the end it became very moving and the last scenes were just plain bonkers but so realistic of someone's behaviour with this disorder.

Well done to all. An absolute masterpiece.

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Truelove (2024– )

10/10

Masterclass in acting. Very moving story.

5 January 2024

I got hooked about 10 minutes in due to the stellar cast. This moves slowly but in a world of fast everything, this isn't a bad thing.

This story is so pertinent with the current demands for assisted dying and the wonderful Esther Rantzen appeals.

I am currently up to the end of episode two and the last scene broke me, the first class actress Sue Johnston played this scene mesmerisingly.

I realise that the rest is going to be a hard watch but the story telling takes you along slowly with it.

I'm age 57 and this is something that interests me greatly.

It will make you think deeply about the subject matter which is covered in a beautiful and highly sensitive manner.

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Wonka (2023)

3/10

Totally underwhelming.

15 December 2023

This film is way too long.

The concept has been done a million times before but better than this. The casting is adequate but none of them can really sing. The girl Noddy or whatever she's called was like a cardboard cutout, she really lacked something to make her part believable or to connect to the audience. Olivia Coleman played Olivia Coleman, she's really good at playing Olivia Coleman.

The lead was ok, but that's all I can say. The storytelling was adequate and cinematography too but it's just "meh" from start to finish. It was all I could do to stay awake on a miserable UK day.

Hugh Grant was washed out with CGI, in this day and age you'd think they'd be able to make things at least appear real.

I wasted 40 quid on this rubbish.

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It Snows in Benidorm (2020)

1/10

Wow, was this recorded on a mobile phone with amateur actors?

15 November 2023

Good grief, what can I say. I always believed that Timothy Spall was a brilliant actor but I take it back, fully. Talk about wooden.

I just could not see why this film was made. Pointless.

I adore Spain and the old town of Benidorm but this film even made one of the happiest places on earth seem dull.

The film is duller than dishwater.

Terrible story telling, awful direction and camera work, and the acting from everyone is appalling.

How I lasted the full two hours I don't know and I thought it was a new release on Netflix but it's actually 4 years old.

Do not waste your time on this.

It's totally and utterly pathetic.

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Mamma Mia! I Have a Dream (2023)

1/10

Why all the screaming and overly animated behaviours?

23 October 2023

I am a massive fan of musical theatre and was looking forward to this, however why on earth did the Mama-mia production crew let ITV get their hands on this.

I thought it would be like the old Graham Norton one where Jessie Buckley and Samantha what's her name were discovered.

These kids definitely have talent but all the X Factor type behaviours are so irritating. I was waiting for the photos of some of their dead nans to be wheeled out.

Zoe Ball is also beyond annoying and the constant shots of the judges expressions is yet another reason not to watch this. How can we enjoy the contestants' performances when the camera work and direction is so bad.

I despair of this country now, I really do.

According to TV producers on every channel the average viewer has the brain capacity of an amoeba, I'm insulted that they think I would be entertained by this rubbish.

One episode was enough for me.

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The Reckoning (2023)

8/10

I wish I could "un-see" certain scenes. Horrific story but for what???

11 October 2023

Firstly, immense respect to Saville's victims who were so brave in facing the camera.

Steve Coogan was good, I've always said he looks and sounds like Saville so the casting was a no brainer I would imagine. It was well acted and directed throughout and that's why I give it a high rating.

I was bought up with Saville on our TV's and even wrote to Jim'll Fix It once, thank goodness I didn't get "chosen".

I knew that this would be challenging to watch but as the episodes progressed I became more uncomfortable and uneasy with the content.

The scene with the little boy Kevin, although it wasn't explicit in any way, I found really stuck in my mind and I can't "un-see" it unfortunately. Absolutely abhorrent on a scale not even high enough to rate.

How Saville was allowed to persist in his evil ways with all the warning signs and red flags is totally unbelievable.

As with wars, sadly the human race appears to learn nothing from history as they still go on, and I've no doubt that this is going on even now with people turning blind eyes and enabling.

After watching it I just felt depressed, I didn't feel enlightened, that justice has been or will be served on people like Saville.

It's simply his story, end of.

I wouldn't recommend watching it, we all know the evil he committed, it's rather pointless reminding us.

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The Creator (2023)

1/10

Boring, just plain boring.

5 October 2023

Warning: Spoilers

Oh man. What a drag this film is. I went into semi conscious head nodding mode after the first 90 minutes and when I fully came round the same nonsense was still happening.

The plot makes no sense. I still don't know why the humans raged war on the AI if they were posing no threat.

The CGI was extremely predictable and the characters very one dimensional.

The actors' diction was terrible and it was hard to catch what they were actually saying at times.

How anyone can give this above a 1 is beyond me.

The kid did a good job but the rest of the acting was by numbers.

Thank goodness I didn't pay 30 quid to see this in Isense, I wasted enough money on a standard ticket.

Boring, boring, boring.

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Payback (I) (2023)

1/10

Slow, very boring, been done a million times before.

4 October 2023

I wasn't expecting much from an ITV drama and I was right. It's based in Scotland, which always sets the scene for dullness, in both scenery and general plots.

I watched until the end of episode 2 and won't be watching anymore.

It's just your typical, run of the mill crime drama, of which TV is saturated with.

The characters are just plain uninteresting and the writing is equally so. The acting is passable but they haven't got that much to work with to be honest, a worried expression here, a scared expression there.

I found that I couldn't connect or root for any character and how they are going to drag this out for 6 episodes is beyond me

I've given up with British TV now, it's had its day. The only great drama I've seen for months is the Sixth Commandment on BBC, other than that I watch English dubbed on streaming. A recent Swedish one (The Caliphate) puts the UK's pathetic offerings to shame.

Don't waste your time with this. I watched it with the adverts too which was pure torture, why do they turn the volume up for adverts? It's so annoying and they aim them at people with IQs of amoebas.

1 out of 10 for this is too high.

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The Following Events Are Based on a Pack of Lies (2023– )

10/10

So refreshing, quirky, and thought provoking. 10/10 for Rebekah Station.

30 August 2023

I wasn't sure exactly what genre this was going to be when it started but thought I'd stick with it, and I'm glad I did.

Rebekah Station is captivating, she is one of the most underrated actresses in the UK and deserves to be in many more productions than she is.

This production is smarty written, well directed and also funny. We surely need a bit of humour in this world.

Of course the underlying fact that there are actually people functioning like the main character is truly scary.

I hope this at least opens the eyes of someone whom is being coerced by a psychopath/sociopath, not overtly perhaps but even in a subtle manner.

We can't wait for the next one as it's gripping.

Well done BBC1 for giving us a break from the usual trash on offer.

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Murder on the Blackpool Express (2017 TV Movie)

1/10

Dire writing, amateur acting, cheap and pathetic.

30 July 2023

I had high hopes for this but what a let down. The jokes fall totally flat throughout, extremely poor comedy writing. I didn't even smile once.

All as I can say is that the actors must have been really hard up for cash and to be on TV. Reading through the scripts they must have noticed what utter rubbish it is. I'd have been embarrassed to be in it. I felt embarrassed for them.

The story is meaningless, the pace is slower than a snail and the sets are cheap and nasty.

I'll never understand how things like this even get funded, they just rely on the thick old British public to suck it up.

The sex scene with Jonny Vegas nearly made me bring up my lunch, absolutely gross.

Really, do not even bother with this, I wish I hadn't.

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The Secrets of Hillsong (2023)

10/10

I speak as a former member. Lenz should pay all the money back and Houston should be in jail.

30 July 2023

I am speaking from personal experience about this Church, I have financially supported with some large gifts and also attended the London Church, whilst watching Hillsongs Sydney throughout the Pandemic and ever since. Of course I used to buy every Hillsong CD back in the day and adored Darlene Zsceck.

I am absolutely horrified about how this organisation has exploited not only the volunteers but also people like me. If I had any idea that my hard earned money was being used to accommodate the lifestyles of Lenz and Houston I would never have given a penny.

The participants were very brave especially the gay gentleman and females who were treated like dirt, as well as the musicians and volunteers.

I was concerned that this documentary would be fabricated and not authentic, but on the contrary, genuine accounts from genuine people who were right in the thick of it.

I have been a practicing Christian for 30 years and I have seen many of the practices mirrored in many Churches that I have attended, I am sad to say.

Only recently I looked into the finances of Elim, as we were tithing 10 percent there each month. I was absolutely disgusted to see how big their salaries and pension contributions are.

Now, I don't go anywhere. I have a simple faith and that's as far as it goes.

So, the cry on cue Lenz has repented and sought forgiveness from all, yet has a personal fortune of £4 million and a massive house worth goodness knows how much, all from Church money which from from US. Lenz should pay it all back. I note that he is in a Leadership position in another Church, if this man had any humility he would not be in any such position. The narcissism is still very evident.

As for Houston, I am hoping that he is locked away in August for many years. To think that I watched his preaches over and over.

Well done the makers of this documentary for exposing such evil in plain sight.

It was extremely painful to watch and I cried at much of it, but it all needed to be shown for what it is.

The whole organisation should now close.

I wonder how many more megachurches are operating like this, Joyce Meyer, Joel Osteen etc etc etc.

Be very discerning people.

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Heat (2023– )

1/10

Bruiser Dyer totally miscast, he spoils the whole thing.

18 July 2023

I'm 3/4s through the first episode.

I've never watched East Enders but am aware of Dyer.

How on earth does he get acting parts. The guy cannot act.

So far the characters are unbelievable, Dyer's mouse like wife with as much personality as jacket potato.

The sex scene with Dyer made me regurgitate my bacon roll and the general gratuitous scene was totally unnecessary.

The only positives were the Australian accent and scenery of Australia.

So, I need more characters for some unknown reason. I'll use those to summarise that this is generally a load of poorly written, poorly acted nonsense with Dyer who should get a job he actually is good at.

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Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)

1/10

Did someone mention a KEY! Like one MILLION times. What an absolute drag of a film.

12 July 2023

Warning: Spoilers

Why do we have to use 600 characters?

Saw this yesterday. Had high hopes as liked the others but this was truly awful. So unbelievably boring. Cruise is way too old now, make way for the younger ones. The CGI was on steroids.

A typical Covid movie that never should have been made due to the restrictions and it shows, small cast etc.

Terrible storytelling and such a basic storyline. At one point after hearing the word "key" a thousand times I wanted to shout out "please can someone give them the bleep bleep key" it got so monotonous.

I'm ignoring the reviews on here in future as I simply cannot believe all the 10s for this.

Just glad I didn't pay for Isense but still wasted 40 quid for us both. My wife hated it too and she's a Tom fan.

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Greatest Days (2023)

10/10

Why the bad reviews? Loved it.

24 June 2023

I'm not a Take That fan, since seeing how nasty Barlow can be on the X Factor etc it put me right off. However, their music is listenable.

This took me by surprise as was very moving. The story telling and writing is excellent, each actor is well cast and can actually act well, which is a novelty nowadays. The Direction is great and cinematography also. The songs fit in well and the musical arrangements sound good in the Odeon Luxe sound system. Choreography isn't ground breaking but good enough.

The big musical numbers could have done with a much bigger supporting cast but it didn't spoil the film.

As others have said there are parallels with Mamma Mia, particularly Mamma Mia 2.

The Lead is perfect, a gentle character and very likeable, as were all the others.

I get sick and tired of hearing the word "Woke". Yes this film is inclusive but what is wrong with that? Can't we all just live together without judgment and hate?

The film has a good start, middle and ending, perfect.

It's a shame it doesn't seem to be selling well as it deserves success.

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Old (2021)

1/10

Is this amateur dramatics? Truly awful.

21 June 2023

I don't know where to start.

First of all the acting, if it can be called that, it's like a production that a group of local amateur dramatics all clubbed together to fund and got the locals high on Monkey Dust to write the script.

Sadly for them, none of the cast will be cast again.

None of the story made any sense, it's like they had an idea and then got totally lost in its execution.

Who funds these things and even worse, who reads the scripts and gets actors to be in it, it's a totally mystery to me.

All those involved in this must watch it back behind a cushion, cringing with embarrassment.

How dare Netflix charge such a large monthly fee for the absolute rubbish they offer us.

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Black Mirror (2011– )

1/10

Series 6, Sh*tflix murdered Black Mirror.

18 June 2023

I used to love this but what a total disappointment this series is.

It's all been done so many times before, the alternative reality theme is just so boring now.

The Bergerac Scottish thing was totally predictable.

How can something once so groundbreaking and innovative end up like this.

The acting is superb throughout but that's about all.

I blame Netflix, they ruin everything they touch and the new charges just to use my own account on a different WiFi stream is daylight robbery. They've charged me an extra £5 this month for the privilege. Check your accounts guys, all the terms and conditions have changed to watch rubbish like Black Mirror.

I'll never watch any further series after this.

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